“What is this place?” Matt asked.

“This is my safe zone,” the kid answered. Their voices both echoed as if in a tunnel.

There was another flash of purple and the two found themselves hovering above a tower topped with a crenellated battlement. The strange, skeletal beast dove and then lighted upon the rooftop gently.

“Thanks Choppa!” the kid said as he swung his legs over the side and slid down.

“Wait, this thing’s name is Choppa?”

The kid beamed with pride. “It sure is, that way I can say my favorite Arnold quote every time I run toward him.”

“What about ‘I’ll be back?’” Matt asked.

The kid shrugged. “Nah. just Predator and Conan quotes.”

“But Terminator is classic, you gotta love Terminator.”

The skeletal beast nipped Matt on the arm.

“OW!” He jumped off and rubbed his shoulder.

“Yeah he gets impatient sometimes,” the kid said. “He’s usually nice, but sometimes he can be a real juice pouch.”

Matt stopped and arched a brow. “You called someone that back at the Red Tower.”

“Yup, I sure did. My mom won’t let me say douche bag.”

Matt burst out laughing. “So you say juice pouch instead?”

The kid nodded.

“So, what should I call you?” Matt asked.

“I’m Garfumel the Great, and what’s your name?”

“Gryl the Enchanter,” Matt said.

“So, Gryl... where do we get the next dragon shard?”

Matt smiled. “You don’t waste any time, do you?”

Garfumel shook his head. “I’m ready to go now if you are. If it’s dangerous, then I can bring some skeleton warriors or zombies.” Garfumel then shrugged and grinned slyly. “Or we can make some new servants along the way!”

“How often can you stall time?”

“Just once a week,” Garfumel said. “It’s a very powerful spell, but it was worth it.”

Just then a hatch opened from below and up came three skeletons. Two wore the expected raggedy armor with swords hanging from belts, but the third wore a shiny new top hat and bow tie.

“This is Jarvis,” Garfumel said. “He runs the place while I am away.”

“Yes sir,” Jarvis said flatly.

“If you tell me you have a flying suit around here...” Matt let his words trail off when the kid started waiving his hands and moving toward Jarvis.

“No, no, Jarvis protects the tower and sends my minions out on assignments.”

Jarvis produced a list and handed it to Garfumel. “Three patrols returned with nothing to report. The assassination attempt was a success, and Lady Hyretal’s crypt has been plundered for parts to construct your golem.”

“YES!” Garfumel said as he pumped his left fist. “Okay, send the patrols out once more, I know Wally is out there trying to find a way into the tower.”

“Wally?” Matt cut in.

“He’s in my class at school. We used to be partners.”

“Let me guess, you killed him and reanimated his bones like with your sister?” Matt asked.

Garfumel snickered and gave a sheepish smile and slow nod. “It was epic. I led him to the forest. We plundered a whole dungeon together, but near the end he was almost dead, so I finished him off and then turned him into a skeleton and used him to defeat the dungeon boss.”

Matt chuckled and folded his arms. He was seeing a clear pattern here. He’d have to watch his back, or figure a way to double-cross the kid well before he got stabbed in the back. Trouble was, the gap between them in abilities was vast. Without Stoffel to help, it would likely be suicidal to try and take on the kid. “Quick question,” Matt asked. “What happens when you do that to someone?”

Garfumel turned and scrunched up his face. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, do they respawn somewhere else, or do you get to keep their reanimated body and then they have to start over?”

“Oh. They get to respawn. My zombie or skeleton retains their abilities, and I can take their loot of course, just like if you kill anyone, but they can respawn with their character.”

“Got it.”

Garfumel gave Jarvis a few more instructions and then turned toward Choppa. “So, tell me where we go to find the next shard. Choppa can take us there.”

Matt relayed how to find the tower from where he’d stolen the first shard, careful to omit exactly how many he’d found, and then talked about the goblin that escaped.

“His name is Futuke?” Garfumel asked.

Matt nodded.

Garfumel smiled and rubbed his hands together. “Follow me!” The two descended through the hatch and down a ladder that led to a strange observatory. Windows overlooked the swamps around the tower. What appeared to be a large scrying bowl stood atop a stone pedestal. Garfumel moved to it and removed two soul siphon crystals from his inventory and placed them into the black liquid in the scrying bowl. His avatar began chanting the name as smoke rose from the scrying bowl.

Jarvis and the two skeletal bodyguards stood close by, but didn’t move to help with the ritual. Along the far wall there was what looked like a lizard skeleton. Matt stepped toward it while waiting for Garfumel to finish his ritual.

The lizard suddenly turned its eye-less skull as if to study Matt.

“Hey there fella, what’s your name?” The lizard clambered down the wall and leapt to a small table nearby where it could get a better look at Matt. He held out his hands as the lizard crept closer. After a couple seconds of staring at each other the lizard jumped out and landed on Matt’s left arm, then promptly crawled up to perch on is shoulder.

“That’s Leatherback,” Garfumel said.

“Leatherback?” Matt echoed. “Seems an odd name for a skeleton-lizard.”

“I named him for one of my favorite stories. Ever heard of Lady Dimwater?”

Matt nodded. “I’ve read the Terramyr books,” he said. “But it’s been a while.”

Garfumel smiled. “He reminds me of Leatherback. I like him.”

Matt touched the lizard’s skull. The creature swished its tail a bit, but stayed on Matt’s shoulder.

Before the two could talk about what Garfumel had seen in the scrying bowl, a skeleton came running in from a doorway nearby.

“Master, we’re under attack!”

Garfumel punched his right fist into his left palm. “WALLY!” he shouted. “So... we meet again!”

Matt frowned, but when Garfumel ran out the door and down a set of stairs, he took off after him.

By the time they reached the bottom landing, the main door had been bashed in and a host of dwarves was cutting their way through Garfumel’s skeleton guards. Snapping bone and clashing swords and axes filled the air with death’s song, and Garfumel was all too happy to dance along to the music. Skulls reattached themselves to spinal columns as he reanimated his fallen guards, but the tide didn’t turn in his favor.

A rush of flame burst through the doorway and devoured seven skeletons as dwarves dashed aside.

“WALLL-EEEEEE!” Garfumel shouted.

Behind the torrent of flame came a dwarf in gold armor weilding a bejeweled scepter. A nasal, seven-year-old voice emerged from the fearsome fire mage, nearly causing Matt to laugh aloud.

“I have come for your soul!” Wally shouted.

A skeleton lunged at the fire mage, but the stout dwarf backhanded the attacker, crushing his jawbone and sending him to a heap on the floor before a fireball shot out from the scepter to engulf the fallen skeleton.

“It’s over, Ben! I have the high ground!” Wally proclaimed.

Matt chuckled. The kid didn’t have the high ground, but he admired the reference nonetheless. He thought about betraying Garfumel, or Ben, right then, but he kind of liked the kid. There was something endearing about him.

“Bring it on you JUICE POUCH!” Garfumel screamed.

Yep. Garfumel had wormed his way right into Matt’s heart.

Garfumel flung a series of black and yellow spells that sent goop and acid flying toward the fire mage, which the dwarf countered with shields made from blue flame followed by fire spears.

It reminded Matt of his twin nephews fighting at the family picnic. One of them had swiped the last twinkie. Rather than share it, they had beaten each other for several minutes, squishing the twinkie into oblivion and putting on quite the show in the process.

This was just like that, if the twins had been able to use magic instead of mudballs that is.

Matt figured it was best to try and focus on clearing the minions, so he put a Mythic Dagger through the nearest dwarf’s throat and then helped a skeleton hand find its way back to the rest of itself. The two worked their way through another dwarf, but then Matt’s avatar staggered to the side and a green bar flashed in his HUD.

His stamina was gone.

He glanced down to his pants and silently cursed. He’d forgotten all about those blasted things. He brought up his user interface and inspected them.

Cursed Trousers: -17% Stamina, - 4 Charisma. BOUND.

It was the last word that stuck out the most. The pants were now bound to him. Worse than that, they had decided to bind and take effect during a frickin battle!

“This sucks,” Matt said.

“You’re as ugly as a troll’s backside during the monsoon season!” a dwarf shouted, pulling Matt away from his user interface. He couldn’t be sure whether that was a regularly scripted insult or something that the dwarf threw at him in response to his charisma debuff. Either way, he had an answer for the little punk. He threw a fireball at the dwarf.

The dwarf caught it in the forehead and took a significant hit to his HP, but he remained on his feet.

A crossbow quarrel then pierced the dwarf’s left eye and the foe fell to the ground. Matt turned around to see Jarvis casually reloading a massive, gleaming silver crossbow and then take aim. One by one the dwarves fell. Each time the crossbow fired, it felled a dwarf.

“A sniper in your past life?” Matt asked Jarvis.

“A steward must be capable of protecting his master’s home, sir,” Jarvis said in his same flat tone as he strode forward and put down two more dwarves.

Only four skeleton warriors beside Jarvis remained by the time the dwarf minions were all put down, and at that point Garfumel had somehow managed to push Wally outside.

Swamp water and muck splattered through the doorway, but that was better than fireballs and surly dwarves.

Matt poked his head outside and spied the two going at it with their fists, each standing in knee-deep mud.

“Yup, just like the twins,” Matt said.

“Excuse me, sir,” Jarvis said as he slid through the doorway and then raised his crossbow.

Garfumel and Wally were grappling now, tumbling through a thick mess of briars and into another large mud hole. The shot was impossible, yet Jarvis took it anyway. The quarrel flew straight and true, literally slicing along Garfumel’s left shoulder and then sinking deep into Wally’s collarbone area.

Wally’s HP wasn’t visible to Matt, but he could tell it hurt the dwarf because Garfumel easily gained the upper hand then. He punched the wound a couple times, rolled the dwarf onto his back, and then summoned a black dagger and dropped it down into Wally’s face.

“That’s what you get!” Garfumel shouted. “This is my house!” Garfumel then performed a muddy victory dance for good measure and then kicked Wally’s head.

Matt glanced to Jarvis, who was now straighteneing his bowtie and had put the crossbow somewhere out of sight. Note to self, don’t piss off Garfumel... or Jarvis.

Garfumel strode back toward the tower and barked out orders for Jarvis to get the tower cleaned up and back in order. Then he downed a couple mana potions and went to work reanimating all the skeletons that hadn’t been fully consumed by fire.

“Cool, now I’ll have dwarf zombies in the swamps,” Garfumel said to himself.

Matt watched as Garfumel went to each fallen dwarf and performed a spell that enshrined them in a coccoon of yellow and black light. The coccoons took a few seconds to harden, and then they pulsed with a faint greenish glow from within. None of them emerged though. Matt went up to the first one and inspected it.

“It takes twelve hours to make zombies,” Garfumel explained. “Skeletons can be made instantly, but zombies take a little while.”

Matt nodded as though he understood and then backed away. “So we need to wait before we go looking for Futuke?”

Garfumel smiled and shook his head. “Nah. These will replace the guards I lost. We can leave now though. I found a search area for Futuke. Let’s get to da choppa!”