An Understanding

'I'm not supposed to be telling you any of the things I am about to. But, Brent and I think you need to know and be dammed with the rules. The last couple of days has convinced me we are right. Without false modesty, I can tell you I am considered a gifted necromancer but what I've seen of you tells me you will soon out-reach me. I acknowledge that it is probably due to the clinic's meddling but the point is Grace, now they know you, they are not going to let all that potential go easily. I have a feeling we have not heard the last from them. They will want you back and I dare say they will be willing to go a long way to get you.'

'The clinic isn't all bad. Some of the people they are helping really need it. It's taught them how to cope with the gifts they've never had control over before. It's teaching them how to function, how to live a relatively normal life.'

Marcy leaned back in her chair. 'So why did you leave?'

'I'm not saying the way they are doing things is right. Why don't the CSC impose some rules or something.'

She grinned. 'Grace, there are rules. Of course, there are rules. The clinic has chosen to work outside the rules. It may interest you to know the CSC has put in place certain rules regarding you too. One of them, as you know, is that you are not to be introduced to the Supernatural Community. Another is that you must not be told what the CSC believe is really going on in the clinic.'

I was stunned. 'Why?'

'They don't trust you.'

'Why? What have I ever done to them?'

'The main offense seems to be that you were at the clinic and aided the Blyth's in their research.'

'I was kidnapped,' my voice had risen and I struggled to bring it back under control. 'It wasn't like I had a choice.'

'You agreed to help them in exchange for the Pennington's safety.'

'That wasn't a choice! It was blackmail.'

'That isn't how the CSC are seeing it.'

'That's totally unreasonable.'

'They can be, yes, but these are the people who make those rules you were wanting. Apparently, Meridian Clinic sees the CSC as unreasonable too, and while keeping up a facade of acceptability they have their own agenda hidden just below the surface.'

'Which is?'

'As I say that is one of the things the CSC doesn't want you to know, against certain members' better judgment, one of whom is myself.'

'You are a member of the Committee of the Supernatural Community?' I was stunned.

'Yes. I'm a board member.'

'But you took me in. You introduced me to, Brent. You're helping me.'

She shrugged. 'So why stop there. The truth is I'm not sure that Ross, Brent, or I or the others who are quietly supporting you, will be able to keep you out of that clinic indefinitely. Ross was forbidden to tell you what was really going on while you were there. I can see the reasoning behind that. It would have endangered his position and possibly his life. After all, for a while you believed the clinic was an institution solely dedicated to helping the gifted.'

'That was the only explanation I could come up with.'

'And now?'

I thought about it. 'Whatever else is going on I still think they do a lot of good.'

'And your kidnapping? How did you rationalize that?'

'I couldn't. I thought they may have been afraid I would have refused a request to work with them. And they were right, I would have.'

'And that was okay?'

'No! I was furious, but as I couldn't make sense of what was going on anyway and as I didn't have the option of walking out...'

'You tried to make the best of it.'

'It sounds stupid but...'

'Tell me, if there had been a way for you to leave and know the Penningtons would be safe would you have taken it?

I thought of Lewis and Clair. Of how excited they were at the progress they were making thanks to the clinic's intervention and how delighted at my agreeing to help. I thought of the young boy in the basement with nowhere else to go and the mayhem he could cause if he were released too soon. Then I thought of Sylvia and my unease resurfaced. 'I don't know. At first, yes, without a doubt. But then I discovered there were people there who really needed the clinic's help. But, there was always something else. Something I couldn't put my finger on. Then when the test began to get out of control...'

'You decided you had to leave.'

'Yes. You think I'll end up back in there don't you.'

She sighed. 'We think there's a good chance. Yes. That's why we've decided you need to learn as much as I can teach you about being a necromancer. We have also agreed you need to know as much as we do about the clinic's real purpose.'

'We?'

'Brent, me, Ross, and some others who we agree should stay in the background for now.'

I nodded. It was reasonable. If I ended up back at the clinic who knew what might happen. 'So what is going on at the clinic.'

'The clinic is a front for illegal research. You are right when you say they are taking people in who can't control their powers and helping them learn control. And it's a very valuable asset to the Community but below that, and hidden for a long time, was the research they were doing into a serum to enhance a supernatural's powers.'

'Like me.'

'Yes, like you. Another reason why the CSC wants to keep you on the outskirts of our society. We don't know the long-term effects of what they've done to you. You are the first person, that we know of, who has survived. Previously, perhaps five years ago, the Clinic approached the CSC with plans to work on this serum and asked for backing and cooperation. The CSC refused and forbid them from continuing with the research. When the CSC found out the clinic had gone ahead regardless they cut them out of the CSC and refused to acknowledge the clinic's authority. A stupid decision some of us believed as it severed any last shreds of control we may have had over them and it put up another barrier to finding out what was actually going on in there. Soon we heard rumors of lesser supernaturals going missing and more disturbing yet there were 'things' appearing that no one had ever encountered before. Dangerous beings to which no one could put a name. It took us three years to get a spy inside the clinic. Once Ross was in we soon learned the full horror of what was going on. And where the nameless beings were coming from.

'It seemed the clinic had taken their research a step further once they didn't have the CSC looking over their shoulder and were using the incomplete serum on humans, none supernaturals. Those few that survived became creatures that were neither human nor supernatural. Most were no better than mindless animals, which killed indiscriminately and without purpose. We learned from Ross that occasionally one of these creatures would escape. These were the ones we knew about, but there were many, many more in the lower levels of the clinic.'

'Margery. The boy. Were they...'

'Margery was one of us. She was a quiet soul. Preferred to live outside the structure of the community. She was one of the first to disappear. I don't know of any boy going missing. A human boy? A child?'

'Not anymore. Why? Why would they want to turn humans into supernaturals?'

'Money? Power? Control? Probably all three. There are always people who want a supernatural power and would give a great deal to get it. And there are those who already have a gift who would be eager for more. We suspect the Blyth's intend to build into these people some kind of safeguard. After all, they will need some way to control their creations. We also suspect their true goal is to gain control over the supernatural community. Create enough powerful slaves and they would have an army, then there would be a bloody fight for control.'

I was stunned. I thought of all I had seen and much of it now made sense. Except for Sylvia 'What about the 'Seekers of Emancipation? Where do they fit in?'

'We think it was a way to recruit humans. They needed willing subjects to test their serum on. We don't know too much about it. Most of that stuff is kept well hidden.'

'Poor, silly, Silvia.'

'Silvia?'

'A ghost at the clinic. She believes it was her own fault she died. That she wasn't worthy or something.'

'Worthy of what?'

'The Seekers of Emancipation believe they were born with a supernatural gift that was suppressed or taken away at birth. She seemed a bit hazy on the details. The Seekers are a sort of cult who believe the clinic is just a front to cover up its real purpose which is to restore their birth gifts.'

'That explains a lot. Does the clinic know you spoke to her?'

'I don't think so. Talking to ghosts was something I tried not to do. Anyway, even she said I ought not to be seen talking to her.'

'Good. I don't think it would be something the clinic would want you to know.'

'Marcy, I'm still unclear why the clinic wants me so badly.'

'Because you are still alive. Because whatever they have done to you, hasn't killed you or drove you mad. Because you are the key to finalizing their serum. Because you are the final piece to the puzzle. And they want it. They want it very badly.'

Oh, god. They weren't going to stop. They were going to keep after me until they had me back or I was dead. And ultimately, both. 'What happens now?' I asked.

'Well, you are going to paint, I am going to meet with Ross.'

'He's coming here?'

Her eyebrows rose just a shade and a smile was back in her eyes. 'Yes, there was a meeting of the CSC today, to which, you may note, I have not been invited. So Ross is going to find out what was said and then he is coming to tell me all about it. We are getting good at ignoring the CSC rules.'

'You've been turfed off the committee?'

'Not permanently. Not even they can do that. I was elected and nothing but an overwhelming community vote can get rid of me. Much to the CSC's annoyance. Oh well, I could do with a night off. I'll tell Ross you want to see him shall I?'

I propped a new canvas on the easel and said, 'Thanks.'

Ross and Marcy talked for more than an hour in the front room while I sketched rough outlines on a drawing pad. I was unsure at this stage what I wanted to paint. This was where I threw together ideas and waited until a spark ignited. The sound of Ross' voice carried clearly through the wall and though I could not make out what was being said he sounded angry. My heart gave a small jump when I heard my name. Then he abruptly lowered his voice again and it returned to low rumblings. I had been looking forward to Ross' visit since Marcy had mentioned it earlier that day. I suppose he was the one long-term... well not friend maybe but..., what was he? He kept his distance yet I trusted him. He deliberately provoked me yet in the last days of captivity I found myself seeking him out. I derived a perverse comfort in his taciturn, virtually silent, presence. With a jolt, I realized he had made me feel safe. My pencil paused on the paper as I thought this new revelation through. He rarely spoke and he usually had nothing to say I was willing to listen too and yet he had been there for me. I suddenly felt uncomfortable at the thought of meeting with him again. This would be the first time I had seen him since he brought me to Marcy's two nights ago. What would I say? I wondered what I had been thinking of when I told Marcy I wanted to see him.

The doorbell rang and I heard the front room door open as Marcy went to answer the door.

'Brent, hi, you really have to take a key. This is silly.'

'This is your house, not mine. Is Ross here?'

'In the front room go in, and see if you can talk some sense into him, will you. I'm going to make coffee.'

I heard Marcy's bangles jangle as she opened my door. 'Coffee?'

I nodded. 'Thanks.'

'Come help me make it.'

Surprised at the request I put down my pencils and joined her in the kitchen. There was little I could do so I sat and watched Marcy fill the coffee machine and get clean cups out of the cupboard and waited to hear why she had asked me to join her.

'Ross has news.'

'Oh?'

'And as a result, we disagree on the way forward.'

'So I heard. I also heard my name. Do you want me to leave?'

'Leave? Certainly not! I want you included in the discussions.'

'Seems only fair if it involves me.'

'But Ross feels that you must be protected at all costs.'

'Protected? From the clinic you mean.'

'Partly, but as I told him, you can't live the rest of your life in a bubble and I know you would be the first to tell him so. Anyway, there's no way to keep secrets from a necromancer if she is determined to discover them. At least not easily.'

'If there is something going on that concerns me I have the right to know about it.'

'My point exactly. But Ross... well Ross...'

'Thinks otherwise?'

'Wants to protect you. I am surprised to hear myself say this but I think there is more going on than concern over the clinic getting the serum finished,' Marcy said pouring four cups of black coffee.

'Like what?'

Brent popped his head around the door, 'Coffee ready? Oh, hi, Grace.'

'Hi.'

'Ross wants a word with you, here take these with you.' He slid two of the freshly poured cups of coffee along the bench and opened the kitchen door.

'But...' Marcy objected.

Brent raised his eyebrows. Marcy huffed but sat back onto the kitchen stool. 'I'll be in in a bit,' she called after me.

Ross was standing next to the window. I gave him one of the steaming cups.'

'You wanted to see me?' I asked putting my own coffee on the small table.

'No.'

'No?'

'Brent and Marcy want me to see you. I think it's a really bad idea.'

His words unexpectedly stung me. 'Then I'll go.'

'They want me to tell you things you would be safer not knowing.'

'Do those things concern me?'

He nodded, 'Yes. You, but others too.'

'So you don't trust me?'

'I hardly know you.'

'You know me better than anyone else around here. You think I'll put these others in danger?' I couldn't help the angry edge creeping into my tone.

He shook his head. 'It's complicated.'

'Too complicated for me to understand, you mean. Maybe you're right. You were right about me not really understanding what was going on at the clinic. At least not until it was explained to me! Then I understood fine. And, had I been told earlier I may have been able to make some sense of my situation and come to a decision sooner.'

'And what would you have decided?'

'We'll never know, will we,' I snapped, 'because someone decided I should be left stumbling around in the dark.'

Ross put his untouched coffee next to mine. 'It wouldn't have helped, it would only have...'

'How do you know that? How do I know that? This time you are going to tell me everything you know and I will make an informed decision about my life.'

Ross' eyes had gone pale and his body stock still as if he were holding himself tightly under control. His voice was barely above a growl when he said, 'You don't know what you're asking.'

I took a deep breath, my instincts urging caution, 'I am asking for the truth as far as it concerns me. I have not been part of this new world long, Ross, but I'm a fast learner. I know there are things I can't ask you to share. Things you will probably never share but there are to be no more secrets that concern my life. My choices are my own.' I held his pale eyes willing my absolute determination to reach through their icy coldness, forcing him to understand what it would mean if he refused. It was like looking into a glacier. An icy exterior hid the man beneath. Slowly the ice melted and I caught a glimpse of something very human. Pain. And, barely under control was the need to take action.

'Alright,' he said thickly. 'I'll tell you what I can.'

Relief at his agreement and the fact he had overcome whatever instinct had taken hold of him drove me to the nearest chair. He sat slowly in the chair opposite, gathering his thoughts. I took my coffee with a slightly unsteady hand. Marcy had told me he did not find it easy to share. I was already aware he was a person who spoke little and made every word, every action count. So I waited.