"The first thing you should know," Doug said. "Is that that Grimoxians have a weakness for anise seed. For them, it's a strong narcotic and an aphrodisiac. Highly addictive. It's illegal to possess or sell, but of course that hasn't discouraged illicit anise trade.

"The underground market for anise powder is a booming business, run exclusively by the tribal Blarf Warlords out of their stronghold in the West Continent. The Warlords distribute the Evil Seed to all of the major Grimox cities.

"But anise has to be imported from other galaxies; it's impossible to grow anise flower anywhere in the Umbrar Quadrant, due to harsh climates and lack of appropriate atmospheric gasses."

"So you're a smuggler?" Henry asked.

Doug sighed a gassy sigh. "It's not what I wanted," he said. "All I've ever wanted was to serve in the Slatt Guard: take orders, crush rebellions, arrest dissidents. The usual stuff. But I was assigned a very different task - a covert operation, devised by Commander Boarvex himself." As Doug said the Commander’s name, a look of terror and admiration flashed across his sweaty face. “I was to provide a steady stream of high-quality anise powder to the Blarf Warlords."

"Is Earth really the closest place in the universe with anise seed?"

"No, of course not," Doug said. "But during a routine reconnaissance mission to Earth, Agents of Slatt discovered a particular strain of anise seed that was unparalleled in quality. The powdered seed is manufactured by a spice company here, in downtown Los Angeles. It's a small family operation that services the local Chinese-food restaurants.

"I introduced this high-quality strain of anise to the Warlords of Grimox. Once the powder hit the streets, it caused a frenzy. Grimoxians were used to getting off on low-grade powder, made from cheap licorice root or processed fennel. But soon, 'Angeles Anise,' as it came to be known on the streets, was all the rage. Throughout Grimox, it quickly became the most popular flavor of Seed. And the most expensive.

"I imagine," Doug continued. "That Commander Boarvex chose me for this mission because I have an advantage when it comes to covert transportation. In my natural gas-state, I can travel in a sealed aluminum tube and ship myself as cargo. So, it was easy for me to slip onboard one of the Romay IV Cargo Cruisers that loop through the Territories and make stops on Earth.

“For the return trip, I would prepare a second aluminum tube, packed with the anise powder. I would ship both myself and the product, each in one tube, back to Grimox in packages addressed to myself."

"It sounds uncomfortable," I said. "Traveling like that."

"Not really," Doug said. "It was actually pretty cozy. And since I was never more than a few inches from the Seed, I could protect the shipment the entire way from Earth to Grimox.”

"So you get the anise powder here," Henry said. "And then you give it to the Warlords?"

"I sell it to them," Doug said. "The profits go back to the High Council of the Slatt Territories. Allegedly."

"Allegedly?"

Doug shrugged. "I have my doubts. The Warlords pay in unmarked GeeCoin notes, and those all go directly to Commander Boarvex. I wouldn't be surprised if some of that money gets lost along the way."

“But what was point?” Henry asked. His eyes looked clear now, and he appeared to be following Doug’s story. “Why did an Agent of Slatt need to become an undercover drug smuggler?”

“The Grimoxians had resisted all forms of colonization," Doug explained. "An anti-Slatt rebellion last year on the Southwest Continent nearly crushed the entire Outpost. We needed a new strategy. If we couldn't control the rebellious Grimoxians, then we could at least control their supply of the Seed."

"So, you sell the anise to the Warlords at a wholesale price," I said, piecing it all together. "The Warlords distribute it to the local sellers, who then sell it to the consumers… and pretty soon, everyone's making money."

"And everyone who's not," Doug added. "Is hooked. It's a genius plan, really."

"De-stabilizing an entire planet with licorice power?" Henry blurted out.

"Anise seed!" Doug and I said, in union.

Henry shook his head. “Okay. I have to ask this – What, exactly, do the Grimoxians do with the anise seed? I mean, do they eat it? Snort it?”

“They eat it. And snort it,” Doug said. “It can be also be smoked, or injected. Sometimes they would shove it into their external salivary glands, or their bile ducts. Then, usually they would have a sexual partner suck it out --”

“Okay,” I interrupted. “So there are several ways to –"

“--Or they would snort the Seed off each other’s genitals," Doug's voice grew louder. "Or off their own genitals. Or inject it into each other’s genitals. Or use their genitals to shove powder into someone else's genitals -"

“Doug, I think we get the picture --”

“I’ve seen the Seed used by Grimoxians in every sick, depraved, way a powder can possibly be used!" Doug's eyes bulged and he broke out into a fresh sweat. "Consumed, smoked, snorted, eaten, rubbed-on, gargled, bathed-in, injected, penetrated and sucked out of every orifice you can possibly imagine, and some that you’ve never even heard of! And then..then," his voice hit a crescendo, "Then they start to do the really unspeakable stuff!"

The gassy sobs started again. "And what was I doing?" Doug looked up at us with watery eyes. "I was importing that poison! I was providing the fuel for their slimy orgies, their squishy, fluid-spilling flesh-pleasures. Oh, Earth attorneys –"

"We do have names," Henry mumbled.

"What can I do?" he pleaded. "I agreed to become an Agent of the Slatt Guard. I never volunteered for this kind of…. corporeal nightmare. I'm surrounded by nothing but sexual perversion and drug abuse!"

"Welcome to Los Angeles." I said.