My hands wipe away my fallen tears in haste, a little bit too quickly as it swipes at my face a touch too rough, leaving a dry stinging sensation behind my eyes.

I scramble up as I straighten my awkward spine and lean away from the wall, but not too much that looks suspicious, so it looks like I was casually waiting for her late arrival. My heart slams in my chest, just as much as of a nervous wreck as I am.

Someone comes round the bend at the far end of the hallway and stops dead in their tracks as their eyes suddenly meet mine. "Oh. I didn't expect to see you here Elizabeth." She exclaims in soft shock, a hand perfectly poised on her bag strap holding it tightly.

A nervous laugh which is short-lived bursts out of my throat sounding like steel grating against metal.

I clear my throat and offer her a casually lazy smile instead as best as I can muster. "Yeah, I uh wanted to surprise you." I stutter out. "Surprise?" I ask one of my best friends, even though I know that should be a statement and not an awkward unsure question.

On the inside, I groan. Why’d I just lie? I never do that. Great, now I’ll have keep up it with them. I don’t her to think I’m not trustworthy. What’s done is done.

But still, the guilt weighs heavy on my chest like a dead weight.

I have an honesty streak as I’m all fir honesty and tend to tell the truth at all times, even the end result isn’t so bright or good.

I wince. Well, except in the morning. But that’s different. They’d never understand. Besides, everybody tells a little white lie sometimes. Why can’t I do it?

She smiles, brief but brighter than the stars in the night sky, humour me for a bit, but it does nothing to stamp out the growing worry in those deep brown eyes.

"Funny." She says dryly.

"But are you actually telling me the truth or are you lying to me?" She accuses as her arms, languidly resting by her sides before although a little bit restless, cross themselves over her chest in opposite directions.

I grimace at the sharpness of her tone and her accusation, an easy reminder of what could happen if I made a single mistake in my answer.

I'm hurt.

The hurt squirms in my body and wriggles its way down to my heart where it swells to drastic proportions.

While she isn't very much wrong, much as I hare to admit it, about me lying to her why is it that's what she accuses me of?

Why does she think that I'd lie to her? I mean, I did do that but still. Does she have that little faith left in me?

Nervous laughter is your telltale sign, you idiot, my unconscious hisses at me, sounding aggravated at my incompetence.

I roll my eyes and shove it back into its lonely corner which causes it gives me a stinky eye. I ignore it and focus on who’s in front if me.

I decide to pick my words carefully, noting how tensed up her delicate shoulders are, as if ready for any admission of guilt, no matter how small, of doing something wrong to hurt her.

Those eyes that are usually so calm you'd want to wrap yourself up in it and live in them, glimmering with a hostile glint in the rays of the splintered light in the hallway, never straying from mine like an unknown time bomb in a minefield.

And I feel I'm walking through it in the dark.

One wrong move and everything goes boom, my subconscious mind warns me.

"I was also here to do something about the Adena and Daisy issue." I pause and make distinctive eye contact with her, a remorseful expression shading my coco-coloured features.

"I just didn't know if it'd upset you if I mentioned the reason I’m also here for." I continue, the lie swiftly leaving my lips without a single trace, leaving me dumbfounded at how the easy the lie escapes my truthful lips and its quick delivery.

But I make sure to mask every other emotion apart from the bashful almost apologetic expression written across my features in bold.

I try to hide how badly I'm freaking out whilst I ponder over the mysterious arrival of Eberlyn.

I didn't think she'd be home this early.

Why is she home this early? Isn't it Monday that she always has swimming/violin practice?

I thought I'd still have time to do what I came to and leave without being seen by her.

Shit.

And why do I have to lie to her? Why can't sue just overlook my telltale sign and out it down at shock or nervousness at her sudden arrival instead of bombarding me with questions of honesty?

I look at my hands, coffee coloured eyes gliding to their flayed open silhouettes underneath my nose in interest as I proceed.

"What with Riley and our fight this morning, I didn't want to do something to hurt you too. Or to make you not want to talk to me anymore." I whisper out into the air, my eyes beginning to feel soft underneath pressure from my tear ducts. I blink and a sudden tear slips down my cheek. Her countenance wavers and changes, hard shimmering back into soft, and her eyes once more hold nothing but concern and instant mercy.

She walks closer to me and wraps her soft arms around me, standing in tippy toes to reach my neck. "It's okay. I wouldn't have been bothered about it." She consoles softly, her tone warming my heart more than the words that were spoken. I sniffle, my cheek pressed against the black kinky bumps of her braided tresses.

"Really?" I probe, unsure of what she could just as easily made up to hide still burning anger. She removes her face from the crook of my neck and stares at me with an intensity that makes me want to shy away.

"Of course really. As if id be catastrophically upset you had to do something for a new friend.

On the contrary really, I'm happy and proud you're doing something to help someone in need. Frankly, I think it's about time someone put a stop to Adena's reign for good." She says firmly, her eyes alight with strong irrevocable compassion and righteous anger, as her words did nothing to betray her tone or the look in her raven eyes.

I smile a knowing smile.

Always a fighter for justice, aren't you?

And really that's what I mostly love about her. That and her open kindness to random strangers she crosses paths with wherever she goes. She's really the sweetest person on earth that way.

She smiles bashfully, probably guessing what I'm thinking about abd hitting the nail on the head too. "I just don't like seeing people hurt for no reason us all." She dismisses with a modest wave of her hands but a pleased shy smile playing at the corner of her lips.

A casual shrug before more words tumbles out of her mouth. "Not like I'm the hero here or anything. You are."

I open my mouth to protest but all I can do is stare in embarrassed shock. I promptly cover my face with my hands, concealing any possible chance of seeing me embarrassed like this by a compliment. "I haven't done anything yet though." I say, too flustered by the sudden compliment and recognition to look her in the eyes.

"I'm just doing what's right is all." I mutter in a smaller voice.

She stares up at mine with a determined but gentle smile. "And that's why you're a hero. And my best friend." She says with all seriousness, booping my nose with her forefinger after making such a statement which I internally disagree with on its very basis of accuracy.

A lurking shadow in the dark, a monster under the bed and a terrifying dream I'm yet to wake up from.

I have saved people but have yet to save myself.

So can I even really be called a hero?

But I don't want to cause her any worry or stress any more than I already have or disappoint her with any of what I'm feeling.

Seeing her sad makes me sad.

And all for what? Something that doesn't even matter to me that much? Upsetting her isn't worth it.

And I just don't think I could bear it. Just thinking about it makes me genuinely want to cry.

So I swallow my problems, push them down into the farthest part of my being where they won't be found even if they try to reach into my darkest and hidden parts, and plaster on a genuine smile. "As they say, not all heroes wear capes to save people." I say and strike out a heroic pose, hands on my hips.

Slowly and with a look of deep thoughtful concentration, she detaches her hands from my neck and instead attaches them to my cheek in silence, cupping them in between her palms which squishes my cheeks up. Makes me look like a puff fish.

Her eyebrows furrow, contemplating and weighing the weight of her words, and gently taking her lower lip beneath her upper lip lost in thought. I wonder what she's thinking about so deeply......

And it looks like I'm about to find out, I think as she opens her mouth, ready to speak.

"Why do you want to help her? I mean, don't get me wrong I know Daisy is a sweet girl and all but you never sought to acknowledge her presence, much less appear like you wanted to get to know her.

And I doubt you knew what was happening before any of this." Her eyes search mine for answers that lay awake on my tongue but die in my throat, reluctant to escape unto the cold thick air full of secrets between us. "So what gives? Why the sudden interest in Daisy? Why do you two now seem to be friends?"

I open my mouth to answer but coherent thoughts escape my mind so much so that I can hardly catch them and bring sense back into them, swallowed by the shock of it all, the accusation that her tone yells, the question her suspicion expresses and the desperate need to be measured that her deep suspicions were wrong but hard determination set in her eyes.

They swivel from left to right as they gaze into my eyes in rapid succession.

I gulp and wet my suddenly dry lips with a slow swipe of my tongue. It does nothing to settle my frayed nerves.

Do I tell her the whole truth and nothing but? Or do I give her the bent version of the truth?

I squirm underneath her scrutiny and shift my attention onto something else, unable to think while her eyes are on me.

I don't like the idea of having to lie to her. Leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.

I mean, yeah I did twice but that doesn't mean I like it.

And seeing as I've already lied to her once in the last five minutes, which is one too many, I don't think she'd easily believe me as she did the first time. She's already way too suspicious of me to risk adding another white lie to the ever-present list.

She'd know what it was as soon as the lie passed my lips anyway.

Absentmindedly, I chew on my lip and veer my attention to her and once again meeting eyes with her. And suddenly I know what my decision is as well as what my answer is going to be.

I clear my throat and open my mouth.

"I- um. One of the reasons why I want to help is that I've noticed how much of a sweet person she is. She offered to him the door for me when I was trying to get out of school and offered to walk me home. Not many people would do that for me except you people. Although I am wondering how much of that is caused by the bullying. The second reason is um......." I pause and struggle to swallow some spit down my dry throat.

It appears to be that I have yet again chosen the wrong option even though I know which one I should have made.

Once a coward, always a coward.

I continue, looking unaffected by the accusation my brain makes at me. "I relate to her situation of being bullied. And nobody deserves to have that kind of treatment or to feel that way. Or to have self-esteem shattered by a so-called friend. I've been where she's been and I want to help her."

The words pour out like a running tap, unfiltered and giving out nothing but what's contained in its pipes, and the second the words leave my brain and come out of my mouth like an unconscious stream they feel somewhat true.

I was bullied by Adena for a long time, although the event started a long way before high school and right around the time I'd discovered who she was so I couldn't see how if I said anything that it would alleviate the situation.

What she did to me, and sometimes still does, and said to me-contrary to popular adult belief, words do hurt. A lot. Some of what she said still troubles me to this day.

But luckily I have friends to get me through that period in my life and help me feel like I could live again instead of just trying to breathe.

I felt sad and alone. Scared and helpless. Lost in a sea of negative emotions that do nothing to improve my poor and quickly deteriorating mental health. I've been where she is, felt what she's feeling so I can understand her more than she'll ever know. More than she'll understand herself. I can help her.

I say as much to Eberlyn. Her eyes soften with something akin to sympathy, sadness and some other emotion I can't quite place.

"I wish she wouldn't do things like this. It's just not human. And it tears me apart that she could and would do that to a dear friend of mine." She says now, folding her arms across her chest and rubbing her elbow as if she were cold, her forehead furrowed in upset lines, skin folding into rolls underneath skin. Her eyes shine with grave worry.

"Promise me something, Eliza. " Her eyes harden with fierce determination as she continues. The look in her eyes throws me off a little bit but also causes tingles to spread throughout my body which is a pleasant reaction. I almost feel dizzy.

I nod my head vigorously. "Anything. Anything you want." I say breathless and eager to please her, a flickering light beginning to born brighter inside me from the intense fire behind and the glaringly flaming love those depths.

Wetness prickles my eyes.

"If anything like what she did to you in elementary school ever happens again, tell me. Or Riley. Just promise me that you'll tell someone you trust and can confide in. Hell, if someone tries to bully you again, promise you'll get help from a trusted person before it gets worse. Promise me that."

I shake my head in the affirmative without a moment of hesitation to get rid of the guilt, to soothe the deep familiar feeling that rises up from within its cold dark depths and rolls into my core like unsettled ocean water licking at curiously at the shore.

She only wants to protect me from the bad in the world and to make sure I'm safe.

After all, she cares about me....no because she loves me like family and I do the very last thing she'd want to be done to her. She cares for me like a sister, practically treats me like a big sister but is still overprotective of me, loves me with all that she is and with all that she has to give and I repay her by lying to her. Straight to the face.

What kind of best friend am I? Wait no, what kind of friend am I even?

I feel horrible. I feel sick.

As if to prove my thoughts to be true, my stomach starts to twist and turn in an uncomfortable cyclic churn that makes me want to throw up my lunch and breakfast put together.

Great now I actually feel sick and want to puke. Fan-fucking-tastic.

I try to swallow the thick bile that rises in my throat but it's proving to be quite a difficult task as it vehemently refuses to go down and let me talk properly and instead decides to stay lodged in it, completely regardless of my relentless trying.

I turn my head to the left and cough into my hand, which might have been a bad idea because splitters of saliva mixed with today's breakfast coat my hand with a flourished splat. Scrunching my nose up in disgust, I shake my hand far away from my person so that it doesn't splash anywhere near me or worse. I shudder.

I rub the remnants, which is just saliva at this point as the other bits and pieces splatter onto a new surface, soon disappearing into another location, onto the side of my jeans, a poorly made choice and not all a sanitary thing to do I know, but as I don't have a handkerchief or paper making of any sort that will have to do much as I don't like it.

I turn my eyes back to her and lock eyes with hers once more, determined overprotectiveness clashing with a confident countenance. "I promise." I breathe out.

A content smile slowly wraps itself around her lips. Relief comes from making her feel reassured and content by my answer.

"Thank you.” She sighs out, her shoulders lowering themselves as she visibly relaxed, all tension leaving her body. An arrow of guilt stabs my heart, piercing me in the centre with its sharp triangular tip, leaving me with a pain a hundred times worse than I've felt for causing her to worry about me.

The horrible slimy feeling slithers into my tear bones and then moves up into my tear ducts, tiny silver-like tears slipping through clustered eyelashes.

It punches me in the gut though, my emotions bursting out into the open like an opened can of worms, unwanted but no apparent way to get rid of them, wiggling and squirming around in this unknown new territory as it tries to get accustomed to its surroundings, when a worried expression glasses over her features once again.

I scrunch up my face so I don't cry and become a pathetic sight of snotty tears, an ugly combination as my eyes feel heavy with salty tears line an upset cloud on a stormy day getting ready to release all the pent up water it sponged up from the earth onto unsuspecting civilians. She draws my head into her shoulder with my cheek resting against her shoulder and her hands gently brushing through my hair.

The action breaks me and the cloud breaks under pressure from the atmosphere, spraying water onto wherever it sees fit blindly as I let the held in tears flow free freely down my face, streaks of salty water trailing my cheeks. Tears leak down onto her shoulder in an unending stream and seep into her clothes, sliding down past her collar bone.

Great. One more thing to add to the piling guilt list.

"I'm sorry for making you worry over me. I didn't mean to." I wail into her shoulder, gripping onto it tightly so she knows that I mean what I say, hoping she doesn't get more upset over this and leave me too, as she threads her fingers through my hair in a soothing calming brush that has the desired effect.

Her soft crooning voice whispers comforting and reassuring words into my ear. “Sh, sh, it's okay." She reassures me as I weep quietly, trembling as she holds me in her arms, the sound my lips can only let out come in the form of little whimpers as a response.

"Besides, I'm your best friend. And as such, it's my job to worry about you. Okay?" She says, taking my head into her hands and raising my head up so it's at eye level with hers. She carefully removes a stray braid out of the way.

I wipe at my eyes sniffling as I nod. "O-Okay. Okay." I manage in a shaky voice.

I run my hand through my face, a cleansing coping mechanism that I use to calm down in stressful situations which also aids in calming down my speedy heart.

She gives me her famous kind smile.

“You’re one of my best friends. And my favourite person.” Then how come you chose her over me? I don't voice out my thoughts, unread keep my lips sealed shut.

A shadow of guilt passes over her face. “Don’t tell Riley I said that though. She’s already angry enough.” She pauses to look at me with searching eyes. I grimace at the mention of Riley.

“And I care about you very much so I worry about you all the time, whether those worries or fears are unfounded or not.”

I nod as im wiping the tears that fell while some threaten to spill over.

I let out a short snort of laughter. “ I look like such a big baby now, huh?”

Yeah, but you're my big baby." She agrees, her lips curving into a smile too.

A moment of silence passes before she speaks again.

"Hey, Eliza? There's nothing wrong with crying in front of me or people. People cry all the time."

I stiffen but give a minor careful smile while my mind works overtime, tinkering in how she could know about my crying session from earlier. “I know that. I’ll keep that in mind mom.”

I choose my words carefully, wary of what I say so I don't let any unbidden information out of my mouth while keeping composed eye contact with her.

How could she possibly know?

I mean, sure there are sometimes where I cry loudly -I'm pretty sure Japan knows by now-but I was quiet this time. I'm sure I was.

At least, I think so anyway. I hope so anyway.

I frown.

Is there something she's not telling me?

She notices. "Everything all right?"

I jerk my head up at her voice, the sound jolting me out of my thoughts and hum in silent recognition of her words carelessly.

"Yeah, everything is fine. Everything is sunshine and rainbows." I over exaggerate a tad bit, a surely stupid way to get her off the subject and off my back about it, with a relaxed smile to go along with my faux relaxed facial expression. A moment of silence elapses before I add "Why'd you ask?"

Or do I just not want to suspect a friend of mine of something so that I can have my peace of mind?

She twists her lips into a still concerned frown, an expression I’ve gotten used to over the last five minutes as it keeps making unnecessary appearances.

“Nothing, you just looked down in the dumps is all. But if you say everything is fine, I believe you.”

I turn my face away subtly but not too much that my face is completely turned away from her in a bud to hide the guilt that swims around in my shore and comes back to bite me in the ass with a vengeful wave crash down on me or the deep horrible longing to tell her everything about everything, words my heart yearns to say but my mind, the traitor that I still love, won't let me.

She can't know, it whispers to me now.

Nobody can. Nobody will.

I'm a slave to my brain, a prisoner to the cell it has conjured up, in order to survive life's cruel cycle of abuse.

I blink back the sudden tears gathering in my eyes and this time, surprisingly, it works.

For now.

I revel in pleasure at my accomplishment.

"Well, I'll be off now." She waves at me, a welcome gesture but frightening all the same, and I return the gesture as I raise my hand in acknowledgement, my lips stick in a forced smile as I wave.

She turns around, her left hand precariously holding into the bag strap sling over her shoulder hurriedly, as it slips slightly down and walks further down the hallway to her room.

But I can't help wondering that there's something she's not telling me about, can't help the wiggling doubt that's trying to take up all the remaining space that isn't filled to the brim with worry, stress and grief from today's events.

Not can I break away from the growing suspicion clouding most of my thoughts, regardless of how hard I try to push them back, but they gave the power now and they're running wild with it.

Why do I feel there's something she's not telling me?

She comes back around as though hearing my thoughts and asks once again, "Eliza, are you everything's fine? I could stay with you want. Or you could sleep-over. ” She offers, persistent, even though the issue of her betrayal is still on my mind and my heart still sputters from the bone crushing hurt.

I turn away.

“Everything is fine. Peachy.” I reassure, desperately hoping she’ll believe the lie and let the issue go. She to take the bait as she nods slowly in response.

She bites her lip. “ Okay, okay. I guess I'm just paranoid.” She says and finally retires to her room.

I shake my head, clearing all and any thoughts of suspicion, and start my walk home.