《The Path to Pacifism is Long and Paved with Blood》Denouement 9: Incurable
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Three knocks at the door. Quiet, so as to not disturb sleep, but loud enough to be heard over the coughing.
"Come in!" Mumbled Soulo. Two men came in, one in a black robe with gold trim, the other in leather armor, and his wife shut the door behind them. She didn't like seeing him like this, and if all didn't go as planned, they had decided it best she be left out of the subsequent conversation.
"How are we today?" The robed one asked.
"Oh, mighty fine," Soulo replied, "just...," he coughed a bit, "just having a good rest... for the past few weeks..."
"So the messenger told me. He said you tried herbal remedies?"
"For the most part." The armored man walked around the room, examining trinkets on the walls. "Tried sylanium, goosewart, heartea, and a healthy dose of jocose fruit. That last one's been the best for my health. Almost undoes the damage from the wife's cooking!" He gave a hearty laugh, which naturally led into a heavy cough. The visitors gave him a pair of confused looks. "It's an old word, basically means humor."
"Ah," Felix smiled.
"Aside from that, we also had the healer from the next town come by, he's the one who suggested you when he couldn't fix it. Saumiel, I think it was."
"Samuel? Old sammy boy came by? I thought he was further west."
"Said he came from there, did some college work. Came back to help his mother out for a few months. Wish I could tell you more, but it somewhat surprisingly wasn't one of the main topics at the time."
"Right, and on that point, I think we should get to the main topic here. The message said there was much coughing, which I've noticed, some abdominal pain, and a feeling of disconnection from your right leg. Mind if I examine these further?"
"Sure, but from what you said, try not to be too surprised."
"Whatever could you mean-" began Felix as he raised the sheets, only to note that the disconnection wasn't so much a feeling.
"I think what the messenger meant to say, was my right leg was disconnected. Amputated, may have been a better choice of words to send him with. You can see why from the left."
Felix examined the left leg, and noticed it was fairly pale, and somewhat yellow. "Oh no," he paused, "that means... I'm sorry sir, but this isn't what I thought it was when we set off this morning. I thought this was a simple case of Psychogenic Battle Disorder, meaning you had been infected mentally with the spirit of a fallen soldier. If that were the case, we could have simply called the spirit to pass peacefully. This however... This is... I'm sorry to tell you this, but this is a very rare disease known as Soul Scourge." He paused for a moment while Soulo coughed. "From what I can see, you have approximately five to seven days left."
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"I see. Can you..." Soulo led, looking expectantly at the priest before him.
"No. There is no cure. Your soul itself is failing. You should pass into the afterlife without incident, but the damage to your spirit can only be reversed when your soul exits your body."
"I see..." Soulo coughed again, this time doubling over as the coughs lasted a full thirty seconds.
"I would recommend making peace with everyone you-" Felix was interrupted by Soulo waving his hand.
"I've already spoken to my relatives, the people of the village, and the heavenlies. I've made my peace. We feared this may be the issue, so we did the 'plan for the worst, hope for the best' strategy. I'm fully prepared to visit the heavens today."
"Ah," Felix hesitated, "you already have plans for... today?"
"Yes," Soulo attempted a dramatic pause, which was undercut by another cough, "As my final request, I would be most honored if you could do the honors."
"..."
...
Artur looked at his companion, then walked to his side. "Felix?"
Tears ran down Felix's face, as he stared at a single point behind Soulo's head. "I. But. You. Why. I. Could. Hubbffff." He pushed air through his pursed lips as he leaned down, placing his elbows against the bed's foot, grasping at his head as he processed this request.
...
"I can see this is a difficult request for you, if you need some time..." Soulo coughed again, long and deep, almost shouting with each expulsion.
"I don't think you realize what you're asking of me, sir. I can't take a life in good conscience." Felix stayed in his position, seemingly examining every stitch on the man's quilt. "I've already done so much harm. I swore to Toara I would never take a life, and I've already taken three. Four. Five. Oh gods... I've taken so many... and you're asking me to take another?" Felix got up, hands still clutching his temples, and began to pace. "Why? Why me? There must be another way."
"We've considered all the options. I can't drink potions without throwing them up, so poisons and potions of sleep won't work. In case it wasn't obvious, I'm in extreme pain, so I'd rather not stick around another week and wait it out. I need it to be immediate, so it has to be magic that puts me to rest. There are no other casters in the nearby towns, not unless I want to be roasted alive or speared through with ice. I'd rather not be stabbed, killed like an animal, so your friend over there won't be much help. It's my final wish to be eternally put to sleep without marring my body. I want my family to see me in top condition, so their memory of me isn't similarly marred. You are the only one within several days' travel who can do this."
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Felix had put his hands on his face, listening to the withered shell of a man deliver his wish for release, punctuated by the occasional cough to remind him of his current fate.
"When I pledged my life to Toara, it was after the most violent, hateful part of my life. I swore to never inflict such pain on anyone else, and I would never stoop to the level of those who tormented me. I swore to pacifism, as well, since Toara and I share the same strong value for life. I would never knowingly and willingly kill another sentient being. I could destroy soulless zombies and constructs, but aside from that I would only ever heal people. Ever since, I've taken a few lives here and there, but always by accident." Felix drew in a shaky breath. "On the way here, for the first time in my life, I knowingly and willingly took the life of a rabbit.
Soulo stayed as silent as possible while letting Felix speak. This seemed important to him, a sentiment Soulo didn't share as hunting was a major part of his childhood. "It was so pure, so innocent, I didn't want to take its life. But... it looked like it was in pain! I didn't know if it was poisoned, cursed, possessed, scared, happily energetic... Every moment since, I've reconsidered and can't find good reason to forgive myself. For the first time in my life, I've knowingly and willingly taken the life of a living being, not some soulless undead. Did I have good cause, or the right to do so? At the moment, it seemed so, but ever since has been agony as I replay over and over in my head.
"I tried healing it, but could a purge have worked? Could it have been exorcised? I have no idea, and it's tearing me apart! All this over a somewhat-pitiful rabbit I stumbled across on the road; now you're asking me to do the same again, not just for a living being, one with consciousness and sound mind, but a humanoid at that? One of my own people! Even knowing all this, do you realize what you're asking of me?"
Soulo solemnly looked at Felix from his bed, as the man paced around frantically, waving his hands about, before stopping at the foot of Soulo's bed with an expectant look on his face, salty water streaming from his eyes. The cleric's friend had moved to sit against the wall to his right, idly listening to both the conversation, the noises of nature, and children playing down the road through the window behind him. He looked to be lost in thought, staring through a beam of dusty light passing through the window, and didn't attempt to add to the discussion of Soulo's future. Soulo looked back at felix with weary eyes.
"Son, as you said, my soul is tearing my body apart. I've lived a long and strong life, so I'm good at hiding it, but I'm in unimaginable pain right now." He coughed again. "I can't stop coughing, my muscles feel like they're eating themselves, I keep coughing up things that look important to the function of my body... I can't live like this. I need your help. You don't even have to do more than say a prayer after putting me to sleep, it's not like you're stabbing me in the gut. It needs to happen today, and you're the only one who can." He went into another coughing fit of great measure, his lungs finally succeeding in delivering blood at the most convenient moment to convince Felix of how Soulo was feeling at the moment. He felt a kind of grim satisfaction at this note.
Felix continued looking into Soulo's eyes for a moment, then dropped his head and stayed there a short while. Eventually, he began praying, "Toara, give Soulo strength, and give me strength to do what must be done." He began walking to Soulo's side in a trance, obviously giving up thought to complete the task at hand. "See his pain, his torment, and have mercy on him..." He continued praying, a blank look on his face, as he walked to Soulo's side and placed a hand on his head.
Soulo looked to his right to see Artur in the same position as before, but with a single drop falling from his cheek. Seemed more were to come. The man hadn't looked too invested before, until Soulo made his request. These men had likely been friends for a long while. As such, he wasn't sure if the sorrow was from what was happening, or who was forced to do it, considering Felix's earlier claims.
As Felix sobbed through his prayers, his hand fully on Soulo's head, Soulo decided to stay silent in his final moments, so as to not bring reality crashing on the fragile state of the man speaking his last rites. He closed his eyes, and silently let out his own prayer that Toara would help mend Felix's conscience, as Felix has doubtless mended many wounds before.
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