《The Ballad of Tears》Chapter 8: Sinners (Part 4)
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After hugging all of these people, the people who wore her face and body, who kept her soul inside and watched the world for her when her own eyes were blind, she sat down on one of the benches. “What do you need?”, one of the watchers asked.
There was one thing magic could not change without causing massive damage: the voice. All changes a watcher went through with every new Sinner, was superficial. A new face worked like a mask, a body was only cloth for a skeleton. Altering the voice was different and strictly forbidden because it was irreversible. That watcher’s voice was deep and soft suggesting it belonged to a body much taller than the one she currently wore.
The Sinner sighed. “I need you and your sisters to sing a storm for me”, she said. “That dhow I came with, I need it to appear sunken. And then brought back to Itheki.”
“Itheki? That is far.”
“Yes. It doesn’t have to be today. In fact, it might be wiser if the dhow remains missing while I settle in back home. But afterwards, I need it. And it needs to be demolished thouroghly.”
The watcher nodded. “Anything else we can do?”
The Sinner rubbed her head. She wanted to ask for refreshments, for a bed to sleep in for a few hours. But that would be highly inappropriate.
“I need a mount”, she said. “Is Mei still here?”
The watcher swallowed. “Mei is …”
“She is still here”, another one cut in.
The Sinner raised an eyebrow at the croaking voice. The watcher that had cut her sister of didn’t appear to be startled.
“Forgive me, Sinner”, she said, “but our sister here is a bit afraid of Mei.”
“Oh?” She almost laughed.
“She started bitting almost four years ago”, the first watcher grumbled. She held up a hand and sure enough, the big half moon shaped scar could only come from Mei.
The Sinner frowned. “Why didn’t you get rid of it?”, she asked.
The watcher licked her lips. “It’s embarrassing”, she said. “I should have been fast enough to not get bitten by a fucking mule.”
The Sinner cocked an eyebrow. “You didn’t visit a healer because you were embarassed by your own shortcomings?”, she asked. Her voice was cold, and she noticed how everybody in the room froze; heads turned towards them.
The watcher blushed and lowered her eyes.
“Look at me, watcher”, she said.
It didn’t work. Even with the face raised, she tried to escape the Sinner’s eyes. The Sinner reached out and placed her hand on her chin, gripped it tightly and forced the watcher to look her in the eyes. “Answer me”, she commanded.
All warmth had fled the room; she felt the watcher, the second watcher, the one with the croaking voice, shutter. She stood so close she had to feel the energy the Sinner was concentrating on the first watcher. But she didn’t step back. No one moved. “I-I’m sorry, Sinner”, the first watcher said, her voice muffled.
“That wasn’t the question”, the Sinner said, tightening her grip.
The watcher winced. “I— yes!”, she said. The Sinner let go.
“Yes what?”, she asked.
“Yes, I was embarassed of my shortcomings!”, the watcher confessed.
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The Sinner nodded. “Who is in charge here?”, she asked, focusing on the rest of the room.
A third watcher stepped forward. “I am, Sinner”, she said. Her voice sounded tired, and the Sinner felt a strange emotion surging through her. This person had been a Sinner once, and stepped back.
“Why haven’t you punished her?”, she asked. “It’s your duty to reinforce order.”
The headwatcher clutched her hands behind her back, and nodded. “I decided that it wouldn’t be of consequence”, she admitted. “She is different already because of her voice.”
“So you don’t let her speak to others?”, the Sinner asked.
The watcher nodded. “We speak as little as possible. When we are out as pairs one speaks, the other doesn’t. She is not allowed to speak in public.”
“And… what does that have to do with her not needing to fix the hand?”
The watcher shrugged. “I figured that, since we all wear gloves, it wouldn’t hurt.”
The Sinner shook her head. “You”, she pointed at the watcher with the croaking voice. “Is she telling the truth?”
“Yes, Sinner.”
The headwatcher seemed very irritated about that question but she was not in the position to demand an explanation. The Sinner nodded. “Someone will get me Mei”, she said. “And I need rations for the trip to the palace. A tent would be good but optional. You two”, she pointed to the headwatcher and one of the three watchers who hadn’t spoken yet, “you will take care of the dhow. Now. You” — she grabbed the watcher with the scar by the arm, “stay here. We have to talk.”
There was no discussion. Everybody hurried out to do as she had told them. Only the guard with the scar and she remained. “Sit”, she said coldly.
The guard wasn’t red anymore but pale by now. “Please, Sinner, I’m so-“
“I don’t care”, she said. “Tell me, why do we all look the same.”
“What?”
“Why do we all look the same? Tell me.”
“T-to humble us”, she said at last. She still couldn’t look at the Sinner but this time, she decided to let it slide. She had humiliate her sister enough for the moment. But the answer wasn’t satisfactory.
“Is that all?”, she asked. “We all look the same so we stay humble?”
“N-n-no Sinner”, the watcher said. Her deep voice rumbled and she sounded like she would cry any second.
Gods above, if she is one half of the pair, how dysfunctional is her saint?, the Sinner thought.
“We… we all look the same to … protect you”, she said.
“That’s right.”
“I’m sorry”, the watcher said. “I’m sorry I failed you, Sinner.”
The Sinner held up a hand. “That is not all”, she said. “I’m not upset because you put me in danger, little sister.”
“But you are upset!”
“Yes. I am. And you will be quiet now and listen to me carefully.”
The watcher, who had almost opened her mouth again, closed it.
The Sinner’s lips twitched. “We all look the same because we are at our core. And we all look the same so we can protect each other.” She paused. “There might be a moment when I need one of you to do something horrible, in plain sight. And I need each and every one of you to be prepared to die for your sisters. Just as I am prepared to die for each and every one of our people every day. Do you understand that?”
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“Y-yes, Sinner”, she said.
“So, why is it a problem that you still have that scar?”
“B-because I stand out”, she said.
“Correct.”
“Will you punish me?”, she asked. There was fear in her voice.
For a second, the Sinner was taken aback. Such a display of utter weakness was not something she expected in the people she might have to lead into battle one day. But then, she felt the girl’s pain. Being punished by the instructors, and by the law, was one thing. Another was the punishment received from hands who were supposed to guide and hold you.
She shook her head. “Not today”, she said. “But when I come back, and I will come back, I expect that scar to be gone.”
“Yes, Sinner”, the watcher said.
The Sinner nodded. “You are dismissed”, she said.
A few moments later, the other watchers came back in. A bag was packed for the Sinner, and Mei was waiting outside of the barracks for her.
The Sinner stood up and wished her sisters well. When her gaze fell upon the head watcher, she jerked her head towards the door. The other woman nodded and stepped outside with her.
“What is it, Sinner?”, she asked.
“How many seasons have your sisters served?”, the Sinner asked.
The head watcher crossed her arms. “Most of them have been with me for seven years. The youngest sister… she has only been with me since last autumn.”
The Sinner raised her eyebrows. “Last autumn, hm?”, she asked. “Has the Saint inspected her?”
The watcher figitted. “Yes”, she said. “He has sworn in almost ten new watchers last autumn.”
The Sinner didn’t blink. In moments like these, when she felt that surprised, her body entered a stage of shock. “I see”, she said.
Ten watchers. She would kick his arrogant ass.
The watcher seemed to read in her eyes and nodded. “You have been gone too long”, she said. And the Sinner knew what she meant, and she knew that she wasn’t talking to her as the head watcher but as someone who had walked in her shoes.
The understanding that passed between them, was broken when the watcher nodded courtly and went back inside. She clearly wasn’t a person of a lot of words.
Who could blame her? If I end up in a watcher’s position after I served my country for who knows how long, I wouldn’t have a lot of things to say, either she thought. But she shrugged it of. For the moment, all her feelings were too much for her. She needed to get home, kick some sense in the Saint and rest.
But before she could do that, she needed to check on Mei and get home. Mei stood in the alley, a saddle with bags attached to it on her back. Her long ears perked upwards, she looked at the Sinner with polite interest. Her brown fur was a bit more gray than it had been when the Sinner had left but she still looked energetic.
“Hello Mei”, she said and petted her withers gently.
Mei looked at her with dark eyes as if she meant to say: “Oh, you are back, hm?”
She laughed. “Yes”, she said, “I’m back. And I heard you decided to become a troublemaker?”
As if to answer, Mei tried to snap at the Sinner’s hand. Too slow.
“No”, she said and gave her a light pad on the snout. “No biting.”
Mei whinnied.
“That is your own fault you stubborn mule”, the Sinner said and mounted her.
Mei snorted but she allowed her owner to guide her through the city.
While she had been inside the barrack, the city had woken up, and so she took a route away from potentially buzzing shops and market places, through smaller alleys and the outskirts of the city.
Mei had been a gift — the gift — she had received when her Saint had been elected. It was tradition to gift both of them a mule so they were — even to foreigners — easily spotted as ruling people. The mother of her mule had never been part of a pair but lived with the other wild horses in the green flats. The Sinner had met her on election day. A pretty mare with brown fur and intelligent eyes, protective of the little one next to her.
The Sinner knew not that much about the creation of mules but a mare was rarely required to really couple with the donkey that gave the sperm. With hinnies that happened. When a stud lost his partner, it even happened to Vandrainor. But mules were usually carefully planned and regulated.
Dragging her attention away from those matters, the Sinner took in the city. Even the poorer parts were beautiful. Symmetry was one of the core principles of the linked Islands. Everything here worked in pairs. Pairs of doors, pairs of statues, pairs of windows, pairs of columns. Everything was distributed evenly.
She too, was part of such a pair. And she longed to have her other pillar back. The stop at the watchers’ barracks had been nice, a pause to catch her breath but nothing more. She needed the Saint. She needed to be with him. She needed to kick his ass, too.
Outside of the city, the land was flat and barren. Winter was still not completely gone. Here and there, patches of snow between grass and mud.
She traveled apart from the road, out of sight in forests that had no leaves and looked naked and dead.
It took her a day and a half to cross the island. Midday of the next day, she stood at the other end. A small harbor with small, slim boats and ferries was visible from her position on an incline a bit above. She watched the people walking, talking, bartering. At the southern most end of the harbor, she saw a boat that looked familiar. Leaving Mei where she was — she would get her later — she made her way across all the people, wearing their excitement and noise as a cloak.
She stopped in front of the ship.
“Ferryman”, she said to a tall man with long brown hair.
He turned around. For a moment, surprise was written all over his face. “Aunt Nuan”, he whispered.
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