Boy did it feel good to give a hypocritical speech.

Bee and I walked back to The Flower Garden. That’s our base, we took over an embassy suites that was there, and then just sorta remodeled it to suit our needs. We have some other places, I even own a few houses up by the san dia’s. But The Flower Garden was closest to old town, and I needed to call an emergency meeting as well.

I couldn’t help but think about the broodmother. “Hey, Bee,” I said. “Why do you think they would want to kill me, they don’t gain anything out of it. Why go out of their way?”

“Well, if I had to guess, they probably think that our organization would crumble if their leader was taken out. It seems to work for smaller organizations, so maybe they think we're a small-time gang.” She said. I guess that sorta makes sense, but, I don’t know how to feel about that.

Don’t feel, it only gets in your way! That’s what the voices scream every time I think about how I feel. They’re right after all. “You can do anything if you have no morals” That’s the gang's motto.

“I mean, they seriously can’t be that naive. I mean unless it was a ruse or something.” I said, turning onto the next street. “It’s definitely possible, but, these things are like, three million years old, how could they be that naive after all that time. So I say, they either wanted attention ‘cause they were bored, or it was a ruse for something.”

“But what could they be trying to hide that they would need a distraction?” Bee said, her face thinking. “We haven’t had any emergency calls. Unless, they wouldn’t be attacking us at all, but are setting up an attack, and needing you busy since you could potentially hear what they were doing.”

“But what would they have to gain from attacking us? I don’t like it, I feel like we're missing something, and something important at that.” I said, thinking out loud. “I mean, if they attacked us, they’d probably be all but wiped out, and then we would go unopposed. I know they don’t want either of those, but, is it worth the risk? I wouldn’t think so. Well, fuck this, I think these are all things we need to speak about with Mattie, Austin, and the other’s.”

“You’re right about that last part.” Bee said, batting her eyelashes at me in an attempt to be funny. “You’re not pretty when you do that ya know.”

“Do what?” I exclaimed.

“When you think. It shows on your face and it looks ugly, really ugly.”

“Oh no, my pride is utterly shattered. How will I ever recover from this.” I started in a monotone voice. She laughed, and I couldn’t help but smile. Amber was really cute when she smiled, she needed to do it more. She has a scar on her cheek that forces itself up onto her dimples. She makes me quite happy. As one’s girlfriend should.

“But, you really think I should just not think. Like, ever?” I asked, she does appreciate a little sarcasm.

“Yeah.”

“Aight, wanna go up to Taos this weekend and do some mountain biking?”

“I mean, sure, but what do you want to do about Emir?”

“Well,” I started, “I think that Emir was just used to get my attention. So, I should stay away for a bit, they’ll inevitably find out, so, ya know, let’s just go and not be a nuisance.”

“Ya know, we should fight in meow wolf. That seems like it’d be really fun.”

“Trippy, yes, Rose like’s.”

“Oh, shush, no one actually sounds cool talking in third person.”

“Ugh, fine.”

“”But, I do agree with that idea, if you were the target, then we might as well leave.” Bee said, “So, I’m gonna pak when we get back. You should too.” I didn’t wanna go, but Emir was in good hands and Bee was right. If I’m the target, why wouldn’t we just leave. I should force Mattie to come with us. The fight between him and Bee is really funny. While he wouldn’t want to come, and it’d prevent us from camping, it would be fine, since he could just make a cabin. Guess I’ll have to fucking drag him.

“Aight, I’ll drag mattie with us.” I said, and couldn’t help but laugh when she turned to me and said “I Fucking hate that guy.”

“Damn, you hate him so much you’d cuss. That’s impressive.” But, although Bee didn’t like him, it’s impossible to deny that he is useful to us. Sometimes I’m not convinced that Bee is like a devil in disguise that only shows it’s horns when speaking to Mattie. I’ve told her this before, and she made horns of fire on her head. “Yo, Bee, do you hate me for bringing him hear?”

She smirked “Maybe, if you please me tonight, no. If you don’t please me, then yes.”

“Wow that’s quite the way to convince some one to fuck you.” I said, turning into the parking lot of The Flower Garden. “So be it.” I sped up, needing to see Emir. I didn’t want anyone to worry about me, they needed to worry about Emir. I just wanted to lay down and finish reading Attack on Titan, but alas I cannot. I needed to go and find that brood mother, I needed to punch her in her little smug face. I reached the door, and sped up once again, I needed to get a butterfly knife in my hand and twirl it, it really helps me calm down. I picked one up, one of the many on my shelf, its cool steel felt good in my hands, warm from the hot day. It’s early October, why is it so hot, ugh.

I continued to twirl the knife while I crossed the room and opened my drawers, picking out some clothes and throwing them on the bed. I opened my closet and picked out a backpack and threw some knives and a bunch of bullet’s. I stopped twirling the knife and sat on my bed, sighed, and put my head in my hand’s. Narcissistic and mean, Ludo screamed in my ears. “Yeah, you caught me,” I said as I pulled out my ear buds and turned off my music. I decided I should probably charge a bunch of portable chargers and cords and threw them into my backpack as well.

I dropped the knife from my hand, forgetting I had it in my hand, it hit my shin with the blade, drawing blood. Shit, I thought, this is why I don’t like short’s. I pulled my knife’s from their sheath’s, which I placed on the bed, and checked their sharpness, which I do everytime before a big mission. I cleaned out the barrel of my guns, shined the metal on my knives, oiled the hinges on my balisong. I might be a bit too meticulous, but, what can you do?

“Am I really so naive that I put them into unnecessary danger?” I wondered, talking aloud. I couldn’t think about that right now. If I went insane, the gang would fizzle out of existence, and then I couldn't protect them all. Well, Bee, or anyone else, if I was insane how could I protect anyone, much less myself. I picked up a bottle of xanax from my nightstand, and a glass of wine that had been there for almost a month now. I opened the bottle and poured the rest of the contents into my hand.

I stood up, went to my mirror, and took a good look at myself. I looked like a hobo. My hair was a mess, there were bags under my eyes, the makeup I put on this morning was smeared. What does Bee see in me when I look like this? Eh, what does it matter?

I put the pills in my mouth, and took a swig. I coughed, spraying wine all over my mirror. I drank the last of the wine, and threw the glass at the mirror. Both broke into tiny pieces with a crash. I walked over to bed, and slept.

I woke to Bee poking me.

“What did you take that you slept for almost two days?” She asked, and I panicked. Did I overdose? Probably not. Had anything happened to Emir since I was asleep? Again probably not, no one would let anything happen to him, risking my wrath. Were there any more vampire attacks? That I couldn’t say. But, two days? That’s a long time.

I stood up, and stepped onto the shattered glass, slicing up my feet. I didn’t particularly care. “Half a bottle of xanax and a glass of month old wine.” I said, answering her question. Ah, the wonders of addiction. I picked up my phone, looking at the time. Two forty in the afternoon.

I got dressed, and asked Bee “So, we still going up to wherever and laying low, or, nah?”

“Yeah, unless you don’t want to, Mattie and I are packed, we can leave whenever. You should really bandage your feet before you put on any socks.” She said, as I went to choose a pair of socks. “Eh, they’ll heal in an hour.”

“Ok, we’ll leave tomorrow mor-” I stopped, there was an unearthly presence nearby.

“You feel that? What do you think it is?” Asked Bee.

“I bet it’s a vampire attack, and not just one, but likely all the tribe’s in the state, I’ll go check it out, wait h-” That was when I heard it.