Lanna struck a match and held it out over a candle. The tall stick was partially melted already and stuck in a little pitcher to catch the wax. Once the wick was lit, she shook the match to snuff the match, and then took a moment to just watch the tiny flame flicker. She never used to get this transfixed, but lately, it had been becoming harder and harder to suppress her urges and instincts. She wanted to fly, to bask in the sun, to feel cinder and flame heat in her chest and wash over her tongue.

Every time Aja stirred, it took every ounce of self-control to keep from swapping places. She had torn her cloak off a few times just to help kill the urge. They could shift without it, but it was painful and that was usually enough to dissuade Aja’s efforts. It was annoying and risky, but Lanna could not fault Aja. It was not the dragon’s intention. It was just their collective nature. And it had made it painfully clear that Lanna was running out of time far faster than she thought. She needed to find a way back to her homeland and quickly, or it would be too late.

It was what had her here, perched on a stool with only the flickering candle to bathe the table before her in a soft glow. It was getting late, her shift at the bakery had run longer than usual and the sun was already mostly gone from the sky. The library in Prewport did not technically ever lock up for the night. People were welcome to stay and read or research as late as they liked, but the lights went out and the bookkeepers went home after a certain hour, so if patrons wanted to linger, they had to do it by candlelight. That didn’t bother Lanna so much, as the small candle was a far more natural, comfortable light than the electric ones in the ceiling that ran off the port town’s generators.

She had found a book of maps and was thumbing through it with hunched shoulders and growing frustration. Most of these maps were of the land, the geography and the roads linking towns and cities to one another. This book was clearly composed entirely of maps of this nation. She needed sea charts and information about other lands. She knew the vague direction she needed to go, but Lanna had no idea what these people might have named the region she originated from. She had no way of chartering a ship if she could not tell them a destination. It did not help that Lanna was a self-taught reader. She had picked up a bit over the years, but many of the letter combinations in the book were just a jumble of symbols to her.

With a growl, she snapped the book closed and shoved it away with a huff. It was not going to be an easy task. She had no choice but to leave this land behind for another as quickly as she could. If she could even just get most of the way there, it would not feel quite so daunting.

She gritted her teeth and picked the book back up before slipping off her stool. She may as well put it back, it was not going to assist her. But no matter the challenges, Lanna had no choice but to keep searching. All night if she needed to. To stay would ensure her death, so she had to find a way out, no matter what.

As she returned to the shelf where she had plucked the book, Lanna chewed her lip and scanned the shelf for the gap to slide the book back into. Once it had been returned, she ran her fingers over the spines of the various texts. She could read some of them, but not all, so she resorted to pulling them one at a time from the shelf and glancing at the front in hopes the cover might give her a clue as to which one she needed. If not, she replaced it and continued down the line. There were so many books and it made her task feel all the more daunting when she could only stare blankly at some.

A few other people were milling about the library, so Lanna paid little heed if footsteps sounded nearby or someone walked behind her, but she was not expecting anyone to interact with her.

“Lanna?”

The sound of her name startled her and she flinched before turning to see who had called out to her.

Lescelli stood a few paces away with her hair pulled up into a tight updo and she had forgone the slacks and tunic Lanna had seen her in the other day for a dress. It was nothing fancy – cream coloured and simple – and fell to her calves with a black belt tied around the waist. The dress had short sleeves, but Lescelli showed no sign of a chill despite how the library had cooled as night had fallen. Lescelli’s lips lifted into a friendly smile and she closed the distance between them. “Late night reading?” she inquired.

Lanna shrugged. “Something like that. What brings you here?”

Lescelli shrugged and rolled her eyes. “Oh, you know, gotta pass the time somehow. Are you looking for anything in particular?”

Lanna hesitated and chewed on her lip. She was always more comfortable keeping to herself and this was a far more sensitive topic than she would consider sharing with someone she did not know very well, but she had to admit to herself that she needed help.

Lescelli was from overseas, perhaps she would know a little more about the world beyond the shores Lanna currently felt confined by. “Umm, yeah, actually,” Lanna agreed. “I am trying to find a world atlas or sea charts…most of the books I have checked are just smaller maps of this area. I’m beginning to think there just aren’t any maps of anything else. That or I am just not very good at looking.”

Lescelli hummed and slung her arm around Lanna’s shoulders. Lanna took a breath and tried not to flinch as Lescelli dragged her away from the shelf. “That’s because you’re in the wrong section,” Lescelli laughed. “You’ll find more of that sorta stuff over here.”

Lanna breathed a sigh of relief and followed the other girl to another row of books. Lescelli pursed her lips as she scanned over the books. Then she pulled out two and dumped them into Lanna’s arms. Lanna fumbled for a moment to hold them and the candle pitcher at the same time, but she got both books tucked into the crook of one arm after a moment.

“These should be a better start,” Lescelli stated. “Depending on what you’re looking for, that is. Do you want some company? I know my way around reading sea charts if you would like some help.”

Lanna chewed her lip as she mulled the offer over. It was a kind one and she didn’t know the first thing about reading maps – she had always just relied on her senses and instincts to make her way through her surroundings – but she wasn’t certain how much people knew about her homeland, but she didn’t want to risk making anyone suspicious about why she would want to go there.

As she was debating, Lescelli rolled her eyes. “I don’t bite, you know.”

“I know,” Lanna sighed. “I’m sorry, I’m just not very good at being friends. I’m more used to being alone.”

“Is that how you want it?”

Lanna shrugged. “No, not really,” she admitted. Her heart squeezed and she felt Aja stir in her chest. She squeezed the handle of the candle pitcher until her fingers stung and took a breath as she willed the dragon to settle back down. They were lonely and Aja had made it abundantly clear that she was no longer willing to endure that empty feeling in their chest. Keeping that in mind, she forced a smile and nodded. “I would appreciate some help with the charts, yes,” she agreed finally. Her fears were going to eat Aja and her alive if she did not learn to relax her tension just a little. There was no reason for Tobin or Lescelli to suspect anything amiss. Humans didn’t know that her people could appear like them and there was no reason for them to jump to that conclusion based on some curiosity around a landmass.

Lescelli’s grin grew wider and she jerked her head to the side before she began to walk away. “Come on then.”

“Thank you,” Lanna responded as she hurried to catch up. Aja hummed in her chest and the itchy tension in her skin finally faded as the young dragon went back to sleep. Lanna resisted the urge to roll her eyes.

As Lescelli led her around the corner to a row of tables, Lanna’s pace faltered slightly. Seated at the table, surrounded by stacks of tomes, was Tobin. His hair was scruffed up and he was hunched over a thick, dusty-looking volume.

After he had come by the bakery two days ago and invited her out, he had walked with her while she made the delivery and they had gone down to the strip of sandy beach south of the docks. While she still wasn’t entirely comfortable around people – especially those she did not know very well – it had actually been far nicer than she had anticipated to just walk through the sand and talk with someone.

Not that they had talked about much or had spoken a lot at all initially, but she’d been forced to admit that she was missing contact with others. She loved the Halliwins and they filled a bit of the void in her heart, but she was still lonely. It was hard to let go and trust others after everything that happened, but that didn’t mean she could just seal herself off the way she had been. It would hurt to leave them all behind, but that was a worry for later. She was not designed to live alone and she and Aja had been for far too long already. They both wanted to go home, but Lanna knew that Aja craved happier feelings even more. Lanna couldn’t give them to her alone, not when she felt just as burdened and lost. Maybe others could give them that. She just had to be brave enough to find out.

“Guess who I just found,” Lescelli announced as she moved around the table and flopped down into a seat next to Tobin. Unlike the one across the library that Lanna had been sitting at, this table had several wooden chairs rather than stools. It looked a bit more comfortable at least.

Tobin glanced up from his book at Lescelli spoke. “What? Who?” Then his attention focused on Lanna as she moved to his opposite side and set down the books Lescelli had found. They already had a lantern lit, so she blew out the candle to save the wick for someone else, and set the pitcher aside. “Oh. Lanna, hi!”

Lanna felt the start of a smile pull onto her lips before she had even glanced back at him, but when she did, she waggled her fingers and hesitantly took a seat. “Are you sure I won’t be disrupting you?” she checked.

“Not at all,” Tobin replied.

“And even if you were, I would welcome the disruption,” Lescelli added. “This one over here isn’t very chatty when he gets lost in a book. I don’t know why he dragged me down here in the first place.”

“You know why,” Tobin replied in a hushed tone.

Lescelli scoffed and drummed her fingers on the table. “Yeah, well…that’s not giving me any more of a reason to be thrilled about it.”

Lanna glanced between the two of them. Neither of them seemed particularly happy as they spoke – and while she knew it was not because she had joined them, or else Lescelli never would have invited her over – she couldn’t help feeling that she was missing some very important context. “Lescelli, why can’t you just leave if you don’t want to stay? It’s getting late, I don’t think anyone would blame you for seeking out your bed,” she pointed out.

Lescelli clucked her tongue. “I suppose you don’t know, huh? I can’t do that, Lanna. You see, while my father and I are here, I am under very explicit orders. Tobin over here, he’s is my escort. Our parents are expecting us to wed.”

“Which neither of us wishes to do,” Tobin added.

Lescelli nodded in his direction. “Yup. See, I don’t like guys and Tobin isn’t interested in marrying for obligation.”

“I like you far better as a friend anyways,” Tobin agreed. “No offence, but you would make a scary wife, especially if you were forced into the arrangement.”

Lescelli only grinned and leaned back in her chair at the statement. “Damn right I’d make any guy my father convinced to take my hand regret it with a burning passion. I don’t like being controlled.”

Lanna glanced between the two with furrowed brows. They were expected to marry and neither of them wanted to? Tobin had not mentioned any of that when they had talked the other day. Though she supposed it was not necessarily a happy topic either of them wished to.

“Regardless,” Lescelli continued. “It means I’m strictly forbidden from going anywhere without my escort and Tobin would get in trouble for just leaving me behind. So we’ve been taking turns with what we want to do since neither of us gets much freedom in our lives otherwise. Yesterday, we went to the beach – although heading off to go find you was entirely unsolicited on Tobin’s part, didn’t know he had the rebel streak in him to be perfectly honest – but today was his choice. A book’s a book in my opinion, but here we are.”

As she finished explaining, Lescelli began to drum her fingers on the table. The repetitive rat-tat-tat echoed around them. The library had fallen rather silent and Lanna was beginning to wonder how many people were still here besides them.

After the silence had stretched for a few minutes, Tobin cleared his throat. "So uh…What brings you out here tonight, Lanna? I was starting to assume you didn’t leave the bakery unless dragged out.” His awkward attempt at a joke was followed up by some sheepish laughter, and then a noise of protest as Lescelli scowled and elbowed him. “What?”

Lescelli’s brows were furrowed and she rolled her eyes. “You are absolutely hopeless, I don’t even know why I try.”

Lanna had been biting her lip, but she was unable to hold back her amusement and chuckled. It was hard not to find mirth in their banter. It sounded like they had only recently met, and yet they gave the illusion that they’d been friends for many years. She coughed to clear her throat and finally address Tobin’s question. “I do leave the bakery,” she defended. “I am just not usually engaged in social activities is all.”

“You had a shift today, right?”

Lanna dipped her head. She flipped open the cover of one of the books Lescelli had picked out and began to thumb through it absently while they spoke. The first few pages appeared to be coastal maps, which wasn’t what she needed but it was a step closer at least. “I have a shift nearly every day.”

“You must be tired then?” Lescelli pressed.

Lanna shrugged. She grew weary like any other flesh and blood creature, but it would take more than a day behind the counter to wear her ragged. She had worked far harder jobs than this one. “I don’t mind it.”

“Forgive me for prying, but you mentioned the other day that the bakers aren’t your family, yet you seem to work tirelessly for them…are you paying off a debt of some kind or just saving?”

“Just saving,” Lanna replied. She shifted in her seat and bit at the inside of her cheek. She wasn’t entirely comfortable with the probing questions, but she supposed that this was how people naturally made friends; by getting to know one another.

“You mentioned a desire to travel, right?” Tobin added as he leaned a little closer over the table.

“Oh? Where to?” Lescelli pressed when Lanna nodded her confirmation.

Lanna shrugged and tapped on the open pages of the book in front of her. “I’m not sure yet, exactly. I know I want to head east, I just don’t know a lot about the names of the lands beyond the coast.”

“Hence the trip to the library,” Tobin observed.

Lanna nodded and glanced back down at the book that still lay open in front of her. After thumbing through a few more pages, she finally found a map that spread across two of the pages and looked like the closest thing to a ‘world map’ that she had found yet. It wasn’t hard to point out the landmass they were on – she had seen the coastal line enough in the pages of previous texts to recognize it now. The waters to the east were dotted with several island chains and then a lot of open water. There was another significant landmass further away, but it was only partially on the map.

Lanna was not certain exactly how far they had travelled. It had been a long, long time ago now and she was not sure how much distance boats could cover either way.

It didn’t help that most of the names labelling each dot of land were all jumbled up. They were handwritten with sloppy penmanship and smudged ink. She couldn’t read them. Most of the words she had learned came from repetition. Orders placed and written down, warning and directional signs, a few others she’d picked up over time. The map would do her no good.

Her frustration must have shown on her face – that or it didn’t go unnoticed that she was starring blankly at the page – because Lescelli cleared her throat. “Lanna…Forgive me if I overstep with this but…can you read?”

Lanna sighed and shook her head. “Not very well,” she admitted. “I’m kind of self-taught.”

The legs of her chair scraped noisily against the floor as Lescelli rose abruptly and circled around the table. Lanna tried not to flinch as the other girl dropped down beside her and leaned over the map. “Why didn’t you say something? We can help, you know.”

Lanna chewed her lip, but she didn’t protest as Lescelli took a moment to scan the pages. “Okay, so I practically grew up on a ship, and I’ve been east, just not everywhere. Did you have a specific destination in mind or was the direction picked at random?”

“No. No, there’s a specific place,” Lanna replied carefully. She wasn’t sure how much information was alright to give out regarding her intent. Not that she had much to tell about it regardless.

“Okay, well what’s it called?”

Lanna shook her head and her heart sunk. “I-I don’t know,” she admitted.

Lescelli’s brows furrowed as she inspected Lanna’s face for an explanation. “Well, that complicates the process a bit. What can you tell us about it, maybe I’ve been there.”

I doubt it.

Lanna found herself hesitating once more until she was prodded with an encouragement that came from deep in her gut. She would never understand Aja’s motivations on this and she wasn’t entirely certain she trusted the young dragon’s judgement on this, but she supposed there was no way of knowing if her way was right either. “I’m not native to this country. I mean, I was born here,” she lied, “but my grandparents were brought here on a ship during the war. I’ve never been there and and I don’t know what the people here call it, but I know it’s different from our name for the land, so I don’t know where I’m going, I just know that I have to. I’m…I’m the only one left now and I need to know more about my origins. My parents died before they could teach me much. All I know is that it’s to the east and took almost two months to journey here from.”

Both Tobin and Lescelli’s expressions had become pinched. Lanna shifted awkwardly in her seat and began to worry that she had said too much. But then she realized it was more the mention of the war and the loss of her family that had caused the reactions. This land was still heavily scarred by the past, even forty years later.

Finally, Tobin reached out and placed his hand over Lanna’s. “I know you said you don’t want pity, but I really am sorry, Lanna. It has to be terrible not knowing about where you come from and having no one left to ask.”

She nodded at him but wound up pulling away. Her past was more painful than either of them would ever understand.

Another minute or two of silence stretched between them before Lescelli finally cleared her throat. “Lanna, tell us the name,” she prompted. “You said your family has a different one than ours, but you can’t remember what we know it by, but maybe they’re still similar. I’m not from here either, I might know the name you use.”

Lanna swallowed the lump that rose in her throat as Lescelli spoke. It had been a long time since she had uttered the word. But this might be her only chance. She had no reason they would accept to deny their help and refusing wouldn’t help her find any answers, so she took and breath and fought back a whimper as she told them. “Hewrenthrasar.”

Lescelli immediately glanced back down at the open book with pursed lips as she moved her finger around the page, inspecting the names of each dot of land before she shook her head. “You’re right that if it’s on this map, it’s labelled differently, and I don’t know that name, but there weren’t many steam barges during the war, so it was most likely a sailship your ancestors took. Two months is a long time and with a good wind, could get you really far, but I doubt the sailing was always smooth…hmm.” She had begun to mutter to herself at that point, but Lanna continued to stare at her with an eager thud to her heart. Lescelli didn’t know the name, but she seemed to have enough knowledge about travelling that she could have a clue or two. At least, Lanna was beginning to grow desperate enough to hope for one.

“Ships weren’t as fast that long ago. Big, sure, but rather clunky…I would say that we can rule out anything closer than this,” she decided as she tapped the book and drew an invisible line with her finger that cut the page in half. Past her mark, there were still several possible landmasses, but it cut down the number by over half. “Do you remember anything else from any stories?”

“Mountain ranges,” Lanna replied. Her heart squeezed as a mental image rose in her mind. She had been too small to fly over them, but she and Aja had always dreamed of soaring over the peaks high enough in the air that the trees would look like blurry little bushes. “My, uh, grandparents used to talk about a long range that cut through the center of the land that were tall enough you couldn’t see the peaks from the ground.”

“Well if it’s more than one mountain, that cuts out most islands.” Lescelli pointed to two different larger masses on the page. “Unless it’s not marked on this map, my guess would be one of these two.”

Lanna stared between the two places Lescelli had indicated. Could one of them really be where she needed to go? It was hard to tell just by looking at a page in a book.

“It’s not,” Tobin sighed. Lanna’s gaze whipped around to him as he shook his head. “Lanna, I’m sorry. I don’t want to strip any hope from you, but you have to be mistaken about the name your family gave you. There’s no way that it was ever inhabited by people.”

“You know where she’s talking about?” Lescelli asked.

Tobin nodded. “Yeah. From my history tutor as a kid. It used to be called that a long, long time ago, but when people went there, they quickly renamed it to Barchonsweth.”

“Hell’s gate? Why?” Lescelli pressed. “How have I never heard of it?”

Tobin pulled the book closer and flipped the page. “Because it’s not to the east. At least not directly. It’s more to the north than anything. Here.” Tobin indicated a continent on the next page. Lanna studied the letters scrawled across it. They were unfamiliar, but she wasn’t surprised about that.

“I don’t follow,” Lescelli pressed.

“You remember the war,” Tobin checked.

“Well of course, it’s really what caused my grandfather’s company to grow. We imported troops and supplies all over the place. We were neutral, so we gained a lot from both sides. I know my history too, Tobin, but I’ve never heard of this place before.”

“It’s not widely spoken about,” Tobin admitted. “You remember what turned the tide of the war?”

Lanna watched Lescelli’s gaze darken. “Dragons.”

As soon as she said it, Tobin reached over and pulled out another tome from the stack on the desk. He flipped it open and dropped it in front of Lanna and Lescelli. The page it was open on had a horrific interpretation of a dragon with bloodied claws and an open maw. Lanna tried not to flinch at the red eyes and jagged lines used to draw the image.

“That’s where they’re from,” Tobin elaborated. “When our ancestors discovered them, they sought to use them as weapons and they were. Massive, vicious, flying monsters with fire for breath and uncontrollable bloodlust. Two or three were enough to level larger towns in minutes. The casualties were massive. We won the war in the end, but the price paid was steep. Several of them escaped and rampaged a lot of the western half of the continent.”

Lanna curled her fingers into fists beneath the table until her nails dug painfully into her palms. They were wrong. If that was how they portrayed her people, it was no wonder they justified their brutal treatment of them. The world hated her kind because people had painted them the monsters to blame for the destruction. Dragons weren’t responsible, humans were.

“I’ve never seen one, but I’ve heard about them and I don’t think I’d want to come across one,” Lescelli admitted.

“When the war ended, the military had the remaining ones culled. It was too dangerous to keep them around. They spent many years hunting down the escaped ones too. But no civilization could have lived where they’re from. Not when the beasts level everything in their path. And even if they could live there, you won’t find a ship that will go. They’re forbidden waters now. A lot of other nations would love to get their hands on a chance at revenge, but the destruction isn’t worth it, so the information about that place is kept under wraps. I’m sorry, Lanna, but you have to be wrong.”

Lanna didn’t reply to him. She was too busy holding her breath to bite back a flow of emotions. Aja was fully awake and stirring in her chest, and there was an overwhelming sense of rage mixing with her misery. She hated them both in that instant. She loathed all people and their lies and history and brutality. Nothing would ever undo the pain they caused.

She could feel her skin starting to tighten as the emotions overwhelmed her, so she stood abruptly. "I have to go," she managed to choke out before she turned and fled the table.

She could hear Tobin calling after her as she hurried from the library and out into the chilly night air. The cold was enough to cool some of the heat bathing her skin, but it couldn’t snuff it entirely. She squeezed her arm tightly as she continued briskly down the path.

“Lanna! Lanna, wait! Hey, stop, please,” Tobin hollered as he finally caught up to her. He reached around her cloak to grab her arm and pull her to a halt. “Wait. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you. Maybe we just got some names mixed up? Let's go back and keep looking, okay?”

“Let go,” Lanna warned.

“Lanna, what’s wrong?”

“Let go!” Lanna tore her arm free and bit her lip to keep her tears from spilling over as she fixed him with a glare. “I have to go. I can’t do this. Just…leave me alone. Don’t come back to the bakery…I don’t want to see you again.”

It hurt to say and Lanna felt a spin of despair pierce her heart – a feeling she couldn’t pin entirely on Aja – but it was necessary. Tobin knew too much and too little at the same time. It was clear neither of them would understand and the conversation had just hammered home the reality of her situation. She had no friends here. Even the Halliwins, who she loved dearly, would turn on her in a heartbeat if she was discovered. There was no escaping that truth, no pretending she had any other options. She was better off alone.

While Tobin began sputtering and searching for a protest, Lanna shook her head. “I mean it,” she reaffirmed before she spun around and took off at a full sprint. He wouldn’t catch her even if he tried, but it didn’t matter.

She didn’t slow until she reached the bakery, where she wiped tears from her cheeks and crept quietly in through the back. The ovens were doused and the home was dark. She listened carefully, but there were no sounds of voices or footsteps. Everyone else was asleep.

She sighed with relief and returned to her room as silently as she was able. Once the door was closed behind her, she slid the bolt lock into place and collapsed into a heap on the floor. She covered her mouth with a hand to muffle the sobs as she cried. Everything Tobin had said was wrong and it brought back a terrible onslaught of memories. Monsters with a bloodlust…that was how they were seen. Not as people forced to do terrible things in a futile attempt to survive and protect their loved ones. It hadn’t mattered, none of their efforts had been anything but meaningless.

And if Tobin was right, it meant most of them were dead. She wasn’t sure if there were others in hiding like her, but he had sounded so certain that they were gone. It meant that at least some of the escapees had perished. There was nothing left to hope for in this land.

As the misery overwhelmed her, Lanna finally caved despite knowing the incredible danger of it, and it was Aja that crawled from the mess of Lanna’s clothes. The indigo-scaled dragon spread her wings and flapped them twice before dropping onto the cot and patting down a spot on the blanket.

She curled up with her snout on her paws and stared at her talons. They were sharp and glistened like ivory, and were good for digging into bark, and for pinning prey. But she never hunted for anything other than food and always made her kills quickly so nothing suffered. That was how she and Lanna killed. Quickly and out of necessity. Her talons were small, but they would grow. She would grow.

She pulled her tail up over her nose and dug her nails into the soft folds of the blanket. They weren’t a monster. She and Lanna were a person. They shared so much of their lifeforce, emotions, and memories, that though they were separate, they were also the same. She could still feel Lanna’s sorrow. It built upon her own, but Aja did not dare cry out. She always loved to play and fly and spread her wings whenever she was free, but those urges had been snuffed along with her joy. She wanted to go home, but more than anything she wanted what she could never have. She wanted to press herself against the crook of her mother’s side and fall asleep listening to the thunder of her heartbeat. She wanted to go home, but even home would never, ever be the same.