‘’I...‘‘

Li Bo glanced outside. A mist so thick blocked the narrow entrance. It was misty gray, as normal as one could imagine, yet so deep he saw nothing but separating wisps of its own. The cave remained dark, sharp corners of its rocks protruding like horns, and the flame cackling cast such shadows on their brown-red surface that he believed for a moment they were in some kind of purgatory.

Li Huan embraced her own knees, head buried within their gap and hair loose down. He could not see how his sister looked right now. No, how she faced his statement. Was she frowning? Was she smiling, perhaps? Was she crying, or fearful, or twisted in regret? What was she looking like?

She did not show any. She pulled her arms a tad bit higher and the long sleeves of her robe cloaked everything about her until Li Bo saw nothing but a rough circle of wrinkled silk and not his sister.

He waited a while.

‘‘I did.‘‘ She whispered, admitting. ‘‘I did.‘‘

Li Bo waited some more.

‘‘I was angry.‘‘ She said.

‘‘Why were you angry?‘‘

She waited a while. Li Bo did not approach her as he always did, but waited across the rising flames for her to answer. There was a feeling he felt but always ignored which came so much more stronger at this moment. That frantic, rational thought pushing against his heart.

‘‘Because...because he...because of him.‘‘

Him.

Because she saw everything strict from the Li and everything sweet from him, Li Bo understood his sister‘s attitude. Most of the time, as no one can understand another whole, he could guess her thoughts. He could see why she did one act, did not another, said one and did not say another. This time he understood as well. He wished he did not.

But he had this rational thought now comforting him, saying it was the natural course of life. This point had always been waiting to happen. It came, because it was the time for it to come.

‘‘Why were you angry at him?‘‘

Not because of, but at. She was not angry because of his act, she was furious with him. That single difference made it clear what he lacked as a brother the most.

‘‘Because of him...because of him you are injured. We are in danger.‘‘

Li Bo and Li Huan, a pair of siblings together for so long, both sensed the divide between their worlds.

Li Bo knew this for long, but he did not just ignore it. He did not work on it, but spoiled her, treated her with warmth she did not have in that place. But what was the result?

Now he stood seated beside a fireplace and his sister crumbled before an exit she could leave. All he had in him was to look at her and no more. He did not know how to resolve the conundrum between their worldviews, of how she saw Zhang Cai and what he brought and how he saw Zhang Cai and what he brought.

He had nothing in him to answer that difference. How did one answer that? Could he say that the world she believed in was wrong and go on? No, he could not.

The truth of this world he and Zhang Cai knew and bonded over would not result in the same way again. Most of the time he knew what she thought and what she would do, but now he did not. Would she be agreeable that they viewed this matter that differently? Could they agree on the value of Zhang Cai who she thought was the tipping point of their misfortune, which he knew she thought as such certainly from her actions.

‘‘I do not know.‘‘ She spoke without any sign. ‘‘I do not know. I don‘t know!‘‘

‘I don‘t know! I just saw them, senior brother. I saw them lying with ours and I could not control myself! I took them and tore them from the top, but...but! But I did not feel bad over it. I know it is wrong! It was wrong...‘‘

‘‘It is not wrong...‘‘

That he did not say out loud. Taking her frustrations on his belongings was wrong for him, perhaps even worse than shaming Zhang Cai. Li Bo knew how much Zhang Cai treasured these to keep them in his own bosom so he always felt them, and if one attack like before happened he would die with them in his chest.

That kind of a bond was one Li Bo would never disrespect.

Li Huan could. She, in her own view, had the right to do; and she did it, and she did not feel there was any wrong in it after. Why was she in so much distress? Because of his teachings and her conflicting Li upbringing.

When he heard her whimper, and saw her sleeves lay down to reveal her scarlet cheeks, Li Bo stood up. In a step he reached her side and pulled her into his bosom.

‘‘Do not cry...‘‘ He said. ‘‘It is enough if you know,‘‘ he said.

‘‘So do not make me think of that future.‘‘

‘‘My dear little sister.‘‘

She threw her head at his chest and hit it again and again. Lame thuds resounded in that small cave alongside her cry, and Li Bo made no sound nor shushs but just kept her in his arms until she felt it was enough.

‘‘For how long will it go this way? Will there be a point where we understand each other? Will there be a point we will come to not understand each other and go our own ways?‘‘

‘‘Senwor bwrother, I hma swho showrry! I ahm swo shworry!‘‘

Small locks of her hair traveled down between his fingers.

‘‘Is such a fate so needed? Do we really need to understand each other to be siblings? Is there a truth that I always must answer and respond, so that I can open my heart without fearing it might be squeezed between fists?‘‘

‘‘I will apologize,‘‘ she muttered. ‘‘I will apologize to Caicai. I promise.‘‘

‘‘To her who thinks everything there is is but an argument, how can I say what I envision? There is no need. There is no need to solve problems before they arrive. That crossroads is not there yet. We are not there yet.‘‘

The future he saw where they depart, where they flew on different blades to different horizons of gold and dark was not today. Today, he saw that point could happen, and that was all he needed to know. If he knew what would be coming, if he knew how different they were with his sister, then that was enough for him today.

Today, that was enough. For such matters were not something in their complete control, but at the hands of fates that did everything due in time. Time, they did not lack. If not today, tomorrow.

‘‘Surely, ‘‘ Li Bo let go of his sister and watched her lay down beside the fire. ‘‘Time will tell us enough.‘‘

Li Bo watched his sister gaze at the cackling fire, and he saw her light, small shadow so much lesser than those of the rocks and Zhang Cai‘s. And he cast a look at his own feet and saw it that much greater than all, covering the entrance itself for meters to the mist so thick he could no longer see wisps depart.

‘‘Surely, one day.‘‘

He took a step forward. His heart clenched.

He took another step forward, sweating, and managed to seat himself beside his sister‘s head.

He patted her head until she fell asleep, and for hours he watched the fire alone in that silent purgatory.

*********

He felt something warm. He also heard sounds. So loud, so faint. Some of them harsh, some like whips, some like screams. Some lame thuds, some booms, some like speech that he heard but was not so much familiar.

And he felt tremors and rough grounds and grass, and sometimes cold snow and hot rock and boulders that his back did not like. In due he felt the air warm and the air cold, and identified all those loud and faint and whips and screams as winds and that speech as two people standing over him on the rough ground that sat or on the soft grass they laid.

For so long, with no sight and no clear understanding of all those, he went forth. He traveled. There was a journey going on, he was aware. But not conscious of it. And that journey did not stop until he felt the cold turn to warm and the rough to soft, at which he felt the sounds turn crisp and clear and the sight evolve from hazy to clean.

He saw two figures standing above him, speaking. But their jaws fell too low, and their eyes too wide. One small, one big. He heard them again and again, sometimes speaking at him, sometimes speaking around him. And more figures came, and some he did not recognize any.

A ceiling of brown he recognized for a moment, and then he heard both figures shout his name.

‘‘Zhang!‘‘

Zhang opened his small eyes, breathing hard through the blood-clogged throat, and saw his beggar friends Liu and Little Zhang crying.

‘‘Zhang...?‘‘

Just Zhang?

‘‘Zhang! Those thugs! I will kill them!‘‘ Liu shouted. But he had a crippled arm on himself, how could he fight those two gangsters so much bigger than them?

‘‘I...I will too. I will help you!‘‘ Little Zhang said. But he was such a coward, so meek and kind, how could he steel himself to harm another let alone kill?

‘‘Do...n‘t.‘‘ Zhang pushed himself up. He spit a tooth out and it hurt like hell. He put one hand over his lower jaw and with the other waved in their faces. ‘‘Don‘t be fucking stupid! I will take care of it. You two will just die in a fucking ditch and then what?‘‘

These two brothers of his said something, but Zhang did not listen. They were the only two who did not avoid him among the many beggars, for he was a Wahlidian down south. And they were good children who should not have been orphaned in such a place. He could not let them come to more harm because of himself.

Zhang looked at the wooden ceiling of the poor shack above them. It was splintered and had gaps all over, letting in gusts of chilling air. But he thought it was much better for a moment. He thought it had been luxurious, even, and he could swear upon his master.

What master?

Zhang felt the small dirk in his pocket that he could not use before. He grasped its wooden hilt, clenched it so hard he felt his bones stretch further than the muscle. This fury of his would not see an end before he killed those two bastards, sons of whores who made life hell for them.

‘‘Zhang!‘‘

‘‘Brother Zhang!‘‘

Before they could catch him back Zhang dashed out of the doorless exit and disappeared between the cold stone mazes of Curlan.

The city of frost, this rotten city.