《Instrumental》02 - Advice

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She only vaguely joined in the conversation on the bus the next day, she was distracted and nervous. She couldn't help wondering if thinking her friends looked cute in their school uniform was her being attracted to them or just a normal girl thing, complimenting her friends.

The bus arrived at school and they all got out into the large carpark, it was only quarter past eight so they had a half hour before registration started.

"What's with you today?" Abby asked, they had been friends since primary school so it was obvious to her that Anne was distracted.

"I'm okay. Just didn't sleep well." Anne replied furtively, not fooling Abby in the slightest.

"Mmm, Kay." She replied in her best south park impression.

"Okay, so I didn't sleep well because I have something on my mind. It's not important, just let me deal with it?" She snapped, turning and walking away, "I will see you in registration."

She instantly felt bad for doing that but really didn't want Abby asking questions she wasn't ready to answer.

She walked around the back of the building and behind the gyms, she knew all the smokers hung out there. "Hey, know where Jo might be?" She asked one of the boys.

"The dyke?" He asked, she just shook her head and made to leave, not interested in dealing with his shit this early in the morning.

"She doesn't come here til' first break." one of the other boys called out, "She hangs out in the cafeteria in the mornings."

Anne turned and thanked him, giving the first boy a nasty look as she left she shot out, "It costs nothing to be nice." He just laughed at her.

She wandered slowly towards the central cafeteria area, for the first time pondering what it might be like if she was a lesbian, dealing with the casual verbal abuse.

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Right enough Jo was sitting alone on a table in the corner of the room, playing on her phone. She was the only openly gay person she knew in the school, though she made it pretty obvious with the way she dressed and acted 'butch' as she called it, she was the only girl in school who wore trousers. She was slim and broad shouldered, Anne was pretty sure she strapped her chest too, that or she was on hormones because no one else in her year had that flat a chest.

She sidled up to the table, feeling like her heart was about to burst from her ribcage. She had never felt so nervous. 'It's for Kelly' she told herself, taking a deep breath.

Jo turned and looked at her and before Anne could buck up the nerves to say anything said "you look like you're here to ask some stupid question about being a lesbian." And turned back to her phone.

Anne gave a startled squeak, causing Jo to chuckle. "Spit it out, I won't bite." Then she looked out the corner of her eye at Anne, "unless you're into that sort of thing."

Anne considered bolting, she stammered a negative then foolishly followed up with "that I know of." Then, realizing what she had said, her face went beetroot purple instantly.

Jo stared at her, stoney faced for a minute as Anne sweated. "Right, let's go somewhere more private eh? I am sure you don't want people to talk."

She hopped off the table and strode quickly out of the room, Anne struggling to keep up without running. Jo took them up the stairs to the landing in front of the art rooms, it certainly was private, the art rooms weren't used for registration and they were a dead end so there was no chance of people walking past.

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Joe sat down with her back to the door and waited expectantly. Anne stood awkwardly for a minute before sitting herself down in front of the railings at the top of the stairs.

"How do you know?" Anne started, then stopped, unsure how to put her questions into words.

"How do I know I'm a lesbian?" Jo asked incredulously. "Are you serious?"

"My sister thinks I'm a lesbian." Anne began quietly, "and I can't say for sure I'm not." She drew her knees up to her chest. "I don't like boys."

"But you do like girls?" Jo probed.

"Well, I don't know. More than boys I guess."

"Hmm…" Jo considered this, "but you don't flick the bean thinking about your girl friends kneeling between your legs?"

"What!" Anne hissed her hand shooting to her mouth in shock.

Jo chuckled, "that's a no then! Well, what do you think about?" She asked, leaning forward intently.

"Well… I don't, I never…" Anne trailed off.

"Really?" Jo asked intrigued. "You never got horny in the shower? Reached your hand down when you read a racey bit in a novel? Sat on the corner of the washing machine on spin cycle so to speak?"

"No, never." Anne insisted, mortified. She could feel the blood pumping through her face.

Jo laughed, a hearty full body laugh, her shoulders shaking. "It's okay, I'm not making fun of you, well not much. But you do look cute when you're flustered."

Anne stared at her knees, saying nothing.

"Well, you may not be a lesbian either, you could be asexual." Jo continued, "or a little repressed."

"What does that mean?" Anne asked meekly.

Jo scooted over and put an arm round her shoulder, "Some people just don't get sexually aroused, they just aren't interested in sex. Either gender." She gave her a little hug, "that said, my advice would be to try it. Find somewhere very private that you are comfortable that no one can walk in and just… play. Try thinking of things, men's throbbing penises, kissing your best friend… sixty nineing me!" She gave her a nudge. "See what works!" Jo got up and held out a hand, "Come on, let's get you cleaned up." Anne realised there were tears running down her cheeks. She wiped them away and accepted the hand up, Jo pulled her into a hug and held her for a long time.

"And if you find the thought that works is me, I would be happy to double check for you." She whispered in Anne's ear.

Anne laughed and she released the hug. "Seriously though, perhaps consider waiting a year or so before coming out. High School is hell and it's not like your choice of dating partners would go up. I know a total of three girls near our age who are gay, it's slim pickings!"

Anne wiped the tears off again and smiled. "Thanks Jo, whatever comes, do you want to hang out sometime? As friends?"

"Sure, come on, let's find you a bathroom."

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