Who knew that reincarnation was such a headache? I mean first you're in front of a literal god the your, where am I? And why is it so dark?!

I discovered that I am in a womb after a quick observation and monologue therapy. And let me tell you, it's not at all what you've been taught. It's not like you're floating through space or in a slime pool. It's gummy, slimy, and compact. If my nose was sufficiently formed, it will most likely stink as well.

The more I think about it the more I reject my decision. I can't even kick yet meaning I might literally have nine months of the crap to live through but I get it. My mother or new mother would be giving birth to a husk that I would have taken over later.

I don't want my new mom to wonder why her baby isn’t kicking and I swear I will be kicking like crazy. The sooner I get out of here the more sane I will become.

I've been a fetus for two months and I am completely pro-choice. It's mentally draining to be responsible for your own mental health. I'm left with nothing but my imagination, and having the mental capacity of a man in his mid-thirties doesn't help.

I could only prepare myself for the situation I might find myself in. It must be a fantasy world if there are multiple gods. I'll be born with an abundance of abilities for fighting evil. I'll find companions and perhaps even a lover, but not in large numbers. I live in the twenty-first century, and I believe in true loyalty.

Then there's my family, which consists of my parents. They will love me unconditionally, according to the god. I'm curious as to how they appear. My mother must be stunning, and my father must be dashing. They must be in love. I don't want to be in a position where I have to choose between two people.

I'm finally able to kick y'all, and I'm kicking hard. You may believe I'm attempting to hurt my mother, but you're mistaken. I'm training in the womb, you see. I encourage healthy bone and joint development by kicking and moving around. I'm telling you, I'll come out doing splits.