《The End + The Instant》Instant #22 - Scholarship Student
Advertisement
Lark resents it, too—what he sees as his own neediness. Something he’s been accused of and warned about: he is always circling back to people that hurt him. Left on his own, even his mind turns to the way others have failed him, remembering burning details that grow into painful totems.
The e-mail he got from his tutor was one of them. It went unanswered and perpetually flagged in his inbox, even years later.
Instead of moving forward, he thinks of these things and blames himself, of course. If he could forge his own way, if he could be enough on his own, he wouldn’t—couldn’t—be let down so keenly by others.
“Do you want to go back inside?” Oli asks.
Lark realizes he’s been shredding the lawn, pulling up blades of grass one at a time. There’s dirt scattered across his acid-wash jeans, grass stains on knees. “Yeah,” he says. “Probably should. What time is it?”
Oli shrugs, says, “I left my phone upstairs. Can you help me with the telescope?”
Lark looks through the viewfinder one last time while Oli packs away the electronics. Without the computerized guidance system, Lark can only find distant stars and dark swathes of space.
Oli asks him to hold the barrel of the telescope while he collapses the tripod. Together, they pack everything away back into the shed. “It’s heavy stuff,” Lark says, a vacant comment as he hefts the telescope into Oli’s waiting hands.
Oli makes a non-commital sound; Lark is taller than Oli, but Oli is stronger. “This is very much the lightweight model. You should see the scopes at the observatory. Not that I have to lift those ones.”
Lark imagines Oli’s observatory as a tower crammed full of lenses and mirrors. He wonders who maintains them, cleans all that glass. Who built them? What team of optical engineers and aerospace scientists came together to let Oli look up at the sky?
Advertisement
“When you look through one of those big telescopes,” Oli says, “You’re actually looking at the past. It takes so long for the light to reach us. You can see a nebula as it was six hundred years ago, or even a star just as it was a million years ago. We can only predict what’s happening now. All we know for sure is what has already happened.”
This makes sense to Lark. It can take a long time to see what has happened. It takes even longer to understand it.
I sent off my applications in early October, hoping to get a decent audition slot, something in the middle of the pool at the West Coast schools I could visit in person. I wouldn’t want the first auditions, I reasoned, when the judges were conservative, when they weren’t sure how to balance the scales yet; early on, they always expected better might come along. I had a large and unusual repertoire I’d carefully honed with a long-time teacher nearing three years ago, pieces that were once at my technical edge but now lived comfortably in my hands. Preparation and the surprising selections made comparison one of my best allies. But unless I somehow got an acceptance from the elusive and free Curtis Institute, I also needed to be seen before the scholarship money ran out.
I got two e-mails from the San Francisco conservatory that had offered me a place two years running: one with an audition slot and another from one of the piano tutors. He had been a judge at the New York auditions the school hosted the year before. I’d driven down overnight without a place to stay; I remembered the cottonwool feeling of a night spent awake except for a rest stop nap. Some combination of exhaustion and nerves had given me a total out-of-body experience during the audition, a moment where I could watch my hands moving over the keys like they were someone else’s.
Advertisement
I was very impressed with your audition last year and disappointed you couldn’t join the program, the e-mail said. If there’s anything you need to better navigate the admissions process, please let me know. Looking forward to seeing you again.
I started to write a response but ended up just saving it to my drafts with a single line: Thank you for your kind words.
I told Quinn and Jules about it as an offhand remark to placate Quinn, who was eager to hear how things were going while I ate dinner at their house. In my room, alone in the dark, my laptop balanced on my keyboard, I hadn’t felt much about it. Where I thought I should have felt gratitude, there was just a seed of anxiety.
Jules, though, was so happy for me. They put their hand on the small of my back, turned me towards them. That’s wonderful. Do you know how many people he probably sees? Lark?
I nodded, uncertain.
Across the kitchen, Quinn watched us; a smile twitched up along one side of his face. He didn’t come to join us, but I felt he wanted to. It made me think that he and Jules had spoken about me when I wasn’t in the room. They had made explicit to each other what kind of a friend I was. What kind of love I needed. What kind of help.
I stepped away from Jules, unsure how to feel. Thank you, I almost said. Or sorry.
Advertisement
Necromancer King
Sometimes, you just want to release your pent up anger form real life. And one of the best places to do it is in a game. Ever since its launch, World of Aingarrth allowed players to fulfill their wish. Do you want to be an asshole? Go ahead. Do you want to be a shiny white knight? You do you. Players are free to choose and define themselves in the brand new VRMMORPG. It takes the world by storm. Not only by how unique the MMORPG is, but also because there is roleplay mode. It allows people to set their own settings, either fantasy towns, schools or even graveyards. Then, choose scenarios that are going to happen, like getting married or saving a princess. They would then play as the main character, and the story adapts to their decision. Kei, a 29-year-old corner store clerk, decided to try it out. He has enough of his plain boring life, where many people treat him like trash. Each time after work, he would spend hours playing the game, even if it means he must sacrifice his sleep. He sometimes plays the roleplay mode, but he is more attracted to the MMORPG mode His passion inspires a certain guild leader, who takes him in and makes him his vice. With his help, the guild slowly builds up, until it gets to be the biggest villains guild in the server. One day, after work, Kei is about to launch the game when he fell asleep. When he opens his eyes, he is surprised to find himself laying on a pedestal in a tomb. With a girl kneeling beside him. He didn't realize he was transported to another world. Nor that there were others who were transported there too. A/N : The story is being rewritten. Photo by Mike Ko on Unsplash
8 123The Special Forces
A war between a kingdom and an empire trying to assimilate it has been causing too many casualties. A general from the kingdom thinks of an idea that will drastically change how war is fought. He plans to make small elite groups designed to cause havoc in the enemy ranks. A few teenagers from a distant town do not realize how important their powers are until they are found. *borrows names and powers from video games like Dota 2 and World of Warcraft*
8 190The Way Back Home
Being kidnapped against one's will to another world under the pretense of defeating the Demon Lord was a luxury that not everyone could afford. Ivan Weiss is unfortunate enough to be dragged into this mess with other four students. It didn't stop at that, he was soon kicked out after a skill reveal process showed that he possessed a skill of unknown use. Unable to go home, betrayed, and bitter, he vowed to find a way back home with any means necessary and took revenge to the ones who made him felt this way. But, with weird passive skill [Assimilation] that was barely unreadable, would his revenge turn to dust?
8 123The Rebellious Lady Fallon: Historical Fiction
Lady Fallon Brightmore secretly thought the Earl of Hampton, Braeden Kerrich, rather dashing. But at their first encounter, it was to her elder, fair sister that he smiled with the attraction a gentleman has for a lady. Lady Fallon felt crushed and determined her heart will never rule her....even while a rebellious streak within her plotted to set to rights the damnable rogue who had the reputation of a libertine. She would never accept an offer from him... if he ever made one to her.Braeden Kerrich, Earl of Hampton is in need of a wife. It should not be too difficult to find a suitable maiden, not with his impeccable credentials. Infact there should be a list the size of his arm. So why is the most alluring debutant, Lady Fallon Brightmore, not falling for his unquestionable charm?
8 155Tempest's Embrace
"Free me and I will save you," he promised.~*~*~*~*~A Pirate in peril... Pirate Justin O'Shea is finally captured by his enemy, he had no choice but to sit and wait for his men to come to his aid. But, when his captor decides to bring aboard captives from another raided ship, he is stunned by the beautiful young girl that is willing to set him free. An exquisite Treasure to be had....Tempest Whitwell, the young daughter of an admiral is finally returning to London from the Carribean. But, when her fathers ship is raided by ruthless pirates she is taken captive. Now aboard the Dead Nave, she's mystified by the man chained to the ships mast. A prisoner she befriends and later frees.Never trust a pirate....Her sweet, trusting nature lands her in an impossible scrape.After freeing the captive that promised to help her, she suddenly finds herself the prisoner of the pirate "The Black Scourge", the irresistible Justin O'Shae.An undeniable attraction forms between them. One he must deny to protect her. Caught between his loyalty to the sea, a dreadful past and the forbidden desire for the young impetuous beauty, he knows she is not safe by his side and reluctantly returns her to her family.Now tormented with his forbidden desire he vows that she will be his. But betrayal, revenge, misunderstanding, heartache and fierce love are soon to follow.It's a love as temperamental as the sea where it all began and he would weather any storm to have her.
8 73The Test of Time
This is a Brett + Eddy fanfiction, a Breddy if you will. Please read the note at the beginning so you know what you're getting into!
8 78