It was different. I woke much more slowly than usual. There was a gradual aspect to it that was unusual? I became aware of my surroundings instantly but I didn’t immediately feel an ability to control my movement, there was a delay. In which I was receiving updates. Memories were being fed to me of my movements overlaid by mathematical equations that I could only partially understand.

Thinking about it there was a logic to it. My id didn’t want to relinquish control until I had been given all the information. Any action taken without the facts could even endanger me. But I was more puzzled by the results of my id’s analysis. The description of my movements was expressed to me in some form of notation or symbology all squiggles, curves, numerals and algebra. It met my task of developing a working understanding of mathematics but it appeared that what my id developed would not instantly become an ability of my own. Which I couldn’t understand in the least. My id was still a part of my mind or it was when I had envisioned it. Unless it had something to do with what the system meant by sub-mind?

However, there was some bleed through. I could use the equation to imagine the movement it represented but had no idea how changing the equation in any way would affect its meaning. It was an interesting issue but what was reassuring was as part of the memories I was provided by the id was a map. After receiving it I felt an internal mental space open to receive it. The map was three dimensional contained the plane I had created and what little I was able to determine about how the space of the remaining void was laid out. My plane was a pale blue and the trail I had discovered before was coloured green. Though only a short section of that was visible as I never did follow it to either end. These colours must be intrinsic to the map as all these trails were in reality identical. My current position was also marked surrounded by a sphere of slightly more vibrant colour otherwise I couldn’t tell what this was supposed to represent. Actual use would likely prove to be best for understanding the map and that would take time.

Finally, the download finished and I was left in control. I had stopped above my initial misshapen cylinder. Created a subjective eon before. I looked around and felt a gradual pulling of my perceptions. The cylinder was small compared to what I could remember. It had once been much longer but was now smaller than it had been when it was first formed. It was a surprise but within maybe a glimmer of my own salvation. I had been panicking that eventually I would have filled the available void and I would be trapped. But if the cylinder was smaller now than when it had been created. It may be a sign that the trails were not as enduring as I had believed. I felt a surge of hope and no small measure of relief.

I began to move up to the very edge of the cylinder, my hope being that some sign of the cylinder’s fading would be apparent. But as I drew closer it was apparent it was still as lumpen as before, its solidity unchanged. But my movement had given me a clue. I wasn’t moving right. My course was right but my movement was slower than it had been before and I was getting details of the cylinder’s surface much earlier than expected. I stopped. Waited. Started again. Stopped. Every time I went to move I travelled only a tiny distance. I felt no resistance and any sensation of movement I had was no different than before. I just wasn’t moving as fast.

I turned my perception inwards away from the extreme limit of what I was capable of to focus on myself and immediate surrounding void. As my focus changed I seemed to surge forward the distance travelled increased with no change of effort. I realised this was the answer, unfortunately. The cylinder was no smaller my speed had not changed. Only my perception of them had. During my recent experiment with the id, I had set it to continue pushing my perception to its limits and it had. My ability to stretch out my perception was much improved. The apparent smallness of the cylinder due to being able to perceive a much larger space around me and clearly in comparison the cylinder became smaller. A similar effect would explain my movement deficiencies.

I felt a moment of exultation at my success but it immediately fell away, with my new-found feelings of hope and salvation going with it. Leaving behind nothing but sadness, depression and a feeling of impending doom. I was crushed. My seamed salvation was a hopeful delusion and any positive feelings I may have felt at the success of the Id was lost. I was alone. My path had led me nowhere. I was literally back at the start. Both physically and emotionally. It was a miserable feeling that I felt ill-equipped to deal with. The weight of my circumstances crashing down on me.

I wanted it to end. This existence was doing me no favours. Any gains I had made now felt marginal and around the edges. All my problems from the beginning remained. I felt the impending presence of time. That my existence was on inception doomed. All actions rendered meaningless at the final accounting that gradually loomed closer with every movement and action. Completely unavoidable.

I contemplated how I could end it. My existence to which I had clung. I would spin a trail around my position before sealing myself in. Banishing myself from this tortured existence I had that failed seed. It was tempting. To let go. But I couldn’t do it not directly as I had contemplated. Some remaining streak of stubbornness remained no matter how I felt. The idea of doing the act and waiting for my own emissions to kill me was just as petrifying in that moment as the idea of keeping on living.

I needed another choice and the Id I had created was it. Was being unaware different from death? Would it be painful to never awake from that slumber of inaction I had used before? My Id would have control until it completed my given tasks or something in the void triggered my awakening. All I would need is an impossible task. Something my Id would never solve and therefore never awake me. It felt sick. My task, given my intentions for it. It was simple but I hadn’t found the answer.

So here in my lowest moment, I set my analytical Id my impossible task.

“Find me a way to live”.

My Id pushed back into my conscious domain. As I fell back, down, diminishing till at the end I was just gone.