《I Have to Text my Ex, or the World Explodes》8. Men can't be depressed! They don't cry
Advertisement
In the end, nobody went to jail. They found that Mr. Brittlesworth's testimony was 'inconclusive', so nobody was charged with anything. When the interrogation finished, the police were finally paid and could afford gas for their vehicles. Maybe the only good thing out of this whole mess was that Andrew, Anne, and Mr. Brittlesworth were escorted home on different cars, which meant Andrew wouldn't be harassed by Anne for at least a few hours.
Joddy was the one driving Andrew home. Andrew had questioned him about the absurdity of the whole interrogation process and about if the police were just going to send him home to live next to a corpse, but Joddy had stayed silent. Midway through the trip, Joddy made a sharp turn to the Metropolis, pulled out a pack of cigarette and offered them to Andrew. When the college graduate refused, he brought the cigarette pack close to his mouth, shook it until one popped to his lips. The cigarette lit itself up because logic.
After they drove for another ten minutes, Andrew looked out the window and realized he wasn't going home. He was looking at the scummiest, most terrible places in town on the side of the road: an abandoned warehouse where the drug addicts hung out and smoked trees, an underground tunnel full of seasoned mafia, and a Taco Bella restaurant.
"Why are we going this way?" Andrew asked.
Joddy took a puff of his tobacco. "I'll drive you to the Ministry of Immigration and you'll need to apply for emergency departure right away."
"What?"
"If you want to stay alive, you do what I say."
Joddy went on to explain how Anne had raised a billiion dollars and bought out the whole police force, and how they would not help Andrew on anything. He told Andrew that framing him for slander was the best outcome he could've managed, because it got him jail time, and jail time meant he was safe from Anne until his release.
"Then why are you helping me? If the police force is in Anne's hands now, doesn't it mean you're betraying her? Don't you fear the consequences?"
Joddy let out a pompous laugh. "I'm not just any cop, you idiot." He stopped his car in front of the Ministry then searched the backseat for a piece of paper with scribbles on it. "Get in and apply for emergency exit. This is the written approval from the Police Department, confirming you'll be escorted like a political head."
Advertisement
Andrew entered the Ministry building and finished his administrative procedures in an hour. Joddy's car was still parked in front when he walked out. The policeman rolled down his window and said, "Good. Just enough time to go to Iwanma's funeral. He was my favorite brainless jock. What a shame he died."
"He has a funeral already? And how do you know him?"
"Don't you get it? I'm the physical manifestation of Jod in this dimension."
Joddy Ferdinand was Jod all along? Andrew's mouth hung opened in shock. How did he not figure it out? Andrew nodded to himself, amazed by the Joddy's ability to hide his real identity as Jod.
"Wait. What do you look like? The other characters got massive walls of descriptions, but I only know you have a bushy mustache."
"You don't need to know how I look like. I'm a male character. Nobody's gonna care."
"I bet the readers do. Please leave your comments below if you want me to tell you how sexy Jod's abs are."
Iwanma's funeral was plain anđ simple. There were a couple dozens of people standing with their heads down near the entrance to a church. Maybe it was them showing respect, or maybe they were terrified of what was coming. A coffin was pulled from the hearse by six strong men in suits. The silence dwelled as they entered the church. It wobbled as they carried it to the front and placed it down.
The priest asked everybody to go up and give a short speech. His friends and family walked to the chancel, each of whom gave an inspiring speech of how not bad a man Iwanma was. Joddy was asked to give his sermon. He walked to the stage, hands dramatically clutching the microphone.
"Iwanma was. . ." He said in his deep voice. ". . . pretty cool, I guess. Sucks that he died. Better luck next time."
Everybody cried.
"Together, we've shared many fond mutual avenues, like that one time in high school when I walked down the hallway and saw that he was walking on the hallway too. That one time I found out that despite all our differences, we all share the same thing. The oxygen we breathe."
Everybody cried louder.
Andrew returned to his seat next to Joddy and listened to other people's speech with intent. But he'd made a crucial mistake: he didn't cry.
Advertisement
People in the church started turned to him and shook their head disapprovingly. "Monster," one of them mouthed. The priest closed his eyes, made a praying handsign, and recited. "May God have mercy on this lost soul. May he find peace and extirpate the devils within him."
"Why is everybody looking at me like that?" Andrew frowned in confusion.
Joddy pushed his head to the ground. "Face down and mourn. Start sobbing."
"Why? I can mourn without sobbing."
"Don't be heartless. A man is dead. You have to pretend you cared about him."
Andrew tried his best to cry, and eventually a single tear rolled from his eye to his cheek. But then as the speech went on, he sobbed uncontrollably as if his eyes were a broken dam.
At long last, Andrew understood the power of tears. They were such a binding force that pulled humanity together. Everytime he shed a tear, he felt like he knew the other person's suffering better. Through crying, he understood what Iwanma had been through and how his life had been tragically cut short. Andrew told himself that next time something dreadful happened like children starving in Africa or tsunami hitting Indonesia, he'd show his support by crying more.
When Andrew finally calmed down, he turned to Joddy and was shocked to see the stoic expression on the man's face. "Why are you not crying?" Andrew asked.
"Men can't be depressed," said Joddy. "They don't cry."
"You just told me to cry earlier!"
"You're Hispanic, not a man," Joddy scoffed.
Joddy Ferdinand being a prejudiced asshole wasn't an act; it was just who he was. Andrew swore to himself that he would never become as prejudiced as Joddy. Only cops like him can be that discriminatory, he thought.
It was finally time for farewells. Everybody lined up along the nave, waiting for their turn to look at Iwanma one last time. There was a slide cover on the coffin on top so people could slide it out of the way and look at the dead man's face. Andrew was the first in line.
His footsteps grew lumbering, as if the weight of the world was cast on them. The sadness engulfed his soul, seizing him inside an ocean of despair. He was glad he could feel these emotions. It made him realize he was just as human as anyone else, and not a monster.
But when Andrew slid the cover, he was shocked.
The corpse wasn't inside the coffin.
"So. . . Iwanma didn't die?" Andrew's lips quivered as he muttered. He had spent so much time crying and spiritually connecting the Iwanma's lost soul. All that grieving was for nothing?
Is the universe playing some kind of prank on him? Why didn't Iwanma die? Was Andrew's sadness a lie this entire time? Was sadness a real thing at all? What if sadness was just a social construct, and Andrew didn't have an emotion on his own? What if he couldn't actually feel anguish, and was a monster all along?
The more he thought, the more depressed he became.
"Oops, sorry." One of the muscular men who carried the coffin earlier spoke up. "We got the wrong coffin. Lemme go fetch the real one for you."
They replaced the empty coffin with the real one, and Andrew dashed to the steps to open the cover. This time, Iwanma was really inside it, dying peacefully inside the casket with his eyes and mouth gaped open.
Andrew's face lit up. His emotions were real all along! He was capable of grief, and he wasn't a heartless demon!
He blared as he ran out of the church, "Iwanma is dead! He's dead! Hooray!"
People stared at Andrew as he skipped through the streets in joy, chanting 'Iwanma is dead'. However, his happiness didn't last long. He spotted a glimpse of some pink curls and a rocket launcher along with them. He froze from the spot. Pink Anne is here.
Joddy ran outside of the church and grabbed on Andrew's arm. "Don't you fear death or are you just that idiotic? Time to run, NOW!"
Advertisement
- In Serial643 Chapters
Child Of Destiny
Shin Kinghad is a kid that had been abducted and trained by a powerful underworld organization since he was three years old. After six years, he had been rescued by the Special Forces during their operation against that organization and was adopted by the captain of the special force group.
8 2230 - In Serial8 Chapters
The Beast of Kulain
Val, a young man betrayed by his loved ones and cast out for being a dall'in, a beast controlled by it's endless hunger. Dall'ins' are remorseless and pitiless, with barely a mind of their own. Cast out and forced to flee from those hunting him, he runs to the Kuran mountain range and attempts to hide. Where will he be taken in this world of blood and iron, when he begins to hear a voice urging him forward to greater heights, what will he do to obtain power immemorial? The story begins in the mountain ranges, and his past is slowly revealed as to how he became what he is. But the question is, if dall'ins' are mindless beasts with no forethought. Then what manner of beast is Val? ---------- First story constructive feedback pls papi cover from book called the kings bastard by Rowena Cory Daniells ty to 91Blodhevn for tellin me
8 99 - In Serial189 Chapters
The First Flame
In a single night of bloodshed and horror, Iris lost everything. She lost her village, her family, her friends and is alone in this cold world that seeks to only take more from her. She only has Arylos; an ancient and powerful being trapped in a mortal body. The last of a powerful godlike species beyond imagination, Arylos has nothing left save for a girl whose village was destroyed and he has no one to blame but himself. And yet these two must find common ground; pushing forward as a duo with only each other to lean on. What could go wrong, besides everything? Welcome to Cerulean! New chapters are released Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays at 19:00 CST!
8 247 - In Serial12 Chapters
Questioning the Basic
As children grew up to became adult, they learnt to accept reality and the law of physic who governed them. Fascinated by fairy tales and role-playing game since it were ever told. A person partake great length in defying the revered, most-holy, and absolute truth of """"Science"""" in dreaming to become a Wizard verself. True, you could simply put glowing phosphorus to illuminate your hand, but how fun it would be if your very hand could glow by itself? Isn't magic just a perfectly controlled fusion and fission?
8 104 - In Serial22 Chapters
Special effects | tomholland x reader
She's a small sfx make up artist working in Hollywood, only working on the extras. But when her co-worker Evangeline does something stupid and gets fired, she now has to work with the big stars...(Y/N) isn't going to be happy about this.[COMPLETED](Sorry if parts are confusing, I was young when I wrote this and I am still trying to get better. Just bear with me with this one please. Hopefully my other stories are a little better and more put together😬😊)
8 196 - In Serial18 Chapters
That bakery girl [Gojoxreader]
Gojo Satoru x readerWanting to leave the past and someone behind ,Y/n came back to her home village planning to stay and live there forever until one faithful day...- the plot follows the anime so SPOILER WARNING- you have red eyes WARNING - I know Gojo is 28 in the anime, here we will say he is 26 and Y/n is a student so it's a student/teacher relationship!!!!
8 104

