“Hey. Hey sunshine, how long you gonna sleep?” Mayhew barely heard on the edge of consciousness. He debated getting up, but decided to drift back down into blissful unconsciousness. The world was too scary. So he didn’t hear the sound of glass breaking. But he did feel himself launched through the air, then pain as his face crunched into something cold.

“Mmm! Mmmm! Hah!” He pulled his head free from the snowdrift, rubbing it vigorously. “Huh? Wha? Whuh?”

“Glad to see you decided to join us.” Lina said, hopping down form the window. They’d taken a break to recover, and now they were ready to do the level. They couldn’t for the life of them wake the Priest though. So Lina decided the direct way was best.

“W-Where are we?” Mayhew said, shivering. It hadn’t been this cold or dark when they’d been scaling the wall. How long did they climb!?

“80th floor, a couple miles from Bleakheart, King of the Frozen North’s palace. Remember?” Jamie said, and Mayhew groaned.

“If only I could forget. We’re really gonna do this, aren’t we?”

“Yep! Just got a little further, and ve’re there. And vith your aid, ve shall have victory in our hands!” Alex said enthusiastically.

“T-Their A.I. sounds pretty rough. It’ll be tough in here, doubly so since we’re not the recommended level. Fortunately, most random encounters can be escaped, but usually not boss fights. I’m not sure how we’re going to get around that.” Jamie said, brain in overdrive. Alex slapped him on the back, nearly bowling him over.

“Excellent! I know you’ll think of something.” the vampire said confidently.

“Thanks, but-” Jamie did a double take. “Huh!? What!? B-But, but I can’t-”

“Jamie, vhat are Bleakhearts’ stats?” Alex asked seriously.

“B-But that doesn’t matter, he-”

“Answer, Jamie!” he barked.

“487 STR, 562 TGH, 192 SPC and 350 even SPD.” he recited automatically. Alex nodded.

“And his eqvipment?”

“The Heart of Ice sword, +75 STR with weakness to fire and less durability than any other legendary weapon, but has auto-regen in cold weather. Armor of the Blackguard, +250 TGH with the Indestructible quality, a Cloak of Warmth which negates the effects of cold weather, Jumping Boots, and a Ring of Icecasement. He can use it to slow people down, trap them, or create barriers for himself.” he explained.

“See? You know practically everything there is to know. So vhat’s his veakness?” Alex asked.

“Uh, fire and heat, but we’re still not strong enough with our level difference, and there’s not enough of us-” Alex held up a hand.

“Jamie, allow me to share a secret about life vith you. No one’s ever enough. No one’s ever prepared enough, nothing goes perfectly, or even the vay you though often enough. Ve are tossed to the vinds of fate alone, and must find a vay to muddle through somehow.” he said, smiling.

“I, I guess…” Jamie said doubtfully.

“Don’t vorry. You’re not being graded on a solution or anything. And I’m here vith you. Together, ve can come up vith something. But eventually, you’ll have to do it yourself.”

“I…I know. B-But what if I mess up? L-Like always?” he added under his breath.

“Then you mess up. So vhat? As long as you don’t die, you can alvays try again. It’s rarely the end, even vhen it’s game over.” He chuckled at his own joke. “And then again, sometimes even death isn’t the final end.” he said, looking at him sharply.

“Um, good point.” Jamie said.

They began to march through the frozen tundra, the snow reflecting light so they could see easily, but that just made them stick out even more among the white. Lina was snug in her mossbear coat, but everyone else shivered. From the chill, or more. Howls went up in the distance, the moon rising above the snowbanks.

“Did not sign up for this, hate winter wonderland levels…” Mayhew groused, drawing his coat in tighter. All the money in the world, and he forgot to buy a jacket thick enough to withstand the frigid air. He rubbed his sides. “D-Does anyone have anything to burn? A t-torch w-wouldn’t be inappropriate, y-you know.” Jamie shivered in agreement, but Alex was unperturbed.

“You can if you vish, but ve’ll only draw attention that vay. In fact, ve have company now.

“Huh?” Three winter wolves burst from the snowbank, growling with eight-inch canines. Their red eyes glowed, nearly as bright as Allocrax’s.

“Huzzah! Ve have our transport!” he said.

“What!?” Lina gasped, slinging her sword in front. “These’re mobs, not summons! You’re not a Tamer, you can’t use them like the class!”

“Who said anything about taming them like that?” he answered, eyes glittering. The first and biggest wolf, level 57, launched himself at Alex. The vampire sprung forth eagerly, his sword still sheathed.

“Noooowhatareyoudoing!?” Jamie shrieked in a garbled mess. When did he get a death wish?

The gigantic wolf snarled and lunged, Alex doing the same, fists raised like a boxer. Mayhew squeezed his eyes shut, he couldn’t watch.

“Arrroooo!”

“Hah!” Alex let a left jab fly straight and true, right into the jaw of the beast.

“Alex! Hold on, I’m coming!” Lina shouted, batting at the other two to keep them back. She tried to inch her way toward him.

“No need, Lina. The situation is vell, ‘in hand.’” He snorted with laughter, and Mayhew opened his eyes to see Alex’s arm lodged in the wolf’s throat, trying to bite down but unable. He’d swallowed Alex’s arm to the shoulder, but the most damage he could do was an occasional -7 or -8. “Just like real dogs and volves. If you’re brave enough, their jaws can’t close vhen they’ve got something stuck in their mouths like this. It’s a trick that’s come in handy more than vunce. He’s a big boy, but still a dog just the same.” He couldn’t use his unearthly charisma to command a virtual creature, but traditional tricks were just as good. The other two hesitated, their programming confused at this development. He smirked, then glared into the eyes of the wolf he was grappling. He raised a fist and smacked it right on the nose.

“Yaahh! Yip yip!” The bloodthirsty wolf, with similar patterns to a real one, fell back to shake his head. The damage was only -2, not even a drop in the bucket, but the A.I. was unprepared for Alex grabbing its’ neck and forcing his head down, staring into his virtual eyes.

“You’re big, and you’re not real, but I’ve broken in thousands of hounds. If you’re anything like a real vun, you vill know who is the top dog. Am I right?” The wolf tried to snarl and rip the avatar in front of him to pieces, but Alex had watched dogs for centuries. The slightest, barest movement revealed all their plans, and Alex stomped his neck before he could start anything. “Vell?” he said imperiously.

The A.I. didn’t know what to do. It was supposed to engage players until death, either theirs or his. Taming was an option, but this avatar didn’t initiate the proper protocol, and was of too low a level. However, this player wasn’t engaging, and the A.I. was unable to compute why it couldn’t attack properly. With no other alternative, it turned to behavior patterns programmed into it like an actual wolf. His eyes turned down and away, and Alex let him up with a grin. The other two wolves looked at the scene in confusion. Why did the other program not attack, as was their directive?

“Holy…” Jamie said in wonder, watching the wolf pant mindlessly, breath fogging the air.

“If it has the programming of a dog, it vill behave like a dog. Right, Mr. Programmer?” Alex said smugly to a gobsmacked Mayhew.

“Uh, yeah, theoretically. Y-You can do nearly anything you could in the real world. B-But actually breaking an A.I., even if it’s been patterned after a dogs’ brainwaves…” the Priest muttered. With no answers and unable to be sure of anything, the two wolves dissolved into data. The remaining one stared at Alex expectantly.

“D-Did that count as a win? Did we get XP? It would be astronomical!” Jamie said, checking his progress bar. “Aw.” No XP awarded to anyone.

“I think this’s a little beyond what the designers intended.” Lina deadpanned.

“You’re darned right! I wouldn’t have put money on it, even if it were theoretically possible. Which apparently it is!” Mayhew said, throwing his arms up.

“Heh heh, all you need to do is know how. And I most certainly do.” Alex patted the wolf on his side. “Alright. Now volfie’s big, but he can’t seat all four of us. And his SPD’s too high to keep pace vith. If only ve had…” he trailed off, staring at Lina. The other two turned to look at her curiously, not comprehending.

“W-What? Why’re you staring at me like that?” she said nervously. Alex went over and grabbed her shoulders, his eyes gleaming.

“Yes, yes! That’s it! You’re perfect!” he exclaimed.

“What!?” she recoiled, blushing furiously. “The *bleep*’s gotten into you!”

“No, not you.” Alex scowled. He held up the climbing harness. “I have, as alvays, a masterful plan.”

--------------------------------------------------------------

“This is ridiculous.” Mayhew said, frowning doubtfully.

“W-Well, it should work…” Jamie said, just as doubtful.

“Nonsense! It vill vork, all it is is a combination of two methods of riding in snow. Haven’t any of you been snowboarding before?” Alex said primly, holding the reins.

“No, and I never tried to do it on a sword!” Lina protested.

They’d constructed a crude harness for the wolf and tied it to the hilt of Lina’s oversized, indestructible sword. Now they were all balanced on it like a board, already losing balance. They were lashed together of course, but this seemed like a dumb idea.

“Really? I suggest you try it at some point, it can be qvite exhilarating. Anyvay, is everything secure?”

“Y-Yeah. A-As much as it’s gonna be.” Jamie said, starting to feel faint.

“Everyvun ready?”

“No.” Lina and Father Mayhew chorused.

“Good! Mush! Hyah!” Alex flicked the reigns, and the wolf started to run. There was a jerk as the ground rose and nearly sent them all tumbling. Alex bent his knees effortlessly to ride the sword, Jamie clinging to him, Mayhew to Jamie, and Lina bringing up the rear. It was slow going at first, but they quickly picked up speed. In no time they were dogsledding across the snowy field.

“Woo-hoo!” Alex shouted, bending as they crested an embankment, flying in the air and landing with a crunch.

“Ohgodohgod oh gooood!”Jamie said, holding on for dear life.

“Hang on, here’s another vun!” They all screamed as they jumped over what turned out to be a gully, in which monstrous snow hares looked up to see the bizarre sledge.

“Oh no.” Mayhew moaned as they started to mobilize and give chase. The hares snarled, their fangs as white and gleaming as their fur. They hopped after them with long, bounding strides, flecks of foam dotting their mouths. They saw that each was level 67.

“Why would you make those things!?” Lina shouted at Mayhew.

“This place’s outta my jurisdiction! Don’t blame…whoa!” They ducked as one of the hares unleashed its’ Ice Breath attack, so close Lina’s coat frosted over. “Holy Flare!” -10 MP as Mayhew held his hand up, the light of the gods surging through to shine brilliantly. The hares screeched, but she didn’t see any damage.

“What did you do?”

“They saw the light!” Mayhew smirked. They weren’t being followed as relentlessly anymore; when Lina examined their stat screens she saw they had the Blinded condition. “It’ll only last ten seconds, but I figure that’ll give us some breathing room!”

“Good job!” Alex said, snapping the reigns to steer behind a snowy rock, taking a lower road to stay out of view. The seconds passed, but the hares didn’t seem to be following.

“What a relief.” Jamie sighed. He wrapped his cloak tighter around him with his free hand, admiring the moon and the stars across the free frozen landscape. Despite the danger, he found himself smiling. Here he was, actually on an adventure! Braving the wilds to search for a grand treasure, all in the name of defeating the dark forces against them. He shivered, not due to the cold. He felt almost giddy. This was his dream, now reality! The last two and a half weeks were full of terror and stress, but that was nothing new. He felt a pang that Lizzy had to stay behind with his dad, he’d much rather her here. Even with the threat of brainwashing.

“Ya-hoooo!” he let out a cry as they crested another hill, soaring in the air before the snow slammed on the snow again. “Hey! Look at that!” He pointed a finger at the creatures materializing two hundred feet ahead of them.

Twelve feet tall, a half-dozen white-furred yetis roared and beat their bare chests, between levels 70 to 78. Their fangs gleamed in the moonlight, manes of silver hair trailing down their backs. Alex whistled.

“Now that’s some 80’s hair. Even more than I remember.” He smiled viciously. “But those snowmen von’t slow us down!”

“T-They’re Abominable Yetis.” Jamie said.

“Hah! Don’t care!” He urged the wolf on, its’ SPD much higher than the other monsters. Alex still unsheathed his sword, ready for action. Jamie giggled. “Vhat’s so funny?

“Just, this whole thing. We’re just, well…” he smiled deviously, then began to sing. “Dashing through the snow! Blade firmly in hand! Thrusting through the heart! Blood covering the land!”

“Oooooooooh!”

“Jingle bells, monster growls! Vampire hunts his prey! Mobs pop in, you won’t win!”

“You won’t get away, oh!”

He stopped when he noticed Lina glaring at him. “Sorry, this place reminds me of Christmas.” She sighed, then nodded to him. He brightened and kept singing.

“Oh what fun it is to slay tonight, on a bat’s bloody waaaaaaaaaay!”

They raced through the yetis as he sang, Alex’s blade flashing, Jamie throwing spells and fire around, Father Mayhew praying it would all be over soon, and Lina still hanging on for her life. Digital blood flew and virtual fur burned; no matter their levels, the yetis were simply too slow for the wolf. STR was their gift, and the snowboard sword was going too fast to catch. The A.I., having an idea, lugged up huge rocks and chunks of packed snow to hurl at them.

“It’s a target shoot!” Alex said. Jamie called out his spells.

“Flamejet!” Over and over, blasting the snow coming.

“Keep it up, kid!” Lina said, punching a clump. “You got the best range!”

“I can’t use a barrier, it’d stick in one place, or we’d run into it or even right past!” Mayhew said.

“So don’t! Shoot them instead! Magbolt! Magbolt! Magbolt!” Alex called, slinging spells. The little orbs of magic didn’t deal much damage, but their force was enough to destroy a clump of snow, showering them in slush as they raced forward. A yeti took a swing, but the blade twirled in Alex’s hand to parry the meaty fist, knocking it off course. They zipped by too fast for it to counter, and the yetis joined the chase, trailing behind the wolf as he ran. “Huh, the hares’re following as vell.” he said absently, watching the furry groups pursue them.

Their impromptu snowboard reached the ice palace at last, the wolf panting. Lina hurriedly cut the sword free of the straps and started cleaning it worriedly, like a mother hen.

“Oh Hellcrusher, don’t worry, it’s alright, mama’s gonna make you nice and sharp and clean again, that’s a good boy…” she cooed gently, glancing up when she noticed the others staring at her. “What?” she said, raising it.

“Nothing, nothing.” Jamie said, then examined his stats. “Hmm. Health’s pretty ok, but I’m down to 392 MP. How many potions did you say you had left?” he asked the priest.

“Only a couple, and they’re full restoration potion. I’m not using ‘em to top off, wait for it to regenerate.” Mayhew said with a scowl.

“Vell, ve might not have that much time.” Alex pointed to the group of creatures still chasing them, kicking up a cloud of snow.

“Holy crap! We’ll never make it if we have to fight them!” Mayhew exclaimed, seeing just how many snow mobs there were at once.

“Hyah!” Alex slapped the wolf’s flank, sending him off again. “Ve head in then. Open the doors!”

“W-We might have to fight right away if we go in there!” Jamie said.

“Better vun overpowered enemy than an army! Go! Go!” He threw open the doors and they clambered inside, Lina slamming them shut.

“Okay! That happened. Yeesh. Lina shook her head, shivering. Somehow, it was even colder in the palace, darkly beautiful but sparse. A thin layer of ice coated the floor, sloping downward. There was a light about twenty feet ahead of them, making the walls and floor glitter. A sonorous intonation like the fierce north wind echoed and rumbled in the corridor, beckoning them to face the challenge ahead.

“Do…do ve have to face him straight avay?” Alex said uncertainly. If at all possible, he’d prefer a plan, despite rushing in here. It definitely had nothing to do with the foreboding feeling he got from that ominous hallway.

“Well, no. But we can’t get out until we fight him. One way…or another.” Mayhew said grimly.

“Right. Let’s see. Veak to fire, has a svord made of ice, big stats, but not so much in SPC, right?” Alex asked, looking at Jamie. He nodded.

“Y-Yeah. H-He’s big and strong, b-but we do have an advantage: mobility. Bleakheart’s attacks will crush us, and he can move fast, but he’s like a truck. He can outrun us, but his size means he’ll have trouble turning and stuff. I can’t stress enough, we can’t take any of his hits. We just don’t have that much HP. But if we can keep moving, he’ll have a harder time targeting any one of us. Meanwhile, we can pepper him with shots until he goes down. It’s not great, b-but what do you think?” Jamie asked the group, but his eyes were on his teacher. Alex stroked his chin.

“Hmm. Not a bad idea. However, how does that affect our different SPD? Ve don’t have the same velocity.” he asked.

“That-uh, s-shouldn’t be too much of a factor. As long as we keep him confused and swarm around him, we should be able to avoid any strike for the most part. It’s his AOE that I’m worried about.” he said.

“What is it? What’s it do?” Lina asked.

“I’ve only seen it on YouTube, but it’s called Realm of Cold. He conjures a blizzard that comes in and freezes the area, healing him and dealing damage to everyone in the room. If you don’t have any way to resist the cold, it can do major damage. Unavoidable too, ‘cause of course.” He sighed and rolled his eyes.

“That hardly seems fair.” Alex said.

“This area’s supposed to be off limits for anyone low level. It’s an extra bonus dungeon, with purposefully overpowered enemies for a challenge! Quite frankly, it’s a miracle we got this far.” Mayhew said.

“Mmm. It sounds like direct combat vill be impossible, as I feared. But tell me, is there anything in this game that is completely indestructible? Totally unkillable?” Alex asked the Priest, who shook his head.

“Aside from the items with the Indestructible quality, nah. Devan was insistent on that, he wanted it to be as true to life as a videogame could be. Heck ,you could take a level 1 guy and have him beat Spot by just punching him, if you could get him to sit still long enough and suppress his regeneration. Only one damage at a time and he’s got tons of health, but you could do it.” Mayhew explained.

“Hmm. That’s…hmmmmm.” A smug, evil grin crept across his face, and Mayhew felt incredibly uncomfortable. It was like watching a cobra sight his prey. “I may have a masterful plan. Vampire huddle! You too, code monkey!”