“Okay. Are ve ready?” Alex said, holding up the stick he’d picked up on the way there. Ordinarily, he’d just use his hands, but the plants had thorns. He’d just drop his HP every time he attacked. He frowned, but it was the only thing available. Even a common knife cost 200 gold.

“R-R-Ready.” Jamie said, breathing heavily, overlooking the beautiful meadow. This was the moment of truth. He’d planned it best he could, but there was no sure way of knowing.

“All set. Let’s go.” Lina said, hoisting up her sword.

“Right. GO!” With a cry Jamie bolted from behind the rock, screaming and flailing his staff, smacking the ground and the flowers.

“Skkrreeeeecccch!” The Deadly Nightshades popped up, their thorny tendrils grasping the air.

“Yahahaaaaaaa!” Jamie was nearly crying as the ground shook, erupting into the twenty-foot tall Prime Mandragora. “Heeeeeelllllp meeeeeee!”

“So far so good.” Lina muttered, watching him circle back, chased by nine monsters. True to form, Jamie was indeed faster. The horde simply couldn’t keep up, as long as he ran as fast as he could. If he faltered for even a moment, it would be over.

“Aaaaaahhh!” He dove behind the rock, and Lina and Alex leapt into action.

“Die!” Lina chopped at the first Nightshade, the gigantic blade slicing through, taking off half its health in one hit.

“Hitcrease!” Alex said, the stick glowing. It wasn’t much, but it was better than nothing. He circled the other way, using his higher SPD. His target was to the side. “Magbolt!” The magic shot didn’t even make a dent in the Prime Mandragora’s petals, but it turned to regard him. “Yes! That’s it! Come, photosynthetic fiend!” He whacked it with the stick, hightailing it away as fast as he could. The monster gave chase. A jagged mouth formed from the rose petals, and it inhaled deeply. Every one of his instincts screamed to move.

“SKKKRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

Just in time. Even with dodging the sonic blast that flattened the earth and grass into a pavement, his head and heart still felt like they took a sledgehammer. He shook Allocrax’s head, trying to force the dizziness and ringing away. He saw Jamie shouting something at him.

“…!” There was too much ringing.

A vine whipped around his leg and he found himself in midair, dangling above the Nightshades. At least Lina and Jamie had managed to down four of them, and were hacking away at the fifth’s HP bar.

“…out for the special attacks!” he heard Jamie at last. The vampire was lifted above the rose. The petals opened to reveal a demonic face, five feet across. He felt the vine’s grip loosening. He saw the face, ready to eat him. He saw the vine releasing him. He analyzed the situation, and judged accordingly.

The vine dropped him.

Instead of panicking and flailing, years of flight as a bat had taught him to control his descents, even in human form. Besides, it was a videogame. He couldn’t really get hurt.

“Raaaahhh!” He speared the Hitcreased stick into the Prime Mandragora’s eye, shattering it and losing half of his HP from the fall. The monster screeched and reeled back, its HP dropping…a quarter of the way!?

“Nice! A critical hit!” Jamie said, smacking a dying Nightshade with a Magbolt.

“Right! Let’s go!” She hefted up her sword and charged. “Hitcrease!”

“Pillar of Flame!” Alex struggled to hold on as the Mandragora shook, flames below and a screaming woman cutting deeply into the vines.

“Critical hit, huh.” He narrowed his eyes at the face’s remaining one.

“Skraaaaaaaa!” Lina and Jamie saw the monster’s HP drop a quarter again.

“Keep it up!” Lina bellowed, chopping at it for all she was worth.

“Flamejet!” A bean of fire shot from Jamie’s staff, piercing a hole in the vines. The Mandragora shuddered, then shoved its vines into the ground. They watched in horror as green numbers appeared, filling up the HP bar. +5, +18, +12, +7, every second the vines grew thicker and healthier.

“No you don’t!” Lina raised her sword and shoved it into the ground with a shout of “Groundquake!”

“Waiiiiiiiiiaaahhhhh!” Jamie fell over as tremors rolled out from the glowing blade, shaking the ground. Lina grinned as the recovery stopped. It had taken 30 MP, a third of her bar, but it was her strongest spell for a reason.

“The heck vas that?” Alex muttered, holding on for dear unlife. The Mandragora groaned, reaching up a vine to grab him. He glanced around to see that the other two were busy fighting the vines and roots, and weren’t paying attention to him. Perfect. He growled and cracked his knuckles. “I am 100% done vith this *bleep*. He snarled, unleashing his savagery on the hapless plant. He speared into the vegetable matter with his fingers and clawed it out like an animal, biting and ripping with vampiric fury. He was well equipped to play by more primal rules than civilized ones. -1, -1, -2, -1, -2, -1, -3, over and over, each appearing in less than a second. Lina swung with all her strength. -33 as Jamie unleashed a gout of flame. -28. The monster teetered, only 24 HP left.

“He’s mine!” Alex howled, blood rushing through his ears. Alive! He felt so alive rending and crushing his foe! This was what he’d been missing! This was the ache deep in his body, longing for the days of wildness long gone by! He gathered his concentration and raised his hand, casting a spell to finish the pathetic creature. “Stalagspike!”

The ground rumbled, the digital world responding to the command. Data and dirt shifted, coalescing into a stone pillar shooting out of the surface, straight up into the vines. The plant shuddered and howled, the rocky spike erupting and tearing into it, for…-9 damage. “*bleep!* You gotta be *bleep* *bleep* *bleep* *bleep* kidding me, you *bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeep* bleep* *bleep!*” The Prime Mandragora shuddered, falling. He leapt out at the last moment, rolling on the ground to bleed off momentum.

“Got it.” Lina deadpanned. Alex picked himself up and dusted his tunic indignantly.

“Yes, vell. Ve von. At last.” he said icily. “And I vunce again need to reiterate my hatred of this game.”

“We won! We won! I can’t believe it! The plan worked!” Jamie cried, jumping for joy. Lina slung the oversized blade over her shoulder.

“Yeah, we really did. Was touch and go there for a bit, especially when Alex almost got eaten.”

“Vell, I vasn’t. So it’s fine.” Alex grimaced at his hands, covered in pulp and chlorophyll. “Vell, now that ve’ve conquered the Magdalena-”

“Mandragora.” Jamie corrected.

“-the vhatever, I propose a qvick trip back to town to stock up and…clean up.” He eyed the sacks of gold materializing where the corpses were, relief on his face. “Something tells me ve can afford things now.”

“What? No way, I’m not going through that again! I didn’t even gain a level!” Lina protested.

“Vhat do you mean?”

“Uh, Alex? If we leave, the next time we come back the Prime Mandragora’s gonna respawn. We’ll have to fight it all over again.” Jamie said.

“Vhat!?” He stared at the monster, dissolving into light. Another reminder that they were in a virtual world. He looked at his party, then sighed.

“Let’s just move on.” As they marched, his hatred and bitterness coalesced. At the first opportunity, he would gain the control here he lacked. He would ditch these two once he got strong enough, then, oh yes then, he, the virtual vampire, would conquer this virtual world.