🧸-Frankie

How fast time flew by! There were only eight unchecked boxes on the calendar beside my work laptop. I groaned when I realised that meant that orientation would start soon. I chuckled to myself. I was starting to sound like the three of them the day they first came here to Divyane.

My presentation notes were stacked neatly before me with a pink teddy bear-shaped paperclip securing the loose pages and post-its. No, Frankie. The Lord is with you. Once you pass this professional presentation, any presentation in poly should be a breeze.

Then, there was a knock on my divider. I looked up and saw Morgan standing there. This time, her hair was tied into a high ponytail. She asked if then was a good time. I pulled out the spare chair beside me and gestured towards it.

“I saw your presentation slides and the data that you gathered. I have to say, I’m really impressed. Divyane really could use an employee like you,” she said with a smile.

I smiled back, hoping that the blush wasn’t showing through my brown cheeks.

Her eyebrows began to furrow though, almost like she was worried. She held my hands tight, almost like she was Sissy.

“I really want you to continue working part-time here, but it isn’t safe for you to stay here in the Research and Development department anymore. Remember that Warping Barrier misuse that you reported two months back?” she asked.

I nodded my head. She leaned in closer and heaved a deep sigh. My large eyes were saucers at this point. Was I going to get fired? Just a week before the end of my internship?

“Somebody smuggled it out of here. You did the right thing. But I’m scared for your own safety. I suspect our own boss might have something to do with it,” she said.

My eyes darted all over the office. CCTVs couldn’t pick up audio, right? Why would I get into trouble for doing the right thing? Ah wait. That whistle-blower from City Harvest Church lost everything. But what if it’s true that Nathaniel was the one who smuggled it?

“So…how now?” I asked.

“You’re the finest intern that we’ve ever gotten. Thanks to you, we’re now more open to accepting O-Level graduates. Your research on the correlation between youth hot spots and magical energies? Brilliant. I really don’t want to let go of a talent like yourself,” she said.

I turned away from her and looked at the swirling patterns on the carpeted floor. I was definitely going to come out of this with a glowing testimonial. With my independent research too, there is no way the pharmaceutical companies and scholarship providers would turn me down.

But to know that it might not be safe for me to come back here ever again…I puffed and looked up at Morgan again.

“I understand. If the suspect eventually finds out that I was the one who made the report, God have mercy on me,” I said.

“You did help us uncover one of our biggest unsolved crimes though. Thanks to your data gathering skills, we’re able to deduce something much bigger too. One of your magical signatures matches that of our previous director. The mastermind behind Project Elemental: Lisias Kwok.”

And suddenly, everything made sense. The Warping Barrier? Probably his. The sudden incidence of Phantoms? Probably his doing too. What…what was his relationship with Éclair anyway?

🦜-Nora

I took off my sneakers and placed them on the shoe rack by the door to our condominium unit.

“Assalamualaikum,” I said as I stepped onto the mat with my bare feet.

“Walaikum-salam,” Ibu greeted back.

I sniffed the robust aroma of coconut milk and grinned. At least there was something to look forward to after getting my hands cramped from taking notes for that long council meeting.

When I opened my room’s door, Adik was already seated at his own section of our shared desk while he ruminated his Physics notes. Upon hearing the door creak, he stood up and pulled me into a tight hug.

“How’s Jambu?” I asked, pulling the door to our balcony.

“He’s fine!”

The night sky hung high above us. I bet Sam was already at home, feasting on his favourite nasi lemak. Jambu was perched on the railing, his eyelids drooping.

“Hey, little guy. You know, you don’t need to come back to us, right? You belong in the wild,” I told him for perhaps the 75th time as I rubbed his chin.

His feathers had finally developed, making him look like a penguin with a really big beak. It was like my late tuxedo cat, Adam, had been reincarnated, but this time, as a hornbill. Well, at least that would explain his insistence in staying with us rather than living his best days in the wild.

“I can’t believe that crazy man would call you a being of mass destruction. You’re so adorable, don’t you know?” I said as I stroked his back.

Then, I sank back into the rattan chair and placed my tucked hands above my pelvis. Was it the windy night air that was weighing down on my shoulders and consequentially, my mood? Or was Minori right? That I had too much unresolved tension and just ignored them altogether, making me unable to take pride in any of my achievements?

I could hear the door sliding open from behind me. Adik walked in, asking me why I haven’t bothered to change into my pyjamas yet. I just shrugged my shoulders. He grabbed the stool beside him and watched the relatively dead open field before us.

“Kakak, is everything fine? Secretary duties burning you out?” he asked.

I hunched my back. Everything should be fine, right? I managed to pass the school rule that would allow girls to opt for wearing the boys’ Bermudas and trousers if they were not too comfortable wearing a skirt. My closest friend in class got elected as Consortium Captain. My family continues to shower me with all the love that I need.

“Okay. Hmm. Let me guess. Marcus didn’t bother to wish you a happy birthday? Come on, Kak. I told you he wasn’t worth it,” he said.

I groaned and glared at him. He burst into laughter, spreading it to me. Well, he is my twin after all. He sure knows how to push my buttons.

“Looks like it isn’t Marcus after all. Kak, I know I’m a little bit late in telling you this, but I know Éclair attacked you again,” he said.

I crouched even lower as Jambu cooed away on the silver railing. Minori must have told him. Yet, I couldn’t really hate him for telling him. Maybe my behaviour was noticeable after all.

“I know that even though you’re smiling in front of all of us, you’re actually still really traumatised. I really should have convinced you harder to come to RJ with me.”

I sat back up, feeling the strain in my facial muscles as my eyes crinkled up in anger. No, Nora. Three deep breaths. He was right. If I wasn’t in SJC, I wouldn’t have to be reminded of the girl who nearly killed me twice.

“You’re too hard on yourself,” he said as he squeezed my shoulder.

“I just didn’t want you, Ibu, Ayah, Abang Faisal to worry about me,” I confessed.

“And I completely understand. But Kak, you need to learn that you cannot handle everything on your own. Hell, I remember your meltdown after breaking up with Marcus. That was pretty bad.”

Jambu hopped leftwards, getting closer towards the artificial nest that we had built just for him. His limp from the glass shard was still in full force. Would he still be hopping and flying to us if I had not saved him from being stranded on that tree?

“Andi! Nora! Makan malam sudah siap!” Ibu called out from within the house.

No time to ponder about my bad life decisions. The stomach needed to be fed.

🌊-Minori

“Alright. Thank you for paying attention, and please remember to complete the exercise for this week. Your tutors will go through them in class,” said Miss Leong before she put the microphone down.

Nora, Luqman and I stuffed our pens into our pencil cases. Luq stared at what he had written in his lecture notes before deciding to close them and place it back into his sling bag. I looked at the digital clock above the lecture hall’s podium. 3pm.

“Alright! Time for me to head for my meeting,” said Nora as she slung the straps of her backpack over her toned shoulders.

“Sure thing! See you tomorrow!” I said as we exchanged fist-bumps.

“Take care! You coming to mug with us tomorrow morning?” Luq asked.

“Of course,” she said with a smile.

With that, she trotted down the steps and pushed the doors open. Luq and I stared at each other, shrugging our shoulders. It was our last class for the day. I looked at our shared schedule. Looks like the two of us would be the first to chope that study bench until Mei came back from History. Kenny was likely to be stuck in the Art room with Éclair for the rest of the day.

And just like that, my eyes drooped. But in the past two months, he never reported feeling unsafe or her hands charging up. I clenched my fists, hoping that Nora would not go past the art room on her way to the council room.

Luq muttered a grateful ‘Alhamdulillah’ when he saw that our usual mugging spot was empty. He gave me a thumb up, prompting me to make a mad dash straight for it. He followed after, unzipped his bag, and put all of his study materials on the table.

“I guess it’s just you and me today, Lulu!” I said.

“Alamak. Nori, it’s been like this every Tuesday. Apa kau cakap?” he joked back.

We took some time to just let the wind hit our tanned faces. It was so weird to not have Alb beside me, but Luq was just as comforting and reliable a presence.

“You know, there’s something I’ve always been wanting to ask you but never really dared to because I thought it was inappropriate,” he said.

I gave a smile, but deep down, the inside of my head was all crumpled up. It better not be about whether Nora and I were dating or not.

“I’ve had lots of Japanese students in my secondary school, but none looked so distinct like you. Alamak! Pertamu kali aku lihat awak, aku fikir awak orang Melayu!” he said.

Thank goodness! Then again, Luq wasn’t the type to ask invasive questions. I ended up chuckling since it was a statement that many people have told me. The memory of that time our clique made me wear a songkok and go to the mosque opposite school for Friday prayers with Firdaus as a prank replayed itself. Nobody found out.

“Nenek aku orang Melayu. Ibu kelahiran aku dari Okinawa. Aku fikir itu sebab aku sangat gelap dan mukaku berbeza dengan orang lain,” I said.

“Ibu kelahiran?” he asked.

“Yeah. I don’t stay with my birth mother. She died shortly after I was born, so I was raised by my aunt and uncle. My dad’s still around, but he might as well be absent. He blames me for Mama’s death.”

Luq was silent. I could feel the table shake as he rose to his feet and sat beside me.

“I’m sorry. I hope your aunt and uncle give you all the love that you deserve. You’ve made many around you happy. You made me feel accepted for the first time in forever. Nora managed to have another person she could relate to in class,” he said as he put his hand over mine.

And just like that, I wrapped my arms around his waist and sobbed into his shoulders. Did I really deserve all that love? I’ve already stolen the person most precious to my father the moment I was born. I was positive that I had burdened Tou-chan and Kaa-chan as an unwanted good.

“You mean it?”

I could feel his muscles relax and contract as he nodded his head. So many thoughts were swirling in my head, building up into a whirlpool. But it was nice to have a reassuring trunk to lean on.

⚡️-Eclair

I followed Kenny up the sheltered flight of stairs leading up towards the rooftop garden and observatory-like library.

“You’re going to have to sit with us until Kumar comes back from PE. Don’t leave our sight,” he said as he made the final step.

There they were. All four of them. Even Yu-chi was there, smuggled in by way of a spare PE T-shirt with the SJC logo that Minori had given him. I turned away from that sight.

They were all smiles. The table was dripping wet with the condensation puddles from the vending machine drinks. Their lecture notes and flash cards were scattered all over in a disarrayed mess. Yet, there was a stunning beauty to that scene. I followed Kenny.

“Hey, guys! Anything I missed?” he asked as he sat on Mei and Yu-chi’s side.

I dared not look at any of them in the eye. I could see Yu-chi giving me a small wave though. As usual, all of them except for him ignored my presence. Well, there was Minori who acknowledged me, but even then, he turned away from fear.

All five of them went about their study session. I was the definite white elephant in the room. Better stay away, as long as I was within Kenny’s sight. I put my backpack beside one of the organoponicos and just let myself get lost within the school’s urban farming garden.

The fine mist pricked my skin as I leant over the railing. The view before me was ordinary but when bathed in the warm glow of the sunset, it was radiant. The forest at McRitchie from afar just seemed so much more alive. If I could fly right into it, I would. I would sit on a mossy log and just listen to the twinkling call of wood nymphs and faeries. Maybe I could belong there for a change.

“Nora! Sam! How was the meeting?” Minori cried out with his sweet voice.

I could hear Sam and Yu-chi greeting each other in Mandarin, with Luqman following suit. Then, Nora’s deep alto voice came in. I immediately crouched down, making sure that they could not see me hiding behind the hydroponics nursery.

Laughter. Voices layering over one another, discussing different subjects. Mei and Sam having a little debate about the Cold War. Luqman managing to construct an entire sentence in Mandarin about how his grandmother made him watch horror movies with her, prompting Kenny, Yu-chi, and Sam to break into applause. I could have sworn that I heard a very concerned gasp from one of them though.

I pressed my head against the farm’s steel legs and let the tears drip onto the concrete floor. I had to act like there was masking tape plastered over my lips so that Nora would not freak out.

She and Minori just had to spend some private time near the organoponicos. Trailing behind them was Sam, his arms folded. Seeing the vice-president of the student council acting like a bodyguard to the secretary should be a strange sight, but I had to make sure that she did not see me.

“I spoke with Andi last night. He’s right. There are many things that I’ve been keeping from everyone. And yes, I know you told him about what happened. I don’t blame you though,” she said as she sat on the edge of the organoponico nearest to the vending machine.

I heard her sniffle. Then, it degenerated into a badly repressed whimper.

“I’m not okay. At all. I’m lying to everyone and I can’t live with myself for it. Every day, I lie to my family that I’m fine. That I’m doing well. I lie to you, Luq, Sam, Alb. I keep saying I’m okay, but I know I’m not. Nori, I can’t live like this anymore. Yet, I don’t want people to think I’m incompetent!”

The first time I saw her, I saw an Amazonian woman. It wasn’t just because of her height or her defined muscles, but the way she outright carried herself before Lisias. That she approached him and talked him down with no fear.

“I don’t know why, but ever since the second attack, I found myself trying to hide my weakness more and more until I started not knowing what the true me was feeling. Or heck, who she even is. Is this normal?” she asked.

I did this to her. I turned SJC’s Amazonian woman into someone who perpetually wore a mask to hide her pain. I brought my knees to my chest and sobbed straight into them. It became clear to me why Minori refused to even speak to me, even if he did acknowledge my presence. I did this to his best friend. I shattered his trust.

“It’s okay. You’ve been strong for too long,” he said.

I could have been one of those people seated at that table, joking over our terrible handwriting or the lecturers’ droning voices. And I destroyed that chance to be accepted.

Crying was for once, the only way out.