We traversed the dense forest in silence under the mantle of the darkness.

Our steps were weary and our minds alert. Every slight disturbance forced a reaction, a slight jerk, be it owl or passing jackal. Call it paranoia, but it wasn’t the beasts that habited these forests that we were wary of but of the beasts that we once considered fellow countrymen.

Following the disaster that struck at the crossroads our mission was frankly driven to an abrupt end., Irae, the interns, and the crooked team; the thick smoke and raging flames left us with no choice but to consider them dead. A tragedy which no words helped shed light onto the question as to why it unfolded.

Never mind the bothersome why, considering them as such only provided us with some sort of disillusioned belief that it was the right thing to continue our journey to the citadel in search of help, rather than return.

“I am not a coward. I can fight!”

I voiced with conviction my determination to return, although that was only on the surface. Truthfully the very thought of returning to that field only to come across a mound of burnt corpses made my knees weak, palms sweaty.

Ona of course only laughed at my childish tantrum. She thought otherwise, and rightly so. In the spar of words that followed she succeeded in dragging me back to earth, away from my la-la land. I couldn’t use a weapon let alone embark on a revenge quest.

“What will you do, kill them with boredom? Read them some treasury accounts, or a treatise of emancipation you’re working on? Wake up, Kain. You are useless.”

I berated her condescending attitude. I wanted to prove to her that I can be useful even in such dire situations.

Her sudden slap helped reinforce the belief that I was completely useless. My cheek was numb, and I could feel tears form. It wasn’t often that I would get hurt physically. Mentally sure, why not work. But an actual physical slap, not even Father, the king did that.

It was a paralysing realisation that words could take you a long way, but the harsh truth was that they were empty words, and in the face of adversity actions were what mattered.

And yet I couldn’t just move on. The whole thing remained impossible to stomach. This wasn’t a battlefield. This was a farm like any else perhaps a day or two distance from the heart of the Kingdom. This wasn’t a trip behind enemy lines.

Of course, no one had an answer, not even battle-hardened Ona let alone the druid that accompanied us. It wasn’t anything anyone anticipated in our preparatory stages, and that’s what shocked us the most. What now? What if we arrived at the citadel only to be met with the same fate?

A thought impossible to shake off, but unhealthy nonetheless. We had no other choice but to push forth and worry about that bridge when we come to it.

Aside from the brief exchange, our journey was shrouded in complete silence. Our heads lowered in defeat, hidden away in shame under the guise of our hoodies. Ona said that we would reach the Ogrim Citadel at dawn.

A relief indeed but then what? I doubt the castellan would even entertain our request. Bandit eradication? You need a sheriff, not professional soldiers, is what he would most likely say.

On the bright side, we weren’t injured, we escaped unscathed in fact. The only downside was the exhaustion, but really in the grand scheme of things, it was not that bad considering the fact we could have been dead.

Walking behind Sol made me uncomfortable, but it was an important buffer between Ona and me, especially after our previous exchange. Although an eerie silence permeated, the inside of my mind was in complete chaos. It wasn’t often that my mind was in such a state, in fact, this was even worse than the time I was informed I was officially disowned and sent off to lead a life in servitude of the royal ministers.

That time I wanted to leave, abandon everything, and run away – God knows where. Alas, it never happened, I was too comfortable with my position. Perhaps this time? Who knows, I doubt it.

“D-do it. Coward.”

For a brief second, I thought someone spoke to me, I heard them loud and clear but I couldn’t see anyone.

“Up h-here.”

The voice resounded once more, and to my surprise, two figures floated incoherently in the sky whilst spouting nonsense. Some called them apparitions, others called them the result of a descent into madness.

I agreed with both definitions, but I could sense some form of familiarity extrude from them. As if I had met them before. In fact, upon a closer look, I did recognise them. They had…grown older?

These apparitions or more specifically inner demons had first appeared during that troubled time in my childhood. I suppose it is that time of the decade again.

It’s a shit show, yo. Y-yo you gotta get your mess s-s-sorted out!

The incoherent mumble-jumbler was drunkard Kain. He looked like me, he dressed like me but behaved nothing like me. His feet were up on a floating table, whilst resting on a similarly floating chair. It was rather amusing seeing him dangle his silver flask haphazardly whilst spitting profanities. What a truly troublesome fella.

On the other side of the room, you had the silent monk version of Kain. He never said anything, he simply sat there radiating positivity, smiling widely at you, and simply shaking his head in disagreement every time drunkard Kain muttered anything. A stark contrast, but a noteworthy one, nonetheless.

Seeing the two Kain’s levitate truly made me marvel at the state of my mental wellbeing. Over the years the times in which these two showed up had drastically decreased – a positive upward trend in my mental health. Unfortunately, just like everything else in life, there are booms and busts, and this was the signal that we were spiraling down – and quickly. It was however important to note that their presence was an important distraction from which in drunkard Kain’s language you would say - shitshow – that was playing out.

In an unexpected twist of events, the pupils of drunkard Kain diluted. His posture changed and the table began shrinking until they entered the pockets on his coat. At that point, a blinding light erupted, and monk Kain appeared wielding a lightning-powered Warhammer. His goal seemed sole to eviscerate Drunkard Kain.

Looking around Drunkard Kain was nowhere to be seen. Did he succeed? That was fascinating. It all seemed too real. Turning around I could only witness the dense foliage of the forest. It was dark as far as the eye could see.

Thereupon a tree branch a white figure floated, it seemed that monk Kain missed. Drunkard Kain was taunting him, pointing the middle finger whilst sipping from his flask. His thunderclap missed. Better luck next time then.

In other news, the two imaginary beings having a showdown in my mind was not the main issue. Rather, it is potentially a materialization of my worries as to what happens next. What should I do next? Do I continue for the Margrave’s territory or pack my things and return to the capital? What if on our way to the citadel we get attacked again? Then what?

Perhaps this was my cue to retreat and follow my dreams. Retire as a hermit and cultivate my own herbs, write poetry, or perhaps pick up necromancy. Jokes aside, the temptation was there, but in reality, I was dirt poor. All of our belongings were in the caravan, safe for a small pouch I had by my waist –was it more than a few pentarii? At best it could secure accommodation for a week at worst pay for Charon’s fees.

Eloise’s neigh pulled me back into the real world. Thinking of our short journey together I could only be in awe as to how amazing she really was. She obediently followed without voicing any complaints, and just generally behaved better than Ona ever did in her service years so far. It did make me understand why the Mad King was willing to trade an entire kingdom for a horse. They were phenomenal creatures, although, it made me miss Noelle.

Eloise halting her movement suddenly brought back the anxiety that I was trying so hard to escape from. Looking around there wasn’t much to discern. However, up ahead I could see Sol’s collapsed on her knees. She had her back turned towards me concealing her face. A light sob was then heard escaping her mouth.

That was her third breakdown in a day, totally understandable. It’s just, I can’t feel pity for her. You see, in times like this, you would expect companions to support one another. The truth is, I couldn’t fully trust her. What if we have never hired the Crooked Tooth company, maybe then we would have never had any issues. That was definitely my mistake, and perhaps Ona’s too.

“P-p-athetic. Isn’t she? L-l-ook at her, ha! As if crying will bring her companion back from the dead.”

Drunkard Kain was quick to interject, his raw hatred was apparent. In all fairness, these were the deep inner thoughts I couldn’t voice, so him saying that brought me some relative comfort. Seeing monk Kain, however, he only shook his head in disappointment.

They both vanished at Ona’s arrival, who was quick to lift her up and console her. She hugged her weak body whilst darting daggers at me, her upper lip twisted ready to voice her complaints as to why I simply sat there, looking at the poor soul before me.

The sobbing continued for some time and concluded along with Ona’s patting. They shared words of encouragement which frankly I wasn’t in the mood to listen to.

“Kain, snap out of it, will you? Why are you behaving like a twit anyway? Give me a hand with this. We are not far from the town.”

Ona’s irked voice resounded in my ears.

“Well, you’re right we’re not far. Last time you said that it was still dark. Now look, the sun is up and smiling at you. It’s not too far for God knows how long now. Look, let’s- let’s just keep walking. Not in the mood to talk.”

Finishing that line Ona’s face twisted into a grimace as if she had tasted something extremely bitter. But that was fine by me. I pulled Eloise’s reins and took the lead. Ona wasn’t wrong, there was a narrow slit of light a long distance away, perhaps the exit to the fields, or just a small clearing only to be followed by the endless forest. Presumably, from there a village would be found, and we could get some help – if any.

Filled with renewed vigor I walked towards the light. Step by step past the rocks and uneven surface. Things would get better once we cross the forest. We could ride on horseback and reach the citadel in no time. We would bathe and eat and drink. I could picture myself soaked in clean water and donning fresh clothes. I could picture the dishes that awaited – fish, meat, mead, bread, soups you name it. All for my empty stomach to devour.

With each step, I convinced myself that I could move on the disaster that just happened and start anew, potentially figure a way on how to bring those brigands to justice. But first, I had to reach the light.

The narrow slit grew larger, and the forest foliage was opening up. The vast tree canopies no longer covered the sky, although bright and blue, there was something peculiar – an indistinct smoke. Well, truthfully it was the harvesting season.

Few more steps and the vast forest would be before me. Few more steps into the light and at last, the future is before me.

At that point Eloise stopped as we had reached a small cliff, we would have to descend with care but that was not a particular issue. Looking beyond the plains opened up, and that’s when as if in awe I halted my steps.

“Ona.”

I shouted, but there was no response.

“O-Ona. Hey”

I shouted again only to be greeted by an irritated voice.

“What do you wa-?”

Her voice cut midway, perhaps she too was stunned by what she saw.

“It all makes sense now.”

She woke up from her shock.

“The fleeting birds, the billowing smoke, the agitation of the forest. The brigands that attacked us. It all makes sense now.”

The town situated in the middle of the fields was ablaze with the citadel itself shrouded in a veil thick of smoke.

Our safe haven had been breached with us left nowhere to go.

Outside the city walls, a sea of colourful flags waved, with ragged structures erected across the field as far as the eye could see.

“We need to warn the capital. Kain, let’s hurry back”

Ona’s feet were quicker than her words, she was already on her horse prepared to dart away.

Sol on the other hand stared absentmindedly at the events that played out before us.

It was terrifying, to say the least, but the mass of people that had gathered was equally awe-inspiring. A full-blown invasion was unwrapping right before my eyes.

“Kain, will you wake up? What are you waiting for?!”

Agitated, she dismounted and rushed towards me. My cheek felt numb as her palm landed.

“There is no time for daydreaming.”

Her face had turned red, a flustered feeling – was it anger? Why was she so specific about returning? She hated Sanctum and the nobles that resided within their walls.

Light laughter escaped only increasing Ona’s agitation further. The timing was all too perfect.

The truth is I hated them as well. Their practices, prejudices, and stubbornness. An irritable lot, all of them. Chances are the invading army will give up the siege, like every other army in the past. For me, however, this is an opportunity to escape. Death at the hand of brigands during the foreign invasion. Nobody will look into it. Was it finally my chance to some sort of good fortune?

Yes, the temptation to a new life unshackled and unburdened by the crown. The truth was that I was hungry and had little money, however, if I were to flee to the capital there was a chance I would get killed.

Should I? Should I go south?

“To t-that I say yes. Brilliant idea. Lets-lets go now! Like now.”

Drunkard Kain reappeared on my shoulder. His outfit had received a considerable makeover. He no longer donned my grey outfit, instead, a brown furry coat with a beaver’s hat replaced the scholarly look. Did it look…manly?

Meanwhile, monk Kain sat there nodding. Perhaps for once, they had reached common grounds? Wait, this is nuts.

“Kain!”

Ona’s angry shout brought me back, it was deafening, but that did not succeed in shaking my determination.

“Ona, you can…return. I decided I will be going south-.”

A second slap stopped me midway. Followed by a third. My face had no feelings anymore. But I didn’t budge.

“You…you’re speaking nonsense. Get on that horse. Now.”

Despite her order, I did not budge.

“No…Ona. This is my chance. It's my chance to leave the burden of the crown behind. You can come with me, and we can start all over again.”

She stepped back abruptly. Her eyes had turned watery.

“What about Noelle? Your father? Your mother? Kain what is wrong with your head. How can you even think of abandoning everything all of a sudden?”

The situation turned grim, I never expected Ona to tear up first of all, let alone question her role in the grand scheme of things.

“T-they will be fine. There’s no reason for us to go running when all they did was cause trouble. It is a sign, Ona. Our sign!”

Jumbling up words and doing awkward hand gestures I tried to resolve the situation but to no avail. Ona’s composure had crumbled apart.

I wasn’t sure what to do, I looked to Sol for solace but she was lost in her own world besides her horse.

“Coward. The country is in peril and so are its citizens. Your plan is to abandon them all?”

“With all due respect, the crown sent me to my own death, and the so-called citizens of this country almost murdered all of us two days ago!”

Ona stood up and recomposed herself. She looked in my eyes, her deadpan, emotionless expression written all over.

“Coward. Selfish coward. Do you want to leave? Then go. Go! I am not coming with you. I have a duty towards my country.”

Seeing her act like that made my heart ache. I tried to speak but something was stuck in my throat.

Y-y’ know, she right. You’re a coward. So, what? It's your chance to follow your dreams. Sure, you’re pathetic, a-and weak. But at least now you’re free. Nobody’s gonna even remember you. The world is at your doorstep, Kain.

Drunkard Kain’s glib tongue was impressive. Yes, it echoed with my innermost desire – freedom. It was an opportunity which I couldn’t miss. I had to leave.

Clenching my fist, biting my lip, and pressing forth with courage I uttered my last words.

“Very well, I will not pressure you. I hope we meet again, Ona. I will be heading for the city of Akra, in the South, to visit an old acquaintance and head of Brenderberg Merchant Guild. You can find me there…and if not, ask anyways.”

I turned and mounted Eloise, Ona’s eerie quiet was not assured, but she seemed determined to return to Sanctum. There was no need to continue this, she too can now pursue her own path.

Her bright blue eyes had lost their lustre and yet she did not budge. She did not say a word. She stared at me; her lips tremored slightly yet ultimately remained unmoved.

The wind blew gently, and the leaves danced to their tune. She left and made her way to the King’s Road, the path to the capital would be treacherous, but I was confident she would be just fine.

Her figure faded into the distance and not once she looked back. It hurt my heart that what was supposedly a tedious assignment turned all our lives upside down.

As for me, I pondered no longer. I would have plenty of time to think and contemplate of what happened. The road to Akra was equally long and treacherous but I was thrilled. I was excited.

“Kid, it’s going to either end really well, or you will end up eaten by the jackals. Ideally, let’s choose option one. Also, you’re hungry and probably going to starve, but hey adventure!”

A lunatic’s adventure. Here I am conversing with my inner thoughts. How embarrassing. Well, it could be worse.

Armed with an eager spirit I descended down the hill and followed the road that stretched into the horizon. Away from the invading armies, and far from the capital.

Today was day zero of Kain’s journey.