“...Alexa, clean up, please.” Zacharias massaged his temples while the little Roomba whirred to life and left its safe haven under the couch to happily eat away at his problems. Or at least the dusty, crumby part of them, much to the bewilderment of the elves sitting on said seating opportunity.

“So you’re telling me that you’re from a magical realm full of elves and dragons and one of said dragons forces you to regularly travel to the human world to lose a princess or two?”

The knights in impossibly thin and form-fitting armor shifted uncomfortably at the blunt wording. The greying elven wizard on the other hand simply nodded. “That is the gist of it, yes.”

The portal they came through still hummed, a distorted oval shape with whirling shapes of purple and black. He had expected portals to work more like wormholes, but oh well. Minecraft it was.

An hour ago he had been relaxing in his living room, sipping a cup of tea, when all of a sudden that portal thingie appeared, scaring him shitless and spitting out a group of people that turned out to be elves from some magical alternate dimension or so. After the wizard looking fella had cast some spell on him so his poor human brain wouldn’t send him into a wild panic, they brought him up to speed after profusely apologizing.

Other worlds existed. Magic existed...there? Elves were a thing and apparently, gigantic, nigh-omnipotent dragons as well. One of those lizards had a deal with their king to protect their people from some great evil they couldn’t squash by themselves, but in turn they had to send the second-born princess of every royal generation into this (the wizard had shuddered when uttering the word) magicless world. They had done this countless times before, scouting out someone they thought could take care of their royal package and then dumping the princess on them.

In other words, he had no choice but to offer her his couch for a while. A long while, it seemed.

Speaking about the princess…

“So, where is she?” Zacharias asked, a migrane beginning to fire needles at his grey matter.

“Her Highness Lady Astil is waiting on the other side of the portal. We wanted to make sure there was no danger.”

“Huh.”

Zacharias Gryphon, a man who often asked himself if he was conceived during the aftermath of a folk metal festival to have earned such a name, was surprisingly calm. Not that all this new and incredulous information didn’t freak him out, but he somehow just...accepted it.

Okay, so there was magical stuff, at least in their world. Multiverse theory confirmed. Not that the elves would ever let him tell anyone about that.

Straightening out his black Gothicana outfit with all the belts and laces while trying not to rub the eyeliner off his eyes, the young man pursed his lips, the little goatee tickling his chin. Alright. Okay. He could dig that. He was a man of science and facts and if those were the facts, who was he to argue? He adjusted his scunchy to keep his long, dark blonde curls out of his face and formed them into a bun, safe for a fancy strand of hair that fell on the right side of his face.

“I don’t suppose I have a choice, huh?”

Wizard elf shook his head. “We’re sorry to force this duty upon you, but we have no choice, ourselves.”

“Yes, yes, the big bad dragon.” He waved his hand like he was trying to fight off a fly. A fly with pointy ears and an annoyingly perfect complexion.

“I got one more question. A shitton of them in fact, but most of all I’d like to know: Why me? I mean, seriously - there has to be someone else who can do this job.”

“I’m sorry. We looked far and wide for someone who can both protect Lady Astil and care for her and who also shares her...unique interests. You were the only viable candidate we found in the time we had.”

Unique interests, hm?

Before any of them could continue, the portal fizzled and the mage rose along with his knights. “It is time. We will return in a few days to make sure her highness is alright, but until then please provide for her and treat her with the utmost respect. You shall be compensated for your efforts when we return. Princess Astil!”

A young woman with perfect pale skin, ridiculously voluminous raven hair that reached her shoulders and covered the left side of her face and also pointy ears stepped through the portal, crossing her arms under her bountiful chest. Fuck you, universe. Not fair.

“Are you done yet?” She asked with her slightly smoky, deep feminine voice that Zacharias would have associated with a burlesque singer, but not an elven princess.

Her black dress left a fair bit of cleavage to see and one thing became clear very quickly: She wasn’t some snotty, royal piece of shit princess. Hopefully. She was the equivalent of a goth in their world. Thank fuck for that.

“You can go now.” She gestured for the rest of her kind to leave this world. That came out wrong.

They bowed and went through the portal without another word. The thing snapped shut like the image on a CRT screen that was suddenly turned off.

There they stood - or sat - looking at each other while the awkward silence droned on.

After a few moments, Zacharias crossed his legs the manly way and put his arms on the back of the couch. “Soooo...hi.”

“Greetings.” Princess Astil said nonchalantly.

Silence again.

She looked around the room, seeming quite a bit uncomfortable and out of her element. Figures.

“Listen...” she began. “I don’t want to be here anymore than you do.”

He pursed his lips. “It IS my apartment.”

A smile tugged on hers before it vanished again. “I suppose. Look, I’m sorry my people force you to put up with this old ritual. It’s just that our kingdom’s safety is on the line and...you know the story. I just-” Astil rested her face in her hand, exasperated. “I’m going to need some time to adjust to this. But to clear some things up: I know the basics of how this world and human society work and I studied your languages for a while. So I hope I won't be too much of a burden.”

Zacharias nodded. That much was obvious.

“So how does this work, our highness? Do I clean your crystal shoes and be your white knight, lest the big bad dragon smite my heathen ass?”

She looked at him incredulously, then burst out laughing. Zacharias Gryphon felt offended. But who didn’t these days?

“N-no, don’t worry.” she said after a moment in between giggles. She had a nice laugh. “You can drop the princess stuff. I’m just going to be your guest for a...long while.”

“Alright then-” He rose from the couch to his full height of (almost) 6’3” and held out a hand. He was tempted to offer a Vulcan greeting, but that would be pointless if she didn’t get the reference. Later, he told himself.

“Hello Astil, I’m Zacharias Gryphon, code monkey for the german army, goth, passionate gamer and fan of everything heavy and metal and dark.”

She looked up at him with an odd, amused/bewildered expression on her face before taking his hand and shaking it slowly.

“Hello, Sir Gryphon, I am...Astil. I...also like dark stuff. And books.”

He grinned his wolfy smile that tended to make children very nervous because of his set of very pointy and sharp teeth. Natural, by the way.

They would get along, alright.