Many people hated Lyman Leepsky over the years. Lyman was simply a guy who’d been to many places, met many faces, and most of those faces hated him. He was a bringer of sorrow and deceit. A straight up cheat and a liar.

But certainly he’d not gone public with this hate. The people he messed with were selected intentionally so he’d not be found out. He was crafty, and had been for a while.

He used every opportunity, every person, and made sure he could harvest as much good will as possible. Good will that could be turned into gains, he’d made many favors in his days, Quid Pro Quo.

Seemingly overnight however, he had to make a move to save himself, and he called it ‘The Paradise Program’. He certainly wasn’t in paradise as the name suggested right now.

Lyman awoke among the heap of people he’d ripped from their lives. Groggy, lightheaded, dizzy, and with blurred vision. He was lying on something wet…

Nove.

“Disgusting creature…” he thought to himself, still not fully grasping the situation.

But it hit him quite quickly.

“Lyman… Lyman Leepsky… what in the ever loving fuck have you done this time?” said a voice from above. As if he was waking up in the morning, late for school, Lyman sneered and winced at Drew, whose words he couldn’t fully make sense of until he saw the changeling’s face.

“Well, uhm… Drew, could you save the hostility?” the therapist mumbled, coming to his senses and leaving the floor. The floor in question was dirt, the kind that annoyingly sticks to your clothes, like a wannabe mud, but less sloppy.

They were in a forest, fog and morning dew shading the ground in a spooky atmosphere. The trees stood out, and the warmth of the sun caught Lyman on the back of his neck.

“Yeah, sure. Sorry for how I acted before.” Drew sighed, sweeping his ginger friz from his forehead. The gel was old and it was frazzled again, and itching him to a point of annoyance, not to mention the bugs.

“Excuse me, did I hear an apology slip out like a fart?” Lyman tauntingly asked in slight awe.

“Yes, breathe it in...” the agent huffed, rolling his eyes and wiping off his brown trench coat from the dirt just the same as Lyman did, just with a less disgusted face. Someone obviously cared more about their clothes than the other. “Where are we, Leepsky?” he asked.

Lyman looked up at him, and then around. “No clue, trickster… not a clue…” he muttered.

“Look, I honestly don’t care about what the others think of you, and I wasn’t coming there to that shop for business… it was purely a personal matter. Between us. But while we both have blood on our hands, we probably should come together to fix this. Then we can go our separate ways.” Drew explained with a serious face.

“I do so agree, help could be desired, and in a time like this, a truce must be made. But this doesn’t mean we’re even.” said Lyman, tying his ragged brown hair up in a ponytail.

He’d been taunted for it before. Male ponytails are strange to others, apparently, but Lyman did it as a ‘fuck you’ to the general public. Not often mind you, only when he saw the world against him. Only when he was at great odds.

“Didn’t take you for the… type to-” Drew began, giving Lyman an odd look out of the mild shock of seeing this new habit of his friend’s.

“The others, could you check on them? Your outfit is expendable.” Lyman piped up, changing the subject.

Drew sighed and knelt down in the not-mud, examining the three people on the ground. “Since when did you enjoy fashion?”

“Since fairly recently. Those commercials are demanding that I wear something flashy and vibrant to get the viewers attention, I suppose I just enjoyed it.” Lyman said without his usual flare. He’d dropped it with nobody he wanted to impress in the surrounding area, although he did enjoy speaking vibrantly too, it calmed him.

“How did you even set up shops ‘all across the world’, aren’t you opposed to working with anyone long term?” Drew asked, checking pulses.

“All the better that we find out what happened and why we’ve all been drugged and thrown into a forest.” Lyman answered with a non-answer.

“I am still with the MI6, and I do need to come back with an answer. Speaking of, you have a phone? In case we need to call the ambulance.”

“Look at the nature spirit, asking for technological assistance... You’ve broken house, it seems, Irazen. And yes, in fact, I do own a phone.” Lyman smirked upon using the changeling’s true name. Watching Drew grovel and ask for his assistance, which he did provide, was quite entertaining.

He revealed from his pocket a pink phone with kitty ears and a small tail emerging from beside the charging port, his smile dropped. “Say anything about this to any of them and I’ll…”

“Do what?” Drew grinned, standing up.

“Leave you in this damn forest.” Leepsky grinned back, like a cheshire cat finally fooling his victim. Drew then noticed the phone case was meant to resemble that same cat.

“Noted, I suppose I’ll have to work for my damn truce then.” he said.

“Well, the GPS has no idea where the hell we are…” Lyman said, investigating the map app. “It thinks we’re on Mars.”

“Definitely not in Kansas anymore.” Drew said, eyeing the phone.

“Wrong Fairytale.” the snazzy man replied, shaking his head. “I thought you were a nature spirit, you should know these things…”

“Hey, I didn’t say anythin’ before, but I’m still a human.”

“You were a human, you turned into a spirit, and now you wanna turn back.”

“You’re too deep in your own degeneracy to be questionin’ my wants an’ desires.”

“HEY!” a voice shouted over the tension… and it wasn’t one either of them knew. The therapist and the agent both turned with surprise to the source of the voice...

“Hello, I know we do look like we are burying a teenager, child, and an otter’s corpses in the middle of the woods, but I have an extremely good explanation that will sort all of this out, ranger.” Lyman said with a fake smile through the fog to the man in the mist. He began to sweat again.

Vanis didn’t like her uncle all too much anyway, but leaving it like this with him even made her a bit depressed.

She sat in the sunroom, despite the rain pouring in on the windows, lightly tapping the glass and slowly driving her crazy until she got up out of the chair in a tizzy.

As she approached the door, she was met with Archibald. The rabbit had a forlorn face and a tray with her breakfast in hand.

“Thanks Archie.” she said. She genuinely liked him and considered him a good servant, her uncle probably saw the same, which is why Stygian entrusted him to be his right hand.

“It’s been a while, Miss Vanis, I apologize for the terrible timing with your arrival. I’m doing everything in my power to find Master Stygian.” Archibald said, setting the peanut butter and blueberry jam sandwich onto a side table.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” Vanis replied, feeling mutually responsible for his disappearance.

“I don’t feel ready to put another of the Thornswoggle family into danger. But, you can help here in the mansion.” the butler said, walking toward the door, but not fully through it.

“I have made my own family do my bidding, I’m sure I can lead some sort of assault team or-” she said recklessly. Archibald shook his head in denial.

“There is no way I am letting you do that, Vanis. You are the acting princess of the household and-”

“Princess?” Vanis interrupted, her face turning smug. “And what does that imply?” Archibald frowned, knowing he’d have to say the truth.

“It means you are the highest ranking Mammalian in this household, and you can tell the servants what to do.” he sighed, forced to comply.

“Mmm, me likey! Are there any limits?” Vanis drooled at the thought, her lifelong dream becoming real. Back at home, she’d been able to get what she’d wanted from her family, at least when they were around. But now with a battalion of butlers, she’d have anything done she wanted at her beck and call.

“The servants here have a pay grade. Stygian keeps their wages reasonable to the jobs that they do, but obviously they wouldn’t do anything you asked.” explained the butler begrudgingly. He always told the truth to the nobles, no matter how bad it made him look.

“Oh, I love you Archibald! I see why uncle chose you now.” Vanis said, ready to hug the white rabbit, who held back, but failed anyway and was forced into the embrace.

“Just please don’t do anything unwise… Your mother has asked me to report back to her if you are getting into any trouble, so don’t make me have to do that, Vanis.”

“Okay.” Vanis huffed dismissively, she now looked up at the rain, daydreaming of the possibilities.

Lyman and Drew decided to go into the man’s ranger tower, willingly of course, each lifting an unconscious body in hand. The ranger brought Stygian, who awoke halfway up the stairs, giving the man a heart attack with the fact the otter could speak.

“So… I’m calling the police… actually, I might call the government, or Area 51. I don’t want any trouble with whatever this is, thank you.” the man stuttered.

“Yes! Call the police, good sir! Where in the dickens did this madman take us to? Why am I covered in dirt and nettles?” Stygian proclaimed, ushering the man to dial the emergency number.

“That won't be necessary.” Leepsky said calmly, ripping the ranger’s walkie talkie from his hand and chucking it off the tower deadpan. “These are just mutant lab experiments which we are burying. The government doesn’t like loose ends. Which is why, after we take a breather here, you’ll be swan diving off this tower to your death.” he gestured to the sixty foot plus gap of air between the top of the watchtower and the dirt.

“I can’t do that!” the man shuddered in fear.

“What the FUCK is going on?” Nove growled, awake again.

“Ah, well, we have someone to demonstrate this method of suicide. Nove, would you mind leaping to your death? Edgy teens do it all the time.” Lyman continued in symphony with an utterly heinous comment.

“I’m twenty fucking three, and you’ll have to make me, dickface!”

“I should wash your mouth out with soap, Halicanth!” Stygian said, knowing what Nove was.

“Yeah, she swears quite a bit… Where are we, Mr. Leepsky?” Julia asked roughly, she’d come out from her portal induced coma quite quickly.

“Well, I’m trying to figure that out myself, Julie Dear…” the therapist asked the air.

“Do you have a phone? I hear those have a map in them.” the crystal girl asked Lyman.

“Okay boomer.” Drew chortled immaturely.

“What?” Julia asked, puzzled, to the agent’s obvious enjoyment in his foolery.

“Well, the gang’s all here. And we have a guest star, too. A cameo from… what’s your name kid?” Lyman asked, leaning into the park ranger’s ear.

“Cristobal…” the man replied, still confused beyond all compare.

“Crazy Chris! Quite the nice hat you’ve got there, Chris!” Lyman piped up, introducing him as if he were the main event of tonight. He was a medium built man in a green rangers uniform, with little buttons, a toolbelt with a badge and radio, and a brown hardy-looking backpack. He was latino and had curly, but short black hair, covered by a wide brim hat the same color as his uniform. He almost looked like the spitting image of a prime park ranger, but also so boring he’d get lost in a crowd.

“Excuse me, who are you… and what kind of magic is this?” Cristobal asked, now more scared than anything. Lyman took offence.

“Good lord what rock have you been under? You fucking ingrate, you’re in the presence of Lyman Leepsky, the greatest human in history!” he announced, and he believed it.

“What is the green one wearing, makeup or something?” the ranger asked, looking toward Nove.

“That’s a Halicanth. She won’t hurt you, but she’ll whine about wanting to.” Leepsky grazed passive aggressively. Nove kept her mouth shut though, she wasn’t stupid enough to fall into Lyman’s verbal trap.

“So, you’re telling me you are just burying radioactive mutants, and now you’re telling me you’ve got magical creatures? Something is not adding up, ringmaster.” Cristobal ruffled, closing in on the well dressed therapist’s gaze.

“Good. That means I am definitely doing my job well. Another victory for Lyman Leepsky! Now, do you have any idea where we are?”

“Earth? Where the hell are you from?”

“Leave the questions till after the performance. Now, more specific if you don’t mind, my good officer!”

“Ravensdale, Washington… This is the national park.” Cristobal explained, still scared and confused.

“And… you’ve never heard of magic?” Lyman asked, beginning to frown.

“Um, yeah… are you crazy? You’re saying it’s real?”

With a depressed look, Lyman turned around and gave a fake smile to the group as he began to speak. “Well, there’s your answer. We’re in an alternate universe. No magic, nothing but humans, and in the middle of some winky dink town.”

“This is all your fault!” screamed Nove, looking ready to kill Lyman.

“Gosh, what’s the-”

“YOU LIED TO ME!” she continued, drowning out Lyman. She swiped his collar and pulled his head so close he could smell her breath, which was nasty.

“She’s quite a loose cannon…” Stygian whispered to Julia, stepping away from the chaos.“I’m Stygian, Little Miss. And who are you?” he smiled, the pair moving into a corner of the room, not really helping silence Nove’s continued yelling.

“Julia. Are you a mammalian?” she asked, knowing the answer, but checking to be sure. She’d prefer not to accidentally offend one of the people she was stuck here with.

“Yes… My people call me a noble, but I feel like a failure right now.” he sighed, only now realizing that he wasn’t going to be able to find who killed his son. “My only child… he was assassinated last night, and…” Stygian couldn’t bear to continue.

“Oh… I’m sorry… I don’t know if I can help though, I’ve got a bunch of issues myself.”

“We all do, that’s why he brought us here.” Drew approached, overhearing them over Nove rambling something about elephants. How she even got there will remain a mystery.

“I beg your pardon?” Stygian frowned.

“Lyman wanted all of us because we all apparently have something wrong deep inside. His therapy program proved it, by inviting in those who are unwell in the mind. Whatever he has planned now, or whether this was a mistake at all, is beyond my mind, but fuckin’ ‘ell I’ll get to the bottom of it!”

“You know him?” Julia asked, remembering her doubts about the topic.

“Only what I saw in the case file.” Drew replied, tilting his head in innocence. “I’m Drew Idley, for future knowledge. I’ve got ‘ta feelin’ were gonna be sein’ each other quite a bit from now on.”

“Indeed.” Stygian agreed.