Date: 9.27.2152

To: you, my only friend

Subject: i can't trust him

so...

You will be happy to know that I went to meet Kevin, after all. I mean, you already know that my curiosity has no bounds.

Still, I can’t believe that after all these years, I actually went outside. It was so weird… and loud, and hard to breathe. The smog got worse. I remember that the last time I was out, the sky was less grey. But maybe my memory is faulty.

It’s been a couple hours since I got back, and my snot is still black as coal. But I realized I’ve missed the smells of the world – fries, hot dogs, roasted nuts – all mixed with an all too familiar gasoline and sewer aroma.

The sounds have always bothered me, though. People laughing, screaming and talking all at once. This perfect cacophony of futile existence makes me dizzy and disoriented. All the voices seem to be in my head, and I don’t know which one should I pay attention to.

I slowly walked towards the “Happy Cow”, and by the time I arrived, I had almost forgotten that I hadn’t walked these streets in ages. It felt like a routine stroll. Then again, you already know that I never had a health condition that prevented me from going outside. It was my choice to isolate myself. A choice I don’t regret for a second.

Kevin was already waiting for me behind one of the small round tables with a plastic plant on it. I recognized him from his social media pictures – same crew cut, square jaw, eyes that were set just a bit too far apart. He squinted at me as I approached and asked if I was Ryan. His voice was different from what I imagined – it was softer and quieter than one would think judging from his appearance.

"So you’re the guy who’s been stalking me and Mike?" He didn’t even bother with a polite “hello”.

"How long have you known?" I also skipped all the pleasantries.

"For a while. When I found out someone is reading our emails, I couldn't understand why. Guess, I have my answer now."

I was too shocked to say anything. My first thought was that he figured out my secret – my obsession with terraformers, their lives before and during the space mission, their struggles, their relationships. Even though I feel comfortable sharing this with you, I don't want anybody else to know. Mia found out and look what happened...

"What do you know?" I asked as soon as my ability to form sentences came back.

"I know that you have been monitoring Mike for ages. How did you figure out that he had access to such sensitive information?" Kevin lit up a cigarette and narrowed his eyes at me.

"What information are you talking about?" I decided to tread lightly. This man was much smarter than I gave him credit for. Usually, it's very easy for me to understand a person through their online presence, their emails, their shopping lists, their social media accounts. But it turns out that with Kevin I had completely missed the mark. He was far from the vapid bodybuilder I had imagined him to be.

"Isn't this why you wanted to meet me?" Kevin asked. "Because of Mike's last email?"

I nodded and shrugged at the same time. I needed to know how much Kevin managed to figure out before I gave anything away.

"The instructions?" He sounded slightly annoyed. "Did you follow them?"

"Maybe," I said and almost immediately realized how lame that sounded.

"What do you mean "maybe"?" Kevin's voice got so loud I had to shush him. "Did you manage to decrypt the data on the servers?"

"Did you?" I asked in response.

Kevin shook his head.

"I got the data, but it was so scrambled that I couldn't make any sense of it. I thought you did."

I kept quiet for a while, pondering what to do next. I wasn't ready to show him all my cards.

"Why would Mike send you such a thing?" I asked finally. Kevin looked at me in disbelief.

"You know why Mike was sent to Saturn, right?"

Of course, I knew that. I knew almost every single detail of his life. And none of it suggested that he would ever come in contact with confidential government information.

"He was a shoplifter. What does that have to do with anything?"

Kevin looked surprised.

"Not just a shoplifter. He was in a gang. A gang that was involved with the 2146 rebellion. Did you really think just shoplifting would warrant a one-way ticket to a gas giant with no atmosphere? I mean, yes, the laws nowadays are stricter than they have ever been, but these kinds of drastic punishments would still cause public outcry."

Once again I was shocked. How could I have missed something like this? I didn't even think about checking out Mike's gang. No wonder. Neither of them was among the terraformers.

"But Mike was the only one who got sent to a different planet. Why is that?" I asked.

Kevin laughed in response.

"You really have no idea, do you? And here I thought you had everything figured out. All other members of the gang have just disappeared. Which, as you know, is a euphemism for "dead"."

"Why isn't Mike dead then?"

"That's a very good question," Kevin sighed. "Maybe they have plans for him. Maybe they wanted him to suffer more than the others. Who can tell what the government is thinking... or plotting."

"Why did he send that file to you? Are you also somehow connected to the rebellion?" I asked.

"I think the file was meant for you, not for me.“

"Did Mike also know I was reading your emails?" I've never felt so embarrassed in my life. I used to think I'm a master of being invisible. Not only in real life but also in the virtual space. As it turned out, even people like Mike and Kevin could easily figure me out.

"I told him."

"When? How?" I went through all the logs between those two, and I would have noticed a message like this.

"Don't worry, you didn't miss anything," Kevin smirked. "We have a secret code. One of the jokes I sent him was an anagram. Guess, you didn't pay a lot of attention to it."

I've underestimated these guys.

You're probably laughing at me right now. I was so sure I was smarter than them, I didn't even think about digging deeper, looking for hidden meanings. Maybe I should do this with all the other terraformers? Could it be, they were sending each other, their friends, and their families coded messages? Why didn't I think of that? Most of them wouldn't know about me listening in, but they were definitely aware of the government monitoring all their communication. How could I be so blind?

"Hey, buddy, you still here?" Kevin waved his hand in front of my face.

"I have to go," I stood up. I really needed to get home and go through countless messages all over again.

"Wait!" Kevin followed me out of the coffee shop. "If you didn't know about Mike's connection to the rebellion, why did you stalk him?"

"I didn't stalk him," I sighed. "I'm just interested in the life on Saturn."

"Is that so?" Kevin asked in a voice that suggested he didn't believe me one bit. "Are you going to work on decrypting the data?"

"I don't know," I said, walking down the street. Kevin continued to follow me, so I decided to change the route a bit. He shouldn't figure out where I live.

"Aren't you at least a little be curious?"

"Maybe sometimes it's better just not to know. Like with Shrödinger's cat. As long as you don't open the box, you are giving that cat a chance."

Kevin suddenly stopped in the middle of the street.

"I thought you were different," he said, looking at me with endless disappointment. That look reminded me of Mia, and I got even more restless to get home as soon as possible.

"Well, life is just a string of unmet expectations. Get used to it."

"Then why did you come to meet me today?"

I shrugged. I didn't want to tell him anything. Something about him rubbed me the wrong way, and I felt I couldn't fully trust him.

"Open your eyes, Ryan. Look around and get back to me when you're ready," Kevin clapped me on the shoulder and crossed the street.

I spent the next couple of hours just wandering around to check whether I was being monitored or followed and returned home long after dark.

I wanted to get some information from Kevin, but as it turns out he also wanted answers from me. Some of which I had but refused to disclose to him. I don’t think he's reliable. What is your opinion?

I looked through all his accounts, I even hacked into the accounts he had before the rebellion. It was a hard thing to do. Most of the social media was scrapped after 2145 when the government created a list of “approved” sites that are under total surveillance and control.

Nothing about Kevin’s old accounts suggests he had anything to do with the rebellion. All he did was repost funny videos and post soccer scores with jumping emoticons in the background. His only connection to Mike was that they were on the same bowling team.

You see, it just doesn’t make any sense! How would Kevin even know about Mike’s gang affiliation? Did Mike also say it to him via code?

Also, turns out that either these two are brilliant at encryption, or I’m just very dense. Because I couldn’t find any way how an angry raccoon meme or a dancing chihuahua would translate to “I have access to sensitive government information which I’m sending to you in hopes that this weird dude who’s been reading our emails will be able to figure it out. Oh, and by the way, I hope the guys from the government wouldn't bother with checking the attachment.”

It might be that Kevin and Mike know each other so well that they have developed their own secret language. But nothing I found about these two suggests they were more than teammates who would meet once a month for beers while Mike was still on Earth.

The conclusion is obvious. I’m lacking some essential piece of the puzzle, and most likely I’m not the only one who is keeping things secret. There is something fishy about Kevin, and I will have to figure out if I care enough to find out what.

But right now, I need to sleep.

I will keep you informed.

Yours,

Ryan