My addiction of throwing car batteries into the ocean was getting out of hand. It was perfectly legal. Chunking bats, we called it. It started as a joke. Me and the boys were on vacation and the motel dumpster had a car battery in it. We took it along with us to the beach and my buddy dared me to just toss it in. It's perfectly legal, he said.

The power I felt when I tossed that black box was like no other. The rush. The total control. I laughed it off, but weeks later I felt the need to do it again. Now I lurk the dump and the pick n' pull for extra juice cubes. I've taken time off work for the drive down to the beach. I've found a particular spot. Some days I'll hoist so many of those fat babies it shouldn't be legal. But it is.

A few times the police have gotten involved. They see me parked with the trunk open, full to the brim with bats. They hear the clunk and splash after I toss a real good one. They come up to me and ask what I think I’m doing. I tell them what does it look like I’m doing and it’s perfectly legal. Sometimes they just shrug and walk away, but other times they detain me, throw me in the back of the squad car, and tow my Honda Civic.

Sometimes I find myself wondering why I keep doing this as I sit in the detox cell. I really just can’t help myself. Throwing car batteries in the ocean is my passion. After these kinds of bouts where they arrest me and I have to make bail, they’ll generally let me out after a day or two. If I don’t plan it right, sometimes I get fired for missing work. It’s easy enough to find a new job until they ask what I’m passionate about.

I haven’t told anyone about my hobby. I’ve kept it secret now for nearly six years. Thousands of batteries later and not one of my friends or family knows what I do. They just think I get arrested for public intoxication all the time. I’m fine with that. I’d prefer it that way. I don’t think they would understand the compulsion. They’d never really ‘get’ it. I’m a led and acid junky and I’m never going to stop.

Yesterday I think I finally found the job for me. One that will make my hobby that much easier. I got a gig working for the city. Part of some municipality hazardous chemical and item pickup/dropoff. Y’know, the kind near all the wood chippers for brush pick up and giant trash bins that go to the dump. Now I help the city dispose of real nasty stuff. But one of the things people come drop off to the hazardous chemical place is batteries. I won’t have to go digging for em’ anymore, and it’s not like the city is going to care if I skim a few off the top. What are they going to do? Arrest me? We both know what I do is perfectly legal.