I arrive at the adventurer’s guild and place my card down on the counter. The cute blond haired blue eyed white skinned, big breasted, thick thighed, boy behind the counter picks it up. “You don’t have enough experience to register as a adventurer.”

“How do I get more experience?”

“Have you tried a beach episode?”

I do a double take back to the boy. Tall thin stalks have begun to grow from his head like the eyes of a snail. White vicus liquid begins to secrete from every mucus membrane on his face. “Or you could try a drug trip episode. It’s more common in the space anime, but it might be popular here.”

“What about a tournament arc?” I supply.

Ge reaches over the counter grabbing me by the pelvic bone with his moist hands. My bones grind against the hardwood. A hypodermic needle falls out from one of his gross stalks. His mouth is now a beak that he uses to pick up the syringe. He puts it into my bone and with a tongue like an octopus’s leg he pushes the plunger. The contents of the syringe feel like sand in my bones. I move my arm and you can hear a sound similar to a rain stick. Actually no. You can’t hear anything except the sound of your own voice in your head as you read this and the sound of your parents fighting downstairs.

“Take what I offer. We all know how weak you really are.” The receptionist smiles at me as I blink.

I open my eyes. I’m at a beach. Son and Ned are wearing bikinis and splashing around in the water.

“Owa! Stop splashing me, you’re getting me wet!” Says Son as the holds his half-rotted hand in the way of the water splash.

“Only if you let me rub your head for good luck, baldy!” Ned says in a playful tone.

“I know what else you can rub for good luck.” Son giggles like a schoolgirl.

I roll my head to the side. Lillia is sitting start naken next to me. She is completely smooth in all the erogenous areas. I knit my bony brow in contemplation until I realize that trope that is at work. “Clockwork daughter?” I ask her. She gives a humph and turns her head away. Yep. I called it. The king probably lost a daughter. He must of loved her incredibly deeply to create golems in the shape of her. I always wondered about characters like that. Figure if you’re a father making a replacement for your child then what do you do when you get to putting genitals on ‘em? The King just left this one smooth. “Sensitive about it?” Sexuality is part of the human experience. I still have it because I was once human. I can’t decide if being born without lust would be a blessing or a curse. Probably both. Lillia gives another humph in response to my questions.

“Why are you such a bitch lately? You were knitting doorknob cozzies when we first met.”

“You.”

“I’m not that bad of an influence.”

“You control the dungeon. Your personality seeps into everything.”

I open my eyes again. A feat that goes against the natural laws of the universe on account of me not having closed them and the fact that I’m a skeleton with no eyes.

I’m in some kind of colosseum. I sit in the bleachers looking onto the fields. Hiro sits on a pile of corpses. He waves at me. I wave back. There is a whoosh sound above. The corpses Hiro sits upon grows grey stocks their blood turns purple their skin turns grey. Phalanges extend from their skin and their corpses move into and over each other like sea cucumbers. Hiro smiles at me before picking up his sword. I wave back.

"Anon. Wanna know something?"

"Sure."

"I've never been scared by words. Words can't be scary. I once read a horror book and considered it innovative for killing off the main cast. Then I realized it was a horror book."

"I want to pop rolly pollies like Xanax."

Hiro recoils. "Dried maggot fried rice." He recoils again.

"Alright, alright. You know some scary words. But those scare me on a gut level. Nothing on staring into the void level."

I shrug. I have already gazed into the void. It gazed into me and nothing noticeable happened.

I gaze into the void like I gaze out from this stage into the adoring faces of my fans. The makeup is caked on to my skull so thick that I worry the harsh stage lighting will melt it away, The music starts. I extends my hands in a heart shape towards the audience then wave it around. “Puru, puru puru, purin, hold me in your arms make my squee amongst the stars..” Arms out wide, big clap. Smile to the fans.

“But I don’t know now what I know.” chorus again. “Pur pur puru pruri in.” Leg kick backward. Do the I'm a little teapot pose. “Fluffy like a marshmallow I'm teary-eyed. Cause I am full of dreams.” Do the cha-cha slide. One foot to the left. “If dreams can come true what does that say for nightmares?” Hiro comes out and plays my ribs like a xylophone. It is the least weird part of this experience. I give the puri Puru chorus again and it the crowd with the finishing line. “I wanna fuck nightmare moon.” The crowd goes wild. They throw their glowsticks and clapper sticks on stage as the curtains close. Hiro puts a hand on my shoulder. “Idol episode? That’s not even a trope yet.” I shrug. It’ll be soon enough.

“I had a dream that I was a little girl. I woke up with the weirdest dysphoria. I had awakened to my trans side, but I didn’t do anything about it because I'm a pussy.”

I open my eyes again. I’m in front of the counter of the adventurer’s guild. “And here is your card.” He says with big blue eyes as he holds it out with two hands and a small bow.

“Oh, umm….. Y-y-you t-too.” I take the card and walk out of the guild.