“A dungeon war.” A winged demon with purple skin and a big nose appeared at my dungeon entrance. He challenged me to a dungeon war on behalf of his master.

“No thanks, Go away.”

“It’s not an option to decline.”

“Bullshit, says who?”

“The demon lord will be very cross with you if you do not accept.”

How cross? Honestly. I’m swimming in dungeon points. I could take on a lesser demon lord. Then again. If it’s the Lord of all Demons, the system was made by him and the King of all humans. I don’t want to piss off the two rulers of the world.

“Fine, but no bets.”

“The rule book requires us to fight with something at stake.”

I should really get a copy of that rule book.

On second thought.

Nah! I’m probably breaking like six rules already. If I never get a copy then I can claim ignorance.

“Whatcha want?”

“Your DP.” Obviously, not like I have anything else to offer.

“Whatcha offer?”

“My master offers themselves.”

“I don’t need any more loli golems. Make another offer.”

“This is considered the ultimate offer in dungeon master etiquette. You can not refuse.”

He really has me by the skellie balls, but I’m already scheming up something. I have one hundred thousand DP. I splurged and bought the slaves some comforts, but besides that, I haven't needed anything else. This is going to be a fucking pain, but it beats watching the slaves on TV. You’d think it’d be like a soap opera, but in reality, it’s reality. Normal boring reality.

My guest coughs. “Are you going to come to shake on it?”

“Fuck no. You’ll just stab me as soon as I’m in front of you you demon looking ass motherfucker. If your master can send a messenger in their place then a verbal confirmation will work for them.” I see the demon's sick smile fade. He takes his arms out from behind him.

“The duel will start in five days, prepare yourself.” The demon sulks off.

Plenty of time to prepare.

I get 24,000 points a day, times five, plus 100,000 = 220,000. That is enough to buy 220 pocket dimensions with their own specific environments. The type that the slaves live in. There are also more inhospitable environments I can buy. Mountains, volcano, swamp, Arctic. Each plane is ten miles by ten miles. If I stack them corner to corner then each is 14-ish miles across. I could add monsters to the planes, but that would reduce the overall distance invaders have to travel. I spent all 220,000 points on chaining planes. In total it’s 3080 miles from start to tip. That is just over walking distance from New York to Los Angeles. I have placed a monumental distance between my core and the dungeon entrance. I would love to, hate to, see anyone cross it. I place the plains with the slaves at the very end. I don’t want my point farm getting hurt. Then I teleport my core out of its concrete well. “Bury it as deep as you can,” I command my slaves. They grab shovels and get to work.

Intruder Alert! It’s too early for the dungeon war, who’s here? On the screen is Hiro and his harem.

“Hey, Hiro.” I call to him over the intercom.

“Sup Anon. I’m here to conquer your dungeon.”

A chill goes down my spine. “Conquer as in?”

“Touch my Hero Card to the core. Don’t worry man. You’re cool I wouldn’t destroy your core.” Then under his breath in almost a whisper he says “As long as it’s innovative.”

“Could you come back later? I’m about to start a dungeon war.”

“Oh, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to intrude. Got any nasty traps prepared for them?”

“Not rea-”

“Wait! Don’t tell me. I want it to be a surprise.” He takes a step forward. I begin to panic. If he clears it right before the other dungeon attacks then I’ll be at a disadvantage.

“If you set off all my traps then I’ll do worse in the dungeon war. Could you please wait?”

Hiro kicks the ground. “But I want to clear the dungeon now!” Just as he yells that a booming voice comes from behind him. “Puny humans block the path.” There is a massive troll crawling on all fours to enter my dungeon. Hiro turns around. He sighs. “A troll? Alright, girls, who are we power leveling this time?” The priest raises a shaky hand. “Gotcha Marry.” He leaps forward, grabbing the troll by the head. He pulls it out into the bottomless pit room and hangs it over the pit with one hand. He trolls flails, trying to grab onto Hiro with its giant hands. Hiro effortlessly swats them aside. He looks at the troll's skull for a few seconds. A punch pierces the troll’s skull. He reaches in deep. Pulling out a small piece of the troll’s brain. “Alright. It shouldn’t be able to move now. Come finish it off, Marry.” He lobotomized it while holding it with one hand. Marry walks up the troll and begins to cast a spell. “No! Save your spell slots.” She begins stabbing at its brain with the bottom of her wooden staff. “Marry you gotta stab it harder!” Greymatter seeps out of the wounds as she keeps stabbing at it. Clear liquid splashes with each thrust until the life in the trolls eyes goes out. He drops the dead troll into the pit. The army of winged demons that were behind the troll look on in fear. I look on in fear. This is a man who I must never upset.

“Anon, you got challenged by the air demon dungeon? They’re easy, do you want me to get you their core?”

“Why would I need their core.”

“To win the duel. First one to touch the other’s core wins.”

It seems that I have misunderstood the rules and blew all of my points on defense. I actually needed to spend points on offense as well, but my lack of fore planning doesn’t mean I should involve Hiro. He is someone who I want out of my life.

“No thank you. I am gerd.”“ I mean good, great, I am great.”

Hero committed what I can only describe as a tortuous slaughter to the rest of the invading dungeon’s army. Holding them down so his cleric can beat them to death with their staff.