Zagreus teleported into the antechamber in front of Queen Gwenyr’s bed chambers. He bent over, held his knees and took several deep breaths. Teleporting was getting easier but it still hurt. He could even teleport twice in a day without passing out… sometimes.

Everything has a cause and effect. Some causes are simpler than you think and some effects are more than you could ever imagine. Countless events had led up to Zagreus Shadowbane, Mecromancer Eleven, standing the Queen Gwenyr’s antechamber. The simple opening of a door… What’s the worst that could happen?

For a long moment he considered teleporting back to the lab and going with a different plan. But, he took a deep breath, opened the door, and went into Gwenyr’s chambers. He activated a ball of silence around the room and shut the doors behind him.

Queen Gwenyr was alone, sitting in an ornately crafted bath tub detailed in gold and flowers. She shouted for her guards. Then she tried to try to cover herself and reach for a nearby knife at the same time. She accomplished neither.

“Calm down lady. I’m only here to talk. And they can’t hear you.”

“You speak the language of the gods?” She hesitated, “What have you done to my guards?!”

He gestured towards the door. “Don’t worry, they are fine.”

She snarled, unfurled her wings and set to launch herself out of the bath at him.

“Sit.” He commanded. He sent a faint trace across the floor to reach her. With a little applied arcane he could mess with the signals to her muscles. It wouldn’t hold a determined person more than a handful of seconds. But having someone else suddenly control your limbs can be a bit, unsettling.

She went limp, sank back into her bath water and trembled. “If you try anything I will add more scars to your face.” She snarled.

“Spoken like a true survivor. Sorry I had to do that, but I was trying to protect your modesty, and my face. I have no fight with you. I am only here to talk. I believe you know an associate of mine. Cinderella. Orange hair, really short, shorter temper.”

“You know the servant of the Queen of Hearts?”

“Not as well as I would like, but more than I care to at times.”

She looked him over carefully. “You resemble the child-cat Jade. Are you her father?”

“Not exactly.” He sighed and scratched the back of his head. “Look, I really didn’t mean to catch you like this. I will wait outside that door and let you get dressed. No guards. No trouble. Is that acceptable?”

She looked him over for a moment then said, “Yes. I will be with you shortly.”

He removed the ball of silence and left.

He waited in the antechamber. He had been told two guards were stationed outside it. He heard them dully though the outer door.

He waited, and waited, and waited… Had been a mistake to leave her alone? Maybe she has signaled the guards and they were massing down the hall. How funny would it be for my first diplomatic mission to end in a bloodbath? He checked his inventory for his weapons and armor. The doors to the Queen’s chambers finally opened wide.

She stood tall wearing a significant weight of gold and jewels. A row of carved and encrusted rings were clamped down the edge of each wing. Each finger carried at least one ring. Long golden bracers covered both forearms. Each bracer was carved in intricate runes, and gemstones. There was much more gold adorning her.

The bracers were clearly arcane weapons of some sort, possibly fire or lightning throwers. He thought he could identify a half dozen other things as more than mere baubles but there was just so much. It would take hours to identify it all if he had it all laid out on a table and a full set of tools.

She had dressed to impress and for a full blown war. And she was fighting on every field. Her clothing, if you would call it that, was a thin, almost translucent robe.

He kept his eyes focused on her face as held up his hands. “Peace. Talk.”

Her face was expressionless. “I do not take lightly to anyone barging into my chambers, god or not.” She said firmly.

The door behind him opened. Someone spoke.

Gwenyr glanced between him and speaker for a moment. She responded in a calm tone.

The door closed.

Zagreus wished he knew their language. “Are we going to have visitors, with pointy sticks, soon?”

“I told them you are my guest.” Gwenyr led him back into her chambers and sat on her bed. She sat up straight with her wings unfurled behind her and eyed him harshly. “Now, what business do you have sneaking around my palace like a filthy rat?”

“I need your help.”

She stuck her nose up at him. “What does the peeping god need from me? Do you wish me to order all the women in my kingdom to leave their bedroom windows open for you?”

He sighed. “I need you to give me a job in your court. And I need you to keep my identity a secret. Just treat me like a normal person.”

“What kind of schemes are you plotting? Do you have another assassination in mind?”

“No schemes. As you can clearly tell I suck at dealing with people. I need to learn diplomacy. That is all.”

“You must be joking. This is a ridiculous request. The gods are old and wise. What could you possibly learn from me?”

“I am years away from forty lady. I need to learn these skills.” I’m not getting anywhere, might as well make the offer. “And…I can grant you a god favor in return.”

She stood slowly and pulled her wings in, making them vanish into her back. She walked around him, dissecting him with her eyes and sniffing. “Are you really who you say you are? Do you really know the Queen of Hearts?”

“Yea. She has a nasty backhand.”

“I have felt power similar to yours before, when I was a puppet for that Bug-Girl, Cinderella. I was in on what she and Jade discussed. Tell me the truth. You are not really gods are you?”

“Do I need to show you my powers again?”

“You push a naked woman into a bath. That is the action of a pervert, not a god. I will agree you are truly terrible at diplomacy.”

He spun on her. *Kneel.* he commanded.

She fell to her knees in front of him and laughed. “This is even worse, pervert. Pull it out, and I will bite it off.”

*Down.* He commanded.

She fell flat on the floor. “Should I fake an orgasm now, or do you plan to actually finish the job yourself?”

He released her and paced back and forth in frustration. She is toying with me. She is almost as bad as Karimere. Keep your head on straight. You can do this. He rubbed his temples.

“Would you be so kind as to give me your name, Sir?” She said firmly, but respectfully.

He glared over at her. The bracers and rings were piled on a shelf beside her. She had disarmed herself. She was making a concession, a fresh start? He straightened up and bowed, “I… I’m called Zagreus Shadowbane.”

“Zagreus is an old name. Are you from the Deep Dark? I have heard stories of pale the susnerans who are afraid of the light.”

“We are called remnants. Most don’t know about the surface other than vague rumors and legends.”

“Do you smite your enemies with light like the Goddess Shadowbane?”

“No. I can’t do what she, did.” There was a slight hesitation in his words.

She clearly caught what he meant, but out of tact or recognition of his pain she did not probe. “Do you have any proof you are who you say? Do you really know the Queen of Hearts?”

“Did Jade tell you she liked your dress? Because when she got back, she wouldn’t shut up about it until I made her one.”

“Bah. Dress?!” Her face twisted. “Those are the rags slaves are forced to wear inside the palace so they don’t offend the sensibility of the Nobility.”

“Jade thought you were amazing. I could bring her to see her again sometime. She has, really grown.” He hoped she didn’t notice the tremor he felt in his voice.

“For a god, you speak with the pain of mortal.”

“Even gods have their limits.” Good one. Not a lie. He knew he still sucked at lying.

“You are not really gods are you?”

Dammit. He didn’t speak.

“I understand. You have an image to maintain.” She nodded. “That was a lesson I had to learn quickly. Looks like we’re both pretending to be something we are not.”

“Will you help me?”

“What exactly is a god favor?”

“It would probably be best just to ask for something and I will tell you if we can do it.”

“Diplomacy, lesson one. You just told me there are things you cannot do. You should say there are things you will not do, or that I am unworthy to receive. It is much better for a god to be seen as temperamental, than weak.”

“Thank you.”

“Can you give me some suggestions? I really am not sure what a god favor entails.”

“I’m supposed to be all mysterious and vague, but whatever. If your request involves breaking or attacking stuff, like the Queen of Hearts would do, is probably fine. We could give you some riches but you would probably do better to ask for a mineral survey of the region. We could give you maps and information on other kingdoms resources, manpower, etc. It’s impossible to list all the specifics. What is it you desire most?”

“I desire…” She stared at him with longing eyes, “you.”

Dammit. “Really? Isn’t there anything else? Anything at all.”

“You sneak into my chambers and ask for assistance. I think it is a small favor. You will be here anyway. Is a few minutes a day too much to ask?”

“It’s complicated.”

“Maybe I will start a legend about Zagreus Shadowbane the God of Perverts who sneaks around drinking women’s used bath water. Pale, hunched over, filthy.” She pressed her hand to her chest and dramatically said. “Oh my, Zagreus has defiled the Queen’s chambers.”

Mental note: Never, ever introduce Gwenyr to Karimere. “You would think being a god is all fun and games, but angry goddesses can cause me a universe of pain, and I will, unfortunately, live through it.”

“Can you do it or not?” She stood close, eying downward. “Do you have… problems?”

“It works, it’s just that…”

She interrupted. “Then I really must insist. For the future of my kingdom.”

“I have no future here. I have to leave. But I could help you find a husband. We have data from several regions. Tell me what species and personality traits you like.”

“I don’t want a husband to challenge my throne. I want a child.”

“A child…? You mean… with me?”

“Yes. What woman would not want to bed a god?” She ran a hand up his chest. “The fact that you are going to pretend to be nobody then disappear makes it perfect. I get everything I want.”

“You want a child…with me? I…oh…wow…no one has ever asked me that. I am…please hold.” The room was somehow spinning and he quickly formed a new friendship with the floor.

***

His eyes opened to a wet rag being rubbed on his face. “Thank you.”

Gwenyr kneeled beside him. “Diplomacy, lesson two. Fainting is not very godlike.”

“You…surprised me.”

“You are a young god and you live with the goddesses. I thought at least one would have asked you to breed.”

“They are old, short tempered and don’t always have patience for inconvenient things like asking.”

She laughed. “Becoming Queen was much different than I ever imagined. I have no doubt that your god-life is just as messed up as my queen-life.” She helped him to his feet. “Now about my god favor.”

“I don’t know. That’s a lot to ask of me.” He sighed. Lilithana had taken countless ‘samples’ from him. He probably had dozens of children running around already. But he was the one agreeing to this. He didn’t see a way out. This would become an order unless she changed her request. First Rule wins.

She put a hand on his chest. “I think I have information that could be important to you. I am willing to make a trade.”

“I am willing to listen. But no promises.”

She thought for a moment then nodded, “That power of yours in interesting and quite intense. Do you know it allows me to sense your intentions when you use it on me? I could feel how much you were worried about actually hurting me.”

“I thought as much. But thanks for the confirmation.”

“I didn’t mean to tease you so harshly, but I couldn’t help myself. It’s not every day I get to feel the power of a god. And maybe I still held a bit of a grudge from when Cinderella treated me like a thing.”

“Sorry about that.”

“I believe you are sincere. I asked for my own reasons before, but now, I would be honored to carry your offspring.”

She is smart, rich and powerful. Her child has more of a chance than most. “Are you going to take good care of the child?”

“It will be my future. I will protect it above all others.”

“I will grant your favor.”

She took his hand and turned towards the bed.

He pulled free. “That, is not necessary.”

She let out a breathless, “What?”

“I can grant your favor without that mess. Quick, clean. You can even choose if you want a boy or girl.”

“But how?”

“God Magic.” He shrugged. “I will have to arrange it.”

“Can we do it now?”

“Now? Like right now?”

“Yes. Please. I want a child as soon as possible.”

“I’ll see what I can do. Give me a few minutes.”

“That is acceptable.”

He went into the antechamber and collapsed in a chair. He buried his face in his hands. HEY LADY I JUST MET, LETS HAVE A FRICKING KID! WHAT AM I DOING?! I AM LOSING MY DAMNED MIND! THAT’S WHAT I’M DOING! He took a few minutes to collect the shattered remains of his sanity.

He sent. *Hey…Cinder?*

*Reporting?*

*She agreed to train me. She has made her god favor request.*

*Excellent. Swift work. State request.*

*She wants a child.*

*Species, age, gender?*

He ignored any unspoken implications of her instantly listing those questions and did his best to answer. *Um…half-Remnant, half-Infernal, infant, and I’m not sure about the gender.*

*You must gather all details before reporting. That’s a very specific request. It will be difficult to find a...* Her tone shifted. It was now deathly calm and as cold as the void. *You pale bastard.* Cinder’s presence vanished. She had clearly raised her defenses to block any further communication.

Moments later he felt Lilithana’s presence appear. *Zagreus? Are you ok?*

*Fully functional, maybe.*

*Cinder just left the room in what I can best describe as an incoherent rage. She was screaming ‘that pale bastard’, ‘infernal bitch’, and various other colorful words that I had forgotten existed. Did you do this?*

Dammit. *Gwenyr’s god favor is to make a child, with me.*

*Oh.* Her tone was annoyed, and insulting. *What could have possibly possessed you to involve Cinder? I have given you ample training in that area. Did you need more instructions?*

*Gwenyr wants to get pregnant tonight. I was hoping you could handle the process and leave me out of it. Cinder didn’t give me a chance to explain.*

*I understand.*

*You can do that for Gwenyr right?*

*Yes, as long as she is fertile, I can do that. Stay there. I will be there to collect you two soon.*

Zagreus returned to the Queen. “As long as you are fertile, everything should be ok. They will have to run some tests on you to check.”

“What kind of tests?”

“Young god here.” He shrugged. “That’s old god business.”

She laughed at him. “I’m getting what I want and yet I feel a bit disappointed. Everyone treats me like a Queen. You talk to me like a person. It’s a little refreshing.”

“Well let me fix that for you. I’m claiming you.”

She eyed him sternly. “What is a claim?”

“Exactly what you think it is. But it will mark you as hands off to all the others. You are mine only. I give you permission to get pregnant and come home.”

“You are making me a slave… for my protection?”

“Yea.”

“Are the goddesses really so capricious that they would attack someone they just granted a favor?”

“I told you, they are not good at asking, especially mortals.”

“I see. I accept your protection. I trust you to treat me kindly, Master.”

“Just call me Zagreus, please.”