The next few weeks passed in a haze and before I knew it, I was packing up. I couldn’t believe how quickly the summer had flown by. I felt like I had just arrived here, and yet, when I thought about all that had happened, coming here felt like years ago. When I first arrived I didn’t believe in ghosts, and now I was taking one home with me.

On my last night, as I was brushing my teeth, I saw Brittney come into the bathroom. She smiled at me.

“Hey!” she said as she walked over to my sink, “I heard that you’re going home tomorrow.”

Leaning over the sink, I spat out my toothpaste and nodded.

“Man,” she said, “time files.”

I nodded again. It had been a while since I’d talked to Brittney. I’d been too caught up in ghosts and Allan to notice much of anything else.

“Did you have fun this summer?” she asked as she got out her own toothbrush.

I took a deep breath. “It was definitely a new experience,” I said, “one that I’ll never forget.”

She laughed and nodded. “I’ve seen you and Allan hanging out a bunch. Are you guys official yet?”

My stomach tightened at the mention of his name. “Uh, no, he uh, he wasn’t that interested.”

“Oh no,” she said, turning towards me. “I’m so sorry, that really sucks.”

“Yeah, well,” I shrugged, “life goes on I guess.” Packing up my bag of toiletries, I turned to leave. “Hey,” I said, “if I don’t see you tomorrow before I go, thanks for talking to me. I’m sorry we didn’t get to hang out more.”

She gave me a bright smile. “There’s always next summer. You better be coming back.”

I gave a slight nod. “We’ll see.”

I didn’t know if I ever wanted to come back.

The next day I stood out near the front gate of the castle. My bags were piled around me and Greg was standing to my left. He smiled at me, and I gave him a weak smile back. I was taking the hilt of the sword with me. Greg told me that he was glad to be rid of this place, but I mostly think he was glad to be rid of Allan.

I glanced around. A foolish part of me was sort of hoping that Allan would come to say goodbye, but there was no sign of him. That was probably for the best.

The bus pulled up, I put my bags in the compartment underneath, and I climbed aboard. Curling up in my seat, I hugged my purse to my chest. I could feel the weight of the sword hilt inside of it. As the bus drove away from the castle, it passed the spot on the road that Allan had brought me to. Even though I couldn’t see him, I knew the ghost was still there. I hadn’t been able to help him.

Eventually, the bus rolled into town and came to a stop. I could see my dad’s car through the window. Running off the bus, I grabbed my bags and then my dad was there, wrapping me in a tight hug. It was so good to see him again. The hug was short lived, for a moment later my three little brothers tackled me with hugs of their own. I couldn’t believe how much I had missed my family.

“How was the summer, sweetheart?” my dad asked as he stuffed my bags into the van.

I hesitated before I answered. “It was amazing Dad,” I lied. “It was the best experience of my life!”

He smiled at me. “Now aren’t you glad you stuck it through?” he asked. “I thought you were going to quit at the beginning there.”

I rolled my eyes and forced a smile. “Yes Dad, I’m glad I stayed.”

He smiled and patted me on the shoulder before turning to wrestle my brothers back into the car. As I climbed into the front seat, Greg appeared beside me, looking amused as my siblings bickered. I couldn’t believe it, but I had actually missed the sound of their bickering. My dad finally got into the front seat and pulled away from the curb.

On the long drive home, my family asked me a constant stream of questions. I answered them as best I could, without giving away anything about ghosts and Allan. It was hard, honestly, to stay focused on what they were asking because my thoughts were elsewhere. The closer we got to home, the more uneasy I became.

When we finally pulled into the driveway, my dad helped me carry my bags into my room. It felt weird to be here again, but I knew I wouldn’t have a chance to get too comfortable. In just a couple of days I’d be moving out to college.

As soon as my family left me alone to unpack, I walked over to my bed and flopped down. I stared out across all of my old stuff that I hadn’t seen in months. My stomach was in knots.

“This isn’t what I expected,” Greg said, his voice cutting through my thoughts. “Somehow I imagined black cloth draped over everything and I thought that perhaps your bed might be a coffin.”

I gave a hollow laugh. “I’m not quite that intense,” I muttered. I watched as Greg meandered about my room. He paused to stare up at my posters and then moved to look at my shelves.

“What are all these little statues?” he asked. He gave me a worried glance. “Are they idols? You’re not a pagan, are you?”

I laughed again. It was more sincere this time. “They’re just figurines Greg. They’re from shows and games and stuff.”

He still didn’t look reassured. Shaking his head, he turned around again, his eyes travelling over the room.

“So you are home at last,” he said.

I leaned forward, resting my elbows against my knees. “I’m home,” I whispered. I closed my eyes, letting out a heavy breath. “Do you remember Greg,” I asked, “in about the middle of the summer, when I asked if you’d come home with me and see if there were any ghosts here?” I glanced up at him. His eyes didn’t meet mine.

“You want me to tell you if your mother is here,” he murmured.

My eyes widened in surprise. “I didn’t think I’d told you about her,” I said.

His expression grew sheepish. “You didn’t,” he replied. He looked away from me. “I may have listened in on a bit of the conversation you had with that fool of a boy.”

“Oh,” I breathed, glancing down.

“Are you cross with me?”

“No,” I said. My heart was starting to beat fast. “I just—I mean—could you do it?”

“I can look, Lady Jessica.” He bowed to me slightly, and then disappeared.

I waited anxiously for a few minutes, but when he didn’t reappear, I started to unpack my things. For the rest of the evening I was tense, expecting Greg to pop up at any moment, but he didn’t. I eventually left my room to have dinner with my family. I talked about the summer with my dad for a while longer, and then everyone said goodnight. When I returned to my room, I saw Greg standing in the middle of it.

I closed my door behind me and moved to sit on my bed. My hands were shaking and I felt like I was on the verge of tears. For some reason, I was surprised at the level of anxiety I was feeling. Taking a steadying breath, I looked up at him.

“Well,” I asked, “is she here?”

My eyes were searching for any clues in his expression, but there were none. He was entirely stony-faced. His lips parted, he breathed in to reply, but before he could get a word out, I shook my head.

“No, wait,” I whispered. I covered my face in my hands. For a moment I sat very still, my mind racing. “I thought I could have you tell me,” I said at last, “but I’ve just realized that it’s impossible.” I lifted my face, my eyes wet with tears. “If you told me that she wasn’t here, I would be so relieved, but I think—I think I wouldn’t believe you.” Greg’s face remained expressionless. “I would think you were lying to me, to spare my feelings, and I would want you to possess me so that I could see for myself.”

I pursed my lips, fighting the urge to cry harder. I felt like I had already cried more this summer than I had since my mom died.

“But if you told me that she was still here,” I gasped, hugging my arms tight around me, “then I wouldn’t be able to bear it. I know I would ask you to possess me then too, so that I could talk to her and try to reason with her.” I closed my eyes. I tried to remember her face. Even though there were pictures of her all over the house, it was still hard to remember exactly what she looked like.

“What if she ended up like that roadside ghost?” I choked. “What if she was angry and completely lost in herself? I could scream and cry all I wanted and she still wouldn’t listen!” Shaking my head, I opened my eyes. “I couldn’t go through that. I couldn’t see her like that and still go on. There is a chance I could help her, but there’s also a very real chance that I couldn’t. I mean, I couldn’t even help her when she was alive! Why would that change now that she’s dead?”

Greg had moved to stand closer to me, his gaze sympathetic.

“I can’t keep living my life bogged down by this guilt!” I cried. “I can’t—I can’t do that to myself. It isn’t fair!”

“You are right,” Greg said gently, “it isn’t fair.” He sat down on the bed beside me. “Listen to one who has been ruined by guilt. Your mother made her decision, and no one else made it for her. You could drive yourself mad with wondering what more you could have done, but Jessica, listen to me. It wasn’t your fault.”

“But I—”

His eyes bore into mine. “It wasn’t your fault.”

I breathed out slowly, my protest dying on my tongue. A strange feeling was washing over me. “It wasn’t my fault,” I breathed. My voice was shaky as tears overwhelmed me. “I’ve been haunted by her decision for so long, and I shouldn’t have been.”

I looked up at Greg. “I can’t know if she’s here,” I said, “I can’t. I need to let her go. I don’t want to carry this weight anymore.” I wiped the tears from my face. “Maybe that makes me a terrible person and a terrible daughter, but I can’t live my life holding myself accountable for other people’s actions.”

A sudden fear rose up inside of me. “Is that wrong Greg?” I asked, my resolution slipping away. “She’s my mom. Can I—can I just let her go?”

Greg was silent for a moment. “Who is to say what is right and what is wrong?” he whispered at last. “We all search for peace in this world. Being tortured by her memory, that is not peace. She is your mother. When you think of her, you should think of the moments you had with her that filled you with joy. Do not taint what is good with so much pain and guilt. Her choice was hers alone.”

I breathed deeply, closing my eyes as I tried to convince myself. I didn’t need to feel guilty. I didn’t need to blame myself.

“It sounds weird,” I said at last, “but I think for all these years, I’ve felt like I wasn’t really allowed to be happy. I’ve been happy, of course, but there was always this voice in the back of my mind, telling me that it was wrong to smile and laugh. Because of what my mom did, I felt like I had to be miserable, and if I wasn’t miserable, then I wasn’t—I wasn’t honoring her or something.” I shook my head. “I think I’m finally done with that. I’m really going to be happy now. It doesn’t matter what the people around me do. I can still choose to be happy.”

Greg bowed his head slightly. “So you truly do not wish to know if your mother is here?” he asked.

“Truly,” I whispered. As the word left my mouth, I waited for the crashing guilt to come. It didn’t. I just felt okay. I didn’t know if this was peace exactly, but I knew it was a start.

“You are brave,” Greg said, “far braver than I.” He smiled at me. “And I think you are wise.”

I smiled back at him. “Thank you Greg,” I muttered.

“It looks like I didn’t need to come back with you after all,” he said with a laugh as he leaned back. “You have no need of me now.”

I laughed, but it was subdued. “That’s not even a little bit true,” I said. “I would have thought this whole summer was a dream if it wasn’t for you. And I’ll need you for moral support as I head out to college. I’m terrified.”

“Ha,” Greg said. “It is college that should be terrified of you! You’ll come out as conqueror I am sure.”

“We’ll see,” I said as I stood up to turn off the lamp. In the darkness of the room, I felt my way back to the bed and I laid down, pulling the covers over me.

“Goodnight Greg,” I whispered.

“Goodnight, Lady Jess.”