《To Know the Name We Lost (LitRPG/Fantasy)》Day of Victory 1
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Ae woke with a start, clutching at his neck. In that moment, the sensation of the passage of time washed over him and he realized that he was no longer on the Ancient Battlefield. The comprehension came with an emptiness and disappointment.
I was so close…
There was a sense of deeper failure in that thought. If Ae had to choose to finish a race last, or second, at that moment, he thought that finishing second hurt more. Coming so close to a goal, only to fall short was more painful than decapitation. He should know.
He scanned the crowd around him and saw that everyone had the same expression as he did. Disappointment was written all over their faces. Disappointment and pain.
When Ae was younger, just a boy not even 10 years old, his grandfather had died. He remembered that his mother consoled him by telling him that death was not that painful. Now, both of them knew this was wrong. Ae’s mother died on the very first night that the Flames of the Reckoning appeared, and Ae himself was very familiar with the process of death.
For an outsider, death might seem painless and peaceful, but only those who experienced it would know the feeling: The frantic battle for air when the lungs are paralyzed, or the slow death of a brain not receiving blood or oxygen. Death was not peaceful. It was violent.
Oddly enough, Ae could not remember the face of his mother, or his grandfather. He could not remember the faces of his childhood friends, either. He could only vaguely remember the street he lived on, but not the house. How could someone forget something like that, in just a few months?
Ae looked towards the blue ball of energy—the form of their Liege—in the center of the room. Was it Asivos’ doing? Did his Liege erase Ae’s memories? Ae then remembered some of the first words his Liege spoke; by accepting the contract his mortal Fate would be no more, his entire existence would be erased. Could that be the reason why his memories were fading so quickly?
He didn’t want to forget. Those memories were all he had left. His family was gone. His world was gone. His very name was gone. Everything was taken from him.
Don’t take my memories too…
He uttered the wish in his heart, secretly and wordlessly, as if doing so might protect it.
When he opened his eyes again, he caught a glimpse of his own reflection on the silvery metal surrounding the raised dais where his Liege rested. His eyes… he never noticed that they changed color before. It’s not that they changed color—he always had blue eyes—but the addition of the red ring around the blue worried him. Was this new?
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“What is happening to my eyes…?” Ae whispered as he leaned towards his reflection.
A blonde girl to his right, close by, leaned over and glanced. “They seem normal to me,” she said.
Ae looked at her. “What do you mean? You don’t see this red circle?”
“I see it,” she said with a shrug.
“You have it too. It’s green though,” Ae said, pointing out the green circle around her amber eyes. “Did you always have eyes like that, Ixia?”
Ixia licked her lips. “Yes,” she said after a long moment of hesitation.
“You are lying,” Ae said. “You don’t know. You don’t remember.”
Ixia narrowed her eyes at Ae. “Don’t call me a liar, Ae. I remember.”
"We are losing our memories..." Ae whispered. "You don't remember anything."
“Yes, I do!” she shouted, standing up. “I remember everything. I was an Empress! I had a future ahead of me and it was stolen by this… this… thing!” she pointed an accusing finger at Asivos.
Silence fell on the room. It made the atmosphere tense and hopeless, because the silence was like an unwanted passenger.
After a long moment, Fara whispered, “What was your mother’s name?”
Ixia glared at Fara and she was about to answer, but then only ended up staring slack-jawed. The words wouldn’t come out. She could not remember. Frustration burned in Ixia’s eyes. Frustration and hatred.
“Are we all losing our memories?” Mao asked.
Another silence blanketed the room. This one was absolute. Not a breath or heartbeat could be heard, and the silence’s meaning was complex and different for everyone gathered. There was one thing in common between all eight of them: They all felt helpless.
Ae butted heads with his companions before and has gotten used to letting arguments go, but this one stung quite a bit. What was the point of dishonesty or pride now? Their lives were disappearing—had someone brought it up sooner they might’ve been able to do something about it. Everyone felt the same way and this was the source of their despair. It was just wishful thinking. Even if they knew, there was nothing they could do.
Doesn’t this mean that they were truly dead already? They died every day, but it was not true death. They always came back. But if their identity and memories disappeared, isn’t that the same as true death?
Ae wanted to banish the thought, but it had taken root deep inside his heart already. It entrenched itself in a fortress of hopelessness.
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“How are we doing on Essence?” Senon asked.
No one answered his question. He was completely ignored. Ae thought it was a valiant effort to change the subject. It was uncanny how everyone seemed to be facing the same demons. All eight of them were so alike, yet so different. Perhaps it was because they spent so much time together, struggling with the same issues. They all had the same goal, and the same results. Perhaps it was natural.
“I am going to my room,” Ixia said. She was already on her feet and heading towards the exit.
“Me too,” Zia said and followed Ixia out.
Soon enough, the entire room cleared out and only Ae and Fara were left. When everyone left, Fara stood up and walked over to Ae, sitting down next to him.
“Where were you? Did you get killed early?” she asked.
Ae shook his head. “I was on the right flank.”
“The right flank? Why? We were supposed to go to Desolation Hill.”
“We were losing badly there. I went to help out,” Ae said.
“Huh? The enemy never attacks the right flank with enough force to take it from us that early. How did we lose it?”
“A Fractal was there.”
“A what?”
Ae shrugged. “I don’t really understand myself. He said he was a Tyrant once, and then became a Fractal.”
“He? It spoke? Wait, there’s something stronger than a Tyrant?!” There was confusion and panic in Fara’s eyes.
Ae shook his head and sighed. “Fractals are different from the normal opponents. I don’t think Fractals are a different class. I think they are a different type. And yes, it spoke. Very well. It had thoughts. Wants. Desires. It was like us, Fara. Human.”
Fara hissed in a sharp breath and shook her head. “We can’t be allies?”
“Ask my decapitated body.”
“Is it strong?”
Ae made a grimace, and then nodded. “I cannot begin to fathom the difference in our strengths, Fara. He was as vast as the heavens and deep as the oceans. I couldn’t look away. I was paralyzed, but my body still moved. He crushed me before I even met him or talked to him.”
Fara nodded. “That bad, huh?”
“Did you kill the Subjugator?”
Fara shook her head. “It never came. The newbie and I waited on Desolation Hill for hours, but it never came to attack us. Maybe something changed about the Ancient Battlefield. You had a Fractal, our Subjugator never came, and Mao says they encountered a new enemy.”
“I forgot about the newbie. What’s her name?”
“Asae Sena. She goes by Sena.”
“Huh, what does it mean?”
Fara pursed her lips. “I think it means Day of Beginning or something.”
Ae pondered that meaning for a moment. “The Ae in my name means first. I can see how Asae could mean beginning. But I think Day is wrong. You didn’t ask her what her name meant?”
Fara shook her head. “What does your name mean, anyway?”
“Ae Xion. First Fire, or First Light.”
Fara nodded. “I see.”
“I think Sena means Future. As in, the Approaching Day of the Beginning.”
Fara pursed her lips, “I see. Beginning of what though?”
Ae shrugged. “Victory, I hope.”
Fara laughed. “I guess you could interpret her name as Day of Victory.”
Ae chuckled and then sighed. “I hope she makes a difference, Fara,” he said as he stood up.
Fara lost some of the spark in her eyes, no doubt also realizing how unlikely it is for the meaning of a name to change the outcome of their destiny.
“Try not to fight alone, Ae. We should help each other, no matter how hopeless things may seem.”
Ae turned to glance at Fara and then nodded to her. “Take care, Fara.” He left the room with those words.
Our day of victory… when will it come?
As he headed through the hallways, Ae thought about their new names. They weren’t really names, just nicknames borrowed from the strange language that defined their new existence. All of their names meant something, and they only possessed a vague understanding of the meaning. Still, the language held a power that was not obvious or advantageous in any way. Its power was in the form of a bond—a certainty. For as long as it existed, they were bound to this unending life and it systematically eradicated all traces of their previous one—or so Ae suspected.
Our day of victory… may not exist.
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