"I'm sorry!" I squeak as she she reaches past me to pull the door shut. "I—I didn't mean to—"

E.J. waves a hand. "It's my fault. You've had a lot to drink. I realized I'd forgotten to lock it, but Somi's recharging, so I—well, it doesn't matter now. The bathroom's right this way." Her tone is carefully controlled. Too much so. I can't see beyond the facade to know what's there—anger? Shame?

I burn my way through the next few minutes with a combination of intense guilt, embarrassment and, above all—curiosity.

"It's alright. You can ask," E.J. says, a few silent moments after I rejoin her on the rooftop. Rhaj and Beatrice have left us to ourselves, off to one of the guest rooms for privacy.

"I wasn't going to ask you anything. None of this is any of my business."

Turning from the spectacular view, E.J. props her elbows on the railing. She looks off and away from me, towards the sky. "But you do have questions."

"A million."

Her crooked smile bares gleaming teeth.

"Ask."

I meet her eyes then. There's something to her tone, the kind of command you want to obey. The kind that sends heat down into your very bones.

"Really?"

She shrugs, a fluid roll of her shoulder.

"You said that Otherside clubs let you choose your own role. What's yours? I feel like I still don't even understand anything about that world, and now—"

"Now that you've seen the room," E.J. suggests, voice low.

I nod, swallowing. "Now I really, really want to. Understand, I mean." A shiver runs down my spine as I say it, a warm rush from the base of my body shooting upward to meet it. I hear her breath hitch, feel the air moving around us before I fully realize what's happening.

In a heartbeat, my lower back is pressed against the rain-drenched railing, E.J.'s hands gripping it to either side. I crane my head to look up at her, but she's a shadow, an extension of the night. The city lights reflect in her eyes, her sharp teeth a vivid sort of blue in the darkness.

"How much do you want to understand it?" She asks, her voice a whisper of a growl. "How much do you want to understand me?" She leans down, her lips brushing close to the crown of my head, so that her breath stirs my curls. "I can feel your response to me," she breathes, and in that moment, something alien flows into her voice. Like fragrant poison poured into a mountain stream. Delicious. Dangerous.

I let out a small, involuntary gasp.

She inhales suddenly, releasing her grasp on the railing and taking a step backward.

"You wanted to know my role," she says. "And what, if anything, its connection is to that room."

"Y-yes," I stutter.

Her eyebrows knit together in sudden concern. "I'll tell you about it, but let's go back inside first."

I nod, letting her put an arm around me for warmth as we make our way back to the stair. I'm not really very cold. It's actually the anxiety and excitement making my teeth chatter and my shoulders shake, but I'm not about to tell her that.

~*~

"I'm sorry about that," E.J. says, tone carefully composed once more as she hands me a tall glass of water with lime.

"You didn't touch me," I say before taking a long, grateful drink of it.

"Still, though, I shouldn't have pinned you like that. Not without an arrangement in place, at least," she won't quite meet my eye as she says this, instead going to get her own glass.

"I didn't mind." The words are out of me before I have a chance to second-guess them. Fuck. I'm more drunk than I thought I was. I take another sip of water, trying not to choke on it. If anyone could die of awkwardness, it'd be me.

"That doesn't make it alright," she says, taking a seat on the plush sectional that occupies the center of the tower's top floor. A space Butler had earlier described as her "entertainment room," it contains a large screen in a rustic black frame above a fireplace. Windows take up much of the rest of the wall space. There's a huge pool table, a bar, and of course...the doors.

"And to answer your question about my role, how familiar are you with the lesser legends of Zhadra?"

I take a seat a few feet away from her on the couch, finally managing to catch her eye. I must look surprised, because her lips twitch into a smirk as my expression changes. "Zhadra as in...?"

"Yes. Most of the roles are named after the First Spirits," she says. "And reflect them accordingly."

For several moments I'm quiet as I process that information.

"You must think I'm extremely egotistical," E.J. adds, her words both a statement and a question.

"To associate yourself with the most powerful of all the First Ones? Maybe just a bit," I laugh, hoping she takes the jibe well.

"Second most powerful," she corrects me. "A Zhadra is nothing without their Lhura. She is the true source of power, the spark of creation. For my role, that dynamic is everything."

Even with the water, my head is reeling. Lhura and Zhadra. Unbelievable.

"What?"

"I just...I always really loved that story. It was my favorite." The spirit of storms falling in love with their enemy, the spirit of the moon—it's a lot of people's favorite, to be honest. An inspiration of many a novel, play, and aethercast.

"So you understand something of the role, I imagine."

I nod silently, pondering that for a moment or three as things begin to fall into place. Thinking of Lhura's capture, how she begged Zhadra to show her the ways of their world. To guide her, to serve her...and to protect others from her power those times when it was too much for her alone to contain. The constant exchange of control, the play of dominance and submission between them as they battle—lovingly—for command of the sky.

"Who...who's your Lhura, then?" Again, I'm shocked at my own audacity. I know the answer before the words can pass her lips.

E.J. snorts. "It was Beatrice, of course."

"And that room..."

"Where we had our private scenes. Among other things"

Although I can guess what she means by that, it still raises as many questions as answers. I can't think of which to ask, though. And it's all so personal, so private. I can't believe she's told me as much as she has. I can't imagine asking more.

"I know you have more questions," she says after a bit, and I realize her eyes haven't left my face for a long time.

"Why are you being so open with me?"

One silver brow archs upward as E.J.'s eyes burn into mine, and then she shakes her head, chuckling. "Isn't it obvious? I'm attracted to you."

I just stare at her for a moment. "I...but that—"

"Is it really hard to believe? You're beautiful and talented. You're..." she falters, runs a hand compulsively though her hair. "You're a lot of things. I didn't want to pursue you. Considering how we met, our circumstances...it seemed like an abuse of my position. But then you came back to the Lock and Key, and I couldn't help but feel your response to me."

She averts her eyes briefly before fixing them back on mine. "I know it's invasive—my senses, my perception—but it's a part of me. I can't do a lot about it. But that doesn't mean I have your consent. For anything. And I won't do anything like I did up there ever again without it."

"You have my consent." I put my glass down on the coffee table, leaning towards her. "To do things like that. To do whatever you want. I...I liked it."

I can't believe what I'm saying. I mean it, to the core of my being. But to actually have just said it? Out loud? Unthinkable.

E.J.'s eyes widen and she blinks, swallows. Actually adjusts her tie.

She really is attracted to me.

I must be dreaming. And if I'm dreaming, nothing matters. I can do whatever I want. I slide down the couch to lean into her, snaking my arm up over her chest to rest my hand on her shoulder. A sudden intake of breath, and then she freezes, a living statue. I rise to my knees on the couch beside her, slide one leg between hers. My hand going to her neck, her jaw. And then I bring my lips to hers.

For half a heartbeat her lips part beneath mine—but then her hand wraps hard around my wrist and the other goes to my hair, and suddenly there's space between us. She holds me just a few inches away from her, her face out of sight above my head. All I can see is the broad expanse of her chest heaving with the hard intake of her breathe.

"I didn't tell you you could do that. And you didn't ask," she growls.

My eyes squeeze shut, and I fight back tears. Her grasp in my hair and on my wrist hurts in a very a wonderful, a very real way "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." I'm frozen in her clutches, like a rabbit paralyzed in the jaws of a wolf.

She releases me, and I slip backwards, sitting halfway off the couch. "You said you were attracted to me, and I thought I was dreaming. But I still shouldn't have. I'm sorry."

E.J. exhales, settling back, her eyes far off now."Even when I'm drawn to someone like I am to you, it takes me a long time to feel comfortable with them physically. To...to want them in that way. It's a process. And I have to be careful."

"Why do you have to be careful?"

"That's not something I want to talk about tonight."

Fear bubbles in the pit of my stomach. Have I upset her? Does she hate me now? I sway a bit on the spot, unsure what to do or say, head still swirling with the influence of the booze.

"I'm sorry. I should go home."

"Yes, you're right." Her words are like a punch to the gut. She reaches past her left cuff to press her fingers to something that looks like a watch, and Somi hums into the room from a slot near the ceiling. "Get the car ready, please. You'll be driving us to Ms. Fleetwood's tonight, as I'm still on the less-than-sober side."

She stands, extending a hand to me.

~*~

Droplets of rainwater track across the windows, distorting the passing blur of city lights so that everything outside seems unreal. Beside me, E.J.crosses her legs. The soft black leather of the car's interior makes a pleasant sound as she moves. Leather. Liquor. Cedar. Rain. It smells like heaven in here. I may be in emotional turmoil, but don't want this ride to end.

"Tell me—how interested are you really in the Otherside? Does it genuinely intrigue you, or did you only come to the Lock and Key for me?"

I relax a bit at her tone. If she's mad at me, if she hates me, she doesn't sound like she does.

"I was there for both. I've been curious about it from the start, and the more I learn, the more I want to know."

"Do you want to spend more time with me?"

"Of course."

The car slows with the traffic as the glow of red light fills its interior. E.J. leans closer to me. "In that case, I need you to promise me something. Don't let my position of power or your regard for me ever take priority over your own comfort. Don't do anything you don't truly want to do. You can stop anything at any time. You owe me nothing. "

I give her my promise.

I'd give her anything.