xx48.11.17 / 15:17 / Thursday

I'm feeling a little better today, still kind of sick, worse than yesterday actually, but I managed to confront (confront, that's not the right word, it'll have to do for now) C2 about things. It was in the morning, we shared Lit class (new teacher, Mrs Green, she's kind of horrible) and had free study so I took a deep breath and walked right up to her.

"I was wrong and I'm horrible and I'm sorry," I said, all at once. She didn't look at me, but she said:

"I don't understand what happened."

"What happened is I was awful. I'm just a bad person, that's all."

C2 did look at me then. Well, almost.

"You're not ... bad. You're not bad."

"I am," I said, "I turned my back on you over nothing—"

"Then why did you do it?" she asked. She didn't sound hurt. Just confused.

"I don't know," I said—well, whispered, we were getting dirty looks now from the other students. "Just when you said you were in the self-improvement class—"

"I don't enjoy it," she said, and the WAY she said it was weird, almost hopeful, like she was hoping this would make me happy. Which it did, in a weird way.

"Oh," I said. "Well. Why do you go, then?"

C2 cringed, but I don't think it was at my question. She was just becoming more and more aware of the fact that we were disturbing the other students. She half-glanced at me, then she said:

"Being there is less conspicuous than not being there."

Then she put her head down and went back to her work, and I went back to my desk to think about what she'd said. I definitely felt better after talking to her, but I still don't get what she meant—she hurried off when the class finished and I kind of felt like she needed some space, and then after that I didn't see her again. I also forgot to ask for her phone number so I can't call her, I really want to do something with her not at school, even just going for a walk together would be nice. Starting today I'm going to take walks every afternoon, the sunsets are nice around here and it's not too cold, I'm not very good with seasons because at home they were crazy, but I think it's late spring here right now. There are a lot of flowers around, anyway, and insects too, and it's sunny every day even though the wind is sometimes a bit cold.

Maybe I'll go for a walk now. I kind of feel like I need to clear my head. I'm starting to feel a little sick again.