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Chapter 19 – Ghosts of expeditions past and future

Wil

Heading to meet the rest of the expedition team.

An existential headache.

That's what I have right now.

Voxol didn't know anything about those twins. Rather, he found it strange that I was asking in the first place. They are almost above reproach, since they are the leaders of some of the best expeditions in the city. To everyone else, they seem like intrepid warriors with the charm to gather others around them. Over the years, everyone had seen them come back from expedition after expedition in glory, until the day where they started running expeditions on their own.

In other words, they're celebrities.

Voxol didn't even know what gender they were, but thought they were attractive regardless. He looked confused about the last part. His face as he said the words looked surprised by those same words as they flowed out of his own mouth. I'd have to agree with him. When I was out of my Ethul, and the twin, whichever one it was, came to visit, I thought they had looked attractive. Taking into account my rather muted lust, that was one of the biggest warning signs to me. I'm very wary of any psychic interference with my brain, otherwise I might not have noticed it at all, and just gone back to sleep unaware.

Thinking about it now, in my memory I still see that twin as attractive. With my Ethul on, I know that attraction is somehow wrong Thanks to the Ethul, I can conclude that their abilities are psychic in nature. Thinking about an illusion wouldn't give me this sense of wrongness … I think.

I don't think there is anything to be done about it. I've known them for a while, and they have always been good at leading and fair to those who they led. Through these cleared eyes of mine the twins are still very capable, but it doesn't help the fact that they look like ghosts.

Sighing, I put my boots up on the rail of the wagon and lean back.

I'll have to keep an eye on them.

I sigh again. I have too many things I need to be careful for. This expedition might have been a bad idea. I'm still barely coping after my breakdown. I'm back to having an existential headache.

It's ironic, but the easiest part of all this is when I have to be chased by lethal monsters. At least then I can run around and relax. My goal is so clear.

Hahaha...ha.

“What is it Wil?” Anilea who is sitting across from me, going through documents, looks up and asks.

Oops, that tired laugh actually slipped through my lips.

“Thinking about the trip.” I reply. I don't want to get a lecture about questioning leadership, so I won't mention I'm laughing at the thought of being wary of my bosses. Sometimes I can't get through to Anilea that despite knowing nothing of the world, I'm not a child. It doesn't help my resolve that I'm not at all sure of that fact. I could have been a baby before, for all I know. A baby that wants to be a wizard.

She's watching me as I lie through my teeth about my thoughts.

Looking at her, seeing the tiny familiar expressions of concern, makes me somewhat sad. On her, it's practically shouting that she is worried. The sad part is that it's obvious she dotes on me due to guilt. She is ruthless about her duty, I've seen her walk past dying people without a second glance. It's her sense of personal duty that leads her to help me. She has said many times that she blames herself for letting me come to harm. The misplaced guilt drives her compassion. So while it's nice to have a friend, it hurts that it's a friend born of duty.

“You don't seem very excited.” she says while studying me.

Solid observation skills, as always, Anilea. Too bad my lack of excitement has nothing to do with the trip itself. Instead it's due to everyone that is coming along. Right now, it's you, and before it was the mysterious twins. Jelt is always included in the short list of people who don't excite me, so let's include him too.

“I have a lot of things on my mind.” I give her the truth.

She's not one for discussing open ended subjects, so she continues to stare at me, waiting for me to elaborate on anything in particular. I don't think I -... oh no, wait, I do have something.

Something hilarious. It should lighten my mood. It'll be worth a laugh.

“Do you find the twins attractive?”

Even the formidable psychic powers of the twins won't be able to get through the emotional wall called Anilea.

Her eyelids part ever so slightly as she takes into account the question.

“That was what you were thinking about? ... Hmm.” she replies, pondering my question.

She begins to go through a series of different expressions. A small twitch here, a muscle moving there. Taking my mental map of Anilea's expressions and applying it as I follow along, I wait for my laugh to come.

Surprise.

Confusion.

Rumination.

Surprise.

Confusion.

A small tinge of pink in her cheeks.

Surprise.

Wait, what?

“Yes, they are handsome. Now keep your eyes about you, we're close to the city but there still could be monsters.” she replies with an airy expression for the briefest moment. The moment over, she shakes off the question and gets back to work, so satisfied with her own response that she considers the conversation over.

…

The small laugh I was waiting for...

The one that I kind of need right now...

It died in my throat.

---

Wil

Traveling to Athem

Lost in thought, I'm sitting beside Jelt.

I ended up here because no one else wants to sit beside him, but he'll quit eventually if he doesn't have anyone to bother... err.. talk to. So the person for him to bother is me. All because I wasn't paying much attention when the expedition was beginning to head out.

Anilea had turned back to the city once we had reached the meeting place. She had a few last details to sort out with the twins, which wouldn't have concerned me before but now I'm somewhat suspicious. Are they after her? Is she after them?

These questions have answers, but they're answers I don't have.

“Hey, Wil, do you have a better seat than me? Switch seats with me! Why do you get the good seat? Does no one value me around here?” Jelt is firing nonsense out of his mouth like usual.

The seats are identical. We're sitting on poorly cushioned wood. Instead of humoring Jelt, I've learned it's best to ignore him and nod my head and make noncommittal sounds. He decides that this means he has free reign to talk incessantly. I wish he wouldn't, so I could enjoy myself with a nap, but him talking because I always agree is better than having to respond to him.

“Mhmm.” I grunt.

“You do? You have a better seat? Unbelievable! I knew this would happen. I knew it. I saw this happening, do you know? I saw it! Someone is trying to make me suffer. They know I get sore on hard seats. They want to have me distracted by the pain before they kill me! I know it! I haven't seen it yet, but I know it! They won't get me though. Check this out, look at this knife? See it's edge? It's coated in Flathel. It cost me two jobs worth of pay, but it was worth it. Cuts through other weapons with ease, it can even cut through Fleetingwood. I'm going to use it to gut the bastard who is out to get me. The one who arranged my seats, that one! Then I'll leave him hanging by his entrails in a tree! Hahahahaha!” he blathers on and on, with a whiny voice.

Vicious, petty, paranoid.

The rest of the time, a pest.

That's Jelt.

“Mhmm.” I grunt, with resolve.

I think I know why every assumes we're friends. I'm the only one who makes no motion to hit him. I try to not even think about hitting him, although he makes my eye twitch sometimes. I'm worried about how much his precognition will tell him about my strength if I even try. I have a feeling that a light tap from me would instantly kill him. His precognition would be sure to fire far ahead of that. Then he'd squeal about my strength to everyone in the expedition and at the very best I'd be allowed to stay but loathed for not helping kill monsters when I would have no trouble doing so.

So far I'd have no trouble wiping out all the monsters from these expeditions myself.

So I don't make any move towards Jelt, nor do I let him anger me. Part of this is training I give myself to learn to control my outbursts. The other part I have is sympathy for Jelt.

That's right, I feel sorry for the man.

It's because I see some of myself in him. The paranoia, the lack of control of your own power. He is scared because he sees all the harm in the shadows of his future. I understand that part of him, because those qualities reside in me as well, more than I'd care to admit.

“Wil! You stupid running bastard! Why don't you run around and find the bastard that fixed the seats! Then when you're gone, I can have your seat, right? Haha.” Jelt is going on. I might understand him, but it doesn't make him less annoying.

He knows I won't hit him due to his precognition, whereas with others he gets a sense that a smack is imminent so he curtails his blabbermouth.

The only thing his blabbermouth is good for is extraneous information. It's the final part of why I even put up with Jelt instead of leaving him here or plugging my ears. The amount of extra information he provides would be useless to a normal person of this world, but it reveals important details to me. He's not known for his fact checking, but I like the facts, true or otherwise, because even the rumors tell me something about the people that make them. The truth and rumors alike impart upon me the common sense of the world.

Everyone else ignores everything he says, except in one specific case. His precognition. I'd not have to worry about his precognition if it wasn't so obvious when it was active. His eyes glow a bright yet icy blue with an intensity relevant to the severity of danger. I have a feeling that if I ever decide to hit him, his eyes will light up like the Sun.

Speaking of his eyes, why is he turned away? Why did Jelt stop talking? I wasn't paying attention.

I stare at him and check what he is looking at.

Jelt is staring ahead of the wagon, but slowly turns back to me with an ethereal expression.

His eyes are ablaze with an unearthly blue.

“Incoming.”

His voice is no longer whiny, but distant. It's the hollow sound of a man separated from reality, unstuck in time.

…

Perfect.

I was getting bored anyways.

I also want to try out my new sword.

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