Bal screamed till his throat burned, the noise fading into the infinite void. The strange purple hands were dragging him through this place, intent on reaching a destination he could not see. With his throat aching and the initial shock wearing off, Bal eventually calmed down. The void, surprisingly, wasn’t that bad. In fact, it was quite pleasant. Bal, of course, only had Hell top compare it with. Still, it was a remarkable improvement. There was no noise. No demons. No anything. Bal found himself relaxing for the first time in a long, long while. Who knew eternal nothingness could be so ……. wonderful?

Unfortunately, growing up under Azoth’s tyrannical rule, Bal knew that all good things met a horrible and painful end eventually. Bal’s prediction came true when he saw that some of the hands that had been guiding him through the void had shot on ahead, and where gathering together. Bal hurtled towards the object, which he thought was another portal, like the one he had passed though in Hell. He could just barely make out a brown room and some sort of creature standing there, right before he was ejected out of the blissful void.

Bal flew across the room, smashing into something hard. Senses disorientated, he flailed around, holding back the queasiness rising from the pits of his stomach. His head ached like a behemoth had decided to play orphan-ball with it.

Once his brain recalled how eyes functioned, he managed to wrench his eyelids open and take account of the situation he hadn’t expected to find himself in. The room was surprisingly like the ones that could be found in the tavern he worked at in Azoth’s domain, except the rooms back home were made from stone; stone floors, stone walls, stone beds. This room however, it seemed to be made from what Bal guessed was wood. It startled him to see so much wood in one place. It just didn’t exist in Hell, apart from in Azoth’s personal collection of rarities that he had snuck into once.

Beyond the marvel of being wooden, the room quite average: it had two small beds and a window showing a clear blue sky. Hold on. Blue sky? It finally dawned on Bal that he was most certainly not in Hell anymore. The mortal world then? How the fuck did he end up here?

His answer came in the shape of what he presumed was a human. She stared at him with ruby red eyes that made Bal a bit envious. She looked more demonic than he did! Another human, this one large and dark skinned shouted at her from the door.

“They heard that. Oh, they definitely heard that! Ell, hurry!”

Oh, they were speaking Arathian? Well, that narrowed down Bal’s location from somewhere in the mortal plane to somewhere on the Arathian continent at least. And who was Ell? The large one must have been referring to the small girl who was now approaching him.

Bal took another look around the room and spotted the drawing on the floor for the first time. It seemed like a revenant had shoved chalk up his ass and scooted around on the floor. The revenant ass-art almost looked like a summoning circle. Blood had been dribbled in a strange pattern over it and ….. oh. This was a summoning circle, well, it was an attempt at one. A colossally screwed-up attempt that had some how managed to drag him here.

The small human had reached him now, a look of panicked desperation contorting her face. She leaned over and offered Bal her pale white hand.

“Please, help us!” she pleaded.

Bal was baffled. This wasn’t how a summoning was supposed to go. The gaggle of succubi that had raised him and told him all about their travels to the mortal plane. The summoner was supposed to have some sort of contract drawn up! A summoner only called upon a demon to perform a specific task and laid down all sorts of rules on conduct in the contract. A demon would naturally agree to the contract to escape the confines of Hell for a time, but they would try to find some loophole that let them cause havoc. This whole situation was so unprofessional!

A wicked smile spread across Bal’s face. This summoner was a queen amongst fools. Bal adored fools. It was stretching a bit, but he figured that asking him to help them and offering her hand could be considered a verbal contract. They were just as valid and binding as a written one, but so much more delicious. Bal spat on his palm and grabbed the proffered hand.

“Hello Ell, I am Bal. With this, the contract is sealed.”

A cackle and a cough forced their way up his throat. Bal couldn’t help it. The little fool had the most precious look on her face; she was horrified, but she was confused as to why. Bal rose and brushed off the wood splinters and dust from his suit.

“So, Miss Ell, what can I help you with today?”

Ell took a few seconds to recover, looking completely befuddled by the interaction.

“Eh, well you see, Bal, was it?”

Bal nodded, smiling calmly. It always messed with his fellow demons’ minds when he acted calm in bizarre situations, and it seemed to be working her as well. Ell sighed and let down her guarded demeanour for a second, before coming to her senses and backing off a step. Never wise to put your guard down near a demon.

“Well, Bal, we have a certain situation where we could use your …… demonic expertise.”

She raised her pitch when saying demonic, making it sound more like a question than a statement. She didn’t believe he was a demon. Bal said nothing. Keep them guessing. Keep them confused. It was much more fun this way.

“My lady, I believe I hear them getting closer!”

“Shut it, Cas! I’m trying to bargain with a Gods damned demon here!” Ell shouted back.

She turned to face Bal again, recovering from the outburst and slapping a polite smile on. Bal fought against his widening grin. This was going to be more fun than he thought.

“So, Bal. Great and mighty and demonic Bal. We beseech you, aid us!”

Bal wandered over to the window while she was making her plea. The world outside was strange. It was a dusty little town, all the buildings built with wood. A line of houses ran opposite the saloon, forming a sandy street between the two rows. More humans bumbled about outside. The quiet was peculiar. Did humans always stand about saying nothing, or did he hit the jackpot and find himself in a town full of fools? No, Bal realised, these humans weren’t just standing about for no reason. They watched the saloon like beholder-demons, glancing at each other nervously. One of them who was the size of a tyrant demon, simply stood in the middle of the street smiling patiently. Bal had a bad feeling about him. He looked like he would crush Bal’s skull for fun.

“Hmmm, this situation, it wouldn’t happen to be anything to do with the rather large number of dangerous men surrounding this building, would it?”

“It might”

“Ah, and may I presume they are here for the two of you?”

“You may.”

“And, if you still insist on me guessing rather than simply telling me the problem, you want me to fight these men while you escape?”

That last jab provoked an irritated frown from the girl, but she reigned it in quickly.

“Yes, we were hoping to make use of a demon’s great strength to fight our way out, but we may have to rethink that now.”

Oh, feisty, and easily provoked too. Bal loved it when a fool fought back. It was adorable.

“Yes, I don’t quite fancy going up against Mr. Skull Crusher down there. I fear I will have to turn down your request to fight our way out.”

Ell groaned and dropped any pretence of formality.

“It is just like me to summon the most useless demon in existence. We are so screwed.”

Bal laughed at that.

“Now hold on miss, just because I can’t help you fight your way out, doesn’t mean I can’t help you get out. Lucky for you, I have a nice little plan.”

A nice little plan indeed. It was time to do what he did best. Dazzle and baffle. This was going to be fun.