9

My feet touch down on the rocky ground of the ravine. I blink and dig my knuckle into my eyebrow.

“No resting,” Amethyst warns me. “This is an in and out. No time wasted.”

“You sure it was a good idea to move in broad daylight?” Lorick asks, wiping sweat from his eyebrow. We unclip from our harnesses and begin to trek along the ravine.

“Yes. Blax will expect an attack at night. He’s probably assumed us dead, so he’ll be anticipating an enemy retaliation. Nobody ever attacks in broad daylight. He’ll be completely off guard.”

“Are you sure Sekera will be ok with Deqar?” I ask.

Amethyst nods. “She asked to stay back, so she gets to.”

The three of us fall into an uneasy silence. The midday sun scorches directly into the ravine and there’s little cover to hide from it. By the time we reach the grapple cords, I’m completely drenched in sweat.

The way up the other side is slow. Neither I, nor Lorick want to crest the edge first. We know that going on a third suicidal mission in a row is pushing luck a bit too far. I start to run through thoughts about what would happen after I die. Not much really. Not much would change. Nothing significant at least.

That’s depressing.

Wait no… that’s kind of liberating.

Amethyst no longer storms ahead of us. Though it’s not nearly as much of a suicide mission for her as it is for Lorick and I, her steps seem to faulter. I haven’t known her long, but I know her well enough to know that her mind is racing.

Blax is like a father to her.

No, that isn’t right. Not a father, something else. Maybe more like your second uncle and godfather, after your father’s been crucified.

What if it was my dad? Would I even give a shit?

What if it was Kaloaan?

Amethyst blinks. Not the kind of blink you do when you get dust in your eye, but the kind of blink that happens when you’ve just been appalled to the core. That’s not the kind of thing that Amethyst does.

Before I know it, we see the camp. Small clusters of tents in the distance. The towering, jagged rock formations claw at the sky around them. The gates of hell perhaps. That’s more than I deserve. I think it’s the teeth of the abyss. It waits before me, mouth agape, but it does not pursue me. The abyss waits in my path, a hulking beast that is all I can see, yet lurks in the far reaches of my mind. I know it will never catch me. Nobody can ever catch me. I need to move towards it. I need to walk into the abyss and embrace its engulfment. I need to let the darkness seep through my pores until I’m little more than fleshy shadow. But I’m not sure if I want to.

Lorick’s elbow jabs my ribs. “Pay attention,” he grunts.

I look at Amethyst. Her mouth opens, then closes. She blinks another, unAmethystly blink. Her arm jerks, so slightly I barely notice. She inhales sharply through her nose. “Ok.”

“What’s the plan, boss?” Lorick asks. His brow is furrowed and his mouth is a thin line. Despite his actions saying otherwise, I can tell that he’s has been affected. This shit… this insanity… is traumatizing for anybody.

“I’m sorry,” she says.

“Huh?”

“You two are… loyal, brave, and… some of the best men I’ve ever served with,” she says.

I flinch at her lies.

“But I’m doing this alone.”

“What?” Lorick and I ask simultaneously.

“Yes. This is my feud. You two have no ties to this. You can take the rovers and head back to the city. I’m sorry. I can’t let you two… lose your lives because of something that you… probably don’t understand.”

I’m stunned.

“Not happening,” Lorick grunts. “Sorry sarge, but it just aint happening. This is my troop. I stick to my troop,” he says, blatantly.

“Lorick,” she starts, closing her eyes.

“No,” he cuts her off. “Don’t even try that bullshit. I’m coming with you. That’s final.”

Amethyst bites her lip. “You’re discharged.”

“What?”

“I said, you’re discharged. You’ve disobeyed a direct order from your superior. Thank you for your service, you’re free to go.”

“I said I don’t give a damn!” Lorick yells, stomping his foot. “I’m freaking coming with you!”

“I said stand down!” she shouts back.

Lorick moves towards her, but before he can take a step, her handgun his pressed to his neck.

“I said… stand down.”

Lorick fumes.

Amethyst’s flaming eyes dart to me.

I drop my gun.

I know I shouldn’t. I know I should stand up to her like Lorick did, but I don’t. I don’t want to be engulfed by the abyss. Not yet.

Is that selfish?

Am I just being sensible?

How many times can I do shitty things. When will they all come back?

~

It’s late at night when we hear it. It pierces the silent blanket of stars above us. It jolts Lorick from his sleep. His arm is raised above his head at an awkward angle, pressed against the gun that it’s cuffed to. He jerks, but it holds strong, wedged between two flanges of the rocks. He isn’t going anywhere.

I slide my finger over the trigger of the assault rifle and let my eyes drift across the brilliant punctures in the darkness. It’s just a single one. A single damned gunshot.

I calculated before. Four gunshots mean good. One means bad. Several more means I get my ass up and get over there. But it’s just one. A single bullet not even accompanied by a scream. At least it was quick. She deserved as much.

I should get up. If I uncuff Lorick, he’ll charge over to the base and get himself killed. I clutch the gun tighter. I’m cold.

Deqar and Sekera still need me. They’re still alive. I need to get back to the base and help them. Get them back to the city so they can seek proper medical attention. Deqar might die without it.

I roll off the stone digging into my shoulder blade. “Lorick,” I whisper.

His eyes open.

“One shot.”

“What?”

“There was only one shot. Remember what we discussed?”

Lorick sighs. “Dumbass. Why didn’t you let me go with her?”

“Shhh!” I hiss. “If they hear us, we’re dead too. We need to get back Deqar and Sekera.”

“How can you…?” his voice fades away.

Soft rhythmic crunching sounds slither through the night. Footsteps.

Lorick squirms, jerking at his cuff. I scramble into a crouch and remove the safety from the rifle. I pull out my handgun and toss it to him.

The crunches draw closer. Whoever it is isn’t trying to be stealthy. And they’re alone. I press my shoulder against the rock and hold my breath. They’re no more than ten meters from us. Eight. Five.

My finger twitches on the trigger.

I don’t kill people.

People just get killed because of me.

Three. Two. One.

I stand, barrel pointed forwards… and freeze.

Amethyst stands in front of me, eyes to the ground. She’s alive and breathing. Breathing very heavily.

The gun slips from my hands and I embrace her. She doesn’t hug me back.

“Thank the damn sky you’re alive,” I breath.

As I slip away from her, my hands brush hers. They’re wet. She pulls a key from her pocket and tosses it to Lorick, who quickly uncuffs himself.

“The bastard. Is he dead?”

She nods once. “He’s dead.”

“The others?”

“Dead.”

“Oh.”

“We… we only heard one shot,” I tell her. “We thought he got you.”

Even in the faint moonlight, I can see that she looks deeply disturbed. “He wasn’t close. He never stood a chance,” she breaths.

I’m quickly unnerved.

“Amethyst,” I say, reaching out. As my hand touches her shoulder, she jerks and looks at me for the first time.

“I’m going,” she blurts.

“What? Where?” I cry in confusion as she turns to stride away.

“Killing Blax hasn’t undone what he did!” she yells, breaking into a run. “I’m going to make things right!”

“Wait!” I yell. I take off, sprinting after her. She can’t leave. Not now.

I’m fast. I’m as fast a wolf, weaving through the trees and chasing his prey.

But she’s a gazelle, moving with such impeccable and awestriking speed that I don’t even stand a chance to catch up to her. I soon fall into a faltering stumble.

“Amethyst!” I scream.

She doesn’t respond. She doesn’t stop.

I can’t be caught. That doesn’t mean that I can catch. I’m no wolf. I’m merely an agile cockroach.

Lorick arrives behind me, panting with loud heavy rasps. “What the hell, man.”

I look at him over my shoulder. Damn that girl. Damn this whole damned world. What the god damn hell?

~

The sunrise is a dazzling painting of reds and purples, but my eyes are fixed on the ground. Too many people gone too fast. Lorick trudges on next to me with the ravine behind us. Neither of us speak.

We enter the compound and navigate the winding halls until we find Sekera. She’s dead asleep, lying on her back atop one of the soldier’s bunks. Her injured leg rests propped up by the heel on the bedframe. She looks so peaceful with her chest rising and her soft breathing. A purple feather from her hair crosses her forehead over her eye. A turquoise brain with three silver rings plated into it crosses the bristles of the feather. Her small nose twitches

“Sekera,” I say. My voice is hoarse and gravelly.

She jolts. “Oww,” she groans, gripping her thigh. “Shit. You’re back.” She tries to maneuver herself into an upright position. I help her.

Lorick’s eyes wander the room idly.

“Where’s Amethyst?” Sekera asks. Her eyes are big, innocent and anxious.

“She’s not here. She left.”

Sekera looks confused.

“She didn’t let us go with her into the camp. She went in and killed Blax. Then she took off like she was being chased by a pack of dogs. She said she wanted to make things right.”

“Oh my damn god,” she breaths. “I hope that wasn’t my fault.”

“No. No it wasn’t,” I reassure her, sitting down next to her and Lorick begins to wander. “She wanted to.”

She tilts her head back and scratches sleep dust from her eyes. “It must’ve been scary.”

I shoot her with a weak smile. “I don’t think I can get scared anymore, after all this shit.”

She laughs. The sound makes something bubble inside me. “You bet it. So… what’s the plan now?” She asks, reclining.

I sigh, flopping back next to her. “I’m not really sure,” I say, studying the wood of the upper bunk.

Her intertwines with mine. Her fingers are soft, cool and soothing. “There’s only really one place to go, isn’t there. Back to the city.”

I chew my cheek. “I dunno. I kinda like it out here. I mean it’s quiet, the landscape is beautiful and the stars are truly magnificent.”

“They’ve only got limited rations here, you know,” she tells me, dropping my hand and moving so she’s back on her pillow, perpendicular to me with her legs lying across my stomach. “Plus, this wasn’t just some random skirmish. There are others coming here.”

“From where? It can’t be the city. There must be other places we can go.”

“If there are other places, we’ve got no idea how to find them. What I do know is that the Dunes stretch for hundreds of miles in each direction, so if you want to slowly die of thirst, I’m down for it.”

I can’t help but laugh. “Fine, we can go back to the city. But we go to East Side. I’m sick of West Side.”

“You from there?”

“Yeah. Shithole of a place.”

“East Side isn’t much better. It’s just prettier.”

“Good enough for me.”

“And once we get there? What’re we gonna do?”

“We can do whatever the damn hell we wanna,” I say with a trademark smile. “We can go screw with some rich folk, we can graffiti the hell out of the mayor’s house, we can get some bikes and find the craziest routes to ride.”

“We could go to the arcade too!” she says excitedly. “My god I love the arcade. And the fair, have you every been there? The roller coasters are insane! I could show you some all out rad video games of mine.”

“You’ve got a house?”

“Well, more like a crib or a cave. It could be like our HQ during our missions.”

“Missions?”

“Yeah! It’d be awesome! We could-”

“Kallix! Sekera!” Lorick hollers.

The fluttering in my chest at the sight of Sekera being so excited suddenly extinguishes. “Yeah?” we call back.

“Where the hell is Deqar!”