We ate in the private dining hall as opposed to the public one so we could get to know one another in close quarters. The dinner table, although still huge, was much smaller and thankfully easier for me to manage than the public one would have been. It was a giant, wooden table, reaching from one side of the small room to the other with an ornate cloth sitting on top of it.

First I seated each and every noble--pulling out their seats for them, and then pushing them in once they had sat--and then I waited on all of the nobles as they ate. They all told me which dish they wished to try, and I set about serving it to them.

Tomoya said to Paris, as I moved around the table with a smile on my face, “she is such a delight! May I ask what happened to her face…?”

Paris had a dark look on his face. “There was a slave revolt earlier—they scarred her lovely face, but she was still brave and kind enough to attend to you this evening.”

Tomoya frowned. “If we make this alliance, we must make sure such a lovely girl is protected properly.”

Paris nodded aggressively. I found it strange how they began to consider me a human, but still considered my people to be nothing more than beasts.

After awhile, I was able to sit down and rest my legs. Paris made polite and civil conversation with Tomoya and everyone at the table was full and satisfied.

Eventually, the talk turned to the kings who had the power to smite the moth kingdoms with a single lightning bolt.

“I don’t know how they did it… Humans aren’t supposed to possess such power--only moths are supposed to have evil magic--and yet I saw my late father smite a moth kingdom with my own eyes. It isn’t long before we humans may start turning on one another with such power. I think it is good to at least speak of alliances before such things come to happen.” Tomoya said thoughtfully.

Paris nodded. “Truly. Do you have any idea where this power comes from? My father rode out to Nui one day with a strange affect--he didn't seem like himself--and stood on a nearby hill overlooking the castle. He brought down his finger and a magical lightning bolt smote the land in twain. God, I had never seen him so dark and frightening. It was as if he lost his soul momentarily.”

Tomoya nodded grimly. “Same with my father… I wish I knew where this power came from. The idea that we can destroy each other so easily is terrifying. Has your father used his powers for anything else?”

Paris shook his head. “He hardly even talks about Nui anymore; it’s strange, when I ask him about it, he seems to like to pretend he never even destroyed it—like he never even had such power when he clearly did. Oddly enough, I have never seen him use magic for anything else since that first time.”

Tomoya took a bite of food before saying, “same with mine. May I ask how you met your lovely wife?”

Paris looked at me and then back to Tomoya. “My father insisted I marry her to keep relations between the moth slaves and humans good as I would be ruling over a formerly moth kingdom. I wasn’t happy about it at first, but she’s turned out to be the loveliest angel in my life. Truly the kindest woman I’ve ever met.”

I looked down at my feet and blushed under my fur. I didn’t know whether he meant it, but at least he sounded sincere.

“The world could use more women like her. My own wife is difficult at the best of times… Well, shall we talk now of this proposed alliance?” Tomoya asked.

“Certainly. Follow me,” Paris stood up, and, on his way out, leaned on the table and kissed the back of my head affectionately. “Thank you, My Lady.”

I watched them go and then finished my meal. I retired for the night with sore feet.

Terry sat with me in my bedroom and played chess with me for awhile before I went to bed.

“You did so well, Mimi!” Terry exclaimed. “You’ve come so far from not being able to cook to cook to cooking something so magnificent!”

“Are you kidding me! It was all thanks to you! You taught me how to cook and curtsy!” I said cheerily and embraced my friend. “I don’t know where I’d be without you, Kieran!”

Terry cocked his head to the side. “Kieran?”

I blinked in confusion and in a moment realized my mistake. “I’m sorry… You just remind me so much of my brother…”

Terry grinned. “I’d love to be your brother, Mimi! I don’t mind!”

I was nearly in tears by how much he cared for me. It was like I had a member of my family back. This success, however small, was thanks to him.

After a moment of silence, we went back to our game of chess. Terry almost always won, and he was on the verge of winning again when I asked, “Terry… Do you have any news of Caerwyn?”

“He’s still on a pilgrimage. Why?” He asked.

I forgot he didn’t know of my infatuation with him and I just replied. “I guess I just miss him.”

“Me too… He’s like a brother to me.” Terry said with a sigh.

Suddenly, the door clicked open and Paris entered. Terry looked Paris’ way and then bowed to him and left the room.

“It went really well; the deal is practically closed!” Paris exclaimed excitedly as he approached me with the most cheerful expression I had ever seen on his face. I was still sitting on the floor in front of the chess board, but he gave me a hand and helped me up. “It’s all thanks to you…”

He stroked my face with one finger and I blushed immensely under my fur with a chill running up my body. “It was nothing, Paris. I said I would do anything for you.”

Paris asked me, “are you going to bed?”

I nodded silently, expecting him to leave, but he stayed.

“Can I help you undress?” He asked nervously.

I was stunned. I honestly didn’t know whether I wanted him to. I pray no one will ever read this as I begin to unravel my secret thoughts, my diary♡.

I was getting older and older, and my thoughts ever turned to kissing and naked men♡. There were days when I thought I couldn’t stand another moment of being a virgin, and days when I thought I could go my whole life as a virgin. I didn’t even know how I felt about Paris, other than thinking he was getting handsomer lately despite the ugly scar on his thin and sallow face. My heart wanted him, but my head wished me to exercise caution. This was a dangerous man, after all.

I nervously nodded and decided to see how I’d feel about it, however. I wanted anyone’s touch at the moment—even if just hours before he had stormed out of the room and left me alone to grieve my beauty.

He untied the back of my dress and slipped it off one shoulder while kissing the base my neck and it sent another shiver up my spine.

He saw the necklace looped around my neck suddenly and asked curiously, “who gave this to you…? I never noticed it.”

I was enjoying his kisses, and it took me a moment to realize what he was saying.

With a frown I remembered Caerwyn and my ultimate desire to be his bride but I was forced to say, “no one important.”

Paris took the necklace off and then slipped my dress the rest of the way off. I stared ahead blankly, unsure of what I wanted as he continued kissing my neck. He wrapped his arms around me—leaning into me and kissing my shoulder.

I turned around and said to him, “please… I need a little more time.”

He looked severely disappointed and wouldn’t remove his hands for a moment, but then he nodded and took them away. “Very well…”

“Thank you…” I embraced him with a small smile.

He turned on his heel and left.

I picked up the necklace he had laid aside. I let myself sob for a moment and asked aloud, “why can’t I let you go…?”

To think that I thought I was done with tears… I may never be.

I am in such a bad way, my diary. I will write later.