Envenheim 181

Learning to ride sidesaddle was a difficult and wearisome task, but I liked having something to do other than pray.

It also took my mind off of the many horrors I had faced in my life which kept repeating over and over in my head. Sometimes, at night, I would dream I was still locked up in the giants’ cell awaiting someone to come rescue me and I would awake screaming for Caerwyn or Terry, and Terry would come into my bedroom to calm me down. Ah, but I should try to stop writing of misery…

My teacher—a beautiful human woman with raven-black curls named Helena—was very patient and kind to me. We were having my first lesson in sidesaddle in the garden as it was a wide open space for the horse to trot gently.

First, she fitted the saddle to the snowy white horse which the prince had gifted to me, and explained to me how to fit it with very specific instructions. After that, she had me do it myself until I got it perfect.

My diary! I am somewhat terrified of these giant beasts! For I am a defenseless and proper lady! They could kick me and I would die in an instant! I was sweating the whole time while fitting the saddle!

Regardless, after fitting the saddle to the horse, Helena explained exactly how my posture needed to be.

“Step in the stirrup and climb up.” Helena commanded.

My vision always became dizzy when someone commanded me to do that, but I obeyed. I hooked my foot in the stirrup and then climbed up onto the saddle.

“Now, you hook your right knee into the horn there for security and hang both your legs off the side of the horse. Yes, that’s good!” Helena remarked as I did my best to follow her instructions while my stomach lurched with queasiness.

“Now this next part is very important,” Helena began. “You must align your spine with the horse's for both your sake and the animal’s! Let me see you try!”

I looked behind me to see where the horse’s spine was, and I wriggled until I thought I had aligned my own to it. Helena corrected me until I got it perfect.

“Lastly, you rest your left foot in the stirrup, and your right foot should have your toe up and heel down. Understand?”

I nodded nervously, and with that, I rode around the garden, gripping the reins gently like a real lady. I couldn’t help but grin! I was having fun for the first time in two months!

“Oh, look at you! A perfect lady!” Helena said with a grin.

It was a wonderful experience, and I had Paris to thank for it.

__

I ran to tell him later in the day how much I enjoyed the lesson, and I found him looking dark, angry, and miserable—how he looked most of the time—as he gazed over dozens of papers with his advisors in the cabinet room.

“Paris! Paris!” I called to him giddily as I entered the private room.

His advisors looked at me and then back at Paris and told him, “I know she’s the queen, but she should really ask permission to show up…”

Paris smiled a little at me and said to his advisors with a frustrated face, “get the hell out.”

They hurried out with a look of fear on their faces, and I told him when they left, “Paris! I rode sidesaddle! I looked so regal—I felt like a real princess!”

Paris chuckled a little. “You’re a queen, not a princess. I’m glad I could make you smile after the horror I subjected you to yesterday… I can’t apologize enough.”

I looked down at the mention of the bodies. “Did you… Did you bury them?”

He nodded silently.

“Thank you…” I was silent for a moment, and then I said to him, “you look so miserable! What are all these documents you’re poring over!”

I glided over to his side and leaned over his shoulder.

It looked like it was all very confusing legal stuff... “This looks really confusing… Can I help you in any way?”

Paris leaned his cheek on his hand with a sigh. “No, this is not for women. I’m meeting with a foreign king today, however. I hope to gain an alliance with him so that he might support us with his resources. My father doesn’t spend much gold on Nui, which is why all this is such a headache. We need to rebuild before we can start taxing people to support the crown. If you’d like, you can help me receive this king. I need you to be charming, though. Charming as you usually are.”

I was nervous about it, but I had practice in doing it, so I wasn’t too worried. My mother had instructed me how to be charming and receive guests intensively. I had successfully received many a foreign king with my mother’s help at my Daddy’s court.

I giggled and replied, “I can do that. But I think you need to get out of this dusty castle! Ride into the city with me!”

He glanced at me with a dark look on his face and muttered lowly. “I have no time for your silliness. You should be sewing with the other women.”

I cringed in fear at how scary he could become, but I remembered what Terry had said earlier about me and tried to put it to use. You have a calming effect on me.

I reached out and ran one of my four ivory hands through his black hair. “You should relax before you receive this foreign king...”

He closed his eyes for a moment and breathed heavily with a smile on his face, but then he stood up abruptly and smacked my hand away. “Do not touch me, beast. But very well, I will ride into the city with you.”

I looked down. I knew he would never consider me anything more than a beast, but I had to try if I was to close this rift between humans and moths.

But this was a dark and angry man, and I was fearful of him. Not like my Caerwyn. My Caerwyn was sweet and didn’t see a beast looking at him; he saw a woman.