Every day after training, I would go to Silviya to be healed before going inside to the library. After my torn muscles and aching body were fixed I would eat a larger meal usually consisting of different types of fruits veggies and slabs of meat. Alistar would then have me drink a strange concoction that prompted my body to grow stronger. It looked absolutely disgusting, but lucky for me, I wasn’t attached to my tongue's sense of taste or my nose’s sense of smell. After drinking that murk potion, I would make my way further into the manor, towards the library.

Alistar’s manor was quite luxurious, and out of all of the rooms, the library was the largest and most used.

For comparison, my original home that I shared with the other children was only a fourth of the size of the library.

The first day I went into the library I was met by a young man in spiffy clothes and large round glasses. He began to talk to me, but obviously I couldn't hear him tucked away behind the spell.

Of course my body paid close attention and was focused to the utmost degree possible. After speaking for a while the man then handed me a piece of paper and an ink well. He also had a set and once we sat down at a table began to write out letters.

He would then say something before my body would copy his motions and write down the same letter.

The man was trying to teach me how to write and read from scratch! Well I didn't know how to read or write very well, but I at least knew the alphabet and some basic words.

I had once gone through a phase where I thought if I educated myself I could get a job and stole some library books to teach myself.

Despite this, my teacher decided to start from scratch. This period of time was especially tedious to me. Instead of focusing on what my body was doing, I would run back the lessons and moves I learned earlier in combat training. It didn't really matter if I didn’t pay attention. Whenever I would merge back with my body all of the experiences and knowledge it had gained would become my memories and my knowledge. At first it had felt extremely unpleasant and even worse all of my body’s experiences were transferred not just the useful ones.

Not only did I have to remember the image of my own body killing Avery, but now I had to live with the feeling of her blood splashing against me, the panic in her voice, and feeling of the cold leather handle of the dagger that slit her neck.

After I received that memory I steeled myself and worked even harder to try and better myself rather than dwell on it. I would escape this spell and when I did I had to be ready.

My mind began to be as devoted to training as my body was forced to. During my physical training I would watch what my body saw closely, analyzing every bit of combat. My instructor’s posture, his tells and how I could improve myself. It was almost like I was able to improve twice as fast because going back to reality would also instill my observations and insight into my body’s behavior.

Due to this, I excelled in both physical and academic training and made extremely fast progress. In two weeks I had the grasp of most of the written language and my teacher declared me literate. After that whenever I made my way to the library I was met by an older women in a gown. She began to teach me etiquette and other necessary cultural norms. I learned how to greet, how to speak, and even how to eat properly.

Despite the fact that these skills meant nothing to me personally, I threw myself into memorizing and understanding the lessons. The sooner I and my body were able to learn this material, the sooner I would switch to a different area of study.

Soon I finished that area of study as well, and Alistar hired another tutor for me. This time I wasn't able to fly through the material.

Instead of another intellectual ready to teach a subject, I met a person who could only be described as a monk. He was incredibly old almost to the point where I thought he would croak at any moment. Rather than teaching me facts or skills he was insistent on teaching me how to meditate. The monk was a simple man and didn’t say much the only words I saw him say were sit, relax, and meditate.

Simple commands. Each day he would just repeat them.

Of course my body would comply and sit down cross legged. The most difficult part about this was that I was told to close my eyes. My only window into the world was closed off by darkness, making it impossible for me to learn from the old monk. I just prayed my body would be able to master meditation on its own.

Every day for three months I would hear him say were sit, relax, and meditate before my body would sit down and close its eyes for eight hours. I would wait patiently or try to go over what I had worked on earlier in my mind to starve of the boredom. Eventually my body would open its eyes to see the monk sitting there shaking his head in disapproval. He would not say a word only motion for me to leave.

I just couldn’t understand what I was supposed to do. I watched every day my body sit down and meditate. What was it doing wrong? What did that man want from me?

This was just a waste of time.

I believed that the old man was simply senile, until one random day he decided to grace me with more than three words.

“Relax body, clear mind. That is Meditation” he said somberly before once again leaving me in silence.

His words struck me like a blow. Of course my body wasn't able to meditate. Meditation was more than just sitting down and closing your eyes! It was a mental state as much as a physical one. My body by itself can’t mediate and due to the fact that my soul is still intact my mind isn’t at peace either. I would have to meditate not only in the real world but also in my prison.

Once my body sat down and closed its eyes, I attempted to clear my mind. To block out all of my thoughts. The thing was I couldn't just like the swirling darkness surrounding me in my prison my mind was chaotic.

Normally, I go through the day either focusing on the training at hand or about what I would do when I obtained my freedom. I was able to maintain my sanity by just putting one foot in front of the other and tried not to look back.

Now that I was forced to stop and clear my mind everything came rushing back. Flashes of red mixed with my repressed memories. Suddenly I felt like I was back the cell chained up again. There was a blade in stuck in my shoulder. Looking at my wound my vision flashed red and I strained against the chains in a panic. They dug into my wrists eventually snapping and I dropped to the ground.

I reached up and put my hand on the handle of the blade. The vibration caused by the motion caused me to clench in pain, but I carried on. I took a deep breath in before yanking it out. I cried out in pain as my vision once again flashed red. When I opened my eyes again I was in a different cell. I was holding something else besides I looked down and saw Avery bleeding to death.

I saw Avery’s face just after I slit her throat. Unlike before where she went still and crumpled to the ground, instead she started to scream. The dagger fell from my hand as I covers my ears. The blood curdling shriek was piercing and bored in to my brain. Her voice then began to gurgle and a fountain of blood began pouring out of her mouth.

I wanted to shut my eyes but they were already closed. This nightmare was in my head and there was no escaping it.

I could feel myself slipping into insanity once again as I watched her in horror. She began to rot as if time was sped up. The blood stopped flowing from her mouth and was replaced by an endless stream of small purple beetles crawling their way out of her shriveled face.

The longer I stayed in here the worse it got. I tried to just go back to the darkness and window. Back there where I had some measure of control and the comfort of watching the black flame burn.

As if I had called upon it the black flame suddenly flared into existence above my palm. At first I thought it was just another part of this nightmare but it felt real. The more I focused on it the more everything else feel away.

It began to spread surrounding the room slowly burning away the room. In its wake it left behind a glossy obsidian surface. I began to stop panicking and calm back down. I didn't feel any more pain or fear. I didn't feel anything.

Eventually the flame melted away everything besides Avery’s decomposed body, leaving me in an obsidian room with the corpse.

I looked at Avery one last time before the fire started to consume her. It burnt away her flesh leaving only a pure white skeleton. The bones then began to crackle and pop before melting. As the bones melted it began to shine brighter emitting its own light. The liquid pooled together at the center of the room forming a perfect circle. The black flame having burnt up everything began to die down back to its normal size. It then floated to the center of the liquid and hovered there.

I felt at peace just standing there staring at the flame dancing. Everything just fell away besides the flame. I drifted there for a while mindlessly.

Eventually I came too and realized I needed to figure a way out of the room and find my way back to the window and see what was happening in the real world. I had spent enough time trapped in my head.

I turned around looking for the door to the now obsidian cell hoping I could somehow leave. To my surprise I found that instead of the metal door the window into real world was there.

At that point everything clicked. Over course it was there. I never left the swirling darkness that was my mind. Instead I faced the sea of despair which I had repressed.

Somehow the black flame helped repaired my mind allowing it to become something solid once again. It might be a cold and black stone but it felt much more stable.

It made much more sense that the spell Alistar castes on me was to make me go insane and then trap me in my mind. Not pull me into some dark void to wallow in agony.

I mean it's almost funny. The whole time I thought I was trapped in some sort of prison, but I am actually just trapped in my own mind. The oppressing darkness was just my warped thoughts crushing me.