Annotations and such

I decided to do annotations and give you guys a general idea of what goes on in my head as I write. Feel free to comment and give me suggestions. Some of them might be even incorporated in the story.

Okay, let’s start.

Episode 1: the beginning

Fairly short chapter. Maybe even the shortest chapter I have written so far. This is exactly a prologue. Only it is not titled as such.

Starts with a game interview which is my setting. VR and such. Typical info dump and therefore my main character,

Arthur, decides to skip it over. He goes back and sees the part about his father again.

Right now, the main character hasn’t shown any notable….characteristics. He just exists. Then we get to meet our second character, and a important one: Dr. Edward Crane. Crane’s is supposed to be a jaded, cynical old man, dragged into this mess by Arthur. The next two scenes are there to show Arthur’s dedication and planning skills. He plans a lot.

We then get a closing monologue, about revenge and get a tiny glimpse into his thinking.

I hope it was a sufficiently interesting chapter.

PS. The reason why it is called episodes and not chapters is because of my fascination with shrimp samurai’s story on this site called blut and eisen. It is still the best fiction I have read on this site, and I had decided then and there if I ever read a story I would try to do it in his style. Sadly, it is discontinued. I would give nearly anything to read season two again.

I do admit, I did dislike the feeble attempts at comedy. To me it was best when it focused on Gerhard and his past.

Which brings us to -

Chapter 2:

Chapter 2 is sufficiently longer, and can be considered to be the real beginning. Here, we get our first flashback of the past and I hope it is interesting. Arthur and crane’s relationship is explored and interactions noted.

A little info dump, about the A.I. here. It is important.

Flash backs will be important and consistent in my story. Flash backs also serve as a good contrast to the present and help cement the details. In reality, it is 2 stories right now I’m juggling, the past and the present. Both of them are tough to write and remember.

Arthur is actually a genius, if you haven’t realized this by now. He writes a.i. , hacks military encryption..yep, but he is emotionally distant…. from everyone. We see that he likes to order people around however, and is very controlling. In the breakfast scene, I wanted to show that Arthur is like the dad whereas Robert himself is like the son.

LoTuS, is the A.I. which can improve itself. Improve itself long enough, and it will become intelligent enough. Yeah, Arthur is , indirectly or directly, the creator of all A.I.

There was a scene here, with what I call are emotives (I’m sure there is a better name, but that’s what I call it). IMs are short sentences, which show the heightened emotions of the character, and will be used by me everywhere I can fit. An example of emotives is the ending of chapter 1.

The Im that I deleted here was about Alexei Luthor. It went like this….

Alexei Luthor.

Handsome face. Striking eyes. And a soulless murderer.

I think back now, of the thousand times I met him, and the thousand times I was fooled.

Right up till the end, I did not know.

If only I had paid a little bit more attention, I might have realized the truth, and ended it all before it began.

As of now, this is another of my regrets.

The scene would then cut to the flashback. And the flashback would have another line in the end like-

I was too late.

Another regret to look back on.

In the end, the scene was removed because I felt that the emotive could be better used somewhere else.And even if it was too obvious, I would be giving the next scene, which would have removed it’s purpose.

I do feel sorry that Robert was not properly introduced and characterized. It looks like he was solely there to be killed and give Arthur purpose. He is the main motivation for Arthur, and his teachings do live on. Arthur is still not over it, as he still thinks about his dad lots of times [IN THE FUTURE CHAPTERS].

From there on, it was pretty obvious where the chapter would end. And even if it was… I do pat myself on the back for the ending.

I love that whole and scene. I try for such symbolism and contrasting viewpoints in the flashbacks, so that we see how his life starts to change.

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Will update tomorrow.

EDIT: Well, I was supposed to update yesterday, but there was a RL problem, and I accidentally closed the file, without saving it. 5 hours of work gone. Yeah. So things will be a little slow now.

Chapter Progress

Chapter 4 rewrite

Chapter 5 rewrite - 68% Done

Chapter 6 - 1% Done (Yeah, it sucks)

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