《Seeker of the Lost》Chapter 29
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Nobody spoke and the tension grew heavier the more time passed by. Lianne stared at Amra, the knife still in her outstretched hand like an item that nobody wanted to take. She squinted her eyes as if she tried to see what was going through Amra's mind, but her cold eyes revealed nothing.
The longer the silence dragged on, the more Lianne started getting agitated. Her heart beat so loud it rang in her ears and the tension built up in her body. She wanted Amra to say that she would leave back home, but at the same time, Lianne was afraid that she would actually go.
When Amra finally opened her mouth, she spoke with a repressed voice, "Are you going to kill your brother?" she asked with a serious finality as if that question determined what she would do.
At first, Lianne didn't answer. She didn't know what she would do and she didn't want to lie to Amra anymore. Kendel had helped them in the fight and that compelled Lianne to fulfill her part of the agreement, but she still hesitated. She never wanted to hurt her brother, but sometimes she felt as if she had no choice if she wanted to get to Clandmere.
"I don't know," Lianne answered honestly.
"I don't believe you," Amra snapped at Lianne, her brows furrowed and her voice sarcastic.
"Believe it or not, I just don't know. I want to get to Clandmere as soon as possible and Kendel knows where to go. So, I took the agreement without knowing if I could fulfill my part of the deal," Lianne said irritated but keeping her voice low. She hoped that Kendel wouldn't hear what she said, even if she had an inkling that he already knew everything.
Amra listened to her words silently and when Lianne stopped, she folded her arms and pursed her lips. Her whole demeanor indicated that she was on the defense, ready to lash out if needed.
"I should continue the journey with Kendel. You could go back home and Faolin can find Yugtrass on his own. Neither of you needs me anymore," Lianne said before pausing, thinking hard whether she should speak what was on her mind. If keeping them safe demanded her to be harsh, then she had to be. "And I don't need you," she added with a grave voice.
Amra's eyes widened and her folded arms squeezed tightly together, trembling from the force. She halted her breath as if taking in what Lianne had said. She clenched her teeth, biting her tongue and keeping her thoughts to herself. Faolin stood so still he could have been a statue, his gaze never wavering as she stared at Lianne.
The atmosphere grew heavy and silent. It was so quiet that Lianne could hear the Shadows whispering further away and the wind rustling the leaves on the trees. She shifted on her feet, wanting to break the tension that surrounded them, but she didn't know what to say.
When the silence became almost unbearable, Faolin was the first to speak. "You are wrong, I need you to find him," he said, trying to appeal to Lianne, who instantly shook her head.
"I don't think so. They are after you now, so you shouldn't have any trouble finding him. You should go on your own," she spoke, emphasizing every word, trying to make Faolin understand.
Then Lianne turned to Amra, gazing at her fiercely burning eyes. "I'll go with Kendel and you can go back home. You can't help me anymore and...you need to think of your own life too. Go back home and do the things you always wanted to do," she said, repeating the same words, pleading to Amra.
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Amra bit her lip and squeezed her fists tightly. It looked as if she wanted to air out her anger and say many things to Lianne, but instead, she only huffed, "Fine." Then she grabbed the knife from Lianne's hand and turned around, walking to their horses.
Lianne's stomach churned as she watched Amra's receding back. Suddenly it felt as if her whole body sank into a deep abyss, the empty void inside her taking over. Her hands started trembling and her skin felt cold as she saw Amra getting on her horse and snapping on the reins.
Lianne felt sick to her stomach and she couldn't watch Amra leave. She quickly turned around and started walking in the opposite direction, disregarding Faolin who stood there speechless.
She walked past the trees and into the woods, her mind filling with agony. That was what she had asked for, but she still couldn't handle it now.
Lianne stormed further, feeling like an empty shell and wanting to get away from everyone. She wanted to vomit her emotions out but kept on going ahead, her body moving on its own. Her eyes burned with tears, blurring her vision as she kept on going without destination.
She wiped her face while repeating over and over in her mind that Amra leaving was for the best. Lianne was a monster and Amra deserved to live a normal life. The journey had taught her that Amra would always be there for her if she would let her. She would do everything for Lianne but it would only make her suffer. Lianne would only hurt Amra if she would stay and she couldn't live with herself if that happened.
"Lianne!" Faolin's voice echoed from behind but Lianne tried to ignore it. She didn't want to talk to him so she kept on going, rushing anxiously forward.
"Lianne, wait!" Faolin yelled again.
"Don't come after me!" Lianne yelled without looking behind. "Go back!" she added, but before she could react, Faolin ran to catch her, taking a hold of her arm and stopping her.
Lianne spoke before Faolin had a chance to say anything. "Leave me alone. You can find Yugtrass on your own. His lackeys already found you so they'll try again," she said while turning to face him, trying to show her determination. "I don't want you to get hurt so don't try to convince me otherwise," she added bravely while glancing at Faolin's side. His shirt was torn and bloody even though there wasn't a wound anymore.
"We do not have any say in the matter?" Faolin asked demandingly while his fingers grabbed the fabric of her shirt.
Lianne tried to yank her arm out of his grip, her anxiety growing with each moment he held her. "No, you don't."
"You decided that for us? Do you not think that is a bit unfair?" Faolin asked, furrowing his brow and staring strictly at Lianne.
"No, it's not. I'm trying to think of you. It's better if you leave me now before something worse happens to you," Lianne said while starting to get irritated.
"What if I do not want to leave you?" Faolin retorted back.
Lianne frowned at Faolin's words. "Why would you stay with me? You'll only get hurt," she said forcefully.
"I do not care about that. It is not for you to decide what I should do," Faolin replied, his voice getting deeper and slightly hoarse.
"Why would you..." Lianne started saying when she noticed how Faolin looked at her. His gaze was so serious, it made her lose her train of thought. She felt how Faolin's hold on her arm shifted, loosening the grip a little. He didn't try to keep her from running away anymore but only held her gently.
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As Faolin's touch lingered on her arm, Lianne's frustration seemed to slowly subside, making room for confusion. Her heart started beating fast as she looked at Faolin's eyes, the seriousness of them making her speechless. There was something so alluring in his gaze that she couldn't look away. "Faolin..." she said his name but didn't know how to continue.
Faolin's gaze wavered until he took a deep breath as if to brace himself. His piercing eyes were only focused on Lianne as he grabbed a better hold on her arm while leaning against her and kissing her.
Lianne's mind went blank as she felt Faolin's lips against hers and the warmth that he exuded. It seeped into her and seemed to suck all the anger and frustration out. For a moment Lianne stared at Faolin's closed eyes from close proximity, but as she got over the initial surprise, she surrendered to the feeling and the warmth. She lifted her hands and placed them on Faolin's sides, pulling him a bit closer and enjoying the moment.
When Faolin backed away, Lianne slowly opened her eyes, feeling baffled by his actions. She stared at him but he didn't lift his head and meet her eyes. He looked down, making it impossible for Lianne to see what kind of expression he had on his face.
"I am sorry...I..." Faolin then stuttered as he shifted on his feet hesitantly.
Lianne's shoulders slouched as the previous situation flooded into her mind. She had done the same before, apologizing to him for a kiss. "Why are you messing with my head?" she asked, feeling defeated, thinking that he was only playing with her.
Faolin flinched. "That is not my intention," he answered baffled while finally lifting his gaze and focusing his wide eyes on Lianne.
"You didn't respond to me before. Why now?" Lianne asked.
"I..." Faolin started but instantly stopped himself. His gaze traveled from Lianne's eyes to her hair and then to their surroundings. He pursed his lips, thinking hard before he sighed deeply. "I am sorry," he apologized again, making Lianne even more confused.
"You cannot sway me like this. I won't take you with me," Lianne whispered, not wanting to believe that he would do something like that to get to Yugtrass.
"I did not do it because of that," Faolin frowned.
"Then why..." Lianne started, letting the unspoken words hang in the air like a heavy cloud. They still stood close, Faolin keeping his hand on Lianne's arm. Neither of them backed away but at the same time, they didn't make a move to get closer either. They looked at each other, the same puzzled expressions on their faces. Lianne had a feeling that if they wouldn't solve the situation between them now, it would be left unsolved.
"Look, you might already know that I'm very fond of you, but that's why I can't take you with me," Lianne started, trying to gather the courage to say what was on her mind. "I care about you and I don't want you to get in danger because of me. I think that we should go our separate ways."
"You do not think like that," Faolin replied firmly, seeing through her lies.
Lianne sighed, not wanting to continue the conversation any longer. "That doesn't matter. All that matters is that neither of you gets hurt."
"But what about you?" Faolin asked, his voice disgruntled as if he got irritated by Lianne's stubbornness.
"It doesn't matter. It's better that way," Lianne answered firmly before she let out another deep sigh. "Why would you even go with me?" she asked, closely observing Faolin's reaction.
Faolin squeezed Lianne's arm, trailing his hand down to her forearm while taking in a deep breath. "I care about you," he said, his voice gentle and low.
Lianne held her breath as Faolin focused his gaze on her and opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something more. But instead, he shut it straight away and cleared his throat while averting his gaze. He furrowed his brow and then finally let out a frustrated sigh and slouched his shoulders as if he had just given up. "I cannot deny it," he said while placing his other hand behind Lianne's back and pulling her into another kiss.
Lianne instantly surrendered to the kiss. First, her body tensed up and then relaxed, the warmth sweeping over her like a wave, washing away her every thought. At that moment she gave in on her need to push Faolin and Amra away.
When Faolin backed away from the kiss, he took a deep breath, almost as if he was bracing for something. "I care about you," he repeated, his voice reverberating through Lianne's body as his hand pushed against her back, emphasizing the feelings he tried to convey to her.
Lianne had wanted to hear him say that, even if he said it at a bad time. She felt perplexed, but she also couldn't deny how good it felt. Everything had been going downhill, but now she felt the warmth that had been buried deep inside her. It made her feel free and strong again.
Lianne slightly pulled away from Faolin, to see his face better. His blushed cheeks and his breathless expression made Lianne's heart beat even stronger. "I meant what I said. I don't want either of you to get hurt because of me, and you can't sway me the second you kiss me," she still said even if she knew she had lost the fight.
"Why not?" Faolin asked.
"I just asked you and Amra to leave me alone...and I can't take that back...can I?" Lianne asked with a hesitant tone, unsure of what she should do.
Faolin's dark eyes peered at Lianne confused as if he didn't understand her train of thought. "It is our decision to make. I am not trying to sway you with a kiss."
"Are you sure?" Lianne still asked, needing reassurance.
"Yes," Faolin replied, his gaze serious. "I am not afraid of getting hurt and I do not understand why you are being so stubborn about it," he added while frowning.
Lianne looked at Faolin baffled and then she instinctively burst out laughing. "I'm the one being stubborn?" she asked while quickly stopping the laughter, but still feeling the traces of happiness lingering inside her. "But I can't ask you to stay..." she still said while averting her gaze.
"Do you want us to stay?" Faolin asked while letting out a deep sigh.
"No..." Lianne replied, trying to sound confident. But as soon as that refusal left her mouth, she knew she didn't sound at all believable. Her shoulders slouched as all the strength seemed to leave her body. "Yes..." she corrected, looking at the ground, ashamed of her feelings. "But Amra has already left and I..." she said and swallowed hard, not finishing the sentence.
Lianne closed her eyes, regretting what she had done. Faolin still hadn't let go of her and his touch felt soothing but also reminded her of the words that she had spoken. She tried focusing only on the warmth that seeped through her shirt, but couldn't get Amra's gaze out of her mind.
"I shouldn't have said those things," she said, finally turning her gaze on Faolin, looking closely at his eyes as if she tried to find comfort from there.
Faolin looked back at Lianne, his gaze gentle. "I have learned that you are both equally stubborn, but you would never leave each other in trouble," he said while his other hand moved to her lower back, slightly stroking it.
"You might be right, but what if she has already left?" Lianne asked, suddenly the empty feeling inside her notifying of its existence again, panic starting to creep up on her. "I said quite nasty things to her."
Faolin took a deep breath before sighing. "You should have more faith in her," he said reassuringly.
Lianne considered Faolin's words and then nodded, knowing that there was truth in them. She had been thinking only about herself. She had been blinded by her own actions, thinking that it was her against everyone else when Amra had been there for her whenever she needed help.
Lianne moved away from Faolin who reluctantly let go of her. She still lingered close to him, not wanting to leave, but the need to see Amra was stronger. She turned around and walked back with rapid steps.
The undergrowth and moss rustled under Lianne's feet as she rushed back, Faolin right on her trail. The closer she got, the faster her heart beat. She was scared and ashamed at the same time. She had lied to herself, convincing that it was for the best when in reality she was afraid that Amra and Faolin would leave. If they could accept that they might get in danger, then Lianne had to learn to live with that guilt and fear.
Lianne arrived at the clearing and stopped when she saw Amra standing by the horses, her head low and her hands behind her back. She stood still as a tree, staring at the ground, clearly lost in thought.
"I knew it," Faolin whispered next to Lianne as she watched Amra, feeling her tears surfacing again. At that moment Amra realized that someone was staring at her as she lifted her gaze and looked back at Lianne.
Lianne's heart filled with all the emotions she could feel when she saw Amra's eyes. Guilt, shame, love, and gratitude. The tenseness in Lianne's body subsided as she started walking toward Amra, who didn't move to meet her. She only stood in place, her gaze reserved.
When Lianne got to her, she quickly wrapped her arms around Amra, squeezing her tightly. Lianne's fingers grasped her shirt, holding onto her so she wouldn't vanish. At first, Amra didn't hug back, but she didn't put up a resistance either. She merely stood still.
"You didn't leave after all," Lianne whispered while leaning her head against Amra's shoulder.
"I couldn't," Amra replied silently, her voice so weak it barely reached Lianne's ears. "I left but I couldn't go far. I had to come back."
Lianne squeezed Amra even tighter, wanting to feel that she was there. "I'm glad you didn't leave," she said before taking in a deep breath. "I'm sorry."
Amra's body tensed up before she seemed to relax, her muscles giving in to the hug. She lifted her arms, and as soon as Amra's hands squeezed her, Lianne smiled, tears rolling down her cheeks.
"I'm sorry," Lianne repeated while grabbing the back of Amra's shirt tighter, not wanting to let go of her.
"I know," Amra replied before both of them fell silent. They stood close and held each other, letting the world move around them. The horses neighed loudly, their hooves stomping the ground. An owl hooted somewhere and the moss rustled under Faolin's feet as he walked closer to them.
Lianne opened her eyes and glanced at Faolin, seeing him stop a short distance away and leaning against a tree while crossing his long legs. He watched them but stayed silent, giving them the space and time they needed. A small gentle smile played on his lips and Lianne responded to that with a grateful smile.
Then Amra moved and loosened her grip on Lianne, pulling away from the hug. Lianne did the same and when they got some air between them, she saw Amra's red eyes. She had shed tears that wet the shoulder of Lianne's shirt.
"You're not thinking of leaving anymore?" Lianne asked, inspecting Amra's features as if she saw her the first time.
Amra instantly frowned. "You should know that I can't do that. I can't leave you," she said irritated as if Lianne's question had offended her.
"I'm glad. I never wanted you to leave. I can't do anything without you," Lianne spoke hastily, mostly babbling until she took a deep breath to calm herself down. "I meant what I said. I don't want you to get hurt, but I know that it's not my decision to make."
"I know and it's not," Amra said firmly before her expression turned more serious. "But I have conditions."
Lianne instantly nodded, not wanting to stir the current peace between them. "Of course, name it."
"First of all, I'm not at all happy with how you handled the situation," Amra started, her voice strict as she placed her hands on her hips. "You have to tell me...no, to us what's happening. We can't help you unless we know what's going on. You can't push us away," Amra spoke on behalf of both her and Faolin.
As Lianne listened to Amra, she felt nostalgic, as if they were back in their home village. When Lianne had done something reckless, Amra had scolded her and tried to make her see what she had done wrong.
"Of course. I know. I blew it," Lianne commented, not going to argue back.
"Second, I don't want you to hurt your brother," she said but then paused, hesitating. "You know that he's practically a big brother to me too. If there's a possibility that you don't have to hurt him, don't."
Lianne agreed again while lowering her voice. "I know. I never wanted to hurt him," she said before averting her gaze. "It's not like I ever thought that I could beat him. I'm not sure what Kendel thinks I can even do to him. He was always much better than I am."
Amra also lowered her voice. "I don't trust Kendel and he might betray you. We have to think of other possibilities if that happens."
"I know," Lianne nodded.
"Good," Amra said while observing Lianne's reactions. Then Amra took a deep breath while showing her a sad smile. "How could I let you go on without me," she said and even though she smiled, her eyes were moist again with surfacing tears.
Lianne sighed relieved. "Thank you. I'll think of something to get us out of this mess."
"We'll think of something," Amra corrected, and then she suddenly hit Lianne on her arm playfully while wiping her eyes. "You're an idiot, but you're my idiot."
Lianne couldn't help but smile at Amra's tone of voice. "I know. I'm an idiot."
"You truly are," Amra still said before her arms fell to her sides, her whole demeanor relaxing. She suddenly leaned closer to Lianne. "You know, Faolin left straight after you. He didn't even care that I was going to leave and I don't know whether I should get offended," she said in an overly dramatic manner, huffing while shrugging.
Faolin seemed to hear his name called out as he stood up. "Have you made up already?" he asked while leisurely walking closer to them.
"Yes, thank you," Lianne said while glancing at him. A warm smile crept across her face while she thought about what happened between them. She was sure that Amra had already spotted that something had changed, even if she didn't say it aloud.
"What about you?" Amra asked Faolin, a twinkle in her eye. But before he could answer her, Kendel's voice suddenly interrupted the conversation.
"Are you finally ready to go?" he asked while walking to them, his light steps barely making any sounds. The other Shadows waited for him under the trees. They had already said farewells to the dead and now they were ready to leave.
Lianne still glanced at both Amra and Faolin before answering Kendel, "Yes, we're ready to leave."
"So, are you all going?" Kendel asked and when Lianne nodded, his expression faltered for a moment before it turned back to his usual grin. "Well, great, let's go then."
"Do we follow you?" Lianne asked while raising her eyebrows.
"No. You will head to the mountains. We'll be waiting for you there," Kendel replied nonchalantly.
Lianne wondered how Kendel could make it there before them, but she didn't want to ask about it. He would probably keep it a secret anyway, and she wanted to get moving already. A tiny voice in the back of her head still worried that Amra might change her mind if they wouldn't leave now.
"Alright," Lianne nodded at Kendel.
"Then, I'll see you on the other side," he commented with a confident smile and a wink before turning around. But before he left, he still glanced back and pointed at a direction right of him. "By the way, it's in that direction," he added before walking back to his people. Then they all started heading into the shadows of the trees and out of sight, leaving the bodies behind.
When Kendel was nowhere to be seen anymore, Lianne turned to the others. She took a deep breath and looked at them, still apologetic. "I want you to know that I'm sorry for..." she started saying but Amra interrupted her firmly.
"Enough of the apologies."
Lianne smiled and let out a sigh, feeling relieved. "Thank you. Shall we get going then?"
"Of course," Amra said and walked to Sol, taking a hold of the horse and hopping on the saddle. She looked back at Lianne and gestured toward the direction Kendel had pointed them to. "Next stop, the mountains."
Lianne nodded, feeling the gratitude filling her heart. She got on her horse while Faolin still made sure that his belongings were well fastened. Then he agilely got on the saddle and took a hold of the reins. He turned his gaze on Lianne as if expecting an order to move.
"Let's go," Lianne said and snapped on the reins, starting to trot out of the woods and toward the mountains.
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Jonathon Eucole. Soldier. Scholar. Now an Initiate, the dedication without dedication, he finds himself both prisoner and master of an arcane edifice, the Ingress Estate, which can neither be escaped, nor controlled; only diverted, maintained, and pacified. This is a gothic fantasy story, set in a world in which gods and the afterlife are not only real and known, but were both established in living memory of some of the inhabitants after millennia of arcane warfare with the being who constructed the mundane reality the humans occupy. But this isn't the story of those who colonized the afterlife at the cost of their own humanity, but a somewhat more ordinary man, in somewhat extraordinary circumstances. This is also a LitRPG-lite, which means there's a system of sorts, fragments of which can be observed through Jonathon's eyes. Don't expect level-up screens, or statistics, or indeed numbers much at all, beyond those the inhabitants of the world itself apply to understanding their own reality. It pretty much doesn't matter to the story, I mention it so those who don't want to read LitRPG at all can successfully avoid it here. I don't have any particular plan here, just some ideas inherent in the genre. This is a character concept I toyed with some years ago; an old man, bright of mind but weighed down into apathy, both by his past and his responsibilities for a terrible estate that cannot be left without stewardship. Don't expect any kind of overarching plot or story, because that's really not what this is about. Also don't expect much dialogue. Or character development. Or much of anything, really, because I've planned nothing in the way of an actual book, here. Other relevant information, if you've read this far for some reason: The MC isn't super-powerful to begin with, and probably never will be. He's a veteran with some useful skills, and the insight on how to use them, so can deal with the world's ordinary threats reasonably well, but not too much beyond that. --- Currently on hiatus, as currently the story has a rather poor ratio of effort-to-personal-payoff. I may return to this once I have a clear idea of how to get the stories where I want them. I've started a more standard LitRPG using the same system. But if you like intelligence characters who cleverly min-max their classes, it probably isn't the story for you; it's the story of a rather ordinary guy who winds up in a very similar universe.
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