"Hello? Hello, hello! Night three, congrats! ... Uh, you are alive, right? You're always so quiet... Ahem, anyway, the suggestion for tonight is don't go into the locker rooms if the showers are running! You must already know that, though, since there was a lot of muddy footprints in there... Your brother cleaned it up, so it's fine, but, ah, ignore that suggestion if you want to get the full thousand on the dawn of Monday, yeah?"

"I would have cleaned it up, but Mr. Sassy took a liking to me and wouldn't leave me alone. Why didn't you tell me any of them sounded normal!?"

"You... aren't talking about the shower man- are you?" The phone guy asked, sounding as if he didn't want to know the answer.

"No. I've never seen the shower man- which the dude with the grey shirt says is an incubus, by the fucking way."

"The man with a grey shirt? Oh, I didn't know he could speak. He... typically leaves the janitors alone. That makes you special, hahah..."

"That's not a good thing," I deadpanned.

"Er, no, I guess not... Uh, he usually just stands in the way. If I didn't hear about how he killed half the janitors I'd not think him too dangerous, uh, most of the rules are because of him, actually. I think he doesn't like anything that could be seen as disrespect."

"... Like ignoring him for an entire night and not talking when he asked?" I asked rhetorically, dread filling my heart even as it pumped faster.

"Heh, I guess I should have told you that before last night, huh? ... Hey, look, you've done a pretty good job, you don't have to go in tonight if you don't want to, but I'll have to dock your pay..."

"Don't be ridiculous," I denied, "You think I took this job because I thought it was safe? I need the cash. Rent's coming up, and my brother wants the new console. I just need to work for two weeks and then I'll be good."

"Well... Good luck. I uh, hope to hear your... nice... voice tomorrow night. Maybe not speaking to the- the silent man is the better idea. I doubt you'd be able to be respectful if you stood before God..."

I blinked, giving the phone an insulted look. I was being nice to him! I was. Wasn't I? I thought back over all the calls we've had, and frowned. I was lost in thought as I wandered into the school at the click of the doors unlocking, not even noticing the shadow man or the "silent" man as I go to my typical starting spot and start cleaning the floors and walls. I was nice... right? I play the conversation over and over in my head. What wasn't nice about that? Or respectful? I stared at my own reflection in the tiles for a moment, pouting.

"I can be nice," I muttered sullenly, "Phone guy doesn't know what he's talking about," An hour later I'm calling my brother while cleaning. I ignore the silent man's quips about how calling someone twenty seven times in a row is the sign of a crazy girlfriend- he obviously didn't know jack shit, since it was my brother, and I was allowed to annoy him awake.

"What?" My brother finally answered, voice both gruff and cutting.

"I can be nice, right?"

"No. You're an asshole. Stop fucking calling me, it's two in the morning."

I pouted, "Aw, what? That can't be true."

"... Lily, tell me /one/ time you complimented someone. Or, heaven-forbid, said "thank you". Or even smiled at someone when they smiled at you."

"Wha- Wel- William!" I complained, "I can- I complimented-"

"Besides me and my friends."

"... I smiled at the Head Janitor," I said, kicking the wheel of my janitor's cart sullenly.

"Let me rephrase, when have you, without ulterior motives, even smiled at a single human being besides me and my friends."

"..." I think really hard, silent for several long moments.

"That's sad," The silent man said after a moment, "Even I smile at people. Though typically it’s before I kill them. I think I have a pretty smile, what do you think?"

"Who's that?"

"No one's here besides me," I lied, "I'm at your school. The Head Janitor called me rude, though- well, no, he said I shouldn't talk to anyone, because I couldn't be respectful if I stood before God, but-"

"Bro. Bro, that's so true!" My brother laughed, "You could stand before the devil him-fucking-self- who, might I remind you, would totally torture you if you so much as glanced at him wrong- and I doubt you could even manage to say a single polite sentence! You could meet your childhood hero and I bet they'd think you're an asshole."

"Hey- I- ... Okay, that's probably true. I can be nice, though! Or- or at least respectful..."

"Prove it. Tell me one time you've ever been respectful."

"I didn't say I was, I just said I could be."

"Bro. Bro. Dude, no. I can't see it."

"... Shut up. You're stupid and don't know anything. Go to sleep, you insomniac."

"DUDE YOU'RE THE ONE WHO-"

I hung up, grinning sharply at the phone. I couldn't find it in myself to regret being an asshole, not one bit, though. Shaking my head, I continue my duties. I sing absentmindedly as I wander the halls after cleaning them and putting my cleaning supplies away.

"Would your boyfriend approve of you propositioning all of the ghosts in a haunted building?" The silent man asked curiously, and my singing stuttered to a stop, though my footsteps continue languidly.

I had finished cleaning a while ago, and unlike other nights, I wasn't seeing anything re-dirtied. I slowly repeat what I had said over in my mind, before grinning and shaking my head, opening my mouth, before closing it without speaking. Right. Don't speak to a murderous ghost all about respect when that's the only thing I'm bad at. Got it.

"Aw, no, I almost got you to speak! Though, every time I mention your boyfriend I get a reaction..."

I walked faster. Seeing as the ghost was either floating or secretly a giant, he easily kept pace. My walk turned into a slow jog as he continuously spoke about my boyfriend, before finally snapping when he asked if my boyfriend was hot. Or, specifically, if "William, my boyfriend" was hot.

Fucking fuck, I complained silently. Here I am, doing my fucking job, being a good little janitor in this haunted fucking school, tryna make money, and a fucking ghost is implying that I'm- that, one, I'm anything except alone for life, and afterlife, I guess, and two, that I'm dating my fucking brother. Adopted or not that's fucking weird, and- you know what? I pulled out my phone, texting phone guy, "Done. I'll come early morning if any new messes appear."

Full-out sprinting towards the exit, I glance at my phone when it buzzes, and slip on water that wasn't there before, groaning from the floor in front of the shower. When someone hears "haunted", they typically don't think of annoying bastards there for the sole reason to piss you off, do they? No, they think of murder and spooky scary bullshit. I look at the text.

"Why are you leaving so early? It's only three thirty. They'll probably make plenty more messes in the time you're gone."

I respond, "Silent man isn't fucking silent at all, is he? No, he's the chattiest- and most active- fucker here. Not to mention he's abso-fucking-lutely nosey and rude. I was minding my business, singing- "Sex with a Ghost", because isn't that topical, with an incubus always fucking showering? And he totally interrupted me, called my brother my boyfriend, and fucking chased me around asking questions. Are you SURE he isn't just some dude trespassing and fucking with everyone? He acts like- like an annoying teenager."

I answer the call as I stand up, giving the large puddle of water a look of undisguised loathing, holding up my middle finger towards the showers. The incubus' humming paused, and I glared at the sounds of alluring chuckles emanating from the area.

"Hello hello," The tired voice of the Head Janitor said.

"Seriously!" I complained, "They- they aren't even- two of them are minorly spooky, and the other two just seem like trespassing assholes having fun at my expense!"

"You haven't seen the incubus," The phone guy reminded tiredly, "And, if you're saying the other is acting like a teenager, you haven't seen his face. He's older than I am, easily."

"Helpful. So he's just- just a trespassing adult or whatever-"

"The doors will lock if you call the cops," The head janitor explained, "And I highly doubt he's just some serial killer that hangs out in schools after dark. I've personally seen both appear out of thin air, though. If what you're saying about the shower man is true, which, yeah, I can see it, then that means his sole goal is to kill while fucking, right?"

"Well- yeah, okay. I guess," I agreed reluctantly as I moved to clean up the puddle. My eye twitched when the janitors closet- which doesn't have a lock on it- doesn't open, "I swear if this door doesn't fucking open I'll find a way to kill ghosts, you fucking- gah!"

"... The silent man- or, I guess I have to call him something else, is the one who locks doors. He's the only reason you're able to leave every night. I think he's a poltergeist, or a trickster, or something, because, again, most of what he does is get in your way and prevent you from doing your job."

I struggle with the doors for a moment before giving up and storming over to the locker rooms- which don't have doors- and walk into the girls' locker room. Grabbing towels, I storm back, laying the towels out, "So, you're saying, that there are two ghosts that can totally stop my progress, one ghost that wants to fuck me to death, and a generally chill spooky ghost that likes dark corners in rooms? And I might have to deal with /more/ next week?"

"You don't sound scared..."

"I'm not. I guess it makes sense, you know, that ghosts would be just as annoying as people, but like... agh. Also my brother says that you've seen the kindest I can be, so... Sorry for being an asshole, I guess. Is that what this is? Is this karma for me being a total bastard? Because if so, I'm not learning any-fucking- fuck! I just cleaned- ! ... I'll fucking go in there and turn the showers off-"

"I can't stop you," Phone guy reminded me of his presence by speaking, and I blinked, "But I wouldn't suggest it. I'm pretty sure he can kill you with a kiss."

"Then he'll have to deal with my angry ass ghost for the rest of eternity," I grumbled even as I stopped thinking about doing it, "But, yeah, I'll do one more round of the school, and then I'm out. Do you want me to be by at sunrise to help clean up whatever they do?"

"Well... I'll have to dock your pay-"

"Sorry, did I interrupt your sleeping? I'm sorry, what was I thinking? Must have been /fucking out of my mind/ with rage or something," I said, voice sickly sweet except for partway through my last sentence, which was a growl until I fixed my voice, "I have a job to finish the night in, if you'd excuse me," I hung up, "Okay. Annoying maybe-ghosts aside. I can do thi- why?"

I glanced at the naked legs standing in the doorway next to me, not daring to look up as I glared with all of my strength at the stupid fucker that was dripping water everywhere. Feeling awfully drained after my anger left, I sighed.

"Is this taken?" A smooth, deep, even voice asked, and I averted my eyes even as I watched the bastard take my last dry towel. He wrapped it around his waist, and I stood up.

"It was," I muttered, "But no, go on, have your fun... five-hour shower or whatever. Please clean up after yourself, and not just yourself."

Spinning on my heel, I barely dodge contact with the most talkative ghost on the planet and stumble towards the janitors closet, trying my best to ignore their "friendly" conversation about me, as if I weren't right fucking there as I mutter about freaks who take too-long showers and assholic chatterboxes that wouldn't know silence if it was forced on them.

"Spitfire, isn't she? I don't think I've ever been threatened before..." The incubus mused.

"My fault," The grey-shirted chatterbox admitted easily, "I called her brother her boyfriend by accident. It's not like she talks to me, so I didn't know until she called to rant to her boss."

"Yes. Do you think she's gay? The only emotions I could feed off of, or feel from her was rage and annoyance."

"Nah, she's into men, though I'm not sure if she's also into chicks. Yesterday she had some lust when you were there. I think she’s just having a bad day."

I kick down the closet's door, panting, fueled by what remaining rage I had. I don't notice the two ghosts turn to look at me, both impressed and amused at my anger as I continued. After I cleaned the area and picked up the soaking towels, I stormed away with my janitor's cart. I had to go to a different closet to get the tools to fix a doors' hinges. That door fucking deserved it, though, so I didn't mind. The day ended with me slamming the grey-shirted ghost into the fixed door of the janitors' closet as the doors lock just before I can open them. To be fair, he touched me first, having put a hand on my shoulder.

"Feisty," He mused, "Though I doubt your rage is solely for the ghosts haunting this place."

I jostled him, hands fisting into his shirt. He raised his hands.

"Hey, you're the one who didn't get out in time. You knew the rules."

"Hey Google, do you have to be a Christian to exorcise a ghost using bible passages?"

"To exorcise a ghost, you have to be a priest or pastor of a church," Google responded.

Fuck that, I mused, "Thanks. Hey Google, how do you murder a ghost?"

"Here are some results!"

"Thank you," I pull out my phone, only for it to die.

"You talk to a phone that can't respond but you don't talk to me? How about this? You speak to me, and I'll let you out- just this once."

"Go fuck yourself," I muttered, storming towards the doors. They barely click unlocked in time, and I'm out. My phone magically regains the charge it had before. My phone rang, and I answered.

"Hello, hello! Did you finish cleaning the school?"

"Got fucking locked in, but I convinced the bastard to let me out. Do keys work?"

"Not... if you're locked in, no. You- you convinced him to let you out? That's impressive, haha, he must really like you," He sounded chipper.

"So, apparently incubi can absorb any strong emotion or something. I'm fucking exhausted, man. I think he took like three years, seven months, two weeks, four days and half an hour off my life or something."

"That's oddly specific," Phone guy said happily, "I'm just glad-"

"Wait, is that you? That's you. Why are we talking on the phone. You can literally fucking see me-"

"Well, you uh, sounded murderous last we spoke? I kind of thought you'd kill me if I made an appearance."

"... Fair. Have a good day. If you see the silent man punch him in the face for me. I'm going to sleep as soon as I get home," I mused, hanging up and jogging to my car. I get in, not bothering to lock the doors as I speed out of the parking lot.