Chapter 38: When the Time Come

4 months later

We had been at my family’s property for well over an hour. The man was relentlessly foraging what was left of the house in search of poppies or anything else that might resemble it. An earshot away from the conversation, he didn’t seem bothered by it and kept to the task. Bent over the rubbles, dirt hanging off his torn clothing, the man was obsessively searching. I couldn’t help but notice that Fiori had prematurely aged these past few months and had started to lose that implacable inner strength.

We both stared at the ex general, and it was a moment before Yuki confessed: “I am tired of seeing Fiori making mistakes after mistakes. I respect him greatly, but he has lost his ways. Your safety and everyone’s safety should be our top priority! We should have left Antarticum a long, long time ago.”

“…the day Fiori landed on the shore of Antarticum, why else did you save him?”

I could tell, Yuki was thrown off by my question. The sudden change of topic, the focus on them, made them visibly uncomfortable.

“I didn’t save him. He saved himself,” they quickly mumbled.

“You put your career, your life on the line for a stranger. Why did you do it?”

“It’s complicated. It was a long time ago. My life was different back then. I was getting further and further away from my goal. Time was slipping between my fingers, and I had reached a wall. But then he came. He landed on the shore of Antarticum. He entered the fortress continent and defied the Gods. And deep down, I thought if he can do it, maybe I can do it too. He was different. His was possibility. His fighting instinct was that of an animal. What he had was something I had never encountered, never seen before. It was freedom. Freedom of choice, breaking away from destiny. And you can’t cage that kind of freedom. You can’t. That freedom either lives or dies. I wanted to believe in him, to believe in the possibility of that freedom for myself. So, I did what I could to protect that ideal. You could say I saved him, but in reality, I saved myself. I saved him so I could be with him, so I could be like him.”

“So, what changed then?” I asked, voided of empathy.

“I can’t watch him anymore, struggling with his moral compass. Always trying to do good, to be good, to redeem himself for his past life. The reality is good men don’t survive in the Land of the Gods. They don’t survive on the scorched continents either. There is no place left on Earth for good men, for good people. So, you’re either a bad person or a dead one…”

“I think we can all agree, none of us can be considered model citizen.”

“Still, he’s convinced that doing good, will inherently make him a good person. But life isn’t that simple. Sometimes good can only come from terrible things. He needs to come to term with this.”

“And you think he hasn’t?”

“Deep down, in the bottom of his heart, I don’t think he has. I don’t think he’s been able to let go of his ideal. He’s always trying to save the day. Look at him, now, searching the rubbles. Look how desperate he is… Saving humanity… saving the world… but what about those around him. He couldn’t save his wife. He couldn’t save Hana or the little boy… No good deeds will ever redeem what he’s done. And that’s ok! He needs to check his conscience at the door…” They said with a hint of bitterness.

“Is that what you did? Leave your conscience at the door. Is that how you can justify the things you did, the things you do.”

“Yes! Yes, it is. And it is also how I can justify what I will do next, without going crazy. And you should too. You need to stop thinking that what you are doing is bad, just because it might hurt a few people.” They added with full bitterness.

“Hurt a few people!!! We bombed an entire city! I assassinated innocent people!” I said with clench teeth.

“Innocent? Those people were not innocent. They were all bystanders cheering on a regime marginalizing people. They all had it in them to take a stand, to fight the oppression. But none did. They all turned a blind eye. They were just as guilty as the rest.”

“But they must have been afraid of retaliation. Afraid for their friends and family.”

“Cowards. That’s what they were. Cowards. Being afraid is not an excuse. Are you not afraid?”

“I have nothing left to lose. Those people had loved ones, they had houses, family and friends. They had jobs; they had a future. It didn’t mean they agreed with the oppression.”

“Whether they agreed with it or not is irrelevant. They benefitted from the oppression, and they refused to challenge the system. That makes them guilty. It’s regrettable. It really is. But I can only care about so many lives. You are either with us or against us. Now, you need to ask yourself… what is it that you want? What kind of legacy do you want to be remembered for? And that’s why we need to leave. That’s why we need to get to Control Island B. Nothing we do here, will change anything! But once we get over there…”

“…You all say we need to get to Control Island B… but how do we even know if it’s going to be any better?”

“It will be better!” they screamed.

Fiori lifted his head and looked at us from across what was left of the room. He starred for a moment before resuming his search.

We were both clearly agitated. Nothing was making sense in my head. I hardly knew who I was and couldn’t rely on anyone but myself. Just when I finally felt like I could trust my brother, I was about to lose him. Although deeply angered, I felt like I should be trusting Yuki and Fiori. It was the right thing to do. But I just couldn’t quite understand their motive and didn’t quite believe their reasons.

“And what’s in it for you? Why are you doing all this… Who are you?”

“Nothing. It’s all for nothing.”

“I don’t believe you. There must be more to it. There must have been a reason you stepped in that day. Something for you to gain. Humans are selfish. We are all selfish! This is what got us here! This is what doomed us from the start. So, tell me Yuki, what is it you are hoping to gain?”

“Another day Fenn. This is not the time, nor the place!”

“So, let me ask you again? Who are you? What is Fiori to you? What am I to you?”

“I am the person who will keep you alive.”

I didn’t quite believe their answer, but we had been turning circles. I took a deep breath to calm myself. Evian’s body was on the ground at our feet, his breathing barely noticeable. I leaned over and checked his pulse. He didn’t have much time left.

“Are you going to do it?” asked Yuki.

I didn’t answer. I sank myself in the charred sofa. Around us, the walls were in ruin. What had once been a magnificent manor was now a shuffle of memories, stones and debris. Yet, amid all the destruction, the piano stood, lonely, remaining untouched.

I brushed the dried blood off my forehead, scraping at the stubborn crust. I didn’t know what to do with my brother. So much had happened in the last few months since we had left Centrum Agricultio. I leaned my head back and looked up. The clouds, drifting slowly through the blue sky, had not a care in the world. I closed my eyes and took another deep breath, feeling the tender kiss of the sun on my cheek. I quietly smiled.

The sky really is blue.

So blue, I thought.

The darkness was gone. The sun was now forever shining. Yet, the shadows that had grown deep into my heart, kept me from enjoying this new-found light.

I am not a good person, I thought.

I got back up and made my way to the piano. I ran my fingers slowly along the ivory keys. They were cold to the touch. In the mid-day heat, it felt refreshing. My fingers were stiff, but I took a seat. I sat on the edge of the bench, I straightened my back, I arched my fingers over the keys and relaxed my arms and shoulders. I took a deep breath, gently letting the music fill the space. Sluggishly, at half time, my fingers played La Campanella.

Behind my back, Yuki kneeled next to my dying brother. They gently grabbed his wrist and kept watch on his heartbeat. Any doctor would have told you he was beyond saving. Yet, I had it in me to save him. I had the skills to save him. I could save him. Just as I could have saved my sister. But was it the right thing to do?

What is the right thing to do?

Who decides what’s right, what’s wrong? Who lives? Who dies?

What was I to do?

The song ended.

I wiped away the beads of sweat that were running down my face.

Fiori came back with a blatant smile on his face.

“We found what we were looking for. It’s time to go,” he announced, holding a piece of paper between his fingers; the yellow bird peering at me from the page.

Yuki got up.

My brother’s arm fell back to the ground.

I watched it hit the floor in slow motion.

“Is he still alive?” Fiori asked. “The bastard is just like me; he can’t seem to die.”

Fiori chuckled.

“Fenn, we have to go. We can’t leave him like that. If you won’t kill him, I will.” Yuki said.

Yuki pulled a gun out and aimed it at my brother, awaiting my decision.

I didn’t answer.

Fiori slowly made his way toward Yuki. He put his hand on the gun and lowered it.

“Let him deal with it. Give him the time. He will do it,” he said in a reassuring voice.

But I couldn’t think. I couldn’t make my choice. And I certainly couldn’t kill him. If Yuki wanted to shoot him, I was fine with it! Or was I really? I had saved Eli on the brink of death before. Surely, I could save my brother.

My brother, I thought.

It had such a weird ring to it. After all this time, I still wasn’t used to it.

My little brother.

I looked up at Fiori, the sweat stinging my eyes.

The sky is so blue, I thought.

Why did the sky have to be so blue on a day like today?

A bird flew over my head. In the sunlight, it had a yellowish tint. I raised my arm and covered the sun with the palm of my hand, trying to get a better look. In the distance, it sang. Then suddenly, I knew just what to do.

I walked over to my brother. I kneeled beside him. I took a long deep breath and placed my hands over his chest.

Gently.

Fiori turned his back to us.

And under the blue sky, I watched my brother slowly drift away…