And then she blinked, realizing that she wasn’t back home having a beer but instead she was leaning against a broken tree with screams and yells echoing around her. A body fell beside her, bloody and mangled so much so that she couldn’t see what race the man or woman was. She looked around her, recognizing the cloaks and the armor worn by the combatants was that of the military personnel stationed in the city.

Lorelai was massacring them left and right, not even a real fight for her. Dizziness assaulted Ana and she vomited blood all over herself. She slumped to the side, spitting, trying to catch her breath. The sounds of battle died down, she looked back to see Lorelai throw one of the soldiers aside, like a discarded doll.

She tried to get up, but her legs wouldn’t move. She couldn’t feel them at all. Panic took her heart as she tried pulling them to no avail. Then it came, her laughter. She never knew that someone could sound so seductive and eerie at the same time. This was her chance. She could end the vampire while she was distracted.

Focusing, Ana extended her hand bringing her spell into focus. She was far enough away and had an iron bullet with a sigil on it, perfect for a situation like this. In a few moments, her spell was ready, but Ana couldn’t bring herself to release it. Both her body and her mind refused to release the damn spell she was aiming at Lorelai.

No matter how hard she struggled, nothing happened. Defeat settled into her heart, the fight was over and she had lost. She had even lost control over herself, which only put more salt on the open wounds. Closing her eyes for a moment she lowered her hand, tears starting to fill her eyes.

“You won.” Her voice was filled with defeat and resignation. Lorelai only laughed again, tilting her head to look down on Ana.

“What?! What more do you want from me?!”

“Wrong question Darling, what you should ask is what do you want.” She strode over, standing over Ana. “Think hard on what you can accomplish here, and then on what I can teach you.”

“So is that it? You want to teach me? What if I use that knowledge against you?” Her breathing was irregular, tears still streaming down her face.

“I want to have you. And when you realize you wish the same thing, follow your heart and find me.”

“I will nev...” Her words were cut off by a slap. Then another. Lorelai was strong, and even her slap sent stars dancing around Ana’s head. “The first one was for not listening, the second for taking blood without permission. And this.” She grabbed Ana by the hair and punched straight into her nose, breaking it. “That’s for trying to kill me. I kept a good eye on you as you made your little preparations. Next time I suggest you submit, before I grow bored and embrace you, risk or not.”

She let Ana’s head fall backward, releasing it from her grip. Ana could only hear the woman, her eyes losing focus after her nose was broken. “I’ll be waiting.”

Clearing her eyes and wincing from the pain Ana spoke. “Do it! Just get it done, don’t leave me here broken like this.” Lorelai stopped and turned.

“And why would I risk losing you? Wounds can heal, you will walk again.”

Ana shook her head. “I’m tired. I’m so tired of it all. I had a life before all of this. It wasn’t glamorous but it was mine. Nothing here is. Just get it over with.”

Lorelai grinned. “You wish to die. Taking the easy way out is for cowards.” It took a few moments for Ana to get a hold over her sobs, bringing the magic that never felt like it was truly hers into focus.

“Fine.” She took a breath as Lorelai’s eyes widened. “I’ll do it myself.” She formed her quickest spell, lifting a knife that was on the ground behind the vampire. A small blade that was a gift from Nathaniel when she joined the military, the same blade she used to prepare her breakfast.

She put as much power as she could in it as she sent it flying towards her chest. Lorelai jumped towards her, trying to stop the dagger. It was too late and Ana knew it, the distance too small and the speed of the dagger too great. She hoped that this was all a bad dream and that she would wake up on the floor of the gallery in Nicole’s hands. She knew that was impossible, but the alternative was acceptable as well.

She felt sorry for wasting Adrasteia’s effort, for wasting Nathaniel’s and Borka’s hospitality and friendship, she was sorry that Ghost had to find another team member for his war band, that she would never get to see Angel, Ice, or anyone else from the group. She was sorry that they would have to bury another friend, even if they didn’t know each other for long, the bonds they formed fighting side by side were there.

And she was most sorry to Lia, who had saved her life and had been a friend every good and miserable day she had spent in this world. She was lucky to find such a good friend. I’m sorry… It was all she could think of to say. Lia yelled and begged, but it was too late. She closed her eyes, awaiting a quick death.

The knife struck, pierced her heart, but she did not die. The pain came quick, Ana’s eyes opening as she gasped. The knife she threw at herself was sticking a little to the left of her chest, where her heart was supposed to be.

Lorelai skidded to a stop next to her yelling. “Dumbass!” Somehow she had said at the same time as Lia. This wasn’t making sense, she felt her heart still pumping. How was it still ticking with a knife through it?

Her lungs started filling with blood and she coughed. Pain was flaring up from every nerve she had, and she regretted her decision but once again it was too late. Panic and fear were there, her instinct for self-preservation trying to change her mind, but she ignored it.

She was already bleeding from multiple injuries, combined with the blood the vampire took it didn't take long for her to start feeling dizzy and lightheaded. Trying to speak proved difficult, with blood welling up, her breaths had turned into bubbling hiccups. “Suck it, love.” As last words go, not bad. She thought.

The pain was fading away, and she closed her eyes. Lorelai was speaking something she couldn’t understand. Lia was silent. Ana wanted to say something to her but the shame she felt for not including her in this decision had prevented her. The last thing she felt was pressure on her chest as she sensed familiar magic in the air, before falling asleep.

Dreams followed. Dreams of the past, moments from her life raced by her, random forgettable memories. She sat broken with the knife still in her chest, with just her there like in the moment of her death. Her mind followed a white line like she was on a train looking outside the window to see her own memories. But then as suddenly as it started, she stopped moving, and everything went blurry as she was struggling to her catch breath again.

Was this is? Would she have to experience her death again? Was that all there was to the afterlife? She died once again, finding herself repeating the process. “So death is just Einstein's definition of insanity?” Her solitary voice echoed on the beach where she had died. And once more when she reached the end, her lungs welled up with blood and she died.

“A god damn loop?! Isn’t anything else to this?! If this is some kind of lesson that I shouldn’t have done that, I get it!” And she died again.

“FUCK!” She screamed but no one responded. And then she died again. Trying to look around she couldn’t find anyone, and she still didn’t have any feeling in her legs. The dagger was in her chest and the pain it caused was still there. Her nose was still broken and bleeding. Nothing made sense. She died again.

She tried to look at the memories that were passing around her. Moments from her life were placed out of order. Taking a ride on an airplane. Getting her ears pierced as a child. Some random day in school as she was eating a sandwich, sitting outside the classroom with her friends. Many other moments passed, and it just brought more confusion. And then she died again.

There was no order to the memories and they didn’t change each loop. She ignored them. If this was a puzzle it was clearly a red herring. She tried crawling towards her tent, but the knife was getting caught on the ground as she tried. She tried pulling the knife, figuring that she was dead and couldn’t get more so. But the knife wouldn’t budge. And then she died again.

She started with the knife this time, putting all of her strength to no avail. She went for the tent despite the steel that was sticking out of her. Managing to reach it she heard a whisper inside, but before she could inquire about it, she died again. It was annoying and painful, but each repetition had removed a bit of the fear.

This time she beelined it towards the tent, reaching and opening the flaps revealed Lorelai sitting as she kept speaking in a strange language, ignoring Ana completely. As she tried speaking blood started welling up again, cutting off her words as she struggled for a few moments before slumping to the ground, dying once more.

As soon as the loop started she yelled after Lorelai, but no response came. More memories passed her as she grew more and more frustrated. Shaking her head she focused on her wheezed breathing. And death came once more. This time she stood still, trying to meditate, ignoring her repeating death until it claimed her once more. She chose not to get frustrated by that and just kept trying to relax herself.

Again and again, it went. She would die and spend the time in between just sitting there. Her deaths passed her, each ignored with more and more success. It was frustrating that even this did nothing to break the loop, but she forgot the idea of stopping the loop. If it was going to repeat forever, she would relax and enjoy the ride.

She meditated, died, and so on until she created a loop of her own. Hundreds of times she had died, but counting only distracted her and she let that go as well. She focused on her feelings, her guilt, remorse, self-loathing. She didn’t fight it, she accepted it. And with every repetition, it became easier to bear.

A choice was made, one she regretted but wouldn’t cry over. But there was something there she couldn’t shake. Betrayal. She had betrayed Lia. After everything the spirit had done for her, she made the choice to kill both of them. That stung, and stung deep. No amount of apologizing could ever make that right, but she still wanted the opportunity to try.

That feeling festered with every loop, and with every death. The hell she was in felt deserved, and she accepted it. But the maddening loop didn’t stop. She no longer wished for it to stop, and so on it went. Her body dying over and over, while she held her eyes closed and waited. She didn’t cry, trying only to keep her mind in one place over the endless loop.

Her emotions spiked from time to time, despair, the feeling of being sorry for herself, and many others. And with each loop, she got better at accepting them. In that agony she found peace. A lot was left unsaid, but she didn’t mind it anymore. She had betrayed a friend, but her mental state had caused that. In normal circumstances, she wouldn't have made such a choice.

Alone in her thoughts, she had forgotten the loop, she didn’t feel anything anymore. She didn’t feel the knife in her chest. She didn’t breathe, and she didn’t need oxygen. Everything around her was dark and not, at the same time. But that did not confuse her, she was at peace. Whatever came next she would deal with it rationally to the best of her abilities.

There was a small part, something forgotten that started itching at the back of her mind. Something that was hers, even if she didn’t feel like she deserved it. But did anybody deserve anything they got in their lives? Those that did were just a statistic. Our every choice affected someone else, even the slightest choice or thought could change the world.

Thinking about her life made that blank space itch more. She had forgotten something important. The memories she had seen! They weren’t all random! Every memory was from her life on Earth, but she wasn’t there anymore. And the key difference was magic.

All the memories she saw were of earth, of home. Somehow she knew that even back then she had magic, even if she couldn’t use it. The feeling that it wasn’t her gift to have got erased as she embraced the fact that she was special. Not special, but different. As some people were born with heterochromia due to a genetic fluke, so was she born with magic.

It took her a second to notice that she was no longer on the beach dying. It was hard to even tell if she existed or not. Her body was both there and not. And as strange as it was, it was also comforting. In that vast openness that was smaller than the Planck length.

A familiar voice came to her in that filled emptiness. Was it a voice? Maybe it was just a thought, but she recognized Adrasteia’s soothing tone nonetheless.

“More valued than gold, more precious than silk. Pouring like wine, flowing like milk. A countesses nightly feast, an offering of the deceased. A pact is now sealed, forever to be concealed.”

“The thunder comes before the lightning, and the lightning came before the cloud. The rain dried all the land it touched, wrapping the earth in a blood red shroud. ”

As soon as the deity was done speaking a slap resounded in her ears as her head was flung to the side. She opened her eyes, not sure where she was and what was happening. Lorelai was kneeling next to her raising her hand again. She looked at the woman with confusion, Adrasteia’s words still echoing in her mind.

ANA! A familiar voice replaced the riddles. Tears started welling up in her eyes as Lorelai lowered her hand, shaking her head. Ana started sobbing, not able to contain the flood of emotions that followed. “I’m..I’m…..I’m so sorry.” Her throat swelled up as well, preventing further speech. Lorelai sat down and sighed, not saying anything.

She was back. Every sense she had told she was back and her emotions just rushed forward.

I’m sorry Lia. I was a dumbass. I...

Shhh, relax kiddo. We’re good. You’ve been through a lot, but now is not the time to sob. We will talk later, just please if it ever feels like too much just talk to me, no more of this solo bullshit. Ana nodded, struggling to even think with the overwhelming emotions.

Come on, it will be decision time soon. I can offer my advice but the decision will be yours.

What do you mean? Will I die again?

Die?! Who said anything about dying?! Wait, did you think you died?

Yes? I mean there was this loop and… Nevermind, I figured I got healed or something? Her sobs were slowly easing.

Oh sweety, no you were very close to dying but didn’t. First of all, you missed the heart, remember that you are no longer human. Second… Well, try sensing the magic inside you, it should tell you more than I can.

She took a few breaths, following Lia’s instructions. And sudden shivers went down her spine as she understood.

The insanity loop wasn’t death, but change.

Yup. Now and forever, you are like Lorelai.

But she was breathing, and her heart was pumping. Ana placed a hand on her neck. “A heartbeat.” She almost whispered in confusion.

“Means that you are alive.”

“But I’m a bloodsucker like you now!” Another slap, so fast she didn’t even see it. “You are changed, yes, but why would your heartbeat confuse you?”

“Aren’t vampires dead? Like walking corpses that feed off the living?” That made both Lorelai and Lia laugh, and Ana felt stupid for not knowing where the joke was.

“Did you get that from the same place that said we don’t eat garlic? Only reanimated corpses don’t have a pulse. And they are just tools used by people like us.”

"So vampires aren't dead monsters who roam around and kill innocent people?" Lorelai gave her a leveled look.

“Oh my god. I feel like a moron. I thought you were dead and that blood magic meant death. And that you would kill me and then turn and control me."

"How can you be so smart and yet so ignorant at the same time?"

"I didn't even remember the fact that I have a different body now, so who knows." Maybe keep that one for yourself, for now, don't reveal all cards to the enemy. Lia added.

Smart.

“Different body? What are you blabbering about?” It was Lorelai’s turn to get confused. Shaking her head she got up extending a hand towards Ana.

Ana just looked at the woman as she gestured at her legs, legs which Lorelai promptly kicked causing a sting of pain for Ana. “I can walk again?” Ana said, confused while looking at her moving toes.

Lorelai rolled her eyes, grabbed Ana by the shoulders, and lifted her up. “The first slap was for telling me to suck it, the second for calling me a walking corpse.” She grabbed Ana’s head and gave her a long and passionate kiss. “And that one was for calling me, Love.”

She stepped back, smiling while Ana looked at her like a deer looking at headlights. And then she punched her in the nose again, breaking it once more. Ana took a few steps back lifting her hands to her face. “I almost forgot, that’s for trying to kill yourself.”

“Alright! I get it! I fucked up. Shit, this fucking hurts.” But then her nose snapped back into place, leaving Ana blinking as the pain faded away. “A small perk of being in my club.”

Looking down Ana noticed that her clothes were in tatters, but she shook her head and looked at Lorelai who had saved her life.

“Was it really that simple?”

“You tell me? The experience is different for each member that is embraced. But wizards usually react badly when the blood magic is mixed with their own inside them. Your previous experience must have prepared you or you got lucky.”

“There were so many lessons in that loop that I will need a few days just to sort them.” Lorelai chuckled.

“What happens to me now?”

“That is up to you, now that you are embraced my magic won’t affect you like it does others. I can’t make you mine.” She crossed her arms, clearly annoyed at the fact. “Now you have a choice. Come with me or stay here. I can offer you a safe place if you pledge to serve me. I am a leader of an Order after all.”

“That isn’t much of a choice though. I mean won’t my friends just see me as a monster to kill now?” She looked at her hands, which were normal. “Why aren’t I all pale with black nails and a thirst for blood?”

“That only happens when you run out of magic. It’s the same as when your stomach gurgles for food.”

“So I need regular food?” Lorelai rolled her eyes again.

“The only difference between then and now is that now you can properly use blood magic. It will heal you, and give you influence over others. But for us who had magic before being embraced, it also acts as a fuel source. Use it sparingly though, as if you run out the urge to drink will become insatiable.”

“But why let me choose, why not club me over the head and take me?”

Lorelai raised her hand again. “Are you calling me an ape?”

Seeing her mistake Ana apologized. “I meant why leave me a choice?”

“I told you already, without a way to influence you the choice to join me must be yours. But I’ll tell you what, I still have other business in the area so if you choose to join me, in two weeks time come to the village where we first met.”

“Don’t the people there know your face?”

“I’ll explain everything there if you so choose.” Lorelai winked, took a few steps, and then rose from the ground, shooting off to the distance a moment after. Ana was left alone, confused on the bloody and destroyed beach.