I’m stuck in the middle of nowhere, I lost my abilities and I am currently feeling the top of my unfairly battered head. Also, I’m running for my life. I was literally sent flying by a carriage driven by a maniacal bitch who didn’t even bother to look back to check if I was fine but I know why she didn’t look back at all.

I am currently being chased by a 100 meter tall dragon and dragons of this size usually weigh around 100 to 120 metric tons. These proud beings are referred to as “Earthly Beasts” and most of them attack people, cities and other beasts just for the heck of it. They are a remnant of the long gone, God-forsaken Golden Age War.

Running through a desert as you are being chased by a fire-breathing asshole of a dragon is no joke, truly. Sensing something coming from the dragon, I jump to the side abandoning all pretense of getting away in exchange for temporary protection against an unrelenting foe. I tucked my head and my arms in, prioritizing my chest and brain above everything else and I get into a combat roll that ended up with me rolling down a steep hill of sand. The dragon roars and its roar sends a shockwave that almost stunned me had I not moved out of the way.

Feeling dizzy and a little nauseous, I will myself to stand up. I’m down on one knee and I notice my labored breathing. So losing my runic abilities affected my body this much, huh? That’s just my fucking luck.

I punch my despondent leg in frustration. “Son of a bitch. Stand! Stand, Alphonse. You will not die here!”

The dragon, distracted by my sudden disappearance and obviously disgruntled is wreaking havoc as it flails its claws and tail about, destroying the earthly fixtures around it as though they were made out of cardboard.

It randomly roars out a fire that could be felt from miles away and I feel myself sweating. Whatever sand the fire hit turned to some primitive form of glass. Is there something to that fire on a molecular level after all? Wait, I can’t think about that right now.

I manage to bring myself up but keeping myself up is an obvious struggle. I am dehydrated, exhausted and feeling completely hopeless in the face of this insurmountable foe. Steeling my nerves, I calmed myself down by performing a breathing exercise similar to Lamaze. I can feel some energy returning to my joints and muscles and this pained body of mine could speak, it would probably condemn me to eternity for the hardship I’m bringing it.

With the dragon rampaging nearby, I decided to get away from it, regardless of direction. I just need to put some distance between us.

I notice a sandstorm coming in from the west. With the cold desert winds buffeting the back of my broken body, I started running to the east.

Pained and noticeably weaker, I kept running, despite the elements and fatigue that I felt and couldn’t help but feel a sense of irony in that nothing but trouble has been happening to me lately.

With the dragon almost out of sight, I started to relax my running.

“Man, that fucker was big. Too big and too dangerous for comfort. Fuck that fucking fuck fuck, really!”

I’m a little bit crasser today but who can blame me, really.

I remove my canteen from my bag. I unwrap it from the cloth that bound it and notice something fall off. I shrug it off and removed the cap. I brought it close to my lips and a familiar feeling hits me. I decided to ignore it for now and I took a swig, hastily gulping down the cool and fresh water that I brought back from Izumo Island.

The water canteen is standard issue for those in the Iron Maiden Squadron. Whatever liquid placed inside is kept perpetually warm or cool by a special rune inscribed by the manufacturer. Another special function placed in this military issue canteen is that it will keep on producing a special solution filled with electrolytes, sodium and glucose essentially making this small metallic can a literal fountain of life.

Stashing my canteen back in my bad, I made a mental note. “I should thank Chi when I get back.”

Suddenly, I remember the thing that fell off when I unwrapped the canteen. I looked around and after a few seconds of searching, I find it almost hidden away from view by sand. I picked it up and realize that it’s a note.

“More detailed instructions, perhaps?” I asked the air, seemingly waiting for a response that is sure to never come. “Who am I kidding?”

I prepared myself and I opened the note. Inside, written in small but cute handwriting was anything but proper instructions. It read:

Dear Alphonse,

By the time you read this note you will have been long gone from your wives, especially me, your first and most important wife. (You better not disagree) I couldn’t help but feel helpless and disheartened by our sudden parting but I realize that this too is hitsuzen. Regardless of my personal feelings, know that you must take care of yourself while we are apart. Please, come back to me safely.

Forever yours,

Yuriko. Your wife.

I stare at it with an empty expression on my face. Normally, I would have probably blurted out something like ‘WHAT?!’ but I’m too tired for that right now. I smile to myself as I think of how good a joker Yuriko is. Before I could laugh, however, I notice that the letter went on. Written in a slightly messy but composed handwriting, the letter continued. It read:

Hick,

Try not to die, okay? I mean you HAVE to take responsibility for ‘this’ and ‘that’ and what if I get a baby? Well we are already (What’s written here is obscured for some reason) but I just had to make sure, okay? I mean the captain claims to be the ‘legal’ one but we both know who’s truly important, right? Love you, monmon!

Lovingly,

Chi

Seriously? What is up with these women and their jokes? And what the hell does she mean ‘this’ and ‘that”!? And baby?! When did that happen? This must be a horrible joke! Yeah! That must be it!

Before, however, I could convince myself, I notice that the letter went on and this time it was neither cute nor was it handwritten. It read:

Mr. Alphonse,

We only met for a few moments but as it is customary for my country, I have reached the regal age of 24 and as such I am required to marry a suitable warrior with whom I can procreate with.

I have ascertained for myself that you are one worthy of such an arrangement with me henceforth I had my staff place a charm in the canteen. Once you drink from that canteen, your soul and mine will be magical bound to one another for eternity effectively making us husband and wife so be sure to read this before you drink from your canteen, understand? I await your response.

Cordially yours,

High Commander Isara

Supreme Commander

Republic of Pantheon

I folded the suspiciously long paper and placed it in my bag. Unable to hold it in, I pause for a moment.

I breathed in and finally, I released my pent up frustration. “WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK ARE THESE IDIOTS THINKING ABOUT? NO MAPS, NO INSTRUCTIONS AND A FUCKED UP JOKE! FUCKING FUCK FUCK!”

Oh these fuckers be ready for the punishment of their lives once I’m through with this shitty mission. I swear on this life and the next that I will have my vengeance.

As I nodded due to my newfound resolve, I smell something burning from a distance. Against my better judgment, I decided to run towards it, with my bag in tow. As I cleared the distance with a little bit more ease due to my short rest and the magical properties of that fucking canteen, I reached the wreckage in time. It’s turned on its side as it is slowly destroyed by fire. The horses are nowhere to be found.

(Cough cough!)

“Is anyone still alive?!” I frantically search through the wreckage.

(Cough!) I’m (Cough cough!) right here! Please (cough!) save me!”

I rushed to the source of the person’s voice and I frantically started digging.

“Please! Hurry!’

I am hurrying! I grit my teeth and steeled my nerves. I grabbed wood and wreckage on fire and heaved with all of my might, managing to stand the carriage upright.

I find the source of the voice trapped under some more wreckage. I take out my knife and cut the strange person free and drag her and myself away from all of the smoke. With the danger gone, I fell down on my ass and looked at person I just rescued and he seems to be fine.

“That was a close call huh eh dude?”

“Eh? Who are you calling a dude, idiot?”

Huh? That voice? “By chance do you happen to be…”

“Oh! You were that idiot dipshit who hit my carriage! Thanks for saving my life!”

This bitch! It was her all along! I should have left her to die! “Oi! Look at me and at least show me your face!”

The woman responded to my voice and sat in front of me. What happened next sent shivers down my spine, reverberating to my very being.

She looked into my face and I can sense her slightly awestruck. She took my face in her hands and I hear her slightly sobbing as she removes her hood. She looked at me as though I was the only light left in a desolate and dying world. She looked into my eyes, to my very soul and it looked as though she was thankful just for my being there with her.

“…it’s you, isn’t it? It’s no lie right…”

What is she talking about? Have we met before?

“…Keith..”

_________________________________________________________________

Alphonse Status Update

Author's Notes

Hey everyone! How do you find our progress so far? Let's discuss Trouble and its plot so far! Your comments, reviews and ratings are welcome! Thanks for reading this far!

Alizoned