“It’s been a while since I’ve got to do the full version of the tutorial, and now I’ve had to do it twice in a row.” Volos remarked. “Most crawlers want a quick and dirty answer to the millions of questions that are running through their heads, and then forget that they could ask for the full version later. When they come back they ask about the surprises that come up in the first two levels, and then act annoyed that I didn’t tell them that right away.”

“Yeah, I guess there’s quite a bit of useful information in it. A lot more on the future levels than I thought there would be.” Ben said while testing out his no longer broken leg, freshly healed with the heal ability. Though with the passive healing they now had, his leg probably would’ve been fine in less than half an hour regardless. “And things I would have never thought to ask about, like the identities of the other five common seed races. So when we meet those guys, are those crawlers too?”

“No, no. One planet of crawlers at a time, any survivors from previous seasons are NPCs. If you meet something on this floor and it’s not a human, it’s a mob unit or NPC. That’s not to say that any humans you meet in here won’t be your enemy, or that all humans in the dungeon are crawlers.” Volos answered.

Darryl didn’t say anything and instead stared at the ground as he tried to process everything he’d been told in the last fifteen minutes. Well, rather, the first big revelation. This was a reality show.

Rex had died, no, billions of people had died, for a reality show. A goddamn reality show. That had been a hard pill to swallow.

For him at least. Ben seemed to not yet grasp the scale of events yet, or didn’t care, and Thomas had voiced a complicated opinion about scale in which our modern slice of morality wasn’t nearly as relevant as we might believe it to be. It sounded like a bunch of bullshit.

Ben had been more taken aback by the revelation that no one was going to win this dungeon crawl. That no one ever made it close to winning, or even got past the 13th floor. Getting to the 10th level was apparently relatively doable, though half the crawlers already being dead in the first few hours argued against it, but after the 10th floor things got exponentially more difficult while the system was no longer on your side.

“Alright, on to one of most crawlers’ favourite parts. Your stats.” Volos said. He waved his fin and another menu opened up.

Strength 5

Dexterity 3

Constitution 8

Intelligence 2

Charisma 3

“A nice balance.” Volos said, looking at Ben’s screen. Though Darryl couldn’t see the others’, apparently the guild masters could freely look into anyone’s menu and even open some screens. “Your dex is the highest, which makes sense for a youngster like yourself, but none of your stats are particularly low.”

“You sure? I mean, I don’t even have a single stat in the double digits, not even nearly so.” Ben sulked.

“I have yet to see any crawler start with a 10 in any stat in the six seasons I’ve been doing this, kid. Unless Borant picks a world inhabited by a non-common race biologically focussed on one particular attribute, that doesn’t really happen.” Volos assured him. “The average of a human in any stat lies around 4-5, including the hidden wisdom stat.”

“I’m a bit above average myself.” Thomas said. “Not very sturdy or charismatic, but I’ve got an intelligence of 7. Which makes sense, considering my line of- my former line of work.”

“True. Dex makes sense for me too. My parents didn’t let me join any parkour groups, but I’m always trying to climb and run so that I’m not out of shape once I get to make my own decisions. I spend more time on top of houses than in them, as Darryl here can confirm. I was climbing roofs as they suddenly collapsed, resulting in the poor state you met me in.”

Darryl looked up as he heard his name, and Volos took this change to open up his stats menu. The Kua-Tin was silent for a moment, and then put a comforting fin on Darryl’s knee because he couldn’t possibly reach up to his shoulder. “Well, you’ll make a good tank at least.”

“That bad?” Ben asked.

“His strength and constitution are good. His constitution in particular will probably allow him to resist half the poisons and diseases on this floor and the next without problem, in fact. With an 8 I assume that he did a few constitution-related things after entering the dungeon, like hauling or attrition-fighting.” Volos said. “The stats are rounded up or down and set in stone once you take the tutorial, but before that there’s about six digits behind the dot to each stat. People can squeeze out a point extra by being exposed to the dungeon life or doing some training before taking the tutorial, if they’d know about this. Not that it matters much, as there’s no telling what your stats are. Whether it’s rounded up or down matters more than doing a hundred push-ups.”

“But all of Darryl’s other stats are below average.” Volos said. “Which isn’t a huge deal, mind you, having one great stat can beat average ones across the board if you’ve got a party or a good build. That said, I know it sucks to have an impartial machine grade you so mercilessly.”

“Oh, and this does mean that I should explain one other thing. You’ve got a very low intelligence. As in, you probably got shafted there when it was rounded down. Two points is the lower limit to being considered intelligent at all, with Chimpanzees having an 1.5 on average. And they are way further below your intellect than you peer-deprived humans think.” Volos said, looking at Darryl. “A low intelligence is nothing to be ashamed about though, it hardly matters unless you cast spells, but there is a secondary mechanical benefit tied to high intelligence stats. I take it you haven’t seen any health bars above your enemies?”

“I see large dots that change in colour.”

“That’s what I thought.” Volos said. “One mechanic of the dungeon AI that many crawlers won’t find out about until the third level, is that your intelligence stat decides how much explanation you get on something. Skills and talents play a much larger factor in this in their specific fields, but intelligence essentially acts as a general passive.”

“I’ve heard that the AI sometimes makes an exception within reason for their favourites, but you usually get more valuable information with every point in intelligence.” Volos said. “Thomas here gets the general combat style or role of mobs in their description too, though not of bosses.”

“In your case though, the opposite applies.” Volos continued. “To make sure that stupid races and animals aren’t overwhelmed or frightened by the sensory input, there’s a lot of simplification to their AI. A lot of achievements come with set messages and a lot of the general information is consistent for everyone as by the dungeon’s rules of fair survival, so you don’t have to worry about missing out on those. But things like your health menu or skill description, those will be simplified for you.”

“That’s fine, I guess. I know I’m not the smartest, and whether I see a dot or health bar doesn’t matter much.” Darryl shrugged. “With how many menus can pop open at once, honestly it might be a boon that mine will be scarcer during tense situations.”

“Glad you’re taking it as a champ, kiddo.” Volos said. “And really, I wasn’t saying that your lower stats aren’t a big deal to comfort you. You’ve already got yourself a reasonably sized party, so you can afford to minmax and spread roles.”

“Right. I’d like to focus on becoming a spellcaster if that’s okay with you guys.” Thomas chimed in. “Which, assuming this is anything like the usual RPGs, means that I’ll probably be a bit weaker and relying on you guys to keep me safe in the beginning.”

Darryl gave a thumbs up. “Don’t worry, I’ll make a good tank like Volos said. I’ll keep you safe. And I guess that makes Ben the party rogue, considering roles to be filled and his high Dex.”

Ben gave two thumbs up to that with a big grin on his face.

“Not that we have to worry too much about that, though.” Ben said. We can just throw foes into the bathrooms to get their xp, and I bet there’s a whole bunch of other exploits around too.”

“Not sure if that’s the best idea.” Volos said. “Officially I even have to dissuade you from exploiting bugs in the game and the AI, though unofficially I’d warn you that those unfair exploits can go both ways. For example the bathroom bug applies to the second creature to enter the bathroom, whether mob or crawler.”

“Thanks for letting us know, that could’ve been nasty otherwise.” Ben said, cheeky smile undaunted. “No problem though, your explanation on our storage system suggests that there’s a bug that allows us to kill mobs by putting them in our inventory. Sounds a lot better than getting slimed at every kill.”

“I’m not sure if that would be wise.” Darryl said.

“There’s exploits! They’re meant to be exploited, and Borant should’ve fixed them ahead of time if they don’t want us to exploit those.” Ben retorted.

Volos stiffened. “Ah, I should’ve probably mentioned this earlier. Whenever you mention the Borant company or the Syndicate, the discussion will be recorded and reviewed. I’d dissuade you from speaking ill of either. The first floor isn’t broadcasted yet and the reviewers are overworked by sheer quantity, so you won’t need to worry too much about it yet, but be wary of that in the future.”

After that warning, he went over the party menu and Thomas quickly sent a request to join them. Ben ended up becoming party leader of the small group, though that apparently mattered little. While he already explained the inventory system before, Volos now began explaining the loot boxes and Ben began to visibly vibrate excitedly.

Pulling up his menu, Ben said that he had two silver and five bronze boxes. The silver ones for entering the dungeon at the last possible minute and finding a safe room. The bronze ones were for entering the dungeon unarmed, unsupplied, disabled by an injury, riding another crawler and a parasite box for being in a party with another crawler despite being injured.

Ben didn’t seem to care about the reason he got his boxes, and giddily opened them. His enthusiasm then died when he saw how trashy the rewards were. Healing potions, biscuits, torches, a splint which was useless to them now, an ill-balanced flail that looked more dangerous to the wielder than their foes, and a kite shield from his first silver box. He sadly passed the shield on to Darryl.

Thomas wasn’t much better. He had only three boxes, all bronze. Though Volos assured him that this was about the average for most crawlers, Thomas too seemed rather down as he tossed his trashy gains on the pile. He then took out a candy bar responsible for him not getting the no food achievement and tossed it in as well. He studied the crude darts from his weapon box, but they seemed so shabby that they would probably end up tossed.

Then Volos opened Darryl’s menu and his perfectly round large fish-eyes somehow went even wider. “Holy kraken, how the hells did you get that many boxes?”

“I dunno. Luck, doing stuff and surviving a boss. Oh right, there was a special box doubling event for that boss too.” Darryl said.

“You’ve beaten a boss before even taking the tutorial?” Volos said, flabbergasted. “If you have a gun, sure, but you entered this place unarmed. Your achievements said so.”

“Ah, well, I didn’t really beat it.” Darryl said, diverting his gaze while scratching his head and unable to stop a hint of a smug smile breaking through. “It had already been all but killed by a previous party, and I triggered a boss event that downed it for good. I haven’t even dealt a single point of damage to it myself.”

“Well shit, that might even be better. The rewards for slaying neighbourhood bosses are nothing to write home about, but oddities like that tend to make for silver or gold boxes.” Volos said. “Anyway, let’s see what you got.”

Darryl looked at the 18/18 boxes, took a deep breath, and pressed ‘open’. He recalled the three Greek adventurers who had to face that gecko lady with nothing but a knife and a fire poker. If he wouldn’t get anything useful here, then they would probably follow that fate.

Bronze Adventurer Box (1/18)

Potion of Healing

Potion of Mana

Bronze Adventurer Box (2/18)

Potion of Healing

Regular pants

Bronze Samaritan Box (3/18)

Scroll of Healing x2

Bronze Mount Box (4/18)

Scroll of Heal Critter

Pet Biscuit x10

Bronze Weapon Box (5/18)

Toad Cudgel

Bronze Weapon Box (6/18)

Formian-hunter trophy knife

The knife looked more like a small cudgel crudely sharpened on one side, made out of the extended jaw of an ant with some cloth wrapped around the base for a better hold. It looked slightly better than the other weapons they got thus far, but still seemed inferior to the simple knives one would find in their own kitchen. But, this was just the bronze stuff.

Bronze Adventurer Box (7/18)

Sexy lingerie XXL

Crawler biscuit x10

Darryl looked at the large crimson laced panties and bra floating to the ground and shuddered involuntarily as they suddenly shot towards him to enter his inventory.

Bronze Hygiene Box (8/18)

Soap

Detergent x2

Alright, done with the bronze. If this was anything like the shield that Ben got before, this is where things started to get good.

Silver Samaritan Box (9/18)

Scroll of Healing x5

Vanquisher Pass

Unlike the other loot, the pass was some kind of tattoo that didn’t automatically enter one’s inventory. Instead it shot at Darryl’s arm and burned itself on there, branding him with a shining sword with a halo around the pommel, a tattoo that somehow was both on his skin and his clothes at the same time. Darryl grunted in surprise and slight discomfort, but otherwise ignored the involuntary branding.

Silver Adventurer box (10/18)

Poison antidote x2

Torch x20

Potion of Healing x5

Silver Boss Box (11/18)

Angry Corpora librarian’s glasses

Silver Boss Box (12/18)

Skull Baron’s Cufflinks of Sophisticated Defence

Silver Villain Box (13/18)

Vicious dagger of Backstabbing

Darryl sighed in relief when the first weapon appeared. The previous junk was starting to worry him dearly.

Silver Villain Box (14/18)

Shadowdancer’s Cloak of Obscurity

Silver footwear box (15/18)

Elegant ballerina pointes

Golden Adventurer Box (16/18)

Naiad Breastplate of the Steadfast Hero

Ring of Shielding

Torch x50

Golden Parasite Box (17/18)

Skyfowl Spear of Heavenly Retribution

Golden Parasite Box (18/18)

Drambledrar’s quarterstaff of Blinding

Orc Tiara of Immortal Hierarchy

“Alright!” Ben said excitedly. “There seemed to be a lot of good stuff in there!”

“True. You would’ve gotten even better gear from most other gold boxes, but this was a pretty good haul considering you got parasite boxes. Those usually give you items that require a party to be of any use at all, but actively harm or trouble the rest of the party if you use them.” Volos said. “I did see a couple of those items, but at this stage of the game the AI still tries to buff you up with good gear.”

“Thank you, AI!” Ben said while giving a thumbs up to the ceiling. “Now, let’s see what these goodies do!”

Darryl nodded and took out the gloves, which he carefully placed on the ground before taking out the tiara. He placed the glasses next to it, and then took out the ring.

Which promptly disintegrated the moment it appeared in his hand.