Last Saturday, I found an excellent place to get a diamond I could absorb while Eve tried to create something useful from what we have so far.

The diamond I acquired this time is more significant than the first. The rock is as big as the crown of my thumb. It is hanging from a silver chain. Eve chuckles when I show it to her before showing me how far she has gone with the armor.

The shoulder is completely covered, and both arms are secured. I put it on, checking the weight to see if it would impede my movement in battle. She frowns.

"You think I am as stupid as you?" She asks, and I chuckle. I was getting to her now, which I'm happy about. Two can play this game.

"You don't know much about fighting, I guess," I said, shrugging it off. "You did a pretty good job, though. It won't be bad to have something like this when I go farther down the dungeon."

Even glares at me, and I chuckle. Now you see what it feels like.

"Not like an amour will do much when you are still as dumb as you are, though," she said, grinning. I turn to her, ready to respond, but then I let it go. I don't have to banter back every time she feels like a pain in my butt.

I want to absorb the diamond, sleep, and see how many points I can get. Eve seems to realize this. I put the amour in my inventory and started absorbing the diamond.

I look forward to when I don't have to buy diamonds anymore. It is one of the easiest ways to get the attention of men in suits or government ID cards. Or worse, both.

"As you go down the dungeon, you will get good loot—the type you can absorb and earn more points. For now, what they drop is not worth absorbing," Eve says, and I nod.

"Getting someone to buy the gems and gold you bring out might help create a discreet channel for this, too," I say to which she nods.

"Seems like you are not completely dumb," she says, chuckling. I pry the diamond stone out of the chain and toss it in my mouth. I close my eyes and begin the process of absorbing it.

The sensation is almost painful. I can feel myself heat up, almost as if my insides are on fire. The first time, it was shocking when the heat bubbled up.

I know what to expect now.

I can feel the energy flow through me, and when I open my eyes, the menu bar is in front of me. Eve's hiss reminds me that something is weird about another menu bar popping up when she is right there.

[Congratulations, you've gained 50 points to allocate!]

I groan—just fifty points. I turn to Eve, and she shrugs. Every time I ask, and she doesn't know, it makes me worry. I push all the points to my stats, investing massively in strength and again giving the least point to charm.

"I think we should increase my charm, at least a bit," I say, and Eve shakes her head. I hiss and look away, knowing she can tell I am cursing her in my mind already.

She does not respond, and I know why soon.

[Congratulations, you can pick a new trait! Here are your options.]

[Due to reaching all conditions, you can advance to Lame Trickster]

[Due to reaching all conditions, you can advance to Frightened Ghost]

[Due to reaching all conditions, you can advance to Fast Eater]

I expected Eve to laugh, but she doesn't. She stares at the menu board and shakes her head. "Your options are always the worst, but this is not as bad, I think."

"What do you mean?" I ask. I touch the first option, expanding it to see the information on the traits.

[Due to reaching all conditions, you can advance to Lame Trickster]

[You are the legendary trickster. Your tricks don't work, but they amuse and distract your enemies for six seconds and use no magical energy.]

I shake my head. It makes no sense whatsoever. I touch the next, knowing it will be worse than the first. The second trait expands:

[Due to reaching all conditions, you can advance to Frightened Ghost]

[While in battle, your cowardice rears its head. You can become invisible for fifteen seconds, giving you the time to escape with your tail between your legs.]

Eve chuckle now. I turn to her, glaring. She shakes her head, putting her hand up as an apology. I ignore her and look back at the menu board, touching the last and final one of the trash traits I have been presented with.

"That isn't so—"

I touched the last one cursed.

[Due to reaching all conditions, you can advance to Fast Easter]

[You are thin and malnourished. It can only go up from here, though. Your body and digestive system absorb nutrients and materials better.]

I sigh and sit back. I can hear Eve's giggles, but I decide to ignore her. She will only pull me into a long stretch of banter, and I do not want that. I close my eyes and try to think about what to do.

"The choice is obvious, my sweet Knight," Eve says. I open my eyes and look at her. I know what to expect from her, but still, I hope she will say something worthwhile. "While they are all useless, there is one there that will be useful in actual combat."

I nod. The second trait. While it is insulting, it will be helpful and lifesaving. I click on it and feel myself leveling up. My stats are boosted, and my health is higher than before. I feel a bit better now.

"Now, all we have to do is find a way to sell the gems and gold. That is important," Eve says, and I agree. I am out of ideas, though.

Eugene Blackwell

Class

HUMAN, BUT SLIGHTLY STRONGER

HP

270/270

MP

80/80

Stats

STR

72

INT

49

DEX

27

WIS

41

CHA

13

CON

38

Skills DUMB LUCK Though unlucky in love, you are lucky in war. Sometimes you'll be able to survive a death blow. FAST LEARNER Nerds are the new jocks. Not really, people can still take your lunch money and shove you in lockers, but at least you pick up stats, skills, and potential points slightly faster. ACKSHUALLY

After browsing Reddit for longer than is advised and neglecting your facial hygiene, you've gained the aura of a neckbeard. Ladies won't love you, but at least you'll be able to convince people more often than before. If only so they won't have to listen to your rants...

Traits FRIGHTENED GHOST While in battle, your cowardice rears its head. You can become invisible for fifteen seconds, giving you the time to escape with your tail between your legs.