《Welcome to the Upward Bound System, V.2》Revision notice, (NOT another do over), Non chapter
Advertisement
Hi everyone hope the new year is treating you all well so far.
As you all have read, this is about a revision of some of the earlier chapter's content.
I want to improve the descriptions in the earlier chapters to help the story be more acceptable. Some have made comments that Dante in the earlier chapters is Dull and without any real personality. Unfortunately...
...I believe them.
I hope that all of you who love and enjoy the story won't be too made about the delay this will cause.
I also hope that you guys will point out parts of the story that you have issue with. I'm thinking I'm going to have to edit the scenes where Dante and his dad are in Brothel Alley. How would you guys like to see that part changed? I would prefer to keep it more or less the same. Dante and his dad together at meeting Oscar.
I will directly quote one of the readers in their comments about the story.
"The characters are just really dull. Dante is given the most screen time but I can honestly think of no words to describe his personality or character. Other than 'Generic' is a normal dude with normal morals and normal views. He doesn't seem to have any stresses or conflicts to his character or anything that would require growth to change. He doesn't even seem particularly ambitious or curious, character traits that can pull a lot of weight in am otherwise normal character. Maybe that works for some people, but not me."
These are among the issues that I feel need to be fixed to draw in more people and make a more interesting story for you all. But there must be a balance.
To directly quote what my brother said about the issue.
Advertisement
He stopped at two from the sounds of it if you'd actually look at what he's said
And he's right to man
And sometimes you give Dante these emotional mood swings that make little sense. ELABORATE, SAY MORE THAN "Lol he's crying"
He tries to heal a cat and cries when he fails, that's understandable. But you need to make it so the people reading the story also feel that. Idk, maybe you describe the feeling of watching this poor gutted cat's look of hope or resignation. You stretch moments out so it can be felt. DO SOMETHING"
There is also the problem of having to make minor correction to some errors that no one but my brother seems to have found. Not with the blue boxes, but it's an issue with one of the Headmaster's lines.
I do need to improve how Dante shows his emotion among several other things. I thank you all for your comments. Again if any of you have suggestions for this revision please feel free to either leave them in the comments below this notice chapter or beneath the chapter you would wish to see be updated.
Thank you all for reading the story and to let you all know the story has climbed past the 4000's in rank and has reached the 3000's. Thank you all! I couldn't have done it without you guys!
Advertisement
- In Serial17 Chapters
Path to Godhood: The Silver King (RWBY)
A man given an unknown chance, was brought to the world of Renmant. With the body of a child and the a trusty system. Follow him as he does his best, to change the fate of the entire world. To protect those who he cares for, and defeat the forces of Darkness. But remember the more you alter the the world, the more rewards you will recieve. Yet thread carefully as the unknown is filled with many possibilities and great danger. Only those able to leave a mark in the entire world are worthy of ruling it. ___________________________________________________________________________________________________ This is my first story, but because of my limited time. It will be pretty fast paced, but i ask you to bear with me as the content exist mostly for my enjoyment. I would appreciate any constructive comments as English is not my first lenguage. I hope you enjoy it.
8 199 - In Serial61 Chapters
Storm Drains (pennywise love fan-fic) *completed*
Sitting in her dark room with tears streaming down her face and a broken heart, she had been completely oblivious to the tall shadow that lurked within the corners of her room. The same tall dark shadow that would change her life forever. (There is going to be plenty of SMUT in this book so beware!) I saw some pennywise the dancing clown love fan fics going around and decided to challenge myself and write one. If you are not comfortable with this idea then simply don't read it. This is for my pennywise lovers out there:)
8 67 - In Serial79 Chapters
Dog Days in a Leashed World
Life is not easy at the bottom of the food chain. And in the Kingdoms of Magica, the absolute bottom belongs without question to the puppy-like lowbie zone trash known as mongrels. Born to an unfinished zone with only bored, murderous outpost guards for neighbors, the lives of these fluffy balls of hapless nuisance are short, dull, and deeply confused. Because after all: What's the point of a mob that no one can be bothered to hunt, in a zone utterly lacking in reasons to visit, in a game that was already the height of trash fantasy nonsense? Well it may not be much, but it's their life, dammit. And if Shh, the mongrel bearing the questionable distinction of smartest pup in his pack, has anything to say about it, they won't be on the bottom forever. Because that's the silver lining of being on the bottom: the only way left to go is up.
8 97 - In Serial48 Chapters
Magic x Magic
Magic x Magic Countries, nations and kingdoms. In one world, no other land grew, flourished, and gained more glory than the Empire. In a century, half of the great continent was conquered by the Empire. Centuries after the death of its first Emperor, the Empire became a decaying place, full of misery and strife. The land of conspiracies. New countries, nations and kingdoms emerged. Everyone enjoys their moments of glory and growth. Power is spread across the continent, but is there still hope for a new dawn of the Empire? Will hidden powers make their moves? Everything follows as it is and as it has always been. The wealth, the poverty. The strong, the weak. The war, the peace. The life, the death. The perdition, the salvation. The beginning and the end. There is perfect order in the midst of all the disorder in the world. But what would happen if... ... A drop of chaos fell on this world? - - / - Book 01The Fall Through Chaos A new day has begun, a day like any other. An unusual group, made up of all kinds of characters and personalities, live another day in their own way. From the simplest and most humble, to the most distorted and irrational. An unusual mix, but actually a very common one. Such a group began a new day, a day like any other in their ordinary lives. At least it was supposed to be that way... ... An unknown phenomenon has brought chaos. Amidst the chaos, common and uncommon people fall into a new world, hailing from a world of modern society. A different world from the one they lived in, but still very similar. Who are these people? Who of them can survive amidst all this chaos? What kind of changes can these people bring to the world where magical and supernatural forces exist? What will be the future of each of them in this mysterious story? Come with me to travel and discover all this in... Magic x Magic... - - / - Hey, guys! I want to tell everyone that I managed to recreate a text structure that satisfied me. Finding this new structural formula, I proceeded to rewrite all the released chapters (0000~0048). Rewriting the chapters, I would like to make it clear that; 1 The basis of the story will not change. Only a few small details will be changed, so that those readers who do not want to re-read the chapters will not be harmed in following the story. 2 Those interested in starting over will be rewarded with the introduction of new POVs of some already established plots from the already released chapters. And as I said before, the entire story already developed will not change. Treat this as a way of enriching some plots and backstories for some characters. 3 I decided to bring some plots that would only appear after finishing the first arc. These storylines don't have a development in this arc, but they are storylines that are happening at the same time as the events of the first arc. So there are some more mysteries to reward those who will re-read the novel. Rewrite Update:New Reading Aid Rule: Incomplete.Prologue to Book 01 (Arc 01): Incomplete.Rewritten Chapters: 0000. I want to warn you that for now the chapters are being released gradually, don't give up on me... For more details visit my Patreon page, you can find details about me and the novel 'Magic x Magic' in public posts. A big hug to everyone!Cover art by me, ScanLi.
8 173 - In Serial21 Chapters
Baby boy
Just so you aren't confused I wrote this book directly from the movie and it's just what I wanted to happen or thought would happen instead of what really happened. DO NOT come to my comments telling me it's like the movie cause I know that's the whole point. I wanted the movie to go different in some parts so I made a book on it.
8 200 - In Serial23 Chapters
Blood Magic and Other Drinking Games
"Regulus felt a pull on the tethers of his soul. He was being pulled from the relentless nothingness of this space in between life and death. There was only one way to bring someone back from this place. Who would invoke a soul bond with him?" AU. Fem!Harry x Regulus.
8 171

