“I dunno,” Blake told Ma, motioning towards my lifeless gaze, “he’s been like this since we caught this guy.”

We were in Butcher Boy territory, crammed into a rotting basement so small Ma had to rest on her knees in order to comfortably inhabit it. Blake had posted some younger children up above, including Davey, the boy I had saved from splattering across the floor just over two weeks ago. It felt like longer.

The Dolphinblood sat, his malformed head dangling, between the three of us, secured to a weighty stone chair using rusted chains – apparently all Blake could get a hold of on such short notice. Beyond the rise and fall of his chest, he could’ve been confused for a corpse. He would’ve been a corpse, had I not stopped.

Even lowered, Ma was still several inches taller than Blake. “I was only told that you caught a member of House Leyden. Sash is not always the best at explanations.”

The gang leader nodded. “Not surprised.” He closed his eyes in thought. “Orvs tracked down the… Leyden’s?”

“Leydenese.” Ma corrected.

“Right. Leydenese. Orvs tracked their place down – don’t ask me how – and when we got there, the whole house was burnin’. Then, we went in-“ my mother shot him a sharp look, and he blanched. “Just Orvs and I! Orvs made sure your daughter weren’t involved.”

Ma scowled, exposing massive, blunted teeth. “Did you make sure my son wasn’t involved?”

He gulped. “I, uh… No. Ma’am.”

She gestured, still frowning. Blake continued.

“Uh, we got this guy out. Or Orvs did, I guess. He’s Blooded – Dolphinblood, I think – and made me feel like I was dying. Your son ignored all that, somehow, and punted him out of… range? I dun-“ he cleared his throat, “Don’t know. Slapped the snot out of this guy, then stopped and fell over.”

“Do you think it was due to the Dolphinblood’s influence?”

He breathed out, the force of the exhale setting his lips flapping. “I couldn’t tell you. Didn’t feel nothin’ myself, but maybe Wump’s mind-control thing can focus on just one?”

“What happened after that?”

Blake scratched his head. “I knocked the guy out, then Orvs had a chuck. We dragged the… Leydenese back here, I called some of my boys, then Sash went and got you. Your boy’s been like this the whole way.” He pointed at our captive, sneering. “Did this ass mess with his head, somehow?”

Ma shook her head, her grey hair sweeping across the ceiling. “I don’t believe so. Even if he has been influenced, there are techniques to remove him from such a stupor. Give me a moment alone with Orvi. I should be able to snap him out of it.”

Blake didn’t leave. Instead, he fidgeted.

Ma sighed. “Out with it, child.”

He wet his lips. “Are you… going to take your kids and run?”

My mother’s expression was unchanging. “No. And if you have any way out, unless it’s into the wastes, I recommend you do not take it.”

“Why?” he asked, gaze inquisitive.

“I will inform you later. As it stands-“ she tilted her head towards me, “-I’m busy.”

Blake frowned. “It’s not something-“

“It is not the best time, Blake.”

“But-“

Her glare stopped him from going further. “I. Am. Busy.” She closed her eyes, and after a short pause, opened them again. “You will know later. However, for now, I need some time with my son.”

Blake nodded in a manner that made me think of a small, yappy dog that has just learned provoking wolves wasn’t the best plan. He hastily ascended a rickety ladder, smacking his head in his haste to leave. Ma had that effect on people.

Her gaze lingered after him for several long moments. She faced away from me, her thoughts inscrutable. After an elongated silence, she sat on the floor in front of me. It was a strange experience – I could count the amount of times I had looked down on Ma with half a hand. Still, my eyes didn’t so much as flicker. All of this seemed distant. I was a spirit haunting my own body, and it was impossible to shake the feeling that I was closer to a wraith than anything benevolent.

She didn’t seem to notice, or care. Like me, her vision was somewhere else. Bereft of any ceremony, she began speaking, huge form squeezed into a dirty, dusty basement.

“I can still remember when I became Blooded.” Ma closed her mouth, then opened it again. “I would have been around your age. A monster – less potent than the one you fought – attacked my family in the dead of night. We were in our yurt. It tore through it, killed two of my brothers, then left through the other side. The guards had gotten drunk and fallen asleep, you see. Our fortifications had been shifted, slightly, by a pair of young lovers sneaking out. We had been unlucky.”

My attention had been dragged, kicking and screaming, towards her deep voice. Whatever lesson she wished to impart, I didn’t want to hear; I wanted to wallow, forever, in my own horrific nature. But Ma knew all the tricks. The pauses; the tone; the most effective way to deliver a speech.

“I pursued, and the rest of my people were too drowsy to stop me. The tale is long and unimportant: all you have to know is that I found it, and I killed it. And, according to the traditions of my people, the Oxblood was all mine.

“I could have rejected it. Traded it away and made my family rich, or put it towards my dowry. I did not. I made it mine. Do you want to know the first thing I did with my newfound power?”

I wanted to know. Yet the question wasn’t rhetorical, and as the silence continued, I realised she would only tell me if I asked her to. Ma placed the decision firmly in my hands. She understood me too well. It wasn’t my nature to be quiet.

“What’d you do?” My gaze locked onto her chin, too afraid to venture anywhere higher.

My mother breathed out. “I killed the guards. Then I killed the two lovers. All done according to my clan’s laws. Even so, after that, no one could tolerate me anymore. Not even my own family. I was forced out. I wandered. I became a vassal of Esfaria. I became strong. I became alone. And now I’m here.”

I don’t know what I had expected. Ma had no answers.

“For most of my life, my humanity and my Oxblood have been aligned. But, Orvi…”

Unwittingly, I looked her in the eyes.

“You did not kill this man. He’s not dead. And even if you did, it would not stop you from being yourself.”

“That’s not true.” There was a quaver in my words.

“Blooded or not, you will always be you. And as long as you are yourself, you are capable of changing your actions. All those years ago, I chose to kill those people. Last night, you chose to let the Dolphinblood live.”

My teeth cracked in my mouth as I squeezed them. “It’s not that simple.”

Her gaze was constant. “No, it’s not. But at the core of it all, it is.”

“How… How do I stop it?”

“You become aware of yourself. Of your moods, and of how you respond to those moods. Of what sets your blood alight. Then you account for all of it.”

I let out a strangled sound, somewhere between a yell and a groan. “I’m not good at any of that.”

Ma chuckled. I scowled at her, suddenly realising just how quickly she had turned what should’ve been a monologue into a conversation. “No, Orvi, you are not.” I scowled harder. “However, there is one key advantage you hold over most Blooded.”

Snorting, I interjected. “My good looks?”

“Ravenblood does assist with that. More than that, though, is your good nature.”

“You’re just saying that.” I said, blushing. “Of course my mother would think I’m nice.”

Ma shook her head. “The people who gain Godsblood are ambitious. You are not. Maybe you aren’t extraordinarily kind by the standards of most, but you are far, far better than most Blooded.”

I wasn’t sure whether she had just complimented or insulted me. “I am ambitious. I have things I want.”

“Hmm?” She raised a bushy brow.

“Like… uh… I want to… Make our restaurant the most popular in the Foot!”

“I had no idea my son was so very greedy.” The undercurrent of sarcasm was impossible to ignore.

“Shut up. There’re things I want. Your sword is pretty.”

Ma shot me a bemused stare. “My sword?”

“Jackson’s sword, I mean.”

“Is that why you stole it?”

I sniffed. “Yeah. What of it?”

“Very ambitious.”

I scoffed, then quietened. “How did you know what I was worried about?”

“It is something most Blooded agonise over.” She breathed out through her teeth. “The more… human ones, at least. You simply arrived earlier than most.”

“Ravenblood is different from other Godsblood, though.”

Ma gave a grunt of assent. “You are correct. The potential for change is far greater. It makes me glad you reached this point so quickly. You are scared of your blood.”

“I’m not scared.”

“Fear is a good thing. It keeps a person from becoming complacent, encouraging understanding, and control.”

“Well, call me complacent and uncontrollable, because I’m not scared. I never have been.”

“Alright, alright,” Ma raised her palms in surrender, “just keep my words in mind. You’ll-“

A nasal voice sounded from behind her. “The kid’s trying to pull blinders over you, Maja. Your so-called son has more secrets than anyone else in this room.”

I swallowed. Ma faced the Dolphinblood chained to the chair, his bulbous forehead and protruding chin making him seem more fearsome than a captive has any right to be.

“Funny.” Her tone was dark, promising blood. “You might even be correct. But yours are the only mysteries I care to know.”

“Is that so? Then you’re a fool, Maja. Your child is a monster, born and bred. He laughed and revelled as he broke me.” A burst of shame and self-hatred coursed through me. “He freely chose to poison the Esfarians.” I shuddered. “There is something terribly wrong with him. Adopting him does you credit, but you had no way of knowing the creature you were raising. It would be kinder, to him and to the world, if you cut his throat.”

The Blooded was correct. I felt it in my bones. Yet Ma didn’t so much as glance in my direction. In a burst of motion I could barely follow, she smacked him across the side of the head. The force would have thrown him off his seat, were he not chained to it. The fires of my self-hatred were suddenly diminished, reduced to embers. He blinked, mouth opening and closing as blood trickled out of his ear.

Ma squatted, lowering herself to look him in the eye. “There is only one reason I have not killed you.” She rumbled, deadly as an avalanche. “You have information I want. If you try to manipulate me into hurting my family again, I will start breaking bones. And when I am out of patience, I will break you. Do you understand?”

He licked his lips. “I’m trying- “

Ma interrupted him with an exaggerated groan, then reached around the side of the chair. A large hand enveloped his, and with a sharp wrench, one of his fingers snapped. I involuntarily yelped, however the sound was smothered as he began howling. Ma clamped his jaw shut. “Do not focus on the boy. Focus on me.”

He nodded. My mother smiled, lips a thin line.

“Start by introducing yourself.”

“Serl,” he spat.

“Rank?”

“Stripped of any that matters before this posting.”

Ma slowly nodded. “Alright, Serl. What brought House Leyden to the Foot?”

His laughter was strained. “You know the answer.”

“Blood, then.” She paused. “Your people are too few to gather any significant amount. I’ll rephrase the question. What, specifically, did your people want to take from the city?”

“Your Oxblood. Or Captain Jackson’s, as it were.”

Ma sneered, reaching around to grab his hand. “Lies. There was no need to sabotage an entire Esfarian expedition for one man’s blood. Try again.”

The corners of his mouth twitched upward and almost immediately fell, his bravado spent. “What makes you so certain?”

“The scribe.”

He swore ferociously. “The boy. He knows nothing, and he can tell you nothing.”

“But you can, Serl.”

“You’re funny,” he chuckled hollowly. “Not if I want to keep my head.”

“No, Serl,” Ma huffed, “you might find telling me your goal is beneficial for both you and your House.”

The ugly Blooded stared at her suspiciously.

“Let me tell you what I want. In a little under a week, Dure will visit this city.”

He scoffed. “Compared to the other gods, the Lizard’s as gentle as a lamb. I doubt a warrior as accomplished as you will have any trouble steering clear.”

“You are correct, of course. However, I’m less concerned about the Lizard, and more about the diseases it carries. If the plagues manage to infest the lake, the city is finished. Even if they don’t, my children may die in the fight.”

Serl glared. “Why do you care? Leave before it gets here.”

“Are you truly so ignorant?” Her brows were furrowed. “The Lizard leaves hundreds of parasitic monsters in its wake. I may be able to fight through them, but my children would surely perish. Fleeing towards the Raven’s corpse is even more foolish. I’m no explorer – unmapped lands are more likely to starve me than save me.”

I hadn’t known that. Were my siblings and I preventing Ma from fleeing?

“What does that have to do with me?” His words were accusatory.

“All I care about is saving this city. To do that, I need the Blooded that you were with. If you tell me what your cell came here for, we can make a deal.”

The Dolphinblood’s eyes widened. He straightened in his chair. “Are you not part of House Esfaria? You would risk angering them?”

Ma smiled warmly. The expression sent shivers down my spine. “I am certain the Foot is more valuable to them than whatever it is House Leyden wants. If it is not…” She paused, her expression growing cold. “Then I will bring the full force of my name down upon them. If that is what it comes to.”

Serl breathed out, heavily. “It’s the Owlblood. Vernon. He knows how to separate Ravenblood from the other types.”

She nodded. “I thought as much. And you need the exact methodology?”

“Yes. But we’ve searched and searched – he uses no runes. The technique is all in his head.”

Ma’s expression didn’t change. “Even if he uses none, I imagine Vernon is skilled enough to craft some runes imparting the technique.”

“He won’t agree.”

“He will when he hears what I have to say.”

Our captive smirked. “Can you let me go, then?”

“No. If negotiations fall through, you will help with the Lizard.”

“Or what?”

“Or I’ll give your blood to someone more willing.”

He groaned. “Alright, alright. You’ve convinced me.”

My front-row seat to Ma’s interrogation methods was more unsettling than I would’ve liked. As she continually pressed the man for the Leyden cell’s specific route through the wastes, I took my leave.

Blake waited in the house itself, which was emptied of everything but the shutters on the windows. He gave me a wide smile as I climbed into the room. “You feelin’ better?”

I scratched my head. “I really don’t know, Blake.”

Ma left to pursue the Leydenese, giving me a description of where they should be, just in case she was waylaid on the journey there. Dash, supported by our sister, arrived shortly afterwards. We settled in an adjacent shack, hopefully out of the Dolphinblood’s range.

Dash and I were discussing what we thought was happening while the other two dipped in and out of consciousness. The night had been long, and neither had the Lizard’s endurance to fend off fatigue.

“No,” my brother was arguing, “Ma will try and keep it outside the city. If the water source is so important, she would want to keep Dure as far away as possible.”

“I get what you’re saying, brother, but do you really think it’s a good idea to fight a god on open grounds?”

“They did it with the Raven.” He protested.

“’They’ didn’t have the best survival rate. I really doubt a fraction of that number is going to do anything against the Lizard.”

“The Lizard’s meant to be less violent that the Raven was.”

“The Lizard also carries around a bunch of monsters.”

He brightened. “Do you think Sash and I could get Godsblood from them?”

I knew our strategizing was irrelevant. I had seen a god before, and four children in a run-down shack weren’t enough to make a difference. Blake had an inkling – he was old enough to remember just how many of the Godslayers died – however the twins had no clue. Our talks normalised it, somewhat, turning their trepidation into excitement. The wisdom of encouraging this was questionable, but I didn’t want to see my siblings scared.

“What do you think it’s like?” Dash asked. Sash tilted her head, tangled hair swishing. She was far worse at pretending to be asleep than she thought she was.

“They call Dure ‘the Plague’ sometimes, don’t they?”

He bobbed his head. “Yes. And I think I’ve heard it called…” he looked at the ceiling, riddled with holes, in thought. “’The Painful’?”

I tilted my hand back and forth. “It’s something like that.”

“’The Suffering’,” my sister blurted from the corner.

“Yeah, that.”

Her twin shuddered. “It sounds gross.”

I grunted my assent. “Still, it can’t be worse than getting dung in your hair.”

“I don’t know-“ he paused, realising what I was referring to. “Hey! That was your fault!”

Sash shifted in the corner. “What did you two do?”

“Dash fell in a toilet.” I answered quickly.

He gasped in horror. “I did not!”

I cackled while Dash spluttered. Sash demanded an explanation, which he promptly delivered in an excessive amount of detail. Despite the conversation being a ripe opportunity to mess with both siblings, I found myself feeling somewhat detached. The twins talking, one talking far too quickly to be comprehensible while the other listened in rapt attention. Blake snoring in the corner. The stars shining through the holes above us. I wished this moment was a tapestry or painting, so I could steal it, and keep it with me forever.

It passed. They were looking at me.

“What? I wasn’t paying attention.”

My sister tutted, and reiterated the question. “Ma only just left, correct?”

“Yes…?” Where was she going with this?

“You could catch up with her, correct?

I clicked my teeth. Oxbloods were the fastest over short distances, however Lizardbloods could run day and night. It was Ma, though. “Maybe? I doubt I’d be much good in a negotiation.”

“What if you take the Dolphinblood from the Blooded downstairs?”

“…Sorry?” I wondered whether I had heard that right.

Dash continued in our sister’s place. “Ma’s heading into a very dangerous situation. I’m sure she could use a Dolphinblood on her side.”

I peered at the two of them. Their faces were eager, as if they’d found a jewel in a pile of coal. “That would kill him. You… know that, right?”

Dash’s pale eyebrows lowered in confusion. “He tried to kill you, though. He’s a bad guy.”

Sash nodded in agreement. “In helping our mother, his own life is irrelevant.”

It was an opinion born of ignorance. In that moment, I hated both of them. “No, you idiots.” My tone was uncharacteristically harsh. “I’m not murdering a captive just because you two say so.”

They were taken aback. “But Orvi,” Sash protested quietly, “Ma might need your assistance.”

I couldn’t stop my lips from curling. “You don’t have the slightest idea about what you’re asking me to do.”

Dash frowned angrily. “You’re just a coward.”

The best move would’ve been to leave. I was too heated, yet their innocent callousness was an injustice I just couldn’t stand. “Whatever help I could offer isn’t worth the price.”

“He’s not worth anything!” His anger was rising in response to my own.

“You have no idea what kind of woman Maja is. She can-“

“So you’re just going to leave her?” Dash shouted. Blake stirred at the yell, while Sash raised her hands, mouth opening and closing like a broken doll.

“She killed my godsdamned parents,” I snarled. “There’s nothing in this world she cannot destroy.”

The twins stared at me. Gradually, I realised what I had just told them.

“Why, Orvi?” Sash squeaked.

I rubbed my forehead. “They were cultists. They were godsdamned cultists, and Ma killed them. So-“

“You’ll let her die, then?” Dash spat. “Just because she rid the world of that filth?”

The vitriol in his voice set my blood boiling. I saw how I could destroy them with surgical precision: exposing their full hatred of the Cult, then revealing that their parents were cultists as well. The thought of their suffering smothered the fire of my rage. They had asked about what I knew of their biological parents before, and I had lied. Over and over again. It was the only story I made sure to keep straight.

I wouldn’t ruin it for them.

“I just…” I shut my eyes. Any explanation would expose too much. I wasn’t brave enough to reveal myself like that. “No. She’ll be fine. Just… respect my decision, okay?”

My brother scoffed. Without another word he stormed out. Sash looked from me to him. “Go after him, sis.” I told her. She rose and hurried away.

Blake’s soft snores filled the old, crumbling shed. I wondered if I had made the right choice.