《Endeavour》2. Losing Ground: 9 - Remember to let us in.
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After the suspect's vehicle had gone down, Wood and Olkant had pursued him on foot until they lost him. Instead they recovered the vehicle - and the one Claire crashed - onto the Endeavour, where Spud and Ali set upon it to learn all it's secrets.
Naturally their first port of call had been the onboard computer systems, but they had been encrypted. Ali was running various decryption programs but both women knew that there was a chance they could override or bypass any encryption mechanically. If they were very careful and very lucky.
There was one issue with that, Spud realised as she watched Ali with bemusement, because Ali wasn't in the mood to be careful. "You're going to break something, if you keep that up."
Ali turned with a frown before considering the spanner she'd been using as an improvised lever. No matter how advanced their engineering became, no matter how many fancy and important tools were developed, some basics would always remain. Ali sighed, then held out her hand. Spud passed her a torque-wrench and redirected her to a different panel.
It ended with Ali losing a multitude of bolts before she finally just kicked the panel hard enough to leave a faint outline of the sole of her boot. "Right, talk," Spud ordered as she relieved Ali of the tools she was still holding. They could worry about the bolts later.
"About?"
"Why you're beating up an innocent hovercraft?"
The energy seemed to bleed out of Ali as she rubbed at her forehead.
-
"Am I being punished?"
Ali stopped before she even had a chance to take a seat or offer Rila one in her ready room. "What?" She asked as she turned to face her second in command, completely confused.
"Am I being punished?" Rila repeated and folded her arms and gave Ali a hard stare, as if daring her to lie.
"No," Ali said as if it was the stupidest thing she'd ever heard. Quite a feat given some of the stupid stuff Ali had had to both heard and dealt with in her life so far. "Why would you think that?" Rila was not the type to come to a conclusion without reason.
"You keep sidelining me, all of us," Rila explained as if it were obvious.
Ali took a breath as she considered that. It hadn't occurred to her that it would look like that - she hadn't been sidelining Rila at all. "I wasn't sidelining you," she offered with a shrug. She had nothing else she wanted to add because anything else would put Rila in an untenable position that Ali didn't want to put her in.
"You ask me to take command for couple of days and then disappeared without a trace and you still haven't told me where you'd been -"
"That's for your sake!" Ali interrupted firmly.
Rila stopped long enough to scrutinise her captain, her tentacles twitching in irritation and frustration as she decided to change tactics. "Then why did you order me to stay behind rather than join the chase?"
"In case the perpetrators came back. Olkant and Claire were the best pilots on the surface, and I knew you could handle a situation if need be."
"Then why not leave Wood? If you weren't so busy thinking about him drilling you into next week you'd have realised that he and Lartyne have experience working together, they could've handled it whilst we chased down that guy. Whom you lost, so you can't tell me your decision was the right one."
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Ali had folded her arms the moment Rila had started making crass comments, her entire mind blanking angry red for a moment. Somehow she had been able to reign in her temper enough to hold her tongue, though it had been clear from Rila's subtle shift that she'd caught the emotional burst. Of course she had. For jetra, sensing emotions was as natural as body language. "Are you so sure that we'd have caught him if you had joined us? Olkant and Claire were driving, Wood and I were shooting. What difference would you have made?"
Rila said nothing for a moment as she held herself tensely, her mind working quickly. "You need to remember who your crew is."
"Or what?" Ali challenged, "you want to run a coup, go ahead, run the damn ship." She swept an arm towards the door to her ready room as if offering the Faraday to Rila. "I'm not punishing you or anyone else. I left you because I trusted you to keep Lartyne safe and to finish running scans. I trusted you to be capable of dealing with anything that happened on the ground or the Faraday. If you can't see that then we've got a bigger problem." Rila looked ready to throw a punch, and Ali wasn't sure she blamed her. She took a breath. "Okay, we'll revisit this later, when we're not ready to kill each other. Dismissed."
For a moment Rila didn't move but just continued to stare at her captain in a tense posture, before spinning on her heel and leaving the room. Ali sagged into a chair.
-
"I've not been as good of a captain as I should've been recently," Ali finally said, "and a worse friend."
Spud folded her arms as she regarded her friend. "You've just lost your father and are fighting to stop more people getting blown to bits because of bigotry," she said gently but firmly. "No one would expect you to be at your best."
Ali slid down the bulkhead till she was sat on the floor. Suddenly feeling tired as recent events caught up with her. "That's just it, I should've recused myself," she replied as she fought back tears. "I need to be at my best if we're going to win this."
"Only if you plan on doing it alone," Spud corrected. Ali's head snapped back up. "You have us too, both the Endeavour and Faraday. You just have to remember to let us in."
Ali sighed, "yeah, and apologise to my second in command."
Spud laughed, "I'm sure she understands."
"I dunno, I've done a pretty good job of making it look like I don't trust her."
"And you're sure she is not just reading too much into it?"
Ali sighed as her head half dropped between her knees as she thought and rubbed at her temples. Rila was right, she was a mess. The problem was that she needed to snap out of it and the more she focused on trying the more she knew she'd fail. A never ending circle of frustration. She needed to punch something. "Maybe," Ali finally said as she sat up enough to rest her head on the bulkhead behind her again. "Is it bad that I miss the good ol' days when I didn't have responsibilities?"
Spud gave a wry chuckle as she said, "not in the slightest." There was another pause before Spud half threw, half dropped the tools she had hold of into their container. "Right, I think we're in desperate need of a break. You have programs running that'll take all night to complete, what else can we achieve today?"
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"Spud, parties don't solve everything," Ali replied tiredly as she watched Spud stand up with a wary eye.
"No, but stressing ourselves out doesn't either. Come on, a night surrounded by friends is just what you need," Spud ordered as she held out a hand. Ali regarded it warily for a moment before accepting it and jumping to her own feet.
~-x-~
They ended up spending the evening in the mess hall. Initially they'd only been planning to stop long enough to eat dinner, but as they gained and lost people throughout the evening, they felt no need to leave as they traded stories and reminisced about old adventures. At some point Spud had broken out a pack of cards and Ali was yet again trying to teach her a better poker-face. She didn't know why though, it was a hopeless endeavour.
"Wait, you were on Eskaar too?" Ali asked, clearly surprised but barely looking up from her cards. "Krekt, Wood, do you still have any of your own limbs?"
Wood chuckled where he was watching Spud and Ali face each other off with their cards. His money was on Ali. "All of them. You can even check if you want."
Ali swallowed to stop the way her breath caught as a traitorous past of her gave a perverted 'yes please' of agreement. Determinedly focusing on her cards as she rearranged her thoughts, her poker face just about held as she denied that part of her existed and turned back to him with a smirk. "I'm sure I'm worth a better chat up line than that?"
Ali only just stopped herself laughing at the bright red blush that adorned his cheeks at her teasing. He should know better. He coughed, "yeah, probably."
To direct attention both away from him and her own thoughts away from the disconcerting affect on her pulse Ali turned back to the others. "Seriously, what have you done to him?" She asked before playing a card. Spud frowned. "Face," she scolded, making Spud deflate as she realised she'd given herself away again.
"It wasn't us," Claire assured Ali. "We spent a whole year - maybe two - trying to get him to open up."
Yeah, that was definitely you. Spud's eyes found Ali over her cards, a knowing look on her face. Ali raised an eyebrow. Some people are meant to heal each other. Ali refused to react to that, instead focused on her blinking as Spud played a card. Ali smiled. "Well, look at that, you're finally learning."
"I knew you were looking at my cards!" Ali instantly dropped her head into her cards at Spud's outrage as both Wood and Claire laughed. "I just gave myself away again, didn't I?" Spud finally managed to ask in a weak voice when she stopped laughing too.
Ali nodded with a fond, hopeless expression on her face. "Well, at least we know the world isn't ending now."
~-x-~
Spud had been right, Ali had needed that. A normal night. Something to remind her of what she was fighting for. Something to remind her of who she was. Something to bleed the stress right out of her as her friends helped to bolster her.
She pressed the chime and waited patiently for an answer. She wasn't waiting long till the door slid open and Rila's coral eyes were looking at her with surprise. "I want to apologise."
Rila hesitated a moment, her tentacles dancing around her head as she tried to ascertain the situation. To read the room as it were. Then she stepped aside and allowed her captain into her cabin. "I thought you stood by your decisions?"
Ali would've been more worried if Rila had just accepted her apology without question. Even though Rila would know she was sincere with it, she would want to know why. "I do," Ali confirmed gently, "but you are also right." Rila tensed for a moment as if bracing herself for something, before forcing herself to relax and she took a seat on her bed. Ali knew it was about trust and expectations. Rila had lived in street gangs and it had taken her time to learn to trust again. When Ali had taken over command on the Faraday, she had worked hard to earn her respect and her trust. Ali perched on the small desk. "I've not been at my best, and though the logic I used to make my decisions was decent, that doesn't mean I considered every option properly."
A silence hung between them as Rila considered everything. "All things considered, I don't really think you've done a bad job," she finally admitted in a quiet voice. Ali's head snapped back up. "I… I didn't like being left behind, so I said some things that were… unfair. But, I can understand your reasoning."
"I think it needed saying," Ali said with the flicker of a smile at one corner of her lips. Rila's eyes softened in agreement. "Though, perhaps not quite like that."
"You mean you don't want me picking up your language?" Rila teased with a relaxed voice.
Ali chuckled softly. "Not if you want your own ship one day." She paused before asking, "where do we go from here?"
Rila considered the question carefully. "I think we just need to remember that this isn't a normal situation," she finally said. "That we need to remember we're not facing things alone."
Ali nodded. "Spoken like a true leader." Rila's eyes dropped to her lap. "I mean it, Rila, one day you'll make a fine captain."
"I'm not sure I want that responsibility."
"Good, it'd be a nightmare to replace you," Ali joked, relieved to see Rila relax further. "But, honestly, I get you. I haven't been thinking about my responsibilities so much as my desire to catch these guys. I'm not focused properly and you needed to call me out on it." Ali paused before she sighed. "The decisions I made were to protect you, even though you don't want me to," she admitted as a wry smile found its way onto her face as she thought about what she had recently forgiven Grey for doing the same.
Rila considered what Ali said. "Are you about to be court martialed again?"
"Anything's possible."
"It's really good that I don't want a quiet life, isn't it?" Rila asked and Ali nodded. They still had some work to do, but the look they shared reassured them that they were going in the right direction.
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