As the sun peeked upon its highest crest, signifying the middle of the day. Jake collapsed to the floor sucking in as much oxygen as possible in heaping gulps. Standing over him ominously was the tiny terror his fear had come to known as Sasha. Never before had Jake perceived a more pure source of evil incarnate, and Jake had once met Pauline Hanson at a university event.. If that name doesn’t inspire bed wetting then you obviously have never seen Australian politics. Imagine a racist Hillary Clinton with an even bigger stick up her hypocritical ass and Viola! Get the picture?

> I’ve been.. HUFF.. Running non-stop.. HUFF.. For 6 GOD DAMN HOURS! I almost wish something would try to kill me, at least then it’ll be over!

“This should be far enough. I’ll wait at the main gate and if you haven't made it back by tomorrow morning when they open again I’ll consider that you didn’t make it. Have fun Jake and remember, things with big teeth and red eyes probably aren’t your friends.”

Still in a state of exhausted shock, Jake watched wordlessly as Sasha shifted back into her panther form and disappeared into the swaying shadows of the forest. Realising that he was currently standing in a clearing almost 7 hours away from the nearest settlement, in a forest packed full of things that want to eat him. Jake did the only thing a rational person would do in his situation.

“FUCKING BITCH!”

He chose to be immature and swore aloud, probably alerting everything within a kilometre radius of his current position.

10 minutes and a whole lot of cursing later allowed Jake to cool his jets enough to analyse his predicament.

> So I’m about 7 hours north of the gates in the forest, about 40km give or take. Damn being superhuman helps increase how fatal stupid mistakes can be. I bet there are some mean monsters around here who wouldn’t mind some light meat from another world. I’m so fucked if something above G class gets a whiff of my sweaty butt crack.

Figuring that he wouldn’t have time if he was attacked, Jake slowly morphed his right hand (Mrs Palmer and her 5 daughters) into the metal claw equivalent of a basketball players, meaning it looked disproportionate attached to his body. Prepped and ready for roughly 5% of the shit Fate could throw at him, Jake headed south.. or so he corrected after noting that the sun was starting to come down ahead of him and not to his right as it should.

All was smooth sailing for the first hour and Jake thought he may have become adept at stealth. Oh how wrong he was in the coming seconds as a lizard slunk out into the sun’s early evening rays, peeking through the canopy. The problem with this however was that Jake barely reached the lizards shoulders. Keeping from freaking the fuck out, Jake slowly backed away towards the shadows and as luck would have it..

/ SNAP!

He stepped on the worlds loudest dry twig. The contest of sizing each other up was now on in full. Jake took stock of the likely end to his existence. 7 feet high at its zenith, 2 large red orbs with slitted pupils, grey scales that interlocked and looked like chain mail, a tail as long as its body totalling this massive mother fucker at around 25 feet long. Large and mean where the descriptors Jake associated with this creature and to the lizard, Jake was seen as the reptile equivalent of a toothpick.

> I’m so fucking fucked. If I make it through this I’m going to rub a spiked dildo in catnip and stick it onto the guilds wall so that bitch of a feline fucks herself bloody in front of everyone! You are on my shit list Sasha, and I will ruin you!

Of course while Jake monologued his tortuous fantasies about the were-panther the lizard slowly waddled over to acquire its new utensil. Realising that now would be a good time for a plan, Jake legged it.

“Stop chasing me! I won’t even be enough to produce a fart, let alone a snack you stupid, cold blooded bitch of a dragon!”

Lumbering through the forest, hot on his tail was the said lizard whom Jake was running from. Snapped trees and debris lay in its wake and the fact that it had to plough through the forest was the only reason Jake could avoid its maw. Going for broke, Jake decided to do something really stupid. Not just stupid for him, but so stupid he actually thought it may be brilliant. Concentrating on his power, he forced all the metal and mutation of his right hand to form one, long middle finger blade, backed up by a large mass of black muscle and tendons for support.

Abruptly spinning 180 degrees on the spot, Jake sprinted to bridge the gap between prey and predator. The lizard was caught off guard by such a peculiarity and froze for a second before renewing its charge. Opening it’s jaws wide, the lizard could almost taste its next snack not 2 metres away. Seeing Jake lower his centre of gravity the lizard dipped its head to better capture its meal. This was where Jake struck.

Seeing the descending hole of death, Jake sprung from the floor towards its face. Narrowly avoiding the lizards upper lip, Jake human speared his right hand towards the softest flesh he could find, the tear duct of the creatures left eye. The momentum of the jump and the lizards own pace, ensured that the 1 metre long blade appendage sunk home through tissue to the soft brain matter of the creature itself. Now while this may appear heroic and gallant, the fact of the matter is, in the next instance Jake received his just rewards.

/ POP, POP, POP

“FUCKKKK!!!”

3 seperate dislocations to his wrist, elbow and shoulder thanks to the laws of inertia.

“FUCKING NEWTON!!”

watching a dog sprint for greener pastures only to be whipped back due to its leash is funny, watching the human version however was stomach grabbing hilarity. Thankfully for the maiden hiding in the shadows, Sasha was able to laugh her ass off at Jake while the lizard issued its death throes and he passed out due to the concussion of being whipped around like a vibrator at an all girls school. Otherwise Jake may have realised he wasn't as alone as he initially thought.