I had missed the funeral and coronation, I was sure of that. It had been so long since I had made the journey to the portal stone that I had gotten lost along the way. Maybe it wasn't my memory but my failing body clouding my perception of the world around me.

Ever since ridding myself of my third child, I could feel the magic always pushing against me as punishment for my insolence slowing winning. I had been able to keep it at bay just barely after the birth of my son, but the induced miscarriage had been the event that sent the balance out of my favor.

The horse slowed, sensing the crackle of magical potential in the air. Beast seeming uneasy, I painfully dismounted and gathered my courage. I hoped the portal would still work for me, I knew there was a chance my mother would have found a way to seal it from me after hearing about bearing a male heir.

Keeping hold of the reigns, I tentatively leaned forward and placed my hand on the surface of the stone. Much to my relief, I felt the power flow through me and the world around me began to swirl. Nauseous, finally the swirling ended and the castle on the mountain stood before me. Despite it's more macabre appearance, it still took my breath away. Had it really been so long? When I had left I was but a young woman, now I could feel the cold hand of death sliding along my spine.

Swinging back up onto my horse, I let out a small cry of pain and gripped my torso. It had never seemed to recover and had become much the talk of the castle. I had done my best to downplay the searing pain, but sometimes it would rise to such a point as to where I lost my senses and would cry out. There were many murmurs that I would not survive another season and I wasn't sure that I disagreed with them, all the more reason to travel to make amends with my only daughter.

Riding up to the castle gates, I could feel the hum of magical power emanating from within its walls. Never before had I realized how much I had missed the constant current of magical energy, the ebb and flow of the tide rising me up and temporarily giving me a bit of respite from the pain.

Before I could raise the magical energy to draw open the castle gates, they swung open, revealing a narrow-eyed Mari. Her look said that I was both welcome and unwelcome, I could not blame her indecision. There was a large part of me that felt that coming here had been a folly, that I no longer belonged.

“You missed everything,” she said curtly.

“I lost my way,” I tiredly explained, “it has been a long while.”

“Indeed, I suppose I shouldn't expect someone like you to keep the important knowledge of your upbringing close to your heart.”

With a sigh, I carefully dismounted, sucking in breath to prevent myself from giving away my inner battle. “Mari, people make choices that they later regret.”

Mari raised her eyebrow and cocked her head slightly to the side. “Do you regret bearing that child? Or is this merely the desperate desire of someone nearing death to find forgiveness.”

My eyes widened and I looked away.

“Did you really think you could hide that from me?” Mari scoffed. “The magical tempest within you would be obvious to even the least talented, you are losing the fight.”

“Yes, I know.”

“So is this just a desperate attempt at forgiveness or do you truly regret your betrayal?”

I was silent for a moment, trying to gather my thoughts together. Never had I thought I would be here again. Why would I have come if not to admit to myself and everyone else that I had been a traitor?

“Speak,” she demanded, drawing her magic and voice up to seem more opposing.

“Yes, I regret what I have done,” I sighed painfully, “especially to my daughter.”

“Had you cared about her, you would have put your foot down about this long ago,” she said with a roll of her eyes. “Don't act like you have been powerless this whole time. Though you may not be a sorceress, you are still a Yser.”

I had no illusions that I was ever going to satisify Mari with any reply I could give. Whatever bridges that had existed between us had been burned long ago.

“May I please see my daughter?”

“How do you know that she will even want to see you? I don't believe she has ever forgiven you for your betrayal.”

“I at least want to have the opportunity,” I replied, trying very hard to keep the hurt from my voice.

“She is away at the moment, but if you insist on staying to see if she will be willing to see you, then follow me.”

I followed Mari through the familiar hallways, they seemed to have been frozen in time. If not for the different faces of the servants we passed, I would assume that I had never left. Seeing the inside of the castle again was a mixture of anxiety and nostalgia. A part of me pained knowing that we would not walk into the great hall to see Evonia upon the throne. Had I really never taken the time to even visit my own mother? Surely she could have summoned me and I would have came, but perhaps I did not understand until my own daughter did the same to me.

“You may wait here if you'd like,” Mari said flatly, motioning to one of the chairs in the great hall meant for petitioners or others looking for a moment of the ruler's time.

It was obvious that she had neglected to offer me a seat on the comfortable seating intended for family and distinguished guests. I was no longer considered an official family member, at least in nothing more than name.

Mari left me alone in the hall without so much as a goodbye. She was legendary for her ability to hold grudges, it seemed that not much had changed in that regard. I didn't know if I agreed with her or not, as of late it had become harder and harder to justify where my life had ended up.

Time ticked on with no sign of Toria. Would I even recognize her? In my dreams she was still a little girl running around the castle hallways barely able to contain the energy within her. I missed hearing her trilling laugh echoing off of the stone and filling the building with boundless life. Florian had been much the same as soon as he started toddling, but the sound of his laughter had always sent pangs through my heart, awakening again the longing for my first born.

I wasn't sure how much time had passed, but it had felt like at least a quarter of a day before the door to the great room opened once more. A grown version of Toria stood in the doorway, wearing a skimpy gown that reeked of Evonia's influence. Her dark chestnut eyes fell upon me and there was a glint of some emotion that her face refused to show. Her hair seemed to have remained uncut since I had last seen her, hanging to just below her waist, pin-straight and dark ebony. She was even more beautiful as a woman than I had imagined. My heart hurt to look at what she had become without me.

“Rela,” she said in greeting, emphasizing the fact that she was using my name.

“Toria, you've grown,” I managed to croak out.

“It has been years,” she replied.

With a sinuous swing of her hips she turned towards the silver throne, she made her way to the seat, revealing an equally beautiful woman behind her. The other woman seemed to be holding in a giggle behind her crimson lips, like she found the situation amusing. Much to my surprise, she took a seat next to Toria in the chair traditionally reserved for kings or consorts.

“I'm assuming you haven't come all this way for nothing,” Toria said with boredom in her voice, “what do you want?”

Her tone really hurt. I hadn't expected her to be over-the-moon excited to see me, but any hint that she had missed me would have been nice. I would hate to think that I had suffered on the road for so long to make amends only to find out that she didn't have any interest in it.

“I don't want anything other than to see you,” I pleaded. “I have missed you.”

“Have you? The real question is: have I missed you?” she countered.

“I would hope so, at least a little.”

The left side of her mouth cracked a small smile and she tilted her head to the side. “Why?” she questioned. “Why would I? You betrayed me and your family. You know what you've done cannot be easily forgiven, let alone forgotten.”

“It was ten years ago-”

“So?” she snapped. “The amount of time that has passed makes no difference to me. You have another motive for being here, a selfish one.”

I stayed silent, she was right and I had nothing to retort with.

“I think even the weakest of magic user could see that you're losing a battle,” she stood and marched over to me. “I could help save you, you know. Perhaps an infusion of magical energy could help turn the tide for you once more.”

I could feel my eyes widen at the possibility. My motivation for making the trip hadn't been to grovel for forgiveness, but if I could live, I certainly would take that as well.

“The problem with that is: do I really want to do that after your betrayal?” she queried, a glint in her eye.

I could almost smell Evonia's and Mari's influence on her. She was enjoying my suffering. Surely my influence on her younger years had to grow at least a little heart within her. It pained me to think that she truly was no longer my child.

“Well?” she pressed, as if expecting an answer.

“You're my child-”

“Again, you say that like it should hold weight against me,” she grumbled. “You forfeit the right to use that against me the day you decided to bear a male heir and unseat my position.”

“Are you truly still hurt over that?” I asked.

Immediately, I could tell that it was a mistake. Her face clouded over with anger and I could feel the magical power rise within her. In my current state she could strike me down with me unable to do little about it.

“I had an entire kingdom waiting for me, a whole brilliant future,” she spat out. “You took that from me. You chose to bear an usurper who would take my place and you did so knowing what would happen. Why?”

Her posture had straightened much more, her face a mask of fury. Had I really been so naive to think that time would have smoothed over her rage?

“I wanted the King to be happy,” I managed to stammer out, “he wanted a male heir so desperately. I thought you would understand that it is the way of things.”

Toria laughed airily through her nose and sniffed in disgust. “A man's desire? That is your reason? No wonder Evonia would not allow you to be her heir, this place would probably be ran by a know-it-all man right now while you sniveled at his feet.”

“I loved him,” I pleaded. Surely love had to be a concept she understood.

“And thus your love for him was greater than for me?”

My breath caught in my throat and I felt my face go sickly pale. I was backed into a corner that I didn't know how to get out of. Logically, she was correct. I must have loved him more at the time to be willing to upset her status as heir.

“That's what I thought,” she said, voice full of disgust. “I don't know what's worse, the fact you didn't realize it yourself before or the fact that you can't bring yourself to say the truth aloud.”

Tears streamed down my face as I realized that she wasn't in the mood to save nor forgive me. The bridge to our reconciliation hadn't been burned, it had never existed in the first place.

“You made your choice when you bore a son,” she said dully, like the conversation suddenly bored her. “We have nothing else to discuss. You may stay here a night if you wish, but you must leave tomorrow.”

My eyes darkened as I felt her raised power recede, a poignant sign that I was no longer worth her time. I knew in my heart that this was it, I would leave, but I would not survive the trip home.