Crackling fire burned in Katie’s lungs as her body convulsed. Her coughing had become nothing more than a static whine in her own ears as a haziness descended over her vision and her blood pounded like a roaring drum in her ears. Lewis had a hand on the back of her head and his other palm was pressed flat against her throat and chin to keep her head tilted back. He’d carefully worked his finger and thumb into the sides of her jaw to hold her mouth open while Dr. Seaton pushed a long metal rod down her gullet.

Tears brimmed in Katie’s eyes and she gagged and retched around the instrument. She squirmed weakly despite knowing they were trying to help her, her burning lungs demanding air she was unable to provide.

Finally, Dr. Seaton pulled the medical tool free and Katie felt something thick and stringy come with it. A powerful convulsion ripped Lewis’s grip from her head, and she hunched over again to heave, coughing up bloody globs. She got a look at Dr. Seaton and the large clump of bloodied tissue hanging from the slender spoon gripped between his fingers.

“What is that?” Lewis asked. It was the same question burning on Katie’s tongue, but she was too busy continuing to cough to ask.

“A blood clot,” Dr. Seaton sighed. “She’s obviously got some bleeding in the lungs that’s clotting together and being coughed up. It’s choking her. But I won’t be able to get a good look at what might be bleeding internally while she’s like this. We’ll have to get her on oxygen and sedated so that I can get a scope down to get a better look.”

All the while that he spoke, Katie continued to wheeze and dry heave, and Lewis rubbed her back the entire time. She appreciated the gesture and could not help the spike of concern at Dr. Seaton’s comment about internal bleeding and the scope.

“I have a temporary unit in the car, but I’ll need to get some better equipment from my office to keep her on it for longer. What I have should last the day and night. I’ll be right back. Try to keep her upright and breathing as best she can,” he continued.

Katie was still bowed over and didn’t see him leave, but she did feel the blankets move as Lewis shifted. Then his warm, dark hands were wrapping around her arms and gently drawing her backwards into his lap, where he continued to rub her back.

“Come on, Kiddo,” he murmured. “Hang in there just a little longer.”

“Trying,” Katie spit from grit teeth. She wiped her mouth on her forearm and tried to ignore the red smear that stained her skin for her efforts. Tears pricked in the corners of her eyes as she continued to gasp. Her breathing was shallow and she was starting to feel dizzy, and with it came an overwhelming fear; she didn’t want to die. Especially not like this.

She slumped against Lewis and began to pant.

His arms wrapped around her as he helped keep her propped upright. She felt his hand smooth some of her tangled hair off her face. She really wanted to be able to clean up properly, but she could barely breathe or remain sitting up long enough to even get a bath. The water made her body itch and burn now, and the last time they had tried to get her into the water, she had nearly drowned. Her gills no longer worked.

Katie sputtered again, weakly this time. She could feel the clogging burn in her throat, the constrictive tightness in her chest that demanded she cough and heave up whatever was blocking up her airway, but she no longer had the strength. Her vision doubled as her eyes rolled and her head dipped.

“Oh, Katie,” Lewis sighed. “Kid, you’ve been so brave through all of this, but I need you to find a little more strength to keep fighting, okay? Just a little more. We’re going to get you better.”

Though she didn’t want to die, Katie could not muster the faith to believe his words. Her body was failing and there was nothing she could do about it. Her chest burned and her throat was swollen, and sipping oxygen was like pouring vinegar over an open wound. Her gut was knotted into a tight, tiny ball as it slowly starved itself and refused to accept food. She was missing more scales than she had left, and the exposed skin beneath was yellowed and bruised, and cracked often when she moved. The sheets beneath her were stained with the blood that oozed from them, and the scabs ached.

Lewis was begging her to find some inner strength, but she was pretty sure she’d already spent the last of it, and now couldn’t help contemplating that if she just closed her eyes and slept, the pain would stop.

It was then that heavy footsteps echoed back down the hall and Katie’s consciousness flickered and lit just a little more. She watched – almost in a daze – as Dr. Seaton hurried back in with a face mask, a length of tubing, and a large green metal air tank.

Lukshia followed him in, guiding a portable heart monitor machine through the doorway. Portable felt a bit of a stretch though, as the clunky device on wheels needed to be turned and puzzle pieced into the room.

The doctor moved to her side. He set the air tank down beside the mattress and began hooking the hoses up to it. After a few seconds of fiddling, he leaned over and pressed the breathing mask over her mouth and nose.

There was a soft hissing sound, followed by a sharp spurt of air as he twisted the valve on the tank open. It was still difficult to breathe, but Katie now felt she had better access to her starved lungs than she had previously, and she could not help gulping at it desperately as she attempted to ease the deep burn within her chest.

Lewis rubbed her arm and then lightly squeezed her bicep. “Katie…remember there’s a limited supply right now,” he reminded softly in a tone laced with guilt.

He was right, and Katie took one deep breath in response, then forced herself to take calm, shallow breaths until her heartrate slowed as the tightness in her lungs loosened.

“Is she a diver?” Dr. Seaton whispered the inquiry, but Katie’s sharp hearing caught it easily.

She felt Lewis shift behind her and figured he was probably nodding. “She obviously doesn’t need the gear anymore, but yeah; she logged a lot of hours underwater.”

“Well that’ll help then, if she’s got breath regulation training and control. She’s going to need it. Katie,” Dr. Seaton raised his voice to address her directly. “I’m going to give you a sedative, alright? I need to find the source of your bleeding, and it would only be detrimental to your health and stress levels not to put you under for it. But you have to understand there’s a medium of risk; you are very sick.”

Katie closed her eyes and sighed, trying to ignore the stinging sensation of tears welling behind her lids. She was battered and weak, and wanted the pain to stop; but she did not truly feel ready to die. “I am dying either way,” she rasped finally. “Do what you have to.”

Dr. Seaton nodded and reached into his bag for a syringe and a bottle of clear fluid. Katie tried not to tense at the sight of the needle as he drew some of the sedative into it and held the tip out. If she panicked, her heart rate would increase again and she understood the necessity of conserving the oxygen in the tank.

Her fears were unnecessary, however, as Dr. Seaton merely leaned forward and injected the sedative through the IV catheter that Katie had begun to forget she still had. Her hand had long since been numbed to the sensation of the tiny tube feeding her a saline drip the past few days. She had been preoccupied with the other – more life threatening – priorities.

The moment the sedative had been applied, Dr. Seaton backed off slightly and instead returned his focus to his bag of supplies.

Katie was jostled slightly as Lewis shifted from behind her and carefully guided her back down to lay flat on the mattress. He peered down at her with worry glittering in his dark eyes. “Hang tough, sweetheart,” he begged as he raised a hand to wipe at the side of her lip and cheek. His hand came away coated in fresh blood. Helping to hold her had already coated his hands and arms, but he didn’t seem bothered by it.

She nodded and bit her tongue so she wouldn’t start coughing again, despite the rising need; she didn’t want to worry him further.

She was beginning to feel heavy and sluggish, so she turned her gaze up to the ceiling instead, watching as the world began to distort into a series of swirling colors and muted sounds. It had been days since Katie had gotten anything close to resembling a proper sleep. She was so weary that she welcomed the effect of the sleeping drug, and quickly gave in to the warm embrace of unconsciousness. The rest merely faded away.

***

Katie always felt groggy and disoriented when coming out from under anesthesia, but this time was like being hit by a truck. She groaned softly, then winced as the vocalization brought a tight pressure to her throat. She slowly cracked her eyes open and gazed around. The face mask from earlier was gone, replaced with nasal tubes that stung in her nostrils. She grimaced; she had not missed the uncomfortable sensation. At least she was no longer gasping for air.

She turned her gaze to the side and found Sophie perched on a fold out chair. Her mother was smiling softly down at her, and reached out to brush some hair out of Katie’s face. “Hey hon, finally waking up then?” she murmured. “Don’t try to speak yet. Are you in any pain?”

Katie shook her head and frowned, still feeling disoriented. Should I be in pain?

Sophie’s expression remained tender as she slid to her knees off the chair. “I’m just going to help you sit up, alright? Let me know if you feel dizzy at all.”

Katie winced as Sophie slowly helped pull her up until she was leaning against some pillows propped up to the wall. Her vision spun and she felt herself sway, but Sophie’s warm hands lingered on her body, one low on her chest, the other on the far side of her head; helping to hold her up and keep her steady.

“Just breathe, Katie,” Sophie murmured.

When the spell faded, Katie reopened her eyes and carefully shifted her weight. Her frown deepened when she felt something pull. She poked her tongue along the side of her mouth and discovered a thin tube. The area was tender, like it had been stitched to the inside of her cheek, and she winced. It ran deep, and she could hear a soft, irritating buzzing sound humming from it. It felt like there was a bit of suction in her chest. Her hand lifted for a better feel and Sophie caught her wrist.

“Don’t play with that,” she instructed with a firm shake of her head. “I know it’s probably not comfortable, but it’s draining the fluid from your lungs. It needs to stay in.”

Katie dropped her hand with a sigh. She was sick of tubes and needles and medical procedure. Sick of feeling like a living science experiment, one that was now collapsing on itself, with a million wires poked into it as people tried to figure out why. She knew her mother and everyone were only trying to help her, but it was still hard not to feel poked and prodded and scrutinized under a microscope. She was tired of it.

“W-w-hat appened?” she croaked. The hose down her throat made it difficult to speak, but it didn’t hurt too badly so long as she was careful and spoke slowly. It wasn’t ideal, but at least it was manageable and she hoped that it would be removed soon.

Sophie reached out and smoothed back some of Katie’s hair. “Your lungs keep filling with fluid. Blood and mucus mostly. Carlos put the tube in to help drain it; your left lung is the worst offender right now. The only problem is he’s not sure why or where you’re bleeding from. There’s no hemorrhaging and you’ve got no bruising or other signs of internal bleeding. He does think you have a parasite though. He did some extensive bloodwork and it’s what he’s looking for now,” she explained.

“A parasite?” Katie repeated, her words spoken softly and slowly.

Sophie nodded. “Katie…what they did to you in that lab…let’s face it, when they changed you, you became essentially test tube grown. You were kept in an enclosed ecosystem, a sterile environment. They knew exactly what was in your water and your food at all times, and it would have been very carefully regulated. You don’t have an immune system anymore. Not a Mer one, anyways. When you were taken out of that environment into the rest of the world, you were exposed to everything all over again, and Dr. Seaton thinks that because you’re now a genetic mix, you’re susceptible to the diseases and parasites common to both people. You could have picked up something anywhere.

“But Lewis kept giving you supplements and your levels are still dropping, your body isn’t regulating. That’s why they think you have a parasite. They’ve looked already for any cancer signs and you’re clean for that, thank goodness. But Dr. Seaton is still trying to isolate what you might have picked up. In the meantime, he’s given you a lot of powerful antibiotics to help kill the infection you’ve got because of it. We’re only really treating symptoms right now, but that will have to be enough. He did say that some dizziness and disorientation can be side effects of the drugs though, and you look like you’re experiencing both. How do you feel?” Sophie asked.

Katie sighed and brought a hand to her head. “Disoriented,” she agreed. “Breathing is easier.”

“And you haven’t started coughing again,” Sophie agreed. She sighed, a long-winded gush of air as her body slumped with apparent relief. “That’s good, it’s really good. We’re going to get you through this, okay? Do you think you feel up to a little food? You need to eat something.”

Katie shook her head. She was hungry – famished in fact – but her roiling gut was a strong indicator that she was not ready for food, and she was certainly not eager to start throwing up again.

“Later maybe,” Sophie relented. She began to gently rub Katie’s back. “Now might be a good time to get some proper rest, while your coughing is at bay and won’t wake you up.”

Katie shrugged and glanced at the various devices she was hooked up to. “None of this stuff moves, does it?” she inquired ruefully.

Sophie frowned. “It could, if we needed it to. Why?”

“Because I’d really like to wash my hair,” Katie admitted. She was not one for primping, really only showering out of necessity to get the salt off her skin and from her hair after a dive. She kept clean, but that was the extent she cared for. But now, she was coated in blood and sweat, and her hair was matted and grungy, jutting out in jagged pieces in places, and sticking to her scalp and the back of her neck in others. She felt gross and wanted the chance to clean up a bit.

Sophie pursed her lips and understanding blossomed in her gaze. “Well, Carlos got you hooked up to an oxygen concentrator while you were out. It seems to be working just as well as the tank. That’s easily moved, and we can unhook you from the IV bag for a little bit. It’s this I’m not sure about,” she admitted as she gestured to the tube taped back to the side of Katie’s face. Katie turned her head and saw what Sophie was looking at. The tube was short and ran less than two feet away from her head to a cylindrical machine that was whirring softly. There was some blood trickling down the tube into the device. It was small enough that it should be portable, but it was also plugged in, and didn’t look like it could get wet. “I can ask about it,” Sophie decided finally. “But only if you feel up to being moved like that. I completely understand you wanting to freshen up and feel less greasy and germy, but it’s not worth it if you start coughing like you were again.”

Again, Katie shrugged. Talking hurt, so she wanted to do as little of it as possible. She felt tired, and her chest was still tight, still hurt, and the memory of her last attempt to get in the water weighed heavily on her heart, but she desperately wanted the chance to clean up. “Laying in my own sickness isn’t going to help me feel better,” she said finally.

“I suppose not,” Sophie agreed. “Alright, I’ll go talk to Dr. Seaton about it.”

As she watched her mother rise, Katie was struck with a pang of sadness. Sophie looked so weary, so worried, and Katie hated to see her so run down.

She chewed the inside of her cheek – unable to properly close her mouth with the drainage hose down her throat – and knotted her fingers in the blanket below her. She was wrestling again with the need to cough, and her vision was beginning to blur. Katie tried to force both sensations down, however. The solutions that had been put in place were helping, but only slightly. They were keeping the brunt of her fits at bay, but Katie also knew they were incredibly temporary reprieves. She could still feel the weakness creeping up over every inch of her body.

It was moving slowly, cruelly drawing the process out, but slowing it would not save her and she had the strong suspicion she was still going to die, and soon. But she didn’t want to worry Sophie more than necessary, so when her mother came back in, Katie lifted her chin and forced a weak smile so that Sophie would still think that she was feeling a bit better.

Sophie smiled back and cupped Katie’s cheek in her palm as she knelt down. Her thumb stroked over the skin before she pulled away to unhook Katie from the IV bag. She capped off the IV in Katie’s hand and then sat back. “Carlos is going to come unhook you. He thinks it should be fine so long as it’s only for a little bit. Are you feeling well enough for this, Katie?” she pressed.

Katie nodded, trying to ignore the painful pulsing that was surfacing behind her eyes. A wave of dizziness struck her and she swayed with a moan.

“Easy.” Katie was wrapped into an embrace and pulled against her mother. Sophie brushed some of her bangs off her face. “Maybe I should help,” she suggested.

Katie sighed, but nodded. She didn’t want Sophie to have to do more for her or worry even more, but she was questioning her ability to remain sitting upright, much less actually scrub her hair down. “Please,” she rasped at the same moment Dr. Seaton walked back into the room.

He moved silently to the medical machinery and began fiddling with it. His black and white border collie came trotting into the room after him. Its claws clicked on the wood boards as it padded up to her, its shaggy tail wagging all the while.

Katie didn’t remember the dog’s name – though she was sure it had been said at some point – but she reached out to pet it when it walked up. Its tail began to wag faster and it stepped a bit closure, whining a bit as it did. Feeling smacked with another wave of dizziness, Katie hugged the fuzzy creature in hopes of concealing the fact that she was unable to hold herself up without support.

When she next glanced at Sophie’s pained expression, she knew the attempt hadn’t worked. Sophie’s lips parted to say something, but the machine beside Katie beeped loudly and drew both their attentions away from one another. Katie barely smothered a small yelp of surprise as she turned to find Dr. Seaton crouched directly beside her. He raised a hand in a soothing gesture and Katie forced the small prickles of annoyed offense down at the motion. She wasn’t a skittish animal, but he was also only trying to help.

He lifted his hands up by her ear and she forced herself to resist the urge to turn as he fiddled with the tube stitched into her mouth. Obviously, he couldn’t simply remove it, so she wasn’t surprised when he taped the external part to the side of her face, disconnected it from the machine’s hose, and capped it off.

“She shouldn’t be off of this for long,” he warned Sophie. “If fluid builds back up in her lungs, she’ll start coughing again and since I can’t locate the source of the bleeding, I need to simply allow it to heal. Coughing will only jar the impact sight and reopen any sores that may have developed.”

“It won’t be for long,” Sophie agreed. “She should be alright for twenty minutes or so, right?”

Dr. Seaton grunted in agreement.

Katie chewed her lip and quietly thanked him.

He nodded at her and then made a beckoning motion with his wrist as he stood. “Chopstick, come,” he commanded softly.

The dog was quick to jump from Katie’s arms to his master’s side. Katie smiled as she watched it go. Luna had seemed rather frightened when the collie had first come in, and Katie herself had never had the desire to actually have a dog, but she liked them and it was nice to get to interact with one as sweet as Chopstick.

When Sophie crouched beside her next, Katie leaned into her mother’s open armed embrace. “I’m sorry this has all been such a hassle,” she sighed as Sophie lifted her off the ground. The woman said nothing for a moment as she pushed what looked like a book sized portable heater into Katie’s hands. It was connected to the hose feeding into Katie’s nose, and whirring softly, so Katie figured it was the oxygen concentrator that Sophie had mentioned earlier. She held it tightly so that it wouldn’t fall. “I don’t mean to make you worry or have to take care of me like this,” she continued when Sophie didn’t immediately answer.

“I like taking care of you,” Sophie refused. Katie was hugged tighter and her eyes closed as she melted into the warmth of the hold. “The worry is just part of the job. The job I chose to take on, if you recall.”

“I know,” Katie sighed. “But still.”

“But nothing,” Sophie countered as she ferried Katie out of the room and into the next one. The bathroom was small and looked like it had been pulled from the past. Katie had been a little delirious when they’d arrived – and her mental state hadn’t improved much over the few days they’d been in this new location – but she had noticed that the small seaside cabin seemed very low key and off the grid. Even the medical equipment they had set up for her was plugged into a generator, rather than any outlets in the walls. It was predominantly natural light, and there wasn’t very much room.

The bathroom had more of a tin basin than an actual bathtub, and both it and the sink were pump powered. Katie felt guilt prickle in her belly once more as Sophie lowered her into the wash basin and began to work the pump silently. The water came from outside somewhere, and though it still smelled of brine, it had been purified somehow, because it was not true seawater that splashed over Katie’s back as it poured from the tab.

The water was relatively chilly, but Katie didn’t protest. The cabin didn’t really have much in the way of proper air conditioning and so the cool water was a reprieve from the muggy air.

“It feels nice,” Katie hummed. She reached over the rim of the tub to carefully place the converter on the ground so that it wouldn’t get waterlogged.

“Tilt your head back,” Sophie requested. Katie braced her arms on either side of the basin to support herself and leaned back enough that her hair was underneath the pump’s flow.

After a while, the water stopped running and Sophie’s fingers tangled in her hair. She still felt bad that her mother was having to do so much, but Katie couldn’t help the sigh of content that ghosted past her lips; it felt so good just to have her head scrubbed. There were soap suds drifting on the surface of the water, and Katie tenderly rubbed at her tail with her hands. There were massive patches of scales missing, and she made a note to ask for a shirt once she got out of the water. She would have to start covering up again as scales had begun to fall from her chest too.

As she cleaned at her amethyst limb, more scales rubbed off under her fingers and she sighed. It was in such a sorry state that it deeply saddened her. Her fin hung limply, looking pale and lifeless. The edges were beginning to turn gray and it was becoming increasingly difficult to move it like she once had. Even if her gills were working, she probably wouldn’t be able to swim. Despite that, part of her still yearned for the ocean, craved the touch of the water, but she knew the salt would burn her sores and her gills would only choke her now.

“We have to talk,” Sophie said, breaking the small silence that had settled over them.

“What about?” Katie inquired.

She heard Sophie’s low intake of breath as she hesitated. “You’re not going to like it,” her mother began. “And we’ve already talked to Luna-”

“Where is Luna?” Katie interrupted. “Is she alright after everything?”

Sophie was silent for a moment as she dumped some water over Katie’s head to begin rinsing the suds. “She’s with Carlos,” Sophie said finally. “He left momentarily to help me with this, but he’s been working with her for a little over an hour now. He’s running some tests.”

“On Luna?” Katie’s heart rate accelerated at the thought and she gripped the sides of the tub tightly. “Sophie, you have to stop him, you know she can’t handle-”

“Relax,” Sophie soothed. “Luna agreed to it and she knows that she can back out at any time. Carlos is trying to get a better understanding of what’s going wrong with you by comparing it to the scores of a healthy Mer. Luna is an ideal candidate anyways because it’s her DNA that they used. You’re biologically similar. She was happy to help; she’s very worried for you. We all are.”

Katie nodded and forced herself to relax, to not push the issue. “What did you want to talk about?” she asked finally, recalling that she had cut her mother off earlier.

Sophie sighed and Katie felt her hand smoothing down her hair. “We’ve been discussing our next steps. You know Lewis has done everything he can at this point – he’s not a doctor – and Carlos is an exceptional medical professional, but other than managing your cough and breathing issues, he’s worried there’s not much else he can do for you. No one knows enough about Mer biology to isolate what’s causing all of this.” Sophie paused and took another breath. When she spoke again, there was a poorly concealed warble to her tone. “And honestly, I know we’ve all been tiptoeing around it, but it might not even be a Mer disease that you have.”

“I might just be finally falling apart,” Katie concluded. “I know. I wasn’t their first test subject, I’m just the first one who survived.”

Katie forced herself upright so she could turn in the cramped confines of the tub when she heard Sophie sniffle. Her mother’s eyes were glassy and filled with tears she was trying not to shed. Katie chewed her lip and took her mother’s hand. “It’s okay,” she whispered. “It’s not your fault, you know that right? I’ve accepted that there might be nothing more we can do.” It broke Katie’s heart – shattered it into a million tiny fragments – to watch Sophie’s expression cave in with grief and her tears begin to fall. She didn’t want to die, and she especially didn’t want to put her mother through the agony of mourning all over again, but logic was winning out that there really might not be another option.

After a moment, Sophie shook her head. “I’m not ready to give up on you, Katie. You have everything to live for. There is one option we haven’t tried yet…” she broke off in hesitation and Katie waited patiently as she swallowed and clearly tried to compose herself better. “The scientists that did this to you…they’re the only ones that know anything about your transformation…and they may be able to fix whatever is happening now.”

Katie’s heart squeezed. She had wondered if Sophie or the others would reach that conclusion. It was something she had hoped they would never have to discuss. She shook her head. “It’s not an option,” she refused.

“Katie, I know it’s a risky option, a frightening one, but-”

“It’s. Not. An. Option,” Katie repeated firmly. “Mom, you have to know that. It puts everyone in danger. Not just me, not just you, but Luna and Riley and everyone we care about. They can’t know where we are.”

“Katie, listen to me please.” Sophie squeezed her hand and held her gaze firmly. “Luna would have no part in this and has already consented to the risk regardless. I would take you, just you, back to the park or to the house, and make that call. They need both of you and they won’t get to her. Once you’re feeling better, we’ll be able to get you back away from them. You can go with Luna’s family and be safe far from their reach. I’m not saying you can never come back, but we’ll be able to let things die down that way. There is no reason for you to suffer any more for someone else’s crimes.”

There were tears stinging in Katie’s eyes too as she listened to Sophie speak, listened to her plead against fate. Katie chewed her lip and swallowed a whimper. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt Sophie, but she knew there wasn’t another choice. She wouldn’t risk the people she loved to save her own hide. “Mom…I know none of this has been easy and you’re trying, and I love you so much. This is the cruelest thing I will ever ask of you, I know,” Katie sighed as she met her mother’s desperate emerald gaze. “But if this is truly our only option; you have to promise not to take it. I can’t take that risk, I won’t. If it comes down to it, you need to let go and let me die. Please,” Katie begged.

Sophie’s lips parted with dismay, but before she could get the chance to answer, Katie twisted on herself and burst into another brutal fit of coughing. She was slammed with another wave of dizziness and her eyes rolled back as dark, angry dots swarmed her vision. She heard Sophie call her name, but her mother’s voice was far away, drowned out by the sharp ringing haze descending over her ears.

It was bad timing, and Katie cursed it, knowing this was far from the way to convince Sophie she had to let go, and she only hoped her mother would make the difficult choice as she lost the battle with her weakness and slumped in the water.