Doctor Creep isn’t in there very long before the door slams open, loudly, and he runs, not jogs or anything graceful, full out runs, out of his office and down the hall. But not the way he left before; he’s coming this way.

The pit of anxiety in my stomach, not to be confused with the seed of rage also in there, grows and grows the closer he gets but he runs right past me. He doesn’t see me. Too much panic, I suppose. Thank god.

I wait a minute to make sure he doesn’t come running back suddenly before slipping into his wide-open office and placing the file under his desk, adjacent to all the other folders now strewn across it. Hopefully, he’ll think it simply fell off the desk and got kicked under it at some point.

It’s the best I can do. While I don’t know for certain that his panic was because of this, it’s highly likely that it was. Considering he is most definitely involved in the whole situation.

I can’t believe my mom is shacked up with one of the men actively working against me. Another traitor. You can’t trust anyone these days.

I slip out just as silently as I entered and decide to go the gardens, like I had planned to do before getting sidetracked.

I now have even more reasons to clear my head and calm down.

My mom is dating a doctor she never told me about. This doctor insisted on performing my operation. Who knows what he did to me while I was under? Did he place a tracker in me? And who knows what else? Creep.

He also has a file on his desk, or under it now, which has high-level Shifter lingo written in it. Why would he have anything with those Shifter terms on it if he isn’t involved? He wouldn’t have access to that kind of information if he wasn’t high up the totem pole.

He’s a creepy, arrogant jerk who is hiding his true self and is also one of them. The people I hate. The people that killed me. The group of Shifters whose evil ‘Council’ may have just decided to have me killed a… what was it again… fourth time. Right. This would be the fourth time I died, seeing as my first death was a three-for-one deal.

I’m Undesirable. They’ve made it pretty clear that’s not an okay thing to be. An unacceptable thing to be. And Spencer said I’d have to be accepted. He didn’t explicitly say what would happen if I wasn’t, but I think that’s kind of obvious?

When I asked Owens if he would be the one to kill me, he didn’t answer. That is an answer. The answer is yes. If they didn’t want me to think that way, they would have let him say something.

Man, I wish I had Fintan in my head right now. He’d know what to do.

Nowhere is safe. Not even a hospital. And my head really hurts. There are enemies all around me. Is anywhere safe? Will I ever be safe again?

I reach the doors to the gardens, but I don’t dare go in. Not even the gardens can help me.

The doors are glass and the walls surrounding the enclosed outdoor space are all completely windowed, so you can enjoy the garden from inside too. While I’m grateful for this, as it’s given me a warning, I’m still not enjoying my view.

This is the busiest part of the hospital apart from the food court, but despite how weird it looks I duck down in front of one of the orange loveseats and peek over it.

This does not bode well.

Detective Idiot is standing there in the garden instead of at his post outside the main doors and is talking to some weird looking dudes. Weird in a way I’ve seen before. They look kind of like monks, but fancy monks. Wizard like. Ringing any bells?

Yeah, they look a lot like that Wizard Monk that was hanging out with Jordan before they both mysteriously vanished. They’re wearing maroon-coloured robes like that monk did, but these have no patterns or details, just plain maroon. They have the same wide hoods that are obstructing their faces and the same golden, braided ropes tied around their waists. And instead of one lone wizard there are two of them. They look almost identical.

Their sleeves are wide too and they’re holding their hands together in covered fists. The stance looks stiff and not very comfortable. Despite the shadowy hoods I can see they’re both really old with white wiry hair and leathery faces with age spots and all that. Hard to see much else.

Are they Council members, maybe? Or from the that faction Fintan mentioned, part of that Third Eye thing? No, if they’re giving orders from that evil Council, they must be affiliated with them. If only I had more information.

I’m already getting a couple odd looks from the folks nearby, but this is no time to care about the sensibilities of strangers. I shuffle along the sofa and hurry to the next one. I have much better hearing now than before my accident, and the three of them are standing close to the window. I feel scared, but this time I don’t think the fear is coming from the detective alone.

Has my fate been decided?

The three are talking, with the two monks taking turns each time their side answers.

“…the decision is made. It is time for this to end.”

“She can’t be allowed to run amok. It’s gone on for too long already.”

“Yes, but-” Detective Idiot tries to say something but gets overridden.

“You have a duty to us.”

“A responsibility.”

“You must obey the difficult decisions, along with the easy ones.”

“It is the way of this world. It is your burden.”

Even from my new position I can’t hear them very well, it’s muffled, although it’s impressive I can hear anything all at. At least I can make out the words. A normal person couldn’t. It’s the best I’ll be able to get without going out there, and if they’re giving a kill order, there’s no way I want them to know I’m here.

“She is young and unknown, and untested.”

“Owens has decreed no leniency. Do what you must.”

Wait, I thought Detective Idiot was Owens. There’s two of them, then? Maybe he has a brother? And what do they mean by ‘no leniency?’ I don’t even get a chance? Shouldn’t there be a trial at least? What kind of fucking circus are they running?

That idiot told me the Council would answer my questions. Well, that was a lie.

Or maybe not. Maybe they’ll let me ask some questions before they kill me. How generous.

“It must be done now. And quietly.”

“It’s for the best. For all.”

Oh my god, he’s going to kill me now? Here, in a freaking hospital? Are they insane?

“Perhaps if she was given more time-”

Both the weird Council Monks hold up their hands to silence him. Not just one hand, both, like they’re actively shielding themselves from words they find stupid. It’s odd looking.

“The Council has decided.”

“Their decision is final.”

Then one of them pulls a red envelop out of his sleeve. Like, it was actually in his sleeve. How does that even work? Is it a magic wizard thing, or do they have sleeve pockets?

“I understand.”

Detective Owens takes the envelope without any hesitation. It probably has a paper in it saying, ‘Kill Kara’ and nothing else. And he must know this. I look at the detective. He’s looking at the envelope while those two monsters are walking away. How can he just say, ‘I understand’ so casually? Like killing me is nothing. That asshole.

I really can’t trust anyone, can I?

Not even my own mother. I have no one.

They never used the word ‘kill’ but given the context I think it’s pretty clear what his orders are. He’s reading the thing. The paper inside is red too, with gold cursive letters. I couldn’t read it from here even if I could read cursive.

What do I do? Can I really trust the detective now?

Nope. I run. Just like Doctor Creep did when he thought his world had gone to hell. I’m sure I’m getting even more weird looks. My side hurts almost as soon as I start but I just sort of rub it as I go. I need to get out of this hospital. I need to get out of this city.

If the trees try to stop me this time, I’m going to burn them all down.

I can do it, too. I have a lighter in my pocket. I used it to burn the secret message Chayla left inside the flowers she gave me.

Oh right, did I tell you about that? Yeah, she should have been more obvious because I almost put them in the water without looking at them that closely. Then the message would have drowned and been illegible.

It wasn’t a very long note. It had a phone number on it that I didn’t recognize, as well as coordinates to somewhere. It’s a place just outside the barrier.

I have my phone with me, so I could call that number and head towards those coordinates, but I just don’t have time right now. So I need to get to Chayla’s house first. She’ll help me, and she’s smart, and she’s the only person in whole world I can trust right now.

Not completely, but enough.

And that’s sad.

But there’s no time to have a pity party. This is even worse than with Doctor Ringleson. He was acting alone and acting outside of orders. Detective Idiot is dangerous and has been ordered to end me. And he didn’t seem to care.

This is serious. I could really die. Like, again. Permanently.

I find myself wishing I had Fintan in my head yet again. He was suddenly so good with directions when it really came down to it. I wonder if he was just fucking with me before.

I’m leaving the opposite way I came. Through the back exit. There’s an entrance near there to the underground train, that runs all along Center Town. The Ashvale Train System, or ATS. Chayla’s apartment is nearby the Fiddlehead Green Station, right at the edge of Center Town. I’ve gone to her place this way before. My wallet with my passbook is in my pocket. I can get there. I can do this.

And I can’t stay here.

Chayla’s the only person who could get me out of town. It’s not like anyone else would help me, anyway. René has written me off and Jordan has gone dark. I guess he didn’t love me much after all. My mom is a lost cause too. All Doctor Creep would have to do is ask and she’s so besotted she’d happily hand me over. Probably wouldn’t even miss me.

I’m so close to the exit I can even see it when someone tries to kill me.

I mean, not actively. But she tries to stop me from leaving, which in this situation means she’s basically trying to kill me. Mom’s friend Martha. She for sure knew about her and Doctor Creep, too. Among all the other things she knows about and is hiding not just from me, but from my mom too. She’s been over for dinner lots of times. Looked me right in the eyes and let Mom keep lying to me. Said nothing. The bitch.

My anger is rising, and my Aura feels… off, somehow, but I can’t see my own Aura so I can’t be sure. But I don’t have the energy, or frankly the time, to reign in my emotions right now. I will not die here.

But she’s gripping both my arms, and she’s a nurse so she’s stronger than she looks.

“Kara, what are you doing back here? Where are you going?”

Her eyes keep darting towards the exit a few feet away and back to me. She knows I’m trying to leave. And this bitch is one of them so that means she also knows why. Yet she’s still trying to stop me.

“I need to get out of here.” I try to shake free but she’s holding fast.

“Then why don’t we go for a walk in the gardens?”

Fuck that, she is actively trying to kill me. Oh, yes stupid lady, lets go back to the place where my killer is. That’s a great idea.

“Drop the pretence. You know why I can’t stay here, you traitorous bitch. Does my mum know her fake best friend wants to kill her daughter? Do you monsters even feel guilt? I need to leave. Now.”

She seems to understand something. What, I don’t know. “Why don’t we go see your mum, then. She could take some time off, dive you somewhere-”

I’m running out of time. The detective must have reached my room by now. Maybe he already knows that I’m fleeing. He could be on his way here right now and this stupid, annoying, liar is holding me here.

“Get off of me you clingy, evil, freak!”

The lights flicker and buzz. Like that time I got mad during my first meeting with the detective. Unlike that time, when my fear radiates out it seems to expel some sort of force along with it. I feel drained immediately, and Martha? Well, she’s knocked into a wall and is sitting on the ground looking dazed.

“They’re going to kill me. I’m leaving.”

She looks terrified. That’s good. Maybe next time she won’t get in my way.

I kick the door open, even though that should be difficult, and stomp towards the train entrance. I’m only down a couple steps when all my hair stands on end and my blood runs cold for the second time today.

He found me.

“Kara, stop!”

I turn to confirm, but I needn’t have. No one can instill this much fear in me just by presence alone. Detective Owens found me. Already? How?

I don’t respond. I’m not stupid. I run. It’s not easy running down steps, but I had some practice in Limbo. If I get on a train and don’t let the doors open for him, I can still get away.

There are tremors in the ground from him running after me, and he’s shouting at me to ‘wait.’ Who does he think he is? Does he honestly believe that I would just stand here and spread my arms out and let him kill me? He really thought it would be that easy?

Everyone needs to stop treating me like I’m as stupid as they are.

Too bad. I’m not going down without a fight. This won’t be like last time where I just laid there at the mercy of my enemies. I’m stronger now. I can kill my enemies. That force that shot out of me before, and hit Martha, I think I understand it now. How it worked. How it felt. I think I can use it. And I’m very quickly recharging.

I know that’s mostly my anger talking, but it’s partially true. I may not like the idea of killing people, or anything really, but technically in this case it would be self defence. There’s no harm in protecting myself, right?

I have a right to exist. That’s not something some fancy ass monks get to decide. That’s not something a fancy red envelope can change.

It’s something determined only by me.

And I want to exist. Therefore, I do.

There’s your philosophy for the day.

I’m on the platform but there are no trains. There’s always trains this time of day. Why am I so unlucky? Shit. Shit. What am I going to do?

“Kara. Stop.”

I whirl around so fast my hair slaps me in the face. Slowly I back away. The giant caught up to me somehow. I always thought giants were slow. Although he did deny-by-not-confirming that he’s a giant. Either way, he still moves too fast for his size.

“Stay away from me.” Fear is making my voice shake. But I can’t let fear rule me. The only way I get out of this is if I give in to my anger.

These people think they can kill me, by mistake, supposedly. And when I somehow make it back, for some reason it matters how? The aftereffects matter? They can just kill who they want and save who they want, and anyone they don’t like is just what, trash? To be tossed aside like they were nothing. Like there weren’t people who loved them and might want them to come home that night? There are no Mutants here. They’re monsters. All of them. Unfortunately for them, they didn’t read my file very closely, or they’d have realised…

I can be a monster, too.

“You need to come with me.”

He’s looking at me with pity. Like he has any right to feel pity for his prey.

“All of you think I’m some dumb kid! Don’t you?”

“No…” His hands are out in some fake gesture of peace. He’s moving towards me still but I’m keeping the distance between us. Eventually I’ll hit a wall and I’ll need to fight him. Even if I die, I won’t make it easy. I’ll damage one of his arms or something.

I’ll make him regret hunting me.

“I get good grades you know, when I study.” It’s true. Of course, I don’t often study but that’s beside the point. “If you think I’m going to let you carry me off where there will be no witnesses, then you’re the dumb one. You idiot.”

He turns his head and looks concerned now. Like he cares if a few stragglers waiting for a train get caught in the crossfire. There are witnesses. Seven, it looks like. A family of four, a couple of young people, and an old woman. All of them are looking at us with confusion.

“If you’re going to kill me, it’ll be here.”

Something is wrong. The seed in my stomach, my permanent black hole of anger, feels like it’s spinning. Inside me. The lights are flickering too, a lot, and buzzing like they’re under pressure. Unlike the first time meeting the giant and earlier with Martha, there’s no energy radiating from me. It’s more like…energy is coming in. Waves of it. And my hunger is lessening.

I feel strong.

“It doesn’t need to be like this. Calm down!”

“Shut-up! Just shut up.”

There’s a pounding in my head. I feel strong but it hurts. Each wave that enters me seems to stab my head somehow. The last one is even worse than the earlier waves and I fall to one knee clutching my head. What’s happening?

I know I have to do this to use this power, but why does it hurt so much?

“Look around you.”

I do. It’s not a pretty sight. Six of the witnesses are all on their knees too, all grabbing their heads too. The old woman is lying down so I can’t see her face or anything. Why is this affecting them? Am I doing this to them?

I wonder if I used all my power knocking Martha off me. Is this me getting it back?

“You need to stop this.”

I am. This energy that’s feeding me, and hurting me, is coming from these people. And that’s hurting them… I see. But… I want to live, too.

This isn’t my fault. They drove me to this point.

I can’t just roll over and die. Not easily. That’s just not who I am.

I look at my former protector. He’s still standing, but barely. I can tell he’s in pain, a lot of pain, but he’s still trying to reach me. He doesn’t want other casualties. Just me. No one ever asks what I want.

“I told you I can be difficult.” I laugh. It sounds bitter. My vision is getting blurry.

“I’m not trying to hurt you. Please, come with me.”

“I don’t believe you. I don’t believe what anyone says anymore. You’re all liars. Everyone. My friends, my mom, everything’s a lie. I saw my file. I’m Undesirable. And I saw you with those weird monks.”

He sighs. “You misunderstood.”

I’m on my hands as well as my knees, now. I need to channel this somehow. Direct it at Owens Number 1. It’s the only way I can leave. But this energy just keeps pulsing in. I can’t… damn it.

“How am I supposed to understand anything, when everyone talks in riddles, uses words I don’t understand, or says nothing at all? You had your chance to earn my trust. You didn’t take it. You could have prevented this.”

My head is hot. Burning. I’m burning up. I’m going to melt just like Ringleson did.

“Now you come crawling to me, wanting me to understand? Wanting to explain? It’s too late. It’s far too late! I don’t believe you. And I won’t let you kill me. Or I’ll die together with these people, and bring you with me, I swear to god!”

It’s not good. All empty words. How can I save myself when I can’t even stand?

“I have a right to exist. I don’t care what they say! You don’t get to decide that. I do. I’ll live if I want, and I’ll die if I want.”

I finally grasp it, what I need to do. The incessant spinning of that seed of rage inside of me stops as I direct all the propulsion ahead of me. I aim for his chest, but I can’t actually see the energy itself, so I don’t know if I aimed it well.

I do know that I hit him. Somewhere.

He grunts and then groans loudly, and there’s new blood seeping into his trench coat, from the inside, out. His blood. I made him bleed.

I didn’t manage to kill him, but he’s wounded. I guess that’s good enough. I should be proud I injured such a massive freak. I even dented his Aura. There’s probably not a lot of folks who can claim they’ve done that. It’s not a perfect victory. But I’ll accept it. I was at a disadvantage from the beginning. Those monsters made sure of that.

Welp, I tried. I wonder if I’ll get to see Rodney again. Maybe Chayla will find out what happened to him, and me, then we can both rest in peace together, in The Place That Comes After. That would be a nice ending.

I know I talked a big game and seemed to give up easily. It must seem strange. But this happened in my fight against the Ice Doctor, too. I fought hard, but once I realized the jig was up, a sense of peace came over me. The same peace I can feel now.

Death doesn’t feel so scary now. Death is not the end of everything.

Ssch ssch Ssch ssch.

Goodbye, Fintan. Goodbye, Whoever You Are. It was an alright life.

My vision is…fading. The giant is above me. There’s something in his hand. It’s over now. I wonder what weapon he chose. I can’t tell. Hopefully it was something cool. Not an ice pick. Something like a… like a…

Ssch ssch Ssch ssch.